Prism Bolt, the son of Rainbow Dash and Soarin, is destined for greatness. Everypony knows he will be an expert flier, just like his parents. This is not speculation, this is fact. There is just one tiny little problem.
He's afraid of heights.
When Rainbow Dash attempts to encourage her son, she will find that not everything in the world comes as easily to her as flying did.
Once again, original characters and cover art are the creations of the incredibly talented Kilala97. Check out her works and give her some love!
Thanks to Flint Sparks for pre reading!
Chapters (1)
Lol Dash
Very heartwarming.
This is Nurse Redheart speaking. Frission would comment, but the poor dear is currently suffering from an acute overdose of... *checks the chart* ... "d'awww."
Edit: Here's the link to the PS238 comic page where the Revenent (a 'batman' expy) is training Tyler (a normal kid in way over his head). They're sitting on top of a building, with grappels fired into an adjacent building, and the conversation somewhat goes like this (paraphrased badly)
R: Ok, now jump off the building.
T: I thought the whole idea was to teach me not how to get hurt or killed?
R: Tyler, I'm proud of you. There are people out there who think nothing of slapping on a cape and risking their lives and the lives of others as they swing from buildings with high-tech gadgets. They revel in the sheer foolishness of it. But you've got a common sense and wisdom beyond your few years. That's something to treasure.
*shoves Tyler off the building*
I was really expecting Rainbow to push Bolt off the cloud.
I really liked Scoots in this one.
Haha, what if it's 2 and 3? (Twins)
Hooray! That was awesome! Prism Bolt is easily my favorite character out of all of Kilala's ponies. Can't wait for more!
Ok, I love those OC and I love your fanfics... so, make other fanfics on Bolt, Crystal and the other, okayyyyyy?
Bolt.
Hmm... Okay, I did enjoy this. I always love seeing future fics where we meet the girls with their families. Seeing who married who, who had kids and meeting them, it's always fun.
That said, you have a pretty bad problem with telling:
These three passages are the most obvious examples I could find. These are things you should never tell the reader. I remember with the Soarin' line about the apple falling from the tree, a simple roll of the eyes or light chuckle would have shown us this, instead of awkwardly jamming it in there. We can infer these emotions and thoughts through body language. Instead of telling us that Prism was shocked, you could have tried:
Prism's eyes were almost as wide as his slacked jaw. "Really? Wow! That must have been hard."
See? It conveys the same information, but it lets the reader "fill in the blanks," and makes it much more enjoyable to read.
If you ever need any more advice on this thing, feel free to PM me. Love aiding others, as it makes me not feel so bad about not writing my own stories.
In any case, despite the issues, I did enjoy this one. Hope we can see more of your headcanon for the Mane Six's families.
That was AWESOME! So much cuteness. Well done
3762337
Solid advice all around. However, the characters and head canon are not mine, as I mentioned in the description and AN. I am merely playing with the characters someone else has designed.
Much like normal fanfiction, really.
Thanks for your review;
-Lumino
love this story and everything in it. I approve the soarin dash ship. rumbaloo is probably my favorite. you put some great content in here tying it in with flight to the finish
It's only every so often that I come across a truly great and original story idea on here. Not just good, the kind that makes you think "Man, I wish I could think of something this good". This is one of those times. Kudos.
3762576
That would make two of us. o-O
-Lumino
3761657
Someone mentioned PS238 and Tyler.
That was the Best. Training. Ever. Poor Moonshadow. :)
Damn impressive story, man.
Loved every second of it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
As an aside to my original comment, the one problem I had with the story was that you introduced a lot of characters that really didn't serve much of a purpose in the story (all hail the mighty Chekov's Gun). Cloudchaser really didn't seem all that necessary, and Rumble should have had a bigger role than comic relief.
But the rest of the story is gush-worthy. You did a great job on this. It's been a while since I enjoyed a piece of fanfic this thoroughly.
3762712
Cloud Chaser's existence was an extension of Thunderlane, since she is his wife. She didn't have a major part to play in the story, certainly, but I could not ignore her. It's sort of like Spike. Even if he isn't important in a fanfic, if large portions of it take place in the Library or with Twilight he should be mentioned.
Rumble serves almost the same purpose. I wanted him seen (and I really wanted to do the bit of sex humor between RD and Scoots), but aside from that he wasn't needed for the story.
Seems a bit cold, but there is your answer;
-Lumino
That was nice. I love this interpretation of an older, somewhat more mature Dash. Still does everything at a sprint, but with someone who can keep up.
Should have just pushed him off a cloud.
"Learn fast or die son."
3762728
I just suppose I wanted to see more from Rumble, though the humor was great, by the way. But on Cloudchaser, what I mean is she should have a bigger role than just being the mother of Thunderlane's child just so that one line could take place at the training. She tags along at the picnic, but Thunderlane could've just as easily been there with the kid by himself. If anything, that would make his line at the training make more sense because it would imply that he was a single father or something of that nature had complicated his raising his foal. His line seems a bit out of place because there's no pretext for the audience to understand why it would've been harder for him than Rainbow Dash to raise a child. The only reason I'd see to include her would be if this is part of a current or planned story arc and Cloudchaser is important later on. That would make perfect sense.
And please don't feel that I'm tearing your story apart, I do this kind of thing a lot when I proofread and the behaviors have a tendency to leak over into my regular reading. I'm sorry if I'm getting on your nerves.
3762915
The shippings here are not something I can play with. Keep in mind, these are not my characters. In the universe I am writing this fic for, Thunderlane is married to Cloud Chaser, that is a fact.
Aside from that, we'll just have to disagree. Sorry if it bugs you.
-Lumino
3762931
Well that makes perfect sense. Is there anything else in the universe at the moment?
3762955
...
Links are provided in the description and AN.
-Lumino
Dash being blunt as a 2x4 with important announcements. Makes total sense.
Prism's adorable, also.
Wow... So many writers depict rainbow dash perfectly...
Okay, insta-fail for making Scootaloo unable to fly.
She lives in Equestria. They have magic out the wingwong. They have half a dozen canonical ways to correct any flying handicap-- the flutterwing spell, Discord's wing-swapping spell, the wing-enlarging spell Trixie used with the Alicorn Amulet, Pinkie's copter, Tank's propellor, weightlessness spells.... they have SNOWFLAKE, the tiny-winged musclebound pegasus, able to fly. Making Scootaloo unable to fly in the midst of all this just underlines the fact that the author wants to have a Special Little Cripple for their story, and it's frankly disgusting.
3763536
Funny, I think your attitude is pretty disgusting.
3763536
You are certainly entitled to your own personal view, as hateful as it may be. I would normally point you towards 'Flight to the Finish', and make reference to the fact that Scootaloo's disability was actually turned into a great asset in this story.
But I doubt you wish to actually hear this. You have been given room to speak your mind, but if you cannot maintain civility and respect, you are no longer welcome to post further comments. Anything else said with such blatant disregard for common courtesy will be deleted.
Thank you, and have a nice day;
-Lumino
3763605
Please do not feed the trolls. I appreciate that people are willing to stand up against such foolishness, but people like that will not be bested by logic and reason.
-Lumino
That was well-written, flowed well, and didn't feel like seven thousand words. Also, Rainbow's announcement.
3763536
Actually, you being disgusted by a crippled character disgusts me. What did Scootaloo ever do to you? Why can't you love her for who she is? Oh, just because she can't fly she's disgusting then? For shame, dude, for shame.
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/disgusted-clint-eastwood.gif
Clint Eastwood ain't having none of your shit.
3763618
So Bolt is getting a new sister/brother ?
You caught me at a good time. I'm too tired to cobble together any nitpicks about mechanics, and I'm too enamored with how goddamn sugary sweet this whole thing was to reconsider following you.
You better not be kidding about writing more of this kind of thing.
3764116
http://kilala97.deviantart.com/art/Next-Gen-Siblings-425205365
-Lumino
3763536 I've read some of your arguments on this subject before. Admittedly, I thought you kind of made sense when you talked about Scootaloo never being able to fly because of a disability is akin to telling a child with dyslexia they will never read. I agree that you shouldn't just accept a limitation that someone places on you because of a disability or whatever reason. Hard work and effort often does yield results in overcoming these limitations. For example, Children with autism spectrum disorder often exhibit communications difficulties in language development. However that does not mean that mean that they have to go through life without speaking. With the right conditioning, education, and of course effort they can learn to speak just like anyone else. That being said, I think you are kind of making a big deal out of nothing in this fan fiction. Okay, the whole "Scootaloo is disabled and never able to fly trope" does get annoy me; but I still enjoyed this story. Not to mention the author didn't outright say that Scootaloo couldn't fly. She still tries, and she's still unsure.
It was a pretty good short fic. My only issue with it is that there is a comma splice in a few places.
3763536
Well, I've read the story, and I don't understand your argument at all. What is so 'disgusting' about scoots not being able to fly? From what I read, she takes it in stride, and even says
Seriously. I think what made Flight to the Finish such a nice episode was because while she couldnt fly yet, she realized that it does not cheapen her worth one bit. There is no "Special Little Cripple" here. It's a pony finding her true talents and using them to the full.
Besides, the phrase you used just clearly stated you are a douchebag who doesnt like cripples.
This is a wizard story, man. Everyone was perfectly in character, and it just... flowed. You, sir, are awesome.
3764261
Poor Scootaloo, she could never fly like the common pegasus. She is condemned to be nothing more than a poor, badass stunt racing superstar.
Wait...
I almost Nope'd all the way out of FIMFiction. (I dislike Soarin x Dash)
Nice name though, story was better then i expected
*Grimdark applauses for the author making him like a story with Soarin x Dash*
3763536 The only thing i can agree with you on in that crazy ass hurtful paragraph, is yeah the big muscle bound oaf can fly with tiny wings why cant Scoots?
3763536
Instant fail for forgetting Scootaloo cannot fly in the show.
3763536
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Dude, what the hell. You're just coming off as a complete dick to crippled people. What the fuck is wrong with it anyway?
3763879
He is not really discriminating, his problem is this
This said, RC has the nasty habit of complaining when some author´s headcanon doesn´t match his own in some of his most sensitive issues.
3763536
Word of Faust has already said she was designed to be a.crippled pegasus, and flight to the Finish spelt out quite clearly that Scootaloos unable to fly despite the fact that most of her fellow.classmates can.
Its fine to have your ownhead cannon, but to go against the show's creator means that you loose he right to.make any complains if a writer chooses to follow the ahow's.official canon.
Besides, why are you complaining about.something so.inconsequencial? Its a plot point in a fan fic, why are you acting so morally outraged?
Story: A Little Push
Chapter name: Push Too Far
I was kinda sad that this didn't involve the pushing of any foals off of high places and hoping that they fly
Still, nice little story.
12.6/10, would daww again
3765007
Find one instance of Scootaloo being a "drama-holic" in this entire story. One.
Speak for yourself.
...
Anyways... I loved it. The beginning was a bit on the "exposition dump-y" side, but just about a quarter of the way through this, you had me committed to read the whole thing through from beginning to end. I can tell you put a lot of thought into the dialogue between the characters, and I grinned with glee when Scootaloo got introduced as the figure to talk to Bolt. It seemed pretty perfect considering the circumstances.
Emotions were heartfelt, nothing felt overbearing, the premise was interesting from the start, and you had me genuinely liking Bolt as an OC. There's a few issues with mechanics, particularly a few run-on sentences, but they're far from distracting. And that ending... loved it.
Keep writing, bro. And the last chapter of HCB should be updated in the near future. Just so you know.
3765007
First of all, I find it funny how someone who writes a bunch of Nyx fics, and hasn't written a single original story is saying someone else is pandering.
You sound like a four year old whining and bitching about a fanfic because it clashes with your headcanon, moron.
Yeah... except for problems like dying crops, and learning about dragons... and Derpy (who I'm pretty sure isn't 100% there). Oh, and lets not forget about when Celestia had to send her sister to the moon for over 1000 years. Could have used that phone call there. And if something as simple as Derpy can't be fixed, what makes you think a crippled Scootaloo can.
I again refer you to the 1000 years thing. Also, lets not forget about the Crystal Empire slavery Sombra put them through for a while....
And you're as idiotic as a bunch of Westboro Church members saying all gays are going to hell.
I see where you're coming from: You don't believe that there should be cripples in a world you "think" is perfect, but you're being a dick about something in the story that isn't even that big of a deal. Yes, she's crippled. So what? No one in the story seems to care. She doesn't receive special treatment. She just takes her life in strides, and no one treats her differently because of it. It's people like you in the first place that makes it seem that being handicapped is a damnable abomination and it makes you come off as an asshole who believes everyone in society should be perfect, without flaws, and exactly the same. If there was a cure to these, then there would be no way I would keep it around, but guess what... even in the show, there are still issues and disabilities.
Additionally, he didn't use Scootaloo as a tragic character. It would be different if he used her as a "Whoa is me" type character (I don't like stories that cripple to make them sad/deeper myself), but he didn't. She seemed complacent and still happy. There wasn't anything pandering about her handicap, so I don't get what your deal is. Also, IT'S BLOODY FANFICTION! While that doesn't excuse everything, it doesn't mean that real world issues are gonna apply.
You can dislike the idea of people in Equestria all you want, but don't be a self-righteous asshole about it