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Rainbow Dash is pregnant.
A time will come when she has to stop being a daredevil flier and rest up a bit more, but how likely is she to want to hang up her flight suit?
Her foal's going to find a way of letting her know, and she won't have long to wait ...
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And so something begins....
I think I'll stick around for a while.
9600797
Great to have you on board!
Ugh, you really need to have each paragraph separated, and use their names more to explain who's talking, especially when it's two people/ponies of the same gender. You don't even necessarily have to say "Rainbow said" or "Scootaloo said," because you can actually have them perform actions to note who's currently talking.
For example, let me show you what this particular section could look like.
“Got any names yet?” Scootaloo asked as they began their walk back towards the Wonderbolts HQ.
Rainbow shook her head. “No, not yet. Still don’t know if it’s a colt or a filly.”
Scootaloo smirked. “You could name her after me.”
“What? 'Unbearable show-off?'” replied Rainbow with a grin.
“Hey, I learned from the best!” Scootaloo said with a scowl.
“You’re not too big for one of these” said Rainbow playfully, gripping her protégée's neck and giving her a playful noogie.
“Hey, watch the mane!”
“What is it with kids today?” asked Rainbow. “I never bothered with my mane and nopony ever got on at me about it …”
“What about Rarity?” interjected Scootaloo.
Rainbow snorted and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, nopony other than Rarity ever got on at me and I’m on literally all the Wonderbolts posters, so I guess that proves my point.”
Absolutely beautiful!
9601022
Wow - that would be hard to read!
I don't know what device you're reading on, but I can assure you the version I have published has a new line for each change of speaker.
Something else I noticed in the version you're quoting is that it doesn't have any of the italics I used in the original - it's kinda like you're getting the text stripped of all its accents, spacings and hard returns. However, I don't know enough about computers to offer any explanation as to why it's happening.
I'm glad you thought it was worthwhile enough to spend time going through it, but sorry you're having these problems. Have you had this issue with any other stories?
Maybe it would be worthwhile to contact one of the staff and raise the issue with them?
Thanks again for sticking with it, and good luck!
9601212
Thank you so much - I really enjoyed writing it too!
9602441
The quotation tool didn’t put the paragraph into its vertical format like you have, but it reads pretty much the same. You need to have double spaces like I have on the rewritten section if you want the story to be more legible.
And I mean ACTUAL spaces, with “enter,” not just holding down the space key until it goes to a new line.
Sweet story; l always loved the shipping of Sorin and Dashie! Any more chapters to this story? Have'em meet Dashi's parents or try Dashie meeting Sorin's parents for a switch up.
9654336
I hadn't thought of continuing this story beyond a one-shot, but if I do revisit it, you've given me some good ideas.
Thanks for your support!
Pregnant Rainbow is hilarious!
9725062
Thanks - she's certainly a lot slower!
I hate to say it, but this one little bit really jolted me out of the story and stayed in the back of my head to undermine the logic of later scenes.
They're at the Wonderbolt Academy and HQ, a place where they train new recruits on equipment like the Dizzitron and the old hooves presumably practice death-defying stunts every day of the week... I just couldn't buy the idea they don't have a doctor on staff or any private sanitary facilities they could move Rainbow to.