• Member Since 18th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Tuesday

LuminoZero


Someone once said I was passive aggressive. I disagree. I am far too impatient for that. I prefer just being normal aggressive. Don't worry about 'maybe' upsetting me, you will know.

E

Anthea has seen the world as blobs of color for her entire life. Somepony offers her the chance of a lifetime, true sight. What is the price of this gift, and will the pain of losing the sight be worth the temporary delight in having it?

Characters are based on the OCs designed by the incredible Kilala97, who also made the awesome cover art! Identification of OCs can be found: here and here.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 57 )

3716499

Glad somebody did! It got pushed off of 'New Stories' so quickly that it seemed to fly under the radar. Oh well, live and learn I suppose.

-Lumino

I think that when you're dealing with a universe where there are magic ponies that do things like raise the sun and turn other ponies into immortals, you're kind of stuck. If you don't remove disabilities, you're setting up a kind of Crapsack World where they *can* fix other beings' problems, but they don't. So while yes, it can be a bad thing dramatically to remove a character's disability, in some universes it's just very hard to get around it, because it's not believable that someone wouldn't have done it already.

Especially when you're dealing with a character like Discord who is virtually all-powerful, the moment he becomes emotionally attached to someone it becomes hard to believe he would allow them to suffer. And while I have gotten around that with Q by saying the Continuum wouldn't let him, Discord doesn't seem to have anyone he answers to. So it becomes very hard to keep normal disabilities; you have to invent weird magical disabilities to explain why they can't just be fixed.

Aww...that was awesome! I loved how you used Kilala's characters so beautifully! Great job, my man, great job!

wow...now that's a story i like, so going to fav it and post the link so other can see it...great job :pinkiehappy:

3717256

Quite an in depth look, but I agree with most everything you said. I think I tempered it well enough by having Discord not just go 'Jesus' on her and fix her eyes. He had to do things in his own way, and have a little fun with it while he did.


3720694

Ah, thank you very much! Any publicity is good publicity if it makes these characters more popular. I love em to death.

-Lumino

Amazingly well done! At first I thought you were going the bittersweet ending, and then you had Discord exploit that little loophole in his deal! Loved it!:pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss::twilightsmile::yay::raritystarry::ajsmug:

Hate it or love it the ending was definitely very Discord.

3727019

And that was the point, which I am glad I decided to do. The ending may have felt off to me, but if I ruined suspension of disbelief to make Discord do what I wanted him to do, the story would have been a failure.

My rule when writing is that I am not controlling the story. The CHARACTERS control the story, and it is my obligation to portray them as consistently as I am able. This was just another example of the characters doing something I didn't want them to. But it is their story, I don't get to control it.

Wow, writing that down makes me seem like a total schizophrenic. Oh well, whatever works, yeah?

Thanks for the review;
-Lumino

3727299 I have many writer friends and they would all agree with you about the characters being in control and sometimes doing what you don't want.

I really like this story. If you would like to read it, I'm working on a kilala based story. Give it a read, drop a comment, whatever you want.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/155848/my-little-pony-the-next-generation

I loved it, I am really loving all these stories based on your characters. I'd seriously would love to read more one shots about them. To know more about them, Especially T and Claire, I'm a sucker for children of Spike no matter the partner. :twilightblush:

3733454

Heh, well these characters are not mine. They were created by the lovely Kilala97 over on DeviantArt. She's linked in the description, go take a look and let her know that he works are appreciated!

Thanks for the review and I am glad you enjoyed;
-Lumino

3733464 Ahh, well all right then thanks for telling me. Still I think you did a great job. I will check out this person's work. :twilightsmile:

A bit unexpected, but really good, seeing as out of 473 views nobody disliked it

Lumi gave me the honor of prereading this for him, and I nearly keeled over from a sudden onset of HNNNGGGG. :heart:

This is some of the best use of feels I've read in a long time. :twilightsmile:

... it's so good :fluttercry:

I love it!!!!! :yay: Now, a fan fic on Illusion and Crystal, please :applecry:

With all these lessons I am teaching, maybe they should write me letters on what they discovered about the magic of chaos, hmm?"

[youtube=JoqDYcCDOTg]

Bravo, this is the best story involving eyeball gouging I've ever experienced. Dead Space 2 can go eat it's heart out.

3774060

Did you really have to post that?

-Lumino

EDIT: Thanks for removing the video. I am glad you enjoyed the story. :D

3774060 Well, it's not really gouging, is it? That would imply prying them out with a claw or something.

Evil Discord = "I'll do whatever I want, so screw you."

Good Discord = "I'll treat you like a jerk and make it so that you'll still thank me at the end of the day."

Is there more about this new generation of ponies or is this a stand alone?

That ending was rather well pulled off
I really didn't expect you to give her sight in the end that really surprised me and I think you did the best ending possible
Also a tidbit about people who are blind typically from birth or early childhood who have their sight restored after a while begin going into boughts of depression
There was a ton of research into I can't remember but if you decided to continue the story it's an avenue for you i suppose

I like this new Discord. He's still got a bit of the old jerkass in him, but he's using his powers for good now.

"Oh hey, I just cured your blindness! Isn't that great? Now you get to learn how to do things all over again! Won't that be fun?"

There are no words to describe how much I enjoyed this story it was awesome. There were things that I did not see coming, especially the part were Discord decides to fix Anthea's eyes. You also did a very good job of writing a reformed Discord, I mean doing nice things without anypony really knowing it under the impression of chaos is how I imagined a reformed Discord to be. Anyway keep on writing. Also when you have the chance check out my story it's called Return of the Windigos. Please, don't be afraid to comment. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/137862/return-of-the-windigos

Huh, I managed to guess the ending about halfway through the whirlwind tour of Ponyville. Not that that's a bad thing, I can easily believe that Discord would tweak the rules he is apparently supposed to be operating under to help 'Shy's daughter.

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention, right towards the start of the Sweet Apple Acres part of the story there is an Apple Blood instead of Apple Bloom.

3837529

MORE BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

-Lumino

This was pretty nice, though I do have to say I'm wary of having any of Discord's magic—chaotic as it is—be permanent in any fashion, even if Discord wanted it to be.

Can anyone tell me where I can find more stories about this charecter? I've seen some, but I don't recall their titles

3878662

All nine of them have been uploaded here: Kilala97's Fan Works.

Additionally, I linked to her DA page in the description if you want to see more art of the characters.

Glad you enjoyed the story!
-Lumino

Very well played. I'm not familiar with this universe's canon - this is my first encounter - but it already seems so rich and full.

Your writing style pulled me right in and wouldn't let go until it was tugging firmly on my heart strings. I could relate to your protagonist very easily with the way she was portrayed, and that just made the rest of the story click; the way the experiences unfolded; the way she had to learn and grow accustomed to the new sensory input; the way she felt when that final revelation of her circumstances hit her. At the end of the hour I was mourning the loss with her, and then just as quickly I was cheering the joy that followed.

And all of that without once making Discord feel at all out of character. Very clever way to do it.

I tip my hat to you.

Loving this universe.

"Hello?" she said, looking up. She saw a blotch of color, so there was somepony there, but it wasn't [something] she recognized. Many colors were crashed together before her damaged eyes. Red, brown and gold, to name a few.

I can't shake the feeling that that should be "someone" but at the same time "something" still works just as good in the spot.
Meh.
My mind is over thinking things... :facehoof:
EDIT: and depending on how much ponyisms you use, "someone" wouldn't even fit. And "somepony" was just used and i guess a "what" as in "something" would be an appropriate way to talk of Discord.
So in the end "something" was the logical choice.
BRAIN POWER!

For some reason this is my fave history between all the histories based on Kilala's work.

Perhaps is because Anthea adorable's design, Discord's interaction with her and this ---> :yay:.

I love it. is annie going to keep her vision for good in this universe now? I think giving her sight doesn't diminish the character at all. as was mentioned she has a lot of catching up to do and that can make for some fantastic story expantion

Clever. Besides, letting somepony who has been blind her whole life see is going to cause an upheaval. Chaos isn't always bad. It's a change from the status quo, so it fits. :D

You, dear sir deserve this. :moustache:

I like seeing Discord as Chaotic Good after his reformation. It's not that he's incapable of evil any more, but it's much more fun to do good in a roundabout, evil-looking way.

And I don't think this cheapens Anthea's character either; there are always story developments where a focal character benefits from the events within a story. Overcomes a disability/psychological issue, learns a secret, enters a relationship; whatever the benefit, the majority of stories end with a net gain.
I'm beginning to hate that part of my mind that sees these sort of endings coming, but it was totally in character for Discord to say one thing while doing another, and I really can't see him being cruel...okay, rephrase; can't see him being permanently cruel. I can't say that the way it was going didn't initially sound cruel.

Really starting to enjoy the characters of the Kilalaverse as well.

So, I actually liked this story a fair bit. Normally I'm as leery as you are about removing disabilities, but the way you did it makes all the difference. You didn't present it as solving all Anthea's problems, you presented it as her getting to move on to a new set of challenges in life.

This was wonderful, quite a lovely story.

And even though Annie isn't mostly blind anymore, she'll still act as if she is, because she doesn't want to have anyone somewhat unscrupulous taking advantage of her being able to see but not do any of the other eye related things.

I must say, I like.

This story was amazing. Not just the ending, but the characters through it all, and the ideals of chaos being a force that can good, bad, both and neither. Even the way Discord set up his little gift.

Also; it has the potential to be even more chaotic than it seems at first glance. Aside from learning to read and write with her vision, she has to learn everything from her new depth perception to working with details. And all those warning images in the society everypony else would have picked up from they were foals, even what facial expressions and body language mean. She'll be confused for a long time.

So delicious chaos.

How do you read the story:twilightblush:

4963838
Click the chapter title, which is called 'Sight'.

Unless that was a joke on blindness. In which case, well played!

-Lumino

Loved it. I'd like to think Discord's unique friendship with Fluttershy translated into something special with Anthea, like a godfather or that cool uncle.

you were right in your last note, her blindess is what made her unique and adorable but, if she wants to see, she should see

I liked the story, very much, thank you for that. And don't be worried about the ending or the stuff about "it cheapens a character" after all, Discord is Discord and what's fun in making sense? :rainbowlaugh: After all, it was a chaotic action to make her able to see. Otherwise it would have been something... non-chaotic and that would make sense and Discord doesn't make sense.... as well as my comment. :rainbowhuh: I will just shut up and say, good job.

This was so sweet now I have a tooth ache!

Enjoy ed it! Thumbs up!

Nice story. I loved it.

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