“Deadpool?”
A sigh. “Yes?”
“I can’t sleep.”
Deadpool opened a lid and waited for his vision to adjust to the darkness. He lifted up his head and peeked over the couch to the stairs leading up to Fluttershy’s room. “Is it thundering again?”
“No.”
“Is your shadow scaring you again?”
“No.”
“Is it the boogyman?”
“No, he hasn’t come back ever since you gave him a wedgie.”
Deadpool snorted. “An atomic one, that nerd.”
“I’ve just been hearing a tapping on my window.” Several seconds of silence followed this. “C-could you come up and check it for me?”
Deadpool sighed. He kept on sighing the entire walk up the stairs to Fluttershy’s room. He sighed harder when his head collided with her door.
“Whoops, I forgot I closed the door.” After a few moments Fluttershy opened the door, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. “Th-thanks Deadpool.”
Deadpool’s eyes were even yellower than usual, nearly matching Fluttershy’s coat in color. “Yeah. Don’t mention it. Especially at two in the morning.” Throwing Fluttershy’s windows open with a flourish, Deadpool stuck his head out and glared at the silent, dark countryside. Just a poorly lit path to town, trees with their leaves hidden in the shadows, and a few scatterings of clouds in the starry night sky.
Closing the windows, Deadpool muttered, “Must’ve been your imagination. Or an animal. You like animals, don’tcha? If he taps on the window again, let him in and feed him dog food or something.”
“You sure you didn’t see anything?” Fluttershy asked, glancing to the window once again.
Deadpool turned his head to reply, but instead the door answered for him. His head was really going be sore in the morning, advanced healing factor or not. “Yeah! Preeeeetty sure!”
Fluttershy smiled, the entire room seeming to brighten up. “Oh, thank you so much, Deadpool! It just means the world to me you checked.”
Deadpool replied with a grunt and mumble, trudging down the steps back to the couch. However, once he plopped his body back onto the horribly lumpy, second-hand piece of furniture, his stomach growled.
“Ugh… I knew that damn vegan food wouldn’t satisfy me,” Deadpool growled, getting up for the second time in less than five minutes. “Vegan chimichangas. Not even Satan, and I’ve already met that dude, could come up with something so evil.”
Walking with one foot plodding after the other, he eventually reached the fridge and opened the door, only to be blinded by its bright white light. However, the light revealed no afterlife of eternal delight. Instead, it was filled with vegetables, fruits, and even…
“Tofu,” Deadpool snarled. “Why does she even have this shit? It’s supposed to be a meat substitute, but ponies don’t even eat meat!” After a few seconds of thought, Deadpool shook his head. “Nooooooo, she wouldn’t. Of course not. No way. Yet…”
Deadpool shrugged and instead withdrew some almond milk than dwell on that thought any longer. While he despised the milk, it was milk from a goddess’ teat when compared to soy milk. He shuddered at the mere thought of that awful excuse for a dairy product.
After opening a cabinet, Deadpool searched for what his belly was craving. And, surprisingly enough, there it was, his prayers finally answered instead of being sent to voicemail.
“Count Chocula,” Deadpool whispered in awe. He grabbed the cereal and held it with a loving touch, running a hand seductively up and down its box. “I didn’t even know Fluttershy had you. Or, heck, ponies in general! But finally, we are reunited once again.”
Sitting at Fluttershy’s table, Deadpool poured out enough of the chocolatey-good cereal to fill the brim of his bowl, and then drowned it in milk. Rubbing his hands together, Deadpool was just about to take a big bite out of his midnight snack, until he realized he was missing the crucial implement required for doing so.
“Huh, forgot my spoon,” he said.
“Here,” someone said beside him, handing him one.
Deadpool snatched it and eagerly dug it into his cereal. “Wow, thanks!” Pulling his mask up, Deadpool began to scoop up the cereal and consume it with a vigor that would have put any eight year-old out there to shame.
After a few minutes, Deadpool stopped, his spoon clattering to the floor. “Wait just one burger-flipping minute… I nearly forgot the best part!” Deadpool picked up the bowl and guzzled down to the last drop all the chocolate milk, sighing with content once he was done. “Ah, that hit the spot.”
Leaning back in his chair, Deadpool glanced at the table’s newcomer and asked, “So, Count Chocula, we meet again.”
The Count of Chocolate giggled, tapping his clawed fingers together as his buck-tooth grin shined in the kitchen’s dull light. “Indeed, Deadpool, indeed. It’s been a while.”
“Not since the General Mills incident of ‘92.”
Count Chocula nodded, glowering at Deadpool underneath his long, hooked nose.
“Shame what happened to Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute. But these type of things happen for a reason.”
“A reason indeed. Which is why I’m here,” Count Chocula said. His nails dug into the wood of the table, peeling back splinters.
“I’m guessing your date with Celestia didn’t blow over too well?” Deadpool guessed. He glanced at his weapons beside the couch, over ten feet away. Between him and them was a very pissed off chocolate themed vampire that had a vendetta against him.
“Truth be told, that’s why I came here originally. The others and I. But when I heard that you were in the same universe, well…” The Count’s eyes glowed a bright red for a second, “I knew I couldn’t pass the chance up.”
Deadpool’s legs tensed, his chair slowly sliding back. “What others?”
“My brethren. The children of the night, feasters of the flesh, suckers of the… well, you know.” The Count chuckled, a tongue wetting his buck-teeth. “None are as adamant about chocolate as I, but past that, we are all the same. Only one shall have Celestia as their prize.”
“But instead of going out on a date, you decided to sneak up on me in the middle of the night?” Deadpool snorted. “Dude, you seriously need to get your priorities right.”
“My priorities will be set once you’re six feet in the ground in over a dozen locations.”
Ten feet. That was all Deadpool needed. Just ten incredibly far away feet. “C’mon, Count, we don’t have to get violent. You remember what I did to Franken-Berry? They weren’t even able to identify his body until they collected every piece. And do I even have to remind you what happened to Boo-Berry?” Deadpool placed a hand on the back of his chair, staring at the Count’s crimson eyes. “I like your cereal, Chocula. That’s the only reason you’re not dead already.”
The Count giggled. “And I don’t like you, Deadpool. And that’s one of the many reasons you’re going to die tonight.”
The silence hung heavy in the air, building up for several seconds, ready to pop at any moment. Finally, Deadpool whispered, “Cookie Crisp is better, bitch.”
Count Chocula leaped in the air, claws extended, aimed right at Deadpool’s throat. “I want your BLOOD!”
wtf even
Im sorry, what?
yes.
HUEHUEHUE
Yay
Deadpool's last line is as funny as it is profound
He's really adjusting to Fluttershy's cottage. Also, Deadpool's nemesis was both unexpected and hilariously thought out.
Celestia and Faust
Vampire's get fucked up when they drink Deadpool's blood. Marvel 616's Dracula was made physically ill from drinking it, and his powers were actually weakened from drinking the blood rather than making him stronger. He also said it was the worst thing he'd ever tasted. Further details can be found in 'The Guantlet' miniseries.
5229668
5229677
The General Mills Massacre of 1992 was an event that was both violent as it was sugary sweet. Lucky Charms barely escaped with his life. Trix the rabbit sadly died, replaced later by his son, who never could quite fill his shoes correctly. Most of the Monster cereals were killed, viciously, with Count Chocula and Fraken-Berry being the only ones thought to have survived of the bunch. After the massacre, Kellogg dominated the market for over a decade. As for Deadpool, well, he walked out of the incident a little bit bloodier and a couple of million dollars richer.
Done God Emperor of Mankind?
5229855 Y'know, I seem to remember there was, but for the life of me I can't remember which chapter it was .-.
5229834
... Is there a fanfic of this out somewhere?
5229834
But... but what happened to Toucan Sam?
Or the Rice Krispies elf... things.
I'm going to assume you live in one of the few places in this country that still sells Count Chocula cereal.
Lucky bastard.
Deadpool's blood? You reeeeeally don't want to drink that.
I have no idea what the heck is going on here, but I just had a wonderful idea for a future chapter...one which would be bound to give Discord gold ratings on his cable show.
Celestia ends up on a date...with her own father!
Call the chapter "It's All Greek To Me". The entire chapter, everything seems to be going well, except for a feeling of awkwardness in both their actions. Then, as they leave the restaurant at the very end...
Celestia: ...it was...good seeing you again, Dad.
Father: You...won't mention this to your mother, right?
Celestia: That I'm using a dating site that matched me with my own father? Not hardly. Remember what she did last time I asked her for dating advice?
Father: *shudder* Yes, but...I meant that I'm using it.
Celestia: How is Mother, by the way?
Father: ...well...
In a nearby restaurant...
Mother: ...and that's why it's been so long since we visited, dear one. Sorry about that.
Luna: Quite all right. It's been wonderful catching up like this.
Mother: But tell me, dear...why are you using a dating website?
Luna: ...withdraw the question, and I won't ask you in return.
Mother: Fair enough.
5230171
You bloody genius.
5230027 Toucan Sam's nose won't be following shit anymore.
And the elves? They (obvious joke is obvious) went snap, crackle and pop.
oh please tell me the count from sesame street is going to make a cameo as well XD
5230199
We'll be seeing your take on that idea, then?
It's easy to forget that for all his humorousness, Deadpool is still a deadly assassin that is very difficult to kill.
5230286 I actually haven't ever watched Soul Eater before.
5230286 he only has two episodes anyways, and this is nothing compared to 1000 (or was it 10000?) meister provisions
Here is my suggestion
Master hand ssbwiki.com/images/thumb/2/22/Master_Hand_SSB4.png/250px-Master_Hand_SSB4.png
My guess is the date goes well beside the fact that master hand is, well, a giant hand until Crazy hand shows up, either master hand bro fist crazy (destroying a major part of the restaurant, causing a fight) or angrily rant at crazy always ruining his dates, in retaliation crazy attacks him hard enough to cause Master to turn into Master core.
OOOOOHHHHH HOW BOUT PAPA SMURF!!
PAPA SMURF
PAPA SMURF
PAPA SMUUUUUUURF
AAAHHHH YESS
Do et.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYUM!
For once, using *your is appropriate. First sentence, not the second.
5230424 my guess is yes.
Each individual chapter needs to have a like button so I can express in solid numbers just how much I love this story.
5230532 Actually Deadpool suffers the Wolverine style of Healing Factor, on quasi-magical curse induced steroids. Killing Deadpool, while somewhat more complex than killing a normal human, is actually easy. You need merely follow the old mantra, Aim For The Head. Massive cranial damage WILL kill him. However thanks to Thanos' jealousy induced curse, Wade can not STAY dead. This was done to him out of the fact that Wade was becoming close to the Eternal, Death, whom Thanos worships and desires. Seeing the "pathetic bug" moving on "his woman", Thanos struck Wade with something, often referred to as a curse, that makes true and final death impossible for him. While it is uncertain if this activated, or simply enhanced, the healing factor forcibly infused into him via Weapon X experiments , it does mean that even when Deadpool 'dies', he simply wakes up later, the healing factor having restored his body. Why do I call it Wolverine Style? Because James Howlett has something fairly similar. Massive damage can in fact kill the mutant. However the 'Angel of Death' has yet to actually best the lucky bastard and thus Wolvie keeps getting back up. This is used to explain why he has survived seemingly impossible levels of carnage, up to and including being reduced to a skeleton and Hiroshima's obliteration. Supposedly that has changed, and he should be not just killable, but will remain dead. However, this still involves killing a man with practically superhuman levels of strength, enough combat training AND experience to put Bruce Wayne to shame, practically unbreakable bones with deadly claws to match, and the ability to heal from anything that doesn't outright kill him. Remember his iconic phrase for the longest time was, "I got better.". That being said, Wade would have the edge, if only in the fact Deadpool outright CAN NOT remain dead.
5243026
Fair enough, he is an assassin that is relatively hard to kill, harder to shut up and impossible to kill for very long. I pity whoever manages to make him mad...
The "Kick Discord in the Teeth" club is now accepting new members. Join today and receive a free toaster!
How about the Headless Horseman from Tim Burton's movie, Sleepy Hollow?
Ooh! Doin vamps! Hot. Y'know...
Are the characters of Borderlands immortal? One would assume that the New U stations would simply keep making clones, and since they technically are already clones... Just sayin. Doesn't appear like any of them are aging, though there are certain events in Borderlands 2 that make it appear they are dead dead. I dunno, just something to toss around. An idea I had while playing the Pre-Sequel, because holy shit Celestia on a date with Claptrap would be the funniest fuckin shit ever.
Count Chocula is the best cereal ever
Kenny from south park please?
How about Arceus from Pokemon?
How about me... I am Prince Shadow Eclipse, Prince of the eternal shadow...
M'nemaxa from spellsinger. He's the embodiment of reality, if memory serves, and appears as a pegasus made of solar prominences, with dragonfly eyes through which one can view galaxies. He races around the universe, when he completes his circuit the universe will end. He's in a bit of a hurry/really sick of all the running.
*PAUSE!*
WHAT!
I would like to know how you two even met... Of course the answer could scar me and I would ask the question...
God's favorite trolling question to answer.
WHY!?
WE NEED ALUCARD!!!!!!