• Member Since 28th Sep, 2011
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shortskirtsandexplosions


space is a waste


T

Nopony used to give a crap about Twist. Then one morning she wakes up shooting optic blast beams out of her eyes. Now everypony gives a crap about Twist.

Cover Art drawn by the talented Dunnstar aka Zemious

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 120 )

Why and how did I receive this story in my notifications when I am not subscribed to you?

3101336
Welcome to the wild and wonderful world of the new Notification system.

3101340
Can I fall off a cliff somewhere? Because if these happens en masse I'm going to have to block spam a lot of people just to stem the flow.

3101336 Perhaps it's a sign that you should read it.

Also, anyone who makes a 'laser eye surgery' joke is getting bricked. Just going to say that now.

Will those bricks be shat first?

Also... what is this? I'm afraid.

3101347
No thanks. SS&E's writing style just doesn't do it for me. If you like it, read to your heart's content. It's just not my thing.

That is quite possibly the most compelling description of any story I've ever seen.

Oh god... I was laughing more at this than I truly should have...

Poor Twist... Always made fun of...

And now she has the power to screw people up! This gonna be gooood!

~Skeeter The Lurker

Crap had been given long before this story published. Twist just haven't checked the toilet yet (My mentality is lost. I need a laser to the face).

3101358

Perfectly understandable. Notable authors are notable for doing notably different things and having notably different audiences.

Well crap... Time to read!

Why no crossover with Cyclops? :fluttercry:

Oh dear god... This is too good, dude...

And that segment with the word 'buck'... Bucking priceless.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Sweet merciful Celestia what possessed you to write this?

No it should be " nopony gives a fuck about twis"

3101408

That Bowser wasn't there when I started reading a few minutes ago.:applejackconfused:

I don't think I can adequately express just how little I even right now.
(also by squirrel scene there's a Bon Bon instead of Twist eating cinnamon sticks)

I don't understand what's going on here, but I like it.

And just as I was thinking by the end of chapter 1 that Short Skirts had written his first lame story, I read the second chapter.
I hadn't laughed so hard all month. Thanks, marsupial.

Da buck did I just read? And why da buck do I want more?

I might end up reading this just because . . . dat description . . . . :rainbowlaugh:

Might just have to give a whirl.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Not an abortion joke, too far dude one too far.

This is beyond hilarious. Vengeful hellbeast Twist is best Twist.

I can't be the only one that did a double take when they saw "Twist clops" as the title ... right?

Unfortunately, for me, this story failed to completely circle around and cross the line a second time, resulting in the Nightmare Fuel, Fridge Horror, and [Dark] tag ganging up and beating the [Comedy] tag to death with lead pipes in the back alleys of Fimfiction.

I liked Twist before she could shot people with laser vision. :twistnerd:

So I get the impression that you don't like Twist. :unsuresweetie:

The resulting crunch sound was fatefully masked by Bon Bon taking a heavy bite out of her cinnamon sticks.

I think you meant Twist. :twistnerd:

This is one of those cross-the-line-twice-and-then-some stories isn't it? Well, someone's gotta write it... The sheer magnitude of horror played straight in this boggles my mind. Impressive, but mind-boggling.

Words do not do this justice, so have an emoticon or five. :twilightoops::rainbowlaugh:

I have not read this yet. You deserve to know however, that the description caused a literal spit take.

Haven't even so much as glanced at the text and i already gave it a thumbs up and a fav.:ajbemused:

Holoclops...


huehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehue

Well, this is enjoyable thus far. I can't say I'm happy about killing off Derpy, but the rest is pure gold. Especially nihiLyra. Definitely looking forward to more.

“Squee!” Twist squee’d.

I think she meant to say, "Thquee!"

...that rememberth vintage grunge songth!”

I would say there was a slip-up in her lispy dialect, but fixing it might make some people read, "vintage grunge thongs."

She convenes with her reflection, does she? Reminds me of a Saturday morning cartoon from the 90's. Speaking of cartoons, I couldn't help but hear a John DiMaggio voice when her "dad" spoke.

I lost all sympathy for Twist as soon as she approached Twilight, though. Just like the majority of the mane six, she focused entirely on Twi and failed to entertain any possibility of friendship with Spike. Rotten little horse...

“Well, if ya ask me, every pony in this world deserves feelin' good once in awhile, and how they... uhm... go about gettin' to feel that pleasure is their business, and none of ours, ya reckon?”

It took me a second to get it, and then I laughed. A lot.:twistnerd:

Oh well, you only scoot once.

YOSO, bitches.:scootangel:

“Pearlescent blue, like the jaded edges of my soul once were,” Lyra murmured. “Drowning me in the depths of remorseful truth, to which I have been blind and naked all this time.” She vomited a pair of bits onto the counter and limply lifted the bag of cartons onto her backside with limp teleknesis. “My dreams, my aspirations, like an ocean of plankton before the gaping maw of a soulless leviathan of fate and—”

“...so in conclusion,” Twilight said while trotting across the sidewalk in her crown, “I learned that you can make friends with just about anypony in Saddle Arabia, so long as you attend at least one public castration.”:twilightblush:

And now I've googled "castration." The results were... informative.:twilightoops:

Nnngh... d-damn... atomic raccoons.

"Damn atomic raccoons" is now my favorite phrase.

She grinned into the smoke wafting off her glasses, betraying the slightest twitch to her foalish grin.

Aaaaand now she's crazy. Was there any real surprise?

"I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day."-The Joker Himself

“You’d suck up the cutie karma with your tattooed butt!” Scootaloo grunted.
“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle nodded. “What she said!” She instantly blushed. “Though... maybe a little less gross-gross.”
“Meh,” Scootaloo meh’d.
“Oh... well...” Twist smiled nervously as she dug a hoof through the pliable edges of the dirt road. “That maketh a whole lot of thenthe...”

Where is this from? I swear to god I've read it before.

*edit*
Never mind, a google search revealed it to be part of the sneak-peek you posted :P

Cheerilee's schoolbuilding stood in the distance like a melting red iceberg...

That's actually a pretty good analogy. Lots of irony to it.:twistnerd:

“They'll talk your ears off with their rhyme. Plus, each and every one of them is secretly carrying a golden switchblade!”

That line made me smile a lot wider than it should have.:rainbowlaugh:

“Uhm, guys? Did you see... Just now... What the f-fuzz...?”

Okay, I can perfectly read that in Scootaloo's voice. How'd you do that?

“Who wants to learn about the Holoclops?!”
Everypony's hooves flew towards the ceiling.

No comment. Best line of the scene, that's all.:heart:

“So, like, the allies were all 'Wow, this is some tough war, and we really love Stirrup, but darn if it isn't full of a bunch of bleeding heart fascists and communists wanting to punch each other into next century! I think we'll just wait this out and see who gets tired of throwing stones sooner, Germaney or the Sovioats.' And, like, Josef Stallion—yeah—he was all 'Yo, dudes, what's with the delay?! My guys are over here totally busting their flanks in the goddess-forsaken snow to save Stalliongrad!' And then Winstrot Churchhay, as always, sticks his hoof in his mouth and goes 'Well, that's what you get for naming such a miserable city after yourself, jerkface.' So, Stallion gets all mad, and he's like 'Y'know, when this is all over, I'm totally taking over Ponyland and Romaneia because screw you guys!' And that's when—like—Roosepelt got up, folded up his stagecoach, and smacked the thing over Stallion's sorry skull! And it got a huge pop from the crowd of Prance resistance fighters, who weren't doing much of anything anyhow. They were all, 'Whoah, did you just see Josef Stallion take that sick stagecoach-shot to the skull?! What a work, brotha!' But it was no good, cuz, like, Roosepelt died from some lame-ass disease before Trotsdam even happened. Total sell-out, y'know? So it was up to Trumane to clean shop, but he was too busy dropping a bomb full of parasprites on the Japaneighs cuz of what they did at Pearl Haybor. And, y'know, chalk up what happened at Hiroshimare alongside the internment camps for bad stuff done in the name of war, and it just goes to show that no matter how victorious you are, you can... uhm... still be a heartless bunch of jerks who show up late to the party... which is... uhm... why the Amareican forces were... so late... at... Normanedy?”

OH GOD NOT THE HORSE PUNS! THEY'RE IN MY EYES!! ARRRUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

“She knew what she was bucking getting into!” Scootaloo roared, waving with her hoof. “Now get your bucking flank in the bucking wagon!”

Spoken just like her hero.:rainbowdetermined2:

“Shut your bucking face and get in the bucking wagon!”

Uh, you missed a buck right there.
Also, I keep waiting for a variation of "I'm tired of all these motherbucking snakes on this motherbucking plane!" But I have a feeling I'm never going to get it.:pinkiesad2:

“Nope! It's ‘Buster,’ actually!”

Okay, that made me laugh.:pinkiesmile:

"This is serious, AJ!"

No relation to Serious AJ..

“B-bucking bucks...”
“Ahem... Two hundred and two...

Um, wouldn't that technically be two hundred and three?

“You've got to be plot-snotting me!”

Note to self: Insert the phrase "plot-snotting" into one of my fics sometime.

“Grannnnnny!” her voice boomed against the house's foundation as she protectively flung Apple Bloom's limp figure over her backside. “Fetch me my rifle!”

Hey, ponies have guns now. Who knew?:ajsmug: Usually the shotgun is reserved for anthro or humanized Applejack, but okay, it's your fic.
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/332/d/e/last_stand_by_atryl-d5mf43h.png
(totally awesome image source which everyone should watch with thier deviantart account)

Is the Idea behind it from a certain vocaloid song :D??
Or was it from the coverart?
Anyways awesome :D

3104471

Of all the parts of this story that deserve a swift examination before being burned in disgrace, the canonicity of guns in Equestria is the part complained about?

Actually, in a way, that makes sense. Carry on, pony friends.

3104471
Oh yeeeeaaaah, I forgot about that.:rainbowderp:

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