There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

This story is a sequel to Fake Smiles

Pinkie was not the happy pony she pretends to be, nor does she actually enjoy throwing parties or pranking, it's simply all she knows how to do. She was really terribly miserable, a result of her traumatizing home life and the lie she was forced to live. Ever since Rainbow stumbled across her and learned the truth, staying her friend regardless, she felt for the first time in a long time she could be happy.

Sadly, there is another who suffers the same way she does, and it's a pony she can't make happy, no matter how much she may want to or try.

Note: It isn't entirely necessary to read the first one to understand what's going on here, there is enough context and details given to get the gist, but I still highly recommend reading Fake Smiles first.

This story is a sequel to Can You See What I See?

It's only living the dream when it's your dream.

This shares continuity with Chromatic Aberration, Can You See What I See?, and Crowds & Constellations, but those are NOT required reading to understand what's going on in this story.

Dedicated to my lovely wife whom this was written for and about

Preread by both my wife and Nudistsquid.
Cover used with permission by TCN_tancha

The Nook lays out in the fields and meadows of Equestria, a half-day's travel from the nearest town. Some might question the point of a tavern that far away from where most ponies roam, but every now and then a stray traveller passes by.

Narcotics tag is for frequent use of alcohol, obviously
Sex tag is for the occasional vague joke or reference.

<sub>Just a little drabbling fic written and edited during classes I should be paying attention to.

Expect updates whenever I feel like it. Probably weekday afternoons, and maybe the odd weekend.

Also, technically my first HiE fic, so I hope the tone lands right.</sub>

Warning: The following story is currently unedited and contains dark humor, an odd set up for a practical joke among immortal Princesses, whom one of them will no doubt go crazy, random things before she thinks she "kicks the bucket."

It just might be the most ingenious prank that Princess Luna has ever conceived. A simple one at that. All she had to do was to bribe her sister's most trusted doctor to tell her that she's dying. With only about a week left, Celestia then decides that she will spend her last eight days doing the crazy, immature, random and funniest things that she could think of while preparing for her own funeral.

Dealing with a sibling can be difficult sometimes, moreso when said sibling is in a bad mood. Just ask Princess Celestia, who has to juggle running an empire while balancing her relations with her younger co-ruling, chronically ill-tempered, inappropriate sister.

Princess Loona's name was always spelled with two o's... right?

This idea came to me during a night of drinking. I decided to follow it because it offered me more vodka.

Rated teen for an inebriated, foul-mouthed hellhound.

Cover art and the character Loona herself are from Vivienne Medrano's (VivziePop) Helluva Boss pilot.

When an evil villain offers drugs to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, they must resist the temptations of being really cool.

Some much-needed proofreading was provided by Elric of Melnipony

4/5/15: Popular Stories list. Thanks everyone for your love!

Applejack spends her final moments with Winona.

A tribute to my dog who recently passed.

Edited by the wonderful anonpencil and The Invisible Davis

It takes a certain kind of pony to become a personal servant to the princesses. One must have patience, grace, a clever head, and be a problem solver.

Dapper Dash is one such pony.

Although skeptical about the idea of having a personal butler, Dapper Dash soon proves he is anything but an ordinary butler. While most ponies would be rattled or nervous around Celestia and Luna, he seems to be calm, and even managing to keep up with them.

He's a true gentlecolt, and not only that, he is quite the learned stallion, impressing even princesses. Clearly he is more than than he seems, but not much is known about him. With the drama around the palace it may be good to have an ally that can think on his hooves.

After all, a butler is there to make life easier for their charges.

Big thanks to Hoodwinked MCShelster for the amazing cover art! Really love how it turned out! ^^

Scootaloo has always been good at adapting to whatever life throws at her. When she couldn't fly like other pegasi, she rode her scooter. When she needed a family, she found one. When she struggled to fit in, she became indispensable.

Cutie Mark Crusader, beloved niece, honorary little sister, skate club president, aspiring college student, the responsible friend everyone can always count on. She's perfected the art of being exactly what others need her to be, and she has the perfect life every teenage pegasus dreams of.

But your greatest strength can also be your weakness.

When an encounter with Poison Joke changes Scootaloo's life forever, she discovers that the difference between finding yourself and losing yourself is smaller than she could have ever imagined. As she explores her new possibilities, she'll have to finally confront the question she's been avoiding her entire life:

Who are you when you can be anyone?

Cover art drawn by Sencha Steep.

Proofreading done by Stello.

This story is something I’ve been working on for a while but never had the courage to revise and share until recently. I’m new to this whole fanfiction thing so keep an open mind if you choose to read. Any and all feedback is much appreciated.

I will try my best to post updates every Monday morning Pacific time.