Closer

by Avery Day

XI – International Exclusive

{ XI – International Exclusive }

You left one of your hoodies here—the gray one with the fleece lining on the inside.

Honestly, I was going to tell you. You wore it nearly every day you were here, so clearly it’s one you’re attached to. But I just can’t bring myself to tell you it’s here, and I hope you don’t realize it’s missing. If you do, please don’t ask for it back. Not because it’d be a hassle to send it back to you—even if it would be, I’d send it to you the moment you asked—but because I know you have others, and I think I need this one a little more than you do. At least for right now.

I’m not going to wear it, though. It’s much too big for me, and if I put it on, I’d probably look ridiculous for some reason or another, but that’s not why I want it.

When you’re on the road, we spend weeks living different lives. You experience so many things, meet so many people, do so many interesting things that you probably can’t even remember all of it. Every time you come around for a visit, you’re shaped a little differently because of it. You smell a little different, too.

Sometimes, it’s not the most pleasant scent. I know you think I can’t tell that you’ve been smoking on the road, but every time you come home, it’s impossible not to notice. I don’t say anything, though. I really want to—that stuff is going to kill you, and I need you around for as long as possible—but, at least for now, I let it go.

That scent is an honest glimpse into the life I don’t get to live with you. The life where we’re separated, only able to talk when time permits it, and what a strict warden it can be. And I know everything you tell me is put through a filter. You try so hard not to upset me. It drives me crazy, but I know why you do it, and I appreciate it.

So when you’re not here, when I can’t talk to you, I can hold onto it, close my eyes, and imagine I’m there with you. Or, I can imagine you back here with me, laying on the bed, letting me cling to you like I’m trying to keep you from flying out of my grasp. But no matter how tight I hold, I’ll have to let go eventually. I know I can’t keep you. You are mine, but you are yours more so than that.

There’s nothing wrong with the term long-distance relationship, but it feels wrong; too simplistic. Distance can be quantified in numerous ways, and while you’re gone, it’s something I do to an obsessive degree.

Mileage is the first thing that comes to most people’s minds when they think of long-distance relationships, but there’s so much more to it. How long are we going to be apart this time, and if you don’t know, how long until we get to know?

And when I know you’re coming, counting becomes so exciting. I start by counting everything from months to minutes, and slowly but surely, I stop having to count each one of those units of time as the day draws nearer. But the moment we meet, another countdown starts. It’s an inverse of the last in every way, and even if it fills me with dread, it’s so hard to ignore.

We start with weeks worth of time together, but before I know it, weeks become days, days become hours, hours become minutes. Minutes become mile markers, mile markers become exits, exits become street names. Streets become terminals, and terminals become steps. And steps become precious seconds spent holding each other, waiting for the other to pull away because neither of us want to.

But we have to. That’s the only way to start the count over. And it hurts so much, especially when we don’t know how long it is. We never know if this is our last countdown until it’s over. That’s as reassuring as it is terrifying.

The improbability of us meeting and existing together is so astronomically slim that not even I can properly measure it. While I’m not superstitious, that makes me feel so lucky; and yet I feel cursed. Those same circumstances that led us to meeting are the same ones that have put us in this situation.

But that’s okay. You’re doing what you love, and I couldn’t be happier for you. One day, we’ll figure out how to close the distance between us for good. I haven’t the slightest clue of how to start on that, but it will happen.

Sometimes, when I think about you, there’s a tug I feel in my chest—somewhere around my right pectoral—and it pulls so hard it hurts. It’s like that’s where our bond is held, and when I think of you, it tightens. It tries to pull us together.

But when we’re too far apart, there’s nothing I can do to give that bond any slack. So, instead, I lay on the bed and hold onto your hoodie. And sometimes, that’s enough to make it hurt a little less.

So, until we meet again, please don’t ask for your hoodie back.

Author's Note:

Originally, this fic was only the first 10 sections. This was written a few months ago after another partner visited. So think of this like a bonus track, or one of those tracks that only gets released overseas.

Just in case it's not obvious enough, this is written from Twilight's perspective.

Enjoy, and thank you for reading.

PS It's pronounced like "clozer".

Comments

[ScisetShimmerEvan]

Despite how sad and gloomy this story was, I enjoyed it. Normally I dislike it when stories as like that as it makes me emotional, but this one serves as one of the few stories I've read where the saddest is worth reading.

[EileenSaysHi]

Oof. Once again, damn you for your excellent work.

[The Voice in the Water]

Poor Twiggles.

[NightFlame389]

When I first read this story my mind immediately went to “oh, she’s not living up to her cutie mark” and “this life isn’t magical enough”

[Avery Day]

11782008
It's never explicitly stated, but all of this takes place after the root of The Magic Problems™ have been addressed and solved. As teenagers, being magical girls was fine since they were anchored to the school anyway. As adults, they became ready to build lives of their own. That meant they couldn't all be tethered to the same place, having to drop everything they're doing on a dime to go fight some random magical terror. They're all still close and remain in contact, but, like in real life, everyone eventually takes their own road, and those paths don't always align with the ones you love.

[NightFlame389]

11782072
It’s more that I feel like this isn’t Sunset’s “destiny”

She can try to adapt to being human all she wants, but she’s still a pony at heart (the scene in Legend of Everfree where she immediately tries to use telekinesis after seeing Twilight do it, likely because that’s one of the few things she could do as a pony that she can’t as a human)

I get the “going separate paths” thing, but I personally prefer that happening by Sunset leaving the rest and going back to Equestria, and the rest leave the magical life behind except for a journal they mail to each other to keep in touch with the most magical friend they’ve ever known and the occasional reunion in front of CHS

That being said, you have been (slightly) tipping the scales in favor of Sciset for me (that parakeet plush is too damn cute)

[equestrian.sen]

That was beautiful and depressing. Thank you for shredding my heart. Again.

You mentioned somewhere that you like seeing what parts stick out for readers, so I'll dump my thoughts here.

I loved how you made Sunset and Twilight feel so in-tune with one another while having them maintain such distinct roles in their relationship. I loved the adoraheart-wrenching dynamic between the two in the couch scene. I loved everything about the final car scene. I love that Sunset's usual is strawberry pancakes. The park scene was very bittersweet-cute. I wish we got to see more Rarity.

Everything was beautiful, and yet the final epilogue letter was by far my favorite part. You manage to pack so much meaning into the way someone smells. The bit on counting down was so poetic. It ties the story together with the title so incredibly well. I saw the author's note at the bottom, but I still prefer to read it as "clo sir" rather than "clozer".

My heart aches, and I loved every second of it.

[Avery Day]

11782585
Thank you so much for this comment, I very much appreciate it! As for the pronunciation, it could honestly go either way. Half the reason I chose the name is because either pronunciation feels like it pertains to the story. But you can think of it like the difference between gif and jif, only I'm nowhere near as wrong as the creator of the graphics interchange format.

[equestrian.sen]

11782779
Happy Hearth's Warming! I would have posted this on your user page, but I can't figure out how a post a comment there.

camo.fimfiction.net/m83tb958VjdQs_Ab3cnEzN1yE3pB2YWoHe9BuJ4w2xs?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ibb.co%2FbW8pcGL%2Fupscaled-score-9-sunset-shimmer-pony-g4-chris.webp

[Revel Montaro]

Some make it work, some can't. Few things test the bonds that hold us together like time and distance. However, if it is strong enough, two hearts can always find their way back to intertwine.

Happy New Year.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Fantastic work, and a brilliant snapshot of a life in a liminal state. Sunset knows that what she has is unsustainable on multiple levels. Fortunately, change is inevitable, and she already knows there's some good on the horizon.

I have to love that ambiguous ending and Twilight's grace note. (And you know it's a great single-word title when every meaning and pronunciation feels fitting for one reason or another.) Thank you for this, and here's wishing you and yours the best.

[Uz Naimat]

Fanficiton rarely makes me cry, but hot damn, this was depressing. The entire story, but this chapter in particular. The thought of Twilight holding on to a physical piece of Sunset is as heart-wrenching as it is heart-warming.

Thank you for a devastatingly sad ride. Beautiful work, and into Best of Sad this goes!