Three days since the running of the leaves, Celestia still kept her distance from Dapper. He tried not to let it show it bothered him, but it did. Ever since they left it seemed like she had taken a step back, distancing herself from him. Had he gone too far?

True enough, he had seen her wanting to leave the celebrations early for his sake, but Dapper could see she wanted to stay. He had made sure her need was tended to, not his own, and so joined the festivities to make her stay. It seemed like a good idea, at the time at least. Now it seemed he might have crossed an invisible line, and he was not sure if he could salvage it.

On the way back to Canterlot the solar princess had seemed redrawn, like she retreated into her more royal façade. She was hiding, and he knew it. At first, Dapper just assumed she was a little upset with the stunt he had pulled, but having not let up yet, he was forced to realize he might have hurt her. He had no way of confirming if that was the case, and that led to another question, did he want to confirm it? Or rather, should he even attempt to salvage, whatever they had before?

It wasn't just the fact he was a butler, being her personal butler of course meant he would know her more intimately than others. In order to serve her best, anticipating her needs, her desires, he needed her trust. For the first time since he got here, he could not read her.

That was not quite true of course, he could read her, in the sense she hid thoughts and feelings behind such a thick mask of royalty that he could not read anything else. He could assume all he wanted, but at the end of the day he had no way of knowing. Princess Luna was worried as well, but had told him she would come around, that it was only a question of time.

Obviously he dutifully carried out his duties as before, he tended to their needs, but Celestia's had become fewer. No longer was he to serve her early in the morning, nor was he to serve her before bed. To put it mildly, she had shut him out. Luna allowed him to take a day off, thinking some relaxation would be good for him. Dapper did not really need it, instead he figured he might as well get a refill of painkillers, and at the same time seek advice from his old friend.

Lucky Star, a doctor, looked at Dapper. "You know you can visit me even if you don't need painkillers?"

"But then I would not get that warm smile from your secretary," replied Dapper, taking a pill.

"She's not my secretary, she's a nurse." Lucky said in a sigh, knowing Dapper was only venting his frustrations.

"She sits behind a desk, shares her lipstick with you, she's a secretary." Dapper insisted, then leaned back in his chair. Lucky knew Dapper well enough to not be as bothered by what he said as others might be. Instead he decided to get to the reason he was really here.

Lucky said, trying to sound just a little upset, but there were no teeth behind it. Lucky was a caring kind of pony, wearing his heart on the outside. It made him well liked, everypony liked him, so why did he hang out with Dapper? He tried to find that out too, so far Dapper assumed it was because he had a mental illness, a compulsion to help anypony, being deserving of that help or not.

No, that was not fair, and Dapper knew it. Lucky was very kind, and the two had been friends for a long time, even before he was in pain. In truth, Dapper admired him a lot.

Lucky in the meantime felt sorry for his friend, he knew Dapper was not being himself. This persona he had invented for himself, this sarcastic ass, that was not who Dapper was. It was a way to push ponies away, knowingly or not. Dapper seemed to want to distance himself from whatever and whoever reminded him of his past. He was in pain, but that was only because he wanted to be, not because he had to.

The pain, Lucky suspected, was punishment. He was simply denying himself to be pain free, denying himself to fly normally again. All of this came from him, and if Lucky was not his friend he would have insisted he'd let him amputate and replace his wing, or deny him his pills. He couldn't however, he knew Dapper would just be stubborn, let himself be in massive pain until he became desperate enough to seek pain relief by more illegal means.

That caught Lucky off guard. "You need my advice? The great butler who advises the aristocracy?"

"Giving advice is easier.. If you don't want to hear me out I can just leave," said Dapper, about to get up, but Lucky placed a hoof on his shoulder, pushing him down.

"No no, I didn't say I wouldn't help you, I'm just surprised, that's all." Lucky assured, then sat down. "What's going on?"

Dapper hesitated, he wanted his friend's advice, but how much should he tell? He could not reveal anything about the princess's private life, not even to his friend, but he needed to figure out what to do. "I have a problem with, uhm.. A friend.."

Lucky smirked, pleased he had made Dapper smile. Of course they were friends, banter and teasing was just part of it. "Alright, I'll bite. What's the problem with this friend of yours?"

"The problem is not her per say, I think I'm the problem.." Dapper admitted, then Lucky's marefriend called from the reception room.

"Right, you know maybe you should invest in a leash and a muzzle." Dapper grumbled.

Lucky sighed, rubbing the side of his head. "I thought you took this job to be better.."

"I'm not at work now, and foal steps.." Dapper replied, then took a deep breath. "Alright, enough screwing around.. I've been trying to keep my relationship with this friend professional, strictly business."

"I don't know what I want, but I think she wants to be more, be friends.." Dapper's ears flattened as he tried to rationalize it in his mind, he just couldn't. Why would the princess of the sun be friends with him? "At any rate, we went to this thing in Ponyville, she wanted to enjoy herself, and she asked me to join her. I refused, politely of course, as I was still working."

Lucky didn't need to ask, he was already pretty sure who he was talking about. After all, if he was the personal butler to one of the princesses, why would he hang out some other place with some other mare? If he was working, then he was with one of them, and since Princess Celestia had been seen in Ponyville, it stood to reason she was the mare he was talking about.

"So I worked, serving her and her friends." Dapper didn't really bother hiding it much anymore, he knew Lucky was smart enough to figure it out, but he would not confirm it if he asked, which he wouldn't. "Some of them pushed me just a little too much, but I didn't say anything.. And then there is my wing.."

"Yes, she wanted to leave, for my sake. I didn't want her to leave because of me, so I accepted to join them, knowing she could not order me to go, because then it would have looked strange to her friends."

"So you manipulated the situation to make her stay?" Lucky asked, and Dapper nodded. "You think she noticed you were in pain?" Dapper nodded again. "She must have been worried about you, afraid to hurt you again. So she distance herself from you in order to protect you."

Lucky gave him a look, like if the answer was obvious. "Because she cares about you."

It was amazing how insightful Dapper could be when it came to other ponies, but when it came to himself he was as thick as a fencepost. "You would have to ask her yourself, but I do think you're giving yourself to little credit, overthinking things.." Lucky knew it was probably not the best idea to bring up his pills, but he might as well try. "Maybe you would relax more, and so would your friends, if you decided to fix your wing."

"And replace it with an enchanted prosthesis.. You would be able to fly again, Dapper.." Lucky said, almost begging.

Lucky did not want to argue, so he just sighed. "Yes, but not without a massive amount of pain. Never mind, if you want to continue like this, then by all means do so, but just know my offer still stands."

Dapper didn't answer, he just nodded to his offer before trotting towards the door. "Thanks for the talk, see you later."

The walk back to the palace was a long one, not that the distance from the clinic to the palace was very far apart, but Dapper decided to take the long way back, enjoy the sunny, yet cool day. All around him there were ponies, shopping, enjoying the day outside a café, or foals playing in the streets. Friends and families, all having a good time...

It annoyed him, it was like each time he saw a stallion and a mare having fun together, a knot would form in his stomach. What the buck was with him these days? Deciding he was just in a bad mood, he took another pill, but it did nothing to help the knot in his stomach.

He couldn't understand why Celestia, the princess of the sun, co ruler of Equestria, would interest herself for a mere butler. Of course she was kind and generous, so it was not like he expected to be treated like dirt, but she seemed to make an effort to get closer to him, and that was the thing that confused him.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the enchanted pocket watch chime. He pulled it out from his blazer, and noticed it was the princess of the moon who was in need of his services. "Luna?" Dapper mumbled to himself in a questioning tone, why did she want to see him now? She had given him the day off after all.

Letting out a sigh and placing his pocket watch back in his blazer, he looked to the palace. "It's not like I have anything else to do.."

It didn't take Dapper long to get to Luna's chambers, he did however make sure to visit his own room to make sure he was presentable first. He wondered if the princesses were planning on firing him, maybe that was why he was called up here on his day off? Dapper didn't want to go, despite everything, he liked this job, and he wanted to continue. If his ladies however did not wish for his service, then he would step down without a fuss.

Taking a deep breath, gathering his courage and steeling his emotions, he knocked on the door. A second or two later, Luna called. "Enter." And so he did. Luna was over by the balcony windows, a nice lunch table had been set up. "Ah, Dapper." She said, smiling as she saw him. "Thank you for coming on such short notice, we thank thee."

"I'm having lunch with my sister, I wondered if you could serve us?" Luna asked, giving him a small smirk. Dapper knew what she was up to, she wanted them to talk, but was this prober? He didn't have a choice, so he might as well give it a shot.

"Excellent!" A knock was then heard, and Luna beamed. "Come in dear sister!" She called, and it was indeed Celestia who entered. Her expression was not one of royal neutrality, but instead she seemed sad, that however changed when she spotted Dapper.

"Luna I'm not really in-the-hm? Oh, uhm, yes sister, thank you for the invitation."

Dapper noticed the quick change, going from sad to neutral in just a second. It didn't help with what he was feeling, now he just felt even more guilty, if he was indeed the reason for her grey mood. Luna pretended not to notice, and so she just smiled and gestured to the table. "Come come sister, Mr. Dash has been so good to serve us today. Luck is on our side it seems."

Celestia couldn't help but smile just a little. "He does work for us, so he would not be here unless you asked for it."

As the solar princess trotted closer, Dapper pulled out the chair for Luna, and once seated he hurried over and did the same for Celestia. "Oh hush sister, we're fortunate to have a butler as skilled as Dapper."

Luna narrowed her eyes, determined not to let this opportunity go to waste. Her sister had been moody for three days, and it was obvious what was bothering her. As for Dapper, he might think himself clever, and of course he was, but Luna could tell from his troubled dreams that this was bothering him, maybe even more so than Celestia.

She wouldn't let this go, neither Celestia or Dapper would take the first step, both too stubborn or too nervous to initiate any sort of talk, so she would have to do it. As Dapper served tea for them, Luna decided to be bold. "You have been feeling down lately, sister?" Luna asked, not worried that Dapper was there, after all, he would not say anything about any private conversation they had, so why would that change now?

Celestia eyed Luna, having a sneaking suspicion what she was up to. Dapper felt the same, but didn't say anything. "Yes, I might be a little tired, a lot of work."

Luna nodded, then hummed thoughtfully as she took a sip of her tea. "Then why don't you let Dapper help you relax? I mean, that is what he is here for, isn't that right Dapper?"

"Yes ma'am, most certainly." Dapper answered, politely enough, and glanced at Celestia, who was in turn glancing at him. "But of course, I would not want to force my services onto her, I hate to get in the way of her duties."

Was that a jab at me? Celestia thought, feeling herself get annoyed. Then after taking a sip, she said. "Sometimes it's good to have friends, though I would hate to be a source of pain for somepony else."

Did she just talk about me? Dapper thought, keeping himself from frowning. "I cannot think of anypony who would find you a pain, ma'am. I think anypony would be delighted to be in your company, and work for you."

Celestia just shrugged. "Some may do too much, strain themselves in order to please me. I would hate to see anypony I care about go too far."

"Maybe they want to work hard to please you? Maybe it's because they have such respect for you that they try so hard." Dapper suggested, trying to sound neutral, but was doing a poor job of it.

"That may be, but I do not wish for anypony, friend or not, to be in too much pain when with me." Celestia simply said. "Better for me to remain distant, for their sake."

Now Dapper frowned fully, was that why she was doing this? Was she doing exactly what he had been doing to her? Yes, she had figured out he was in pain, and not wanting to pressure him anymore she had distanced herself from him, making their relationship purely professional. That was good, wasn't it? This was what he wanted, right?

He had wanted to remain distant so he could serve her best, but now that she was sad, he was failing her as her butler. She did all of this in order to protect him, a lonely butler. That was not all, he missed her, missed greeting her in the morning, saying goodnight in the evening. He missed their mental chess games, him trying his best to sabotage her cake smuggling operation, and her trying to set it up again.

He wasn't sure he could save it, he had hurt her, made her think he did not wish to be her friend, made her think he was in pain because of her. Was it top late to salvage?

Luna giggled, then shook her head. "Not at all, you may go, we can take care of things from here."

Dapper inclined his head. "Very good, if you will excuse me then." Then with a bow, he left the royal sisters to talk. Luna had not wanted to push them both too far, but she was happy with the progress she had made.

He wanted to be close to her, he missed that, but how could he? He was a butler, she was a princess, surely there were more deserving ponies than him? He sighed again, and started to walk, thinking he might as well go to his apartment and relax for the rest of the day.

Dapper didn't get far, or rather, he did, but not anywhere near his own apartment. Instead he found himself near the ballroom, a place he had passed on more than one occasion, mostly to help preplan the Grand Galloping Gala. Not in any hurry, he went inside to marvel at the architecture. Dapper often found himself appreciating the artwork of the palace, the architecture, and of course the history.

This time however, he didn't just admire the artwork, he moved closer to one of the corners. He had eyed it a few times, but had never really tried it. The ballroom piano, a beautiful one of its kind, highest quality. Ever since he saw it for the first time he had wanted to give it a try. Music was one of Dapper's passions, and nothing could relax him as much as playing the piano.

He hadn't wanted to do it before, but today he really felt like he needed it. Besides, it wasn't like he could get in any more trouble than he already was, and what was the chance for anyone to stumble upon him while playing? Sighing, he sat on the stool, moving his hoof over the keys.

He hadn't been able to play for some time, so he felt slightly excited to finally be sitting at a piano again. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and started to play.

The sounds echoed in the large hall, but in a nice way that made the music sound even more beautiful. Dapper loved the Piano, he always had, when he was a foal he hoped he would get a cutie mark in being a musician, but alas, he didn't get one. He still enjoyed playing on it, and what he could was a talent he had trained and worked for, so that made him feel better.

Dapper wasn't sure for how long he played, he didn't notice, he just kept playing and lost himself in the music. Then suddenly, after playing one more song, he started another piece, this time, one that came from the heart. He thought about Celestia, about their relationship.

It didn’t seem important.
Before you went away.
It just felt so right.
When I could see myself in you.
Feed you all my pain.
To make myself feel great.
Tried to hide my mistakes,
And stand beyond the gate

So will you please forgive me?
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.

You said we should be happy.
You made it sound so easy.
I threw 'just with anger.
And I always hit the spot.
And I did not deserve you.
Have been foolish before.
All that you are, I see now,
Didn’t see before

So will you please forgive me?
Please forgive me.
Please forgiv-

"Ahhh!" Dapper jumped at the sudden voice speaking in his ear, in his shock he jumped a little too much and fell down from the stool, ending up on the floor. "Ouf!" He felt on his flank, confused, but it was quickly cleared up as he heard a sweet giggle. Looking at the direction of the voice, he saw the solar princess herself. "Celestia..?"

Now it was Celestia's turn to look startled, he had never just used her name. He quickly gathered himself and stood up, bowing his head. "I mean, forgive me, princess.."

She made a pouting face. "Oh, and you were doing so well.." Then she giggled. "Dapper, you are a strange pony."

"I.. Uhm.." He looked up at her, finally letting his armor of calm drop. Dapper frowned, a worried look in his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry if I went too far at the farm.."

Celestia shook her head. "No, I should not have forced a lesson on you like that. You have been working hard, and I should not have tried to force on you a friendship you did not wish. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in pain, and so I have tried to distance myself from you, but I only hurt you more."

Dapper frowned, he didn't want her to apologize to him, she was the princess of Equestria, so it just felt wrong. Finally though, he gave in, he could not run away from something he knew he wanted. "Prince-ehm, Celestia.." Again, she was surprised he used her name, and with his serious tone, she gave him her full attention. "I do want to be your friend, both you and Luna.. I'm.. I'm just not sure if I, of all ponies, deserve your friendship.."

"No," replied Dapper, shaking his head. "Because I'm here to try and be better." He nodded towards his hurt wing. "I was in a bad place before, I was a bad friend, a bad pony, I don't even think I would have been alive right now if not for my friend pushing me to take this job."

Dapper nodded. "The best. He believes if you just care enough, all the pain in the world stops." He chuckled slightly. "I owe him, you a lot. I love my job, but I'm just.. Afraid I will disappoint you as a friend, as a pony, which was why I tried to push you away."

Celestia smiled gently. "Seems we both have something to learn." Dapper let out a small laugh, and Celestia giggled in return. "Dapper, you might have been a bad pony in your own eyes, but if you were truly bad, you would not have tried to protect me or my sister.. I think you really care about ponies, and that speaks volumes about your character."

Dapper couldn't look at her, he felt very exposed, more so than he ever had. "So.. Uhm.. Do you see yourself being able to lower yourself to become friends with a lonely butler..?"

He felt her hoof under his muzzle, gently guiding his head to look up at her. "I would not see it as lowering myself to become friends with you, Dapper. Do you think you could become friends with the rulers of Equestria?"

"I'm not sure, but I will endeavor to become the friend you deserve." Dapper said, still a little nervous, but Celestia could live with that. One step at a time.

"I see I will need to step up those friendship lessons." She joked, and Dapper chuckled, shivered at the mention of it. Celestia giggled, then looked to the piano. "I didn't know you could play the piano, will you play something for me?"

Dapper smiled. "It will be my pleasure." He moved back up on the stool, turned to the keys, and stopped. Dapper felt nervous, though he had opened up to Celestia, he had not told her everything. His hoof moved up to the spot where his bottle of pills were hidden. He could feel it's shape through the fabric, and for a moment he thought about telling her.

At Your Service

by DanishDash

Chapter 8: Close to the Sun