5: The World’s Most Expensive Picnic
While Luna had left her chambers to speak to her doctor, Celestia had summoned her nephew up to see him. Soon enough, Blueblood had arrived in her chambers, bowing. “You wished to see me, Auntie?”
“Yes. I figured that before I go to bed, I thought I ask you a few things.”
“Ah, I see.” He nodded. “Is something the matter?”
“Well, first off. You know about my uh… condition, right?” Blueblood replied that he did, if regretfully so. “How are you holding up, I mean, are you okay?”
The white unicorn pawed at the marble floor. “I… I’m not exactly sure what to feel about it, to be honest. Part of me still thinks that this must be some elaborate hoax, a cruel joke that’s Auntie Luna’s creation or some other.”
“And the other?”
“Still in shock. I mean, for now, I’ll be alright, Auntie, but… I’m not sure how to process all of this. Just… how can you die? You’re an alicorn, I thought you’d be…”
Celestia got up to hug him with a wing. “It’ll be okay, Bluey. I know you’re trying to put up a brave face like Lu is. It’s okay if you’re hurting deep down. In fact,” she straightened up, folding her wing back to her side, “Tomorrow, I want to spend the day with you and Luna.”
“Oh?” Blueblood tilted his head. “Doing what exactly?”
“Ah, right into the second reason why I called you up here.” She smiled, “Out of the three of us in the palace, you have a much wider taste pallet where not only have you traveled more frequently but encountered flavors that even our chefs in our kitchens have never heard of.”
“True,” her nephew shrugged, “they still don’t know how to make a decent curry.”
“So with that in mind,” she said, “I’m proposing that for tomorrow, we go around to the best places to eat that you know to gather up the most elaborate picnic in Equestrian history. And I’m not just talking about getting food from gourmet only places either, I mean I wanna try new things that I’ve never smelled, touched or tasted before.”
Blueblood pondered over this. “Are we talking inside Equestria or…?”
“Sure, why not? Only the best of the best, and new! Oh, and make sure that wherever we’re going, we get a lot of it, and that there’s cake involved.”
“Of course…” he deadpanned.
Right then, Princess Luna entered through the double doors. “I’ve been meaning to ask, what are you planning on doing tomorrow?”
“Oh! That reminds me,” Celestia said, “Luna, do you remember that really tasty wine you got a couple of years ago? You know, the one that you drank fifty bottles of until you passed out on the fountain in the back? Where exactly did it come from?”
By early the next morning, a list was drawn up in which Celestia’s mouth was watering just by looking at it. Next, to her, Luna held a pot of coffee in her aura while poking Blueblood as he was wrapped in three blankets, wearing a sleeping mask and curlers in his mane. Every now and then, he would jerk awake, groggily and muttering a complaint.
“Remind me why I have to wake up this early in the morning?” They heard him questioning. “The sun isn’t even up yet.”
“So that we can gather all these goodies up before lunch,” Celestia replied. “After all, if we’re getting all of these from all over Equestria, then we have to start early.”
Blueblood lit his horn to gently pull part of his sleeping mask up. “So why not teleport all of us later? Or better yet, have them send you the food for the banquet?”
“Because I want this picnic to have effort being put in by us. You included Bluey.” Scanned over the list again, “After all, one of these days you ought to get out more, you never know who you might run into.”
At this point, Luna decided to clear her throat, “So where exactly are we going to first?”
“To get the drinks from wine country… after we taste test a few.”
At the crack of dawn, the two princesses and prince rode their pegasi chariot, swiftly over the waking country towards the southwest towards the direction of Applewood. They were heading towards one of the few places in the world where the highest quality of wine is produced. One in which has good, warm weather all year long but is damp enough for grapes to grow on the vines in its rich soil. By the breaking of the rising sun, the three of them finally saw the mountains and the rows upon rows of green vines upon several dozens of fields. Within the horizon, the city of Applewood’s hills still shades it's residences for another few minutes longer while the chariot descended down towards a particular ranch.
“I think I know this place,” Blueblood commented, looking over the side. “Was this the place I introduced you to that sweet red wine, Auntie Luna?”
“You mean the one that made me moon the moon before passing out into that fountain?” He nodded while Celestia giggled. “Oh yeah, I think this is the place.”
As the chariot touched down onto the dirt road, they noticed the sign overhead as they entered into the property in which had a cut out of an angry looking pony with a bottle in his hoof which the Sun Princess mused over. “‘The Drunken Cousin’… Sounds like the name of a pub in the middle of nowhere than a wine farm.”
“It looks intimidating, but don’t be fooled,” Blueblood said. “These are some of the best wine producers in the country. I come down here myself if to get a few bottles for some special occasions.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow and a playful smile. “Oh? Such as?”
“Well… you know… like Hearths Warming, Hearts and Hooves, birthdays, and celebrations for not being invaded are all… What?”
The Sun Princess only smirked at him. “Oh nothing, for now, let’s see what they have to offer.” Eventually, the chariot slowed down to a halt in front of a farmhouse in which Celestia was the first to hop out and knock on the front door. For a moment, nothing happened as she knocked again. When nothing still happened, she knocked even harder until the house echoed like a drum.
“I’m coming! I’m coming!” A voice shouted as sounds of something metallic fell over and crashed. “Honestly, do they have any idea what time it is? To wake someone this early when the sun just rose, really, who do they think they are?” The door swing opened in which a stallion poked his head out. A groggy unicorn in his pajamas who firmly shut his eyes in the morning sunlight. “Yes, who is it?”
“Sorry for disturbing you this early in the day.” Celestia apologized, “However, I was hoping that you could offer up your services with your wines.”
The stallion murmured as he rubbed his eyes while trying to force them open to see who in their right drunken mind would want him this early in the morning until he saw who exactly was on his front steps. Once he registered who exactly it was, he screamed and fell over backward.
“Are you alright?” Celestia asked, sticking her neck in through the door.
“I uh… yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” The unicorn walked out of the door. “Oh, and Princess Luna and Blueblood are here too. Wow, okay uh… I’m completely unprepared here.” After giving the pony some time to get ready, the unicorn emerged from the farmhouse with a wide brim straw hat and blue jean overalls. “I’m really sorry about that, I didn’t know anypony was coming this early in the morning.” He bowed. “I’m Grape Vine, the uh, owner of the place, Your Highness.”
“A pleasure,” Celestia smiled and gestured over to her sister and nephew, “this is-”
“Princess Luna and Prince Blueblood.” He bowed to them too. “Yeah, we’ve met.”
“Greetings once again Grape.” Luna sprang over and shook his hoof. “Please tell us that you still have that tasty wine the last time I was here.”
“I think we should have some in the stalk. So, tell me, how much wine would you be needing tod-”
“All of them,” Celestia said.
Grape Vine blinked. “Excuse me?”
“I said I would like to have all of them. Enough for a rather large picnic.”
The grape grower rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I understood that right, did you just say that you want… all of it? Because nopony has ever asked for that much before.”
“Don’t worry, you will be paid for. Just as long there’s enough that’s good and a lot of it.”
“Uh…” He looked between her and the other two royals. “Okay…” The three of them waited patiently as the unicorn went into a large storage barn and from there, he returned with one large barrel after another. Using his magic, he went back and forth, rolling out barrel after barrel of the finest wine he had that was aged enough to be considered alcoholic. He rolled out sixty barrels where each was big enough to fit Celestia comfortably in. After the last barrel was out in the open and taking a moment to wipe his sweaty brow, he asked. “So, would there be anything else?”
“Nope.” Celestia chimed as she examined each barrel. “You wouldn’t mind if I tasted one, would you?”
After being told that he didn’t mind, she flew up to one, raised a hoof and smashed open the lid to expose the fruity liquid inside and then proceeded to dip her muzzle in and began gulping it down. The other three ponies watched jaw dropped as Celestia vacuumed up the wine without taking a breath. Gallon after gallon disappeared to where the Sun Princess craned her neck further into the barrel but still continued to drink seemingly nonstop, even when she fell into it.
“Uh… Auntie?” Blueblood asked cautiously when Celestia didn’t remerge.
Luna took flight to peer inside the barrel. She smiled, “You want another round, or shall we pay him.”
A loud belch rang out from it before Celestia crawled out from the barrel. “You’re right, this stuff is good. Here,” Celestia lit her horn before a mound of bits appeared and the remaining barrels disappeared, “have a chunk of the treasury. Now, onwards! There are plenty of samples to have before the big meal.”
Two-hundred cheese wheels, five-hundred-and seventeen loafs of artisan breads, forty pounds of salad greens, sixty gallons of soup of various kinds, a large cauldron of curry, seven-hundred pastries both savory and sweet, twenty pounds of sushi, a bucket of edible gold dust, ninety gallons of kimchi, a rice field, a noodle factory, fifty pounds of truffles, seventeen gallons of crystal berries with cream, twenty orders of “the Heart-attack” hayburgers with extra cheese and a diet soda (to name a few) later, the three royals made their last stop in a bakery in Ponyville.
“I’m actually surprised, nephew.” Celestia commented, “I never thought you would put Sugar Cube Corner as the best bakery in Equestria.”
“Trust me, I would have avoided this backwater town at all cost if it wasn’t for this place,” Blueblood said. “But out of all the bakeries that I know, this is the only one that not only does their cakes expertly, but they also make it strictly from the finest ingredients where they would never dare serve anyone anything until it’s absolutely perfect.”
Luna smirked, “And here I thought you were allergic to, (how did you put it…) commoner food?”
Their nephew harrumphed. “Even a diamond may be found in the dirtiest of places, I don’t touch something if I don’t know if it will be any good. Or clean for that matter. Luckily, this place happens to have all of those qualifications.”
“Sound good to me,” Celestia said as she pranced her way through the front door.
Luna and Blueblood pushed through the swinging doors of the gingerbread shop where Celestia was gazing into the glass countertop at the creations of the day. The only pony that’s behind said countertop was a pink mare waving at them. “Hi Princess Moonie, hi Prince Blueblood.” She said with a smile, “Are you here on a feeding binge too?”
“On the contrary,” Luna replied, “we are merely gathering things for a picnic on epic proportions. My sister is the one who’s deciding on the meal. Or in this case, dessert.”
Celestia nodded, “Alright, I know what I’m getting Pinkie.” The mare behind the counter took a pen and notepad out of her mane and let her tail jot down her order. “I’ll have that one. And that one. Ooh! And five of those with extra caramel. I’ll have that without the strawberries, that one with the strawberries with a lime. That one with some more whip cream. That one with vanilla ice cream sandwiched in. Then we’ll have…” She looked over to them, “Is there anything you two want in particular?”
“Let me see…” Blueblood trotted over to the counter, glanced at the glass band and forth before frowning. “You’re not out of eclairs, I hope?”
“Funny you mentioned it,” Pinkie replied, “I was about to stuff the cream in it before Princess Sunny came in and obviously wants to buy out the bakery.”
“Well since I’m here, I would like to have two of those long eclairs before we go.” He paused when he heard his aunt suppressing a snicker. “What?”
“Let me guess,” Celestia smiled, “You like them thick with extra salty-sweet cream inside?”
He blinked. “Yes, how do you know?”
“Oh, it’s nothing at all. Just a little inside joke is all.”
Pinkie asked if there would be anything else, and as Celestia turned to make a reply, she was taken aback that boxes of her order were already on the counter. She asked how she was able to make them so fast. The pink mare behind the counter giggled and replied that it was from a result of a “Pinkie sense,” to which the Sun Princess facehoofed.
“That’s right, I completely forgot all of that. Now, how much do we owe you?”
Pinkie took one look at the piles of pink boxes and replied, “Nothing.”
This took the royals completely off guard. “Excuse me, ma’am,” Blueblood said, “I believe that you might have misunderstood. We are, for lack of better terms, customers. As such, we ask for your services and we pay you for your labor.”
“I know how business works, silly.” The mare behind the counter replied. “But it just wouldn’t seem fair to me to ask the mare that announced on the radio that she’s dying to fork up bits. That’s just wrong. Besides, Princess Celestia has been super nice, so she’s getting these cakes on the house.”
“Oh… well, thank you.” Celestia said as she picked up the boxes in her aura, making a mental note to send at least a reasonable sum of bits to Sugar Cube Corner in the near future.
“Wait!” Pinkie exclaimed, “I almost forgot!” After disappearing behind the counter for a brief moment, she returned with a brochure. “Here you go.”
Puzzled, she took it in her aura to read it. “A traveling brochure to the Bahamares? Pinkie, I don’t exactly think that I’m going to use this.”
“That’s what I thought too.” Pinkie shrugged. “But I got it big with my Pinkie Sense this morning that I should just give it to you. Yeah, I know it doesn’t make any sense, but hey, the inflatable tail doesn’t lie.”
By noon, the large spread was prepared in the castle garden where tables of delectable and drinks were arranged. There was not a single expense that was spared for the occasion of this epic picnic. Mountains of tables with forests of raised trays that contained patches of a variety of dishes painstakingly prepared among the pyramids of oranges, the edible gardens, watermelon sculptures, and elaborate fountains of flowing wine, melted chocolate and fondue. Here cakes were stacked high on altering like pedestals, there a chief sprinkles gold flakes over the fruit salad.
“Isn’t that the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen?” Luna turned to look at her sister who said that. She was tearing up, especially when her gaze was clearly towards the desserts. “Are you sure that this isn’t a dream?”
“Doubtful, because otherwise there might be a cake fort somewhere nearby.”
Celestia didn’t pay attention at the snarky remark as her attention was on one of the chiefs was putting the final touches of an ice cream sculpture of Canterlot Castle by putting the waffle cones on top of the spires.
Blueblood cleared his throat, “So I take it that you approve, Auntie?”
“Naturally,” the Sun Princess grinned, “everything here just looks…” then she sniffed the air, “and smells so lovely. I almost feel bad that all of this beauty will soon be eaten away.”
Luna lit her horn to pop a bag of popcorn into existence. Her sister after taking notice of the flash looked down in confusion before asking what the popcorn was for.
“Oh, don’t mind me,” she replied, “I just have this craving for popcorn all of a sudden, just a little snack is all.”
“But we’re going to eat.”
“Don’t worry, I will join you in due time. But for now, it looks like everything is ready.”
Celestia squeed, heading towards the impressive spread.
Blueblood looked up at Luna in confusion, “Auntie Luna, I don’t understand, don’t you feel a little hungry?”
The Moon Princess shushed him, “It’s time.”
“For what?”
“Have you ever seen my sister on a feeding binge up close?” He shook his head. “Here,” she said as she teleported some of the eclairs off from the table to his hooves, “the show is about to begin.”
The Prince was confused at first as he and Luna turned to Celestia. What followed was something that was quite incredible for those who were there to witness it. Celestia went over to one end where the appetizers rested. Her white wings spread open and gave a wave over to her sister and nephew before a blur ravaged across the table. Blueblood couldn’t believe his eyes as Celestia was eating away tray after tray at such a speed that he had a difficult time trying to track where she was going. Trays were tossed aside to which one of the trimmed bushes of a lama was decapitated. Bowls were quickly emptied and landed in a nearby pond. One artistic creation after another was eroded away by Celestia’s jaws like time chipping away mountains. Forests of veggies were desiccated. Rivers of soups quickly went dry. Edible sculptures were smashed into nonexistence. Even the desserts didn’t stand a chance from Celestia. Cakes, melted chocolates, ice cream that took hours upon hours of intense labor were all reduced in a matter of seconds.
By the end of this whirlwind, Celestia appeared on the other side as filthy and covered in what remained of the food. “Now tha-” she began to say but put her hoof over her mouth as a mighty burp escaped. (One so loud, that in Saddle Arabia, the ponies there looked around for a moment before turning to whoever was nearby asking: “هل سمعت أي شيء؟” (“Have you heard anything?”)) “Oh my…” Celestia said as her cheeks turned pink, “Excuse me. I didn’t think I had it within me.”
“We’ve noticed,” Luna said. “Cel, how about you go clean up while we just get started with the leftovers.”
“What leftov-” Blueblood was about to question it when he found a ring of blue aura around his muzzle.
Celestia looked down at herself. “Yes, I diffidently need a bath. Still, sorry for going at it like that. Still, good thing this is only a quarter of the food we got. Oh, and Luna,” she added with a soft smile, “tell the palace staff and the guards that if they wanted a free lunch, they’re welcome to it once all of this is set back up again.”
“Sure thing, now you go take that bath and I’ll oversee that this picnic goes smoothly.” Once Celestia had teleported herself away did she let go of her nephew’s mouth.
“I can’t believe it,” Blueblood commented, “she just ate enough food to feed a county within a minute.”
Luna smirked, “Oh trust me, knowing my sister, this is merely a snack.”
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And the insanity just keeps on building. Luna's so going to the moon for a time after this.
I think the casket's going to need to be given some extra length after this.
LUNA: "Sister! We cannot fit your giant tush in your coffin!"
That was only a SNACK to her? She must have a black hole for a stomach!
9326991
Well, given what she embodies it's not improbable...
... does that law not to send anypony to a celestial body apply to the void between them too? seems like the kind of loophole she might throw luna into.
CAKE FOR THE CAKE GODDESS!!!
Now they just need to worry about second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper.
Celestia makes the Tasmanian Devil look like he's on a diet.
He knows.
Haha yes
The binge eating of the century!
All this food, but got to have that diet soda. Don't want to be too unhealthy now, do we.
palate
in
sun
more like
if I have to
jeans
altar
definitely
Did she seriously just insinuate (or is it imply?) that Blueblood is a colt-cuddler?
Why did I think that said smelted...? I can't read sometimes...