Although Princess Luna had predicted that her older sister would finally take up a temporary lover in the few days that she had – not to mention that it would even take place in Las Pegasus’s famous drive-in wedding chapels – what surprised her was who Celestia decided to marry. If anything, it was in a way fascinating as although she had known her older sister for centuries, she had no clue as to what she preferred as a lover. Up until that afternoon, what gender she preferred had remained one of those greatest mysteries in Equestria as nopony has any idea if she preferred stallions or mares.
Still, even from the back of their golden chariot, right behind Celestia in a white wedding gown, she was practically kicking herself for not guessing who’s she’s marrying sooner. It was both obvious and yet surprising at the same time.
As they pulled up to the drive-through window, it slides open to a gaudy Marevis impersonator. “Thank you, thank you very much fer choosing the True Love Wedding Drive-Through, how can Ah…” He trailed off when he saw who was in the chariot.
Not only a veiled Celestia was sitting in the middle in a white wedding dress, but there two others as well. One was Princess Twilight, who was also in a wedding gown that was probably as giddy (if not more so) than the other alicorn. The other was Discord in a pink bunny suit who, unlike the other two mares, looked like he was dying inside.
“Yes, hello,” Celestia beamed as she held up her bouquet, “we like to get married, right now.”
The Impersonator blinked. “Uh… Who’s gonna get married to who now?”
“The three of us.”
“Three?” He looked down at a book that he picked it up by his magic. “Now hold on now, Ah thought that Ah can only marry off pairs – as in, two atta time?”
“Technically that’s true.” Princess Twilight said beside her, “However, Celestia here found an old law that surprisingly has never been repealed.”
The Marevis impersonator raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And what’s that? Because the law says Ah can officiate a couple, as in two.”
“For the common folk, yes…” Celestia said as she rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment. “However, I may or may not overlook the law that says that for nobility they can share up to double that in a single marriage. This means that since I and Princess Twilight are, in fact, both of nobility, we can still marry each other and even add others too, which is where he comes in.” She waves a hoof to Discord.
“Well, Ah dunno…” The impersonator said with uncertainty, rubbing his chin. However, before he could say anything further, a flowerpot appeared next to him, in which it instantly grew into a cartoony large flower where Discord’s face bloomed.
“Listen, buddy,” Discord said, “unless you want your brain turn into shredded sharp cheddar cheese, I highly suggest you do what the extra horny alicorn that desperately wants to lose her virginity says. Otherwise, she’s gonna get very cranky, and you will not like her when she’s cranky.”
After he popped back into the bunny suit, the impersonator gulped, “Well… Since ya put it like that way.” He then flipped the pages of the book towards the lines of the ceremony itself. “Dearly beloved! We are here today in the sight of… Well, you Yer Highness,” he then leaned forward to peer out the window, “and you too, Princess Luna.” Returning back in, he continued, “Fer this holy (if unorthodox) matrimony between Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight and Ex-Lord of Chaos Discord, if there be any sort of objection amongst Y'all, why ya shouldn’t get married here and now, speak now or hold ya peace.”
Discord was about to say something, however, a wing bump from Celestia, along with a ‘Say yes if you know what’s good for you,’ look from her, he wisely closed his mouth.
“Alright then…” the Impersonator continued with the ceremony, “do ya, Princess Celestia, take Princess Twilight and Discord as yer uh… lawful wedded spouses – to honor, love, and cherish as long as you live or until ya get a divorce?”
“You have no idea,” Celestia replied.
“What was that?”
“I mean absolutely.”
“Okay…” He then turned to Twilight, “And do you-”
“Yes!” Twilight screeched out.
Then he turned to Discord, “What about you fella?”
“As long as it doesn’t involve my enchanted balls being ripped out and being fed to me, then I’ll say yes to anything.”
“Uh-huh…” he then grabbed out a clipboard with a marriage certificate on it, “Just Y'all sign here…” They did so, Discord begrudgingly most of all, “Well then, by the power vested in me by – well, by you and your sister over there, I guess – I now pronounce you Mare, Wife, and husband! Y’all may kiss.” He then leaned forward, stretching out a hoof, “That’ll be thirty bits if you please, Your Highness.”
Celestia squeed as she first tore off her veil and Twilight's before kissing her. While the younger alicorn was melting into that embrace, Luna lit up her horn to give the impersonator a bag of bits after her sister then turned to Discord to do the same. Amusingly to Luna, the look on Discord looked like his soul was being sucked out while being smothered out of his misery by her sister.
Once the chariot was moving again, Luna finally spoke up, “Well, not the kind of wedding that I would expect from you, sister, but at least it was entertaining.” Discord harrumphed at that statement. “What is wrong Discord? I thought you of all beings would have been overjoyed to be married to Celestia as, if I recall, you were in love with her.”
“In the past, yes.” He muttered. “I mean, it’s not that I’m looking forward to the wedding night or anything, but I am a little annoyed when I’m not only forced into this, but I had someone else in mind.”
“Now Discord,” Celestia said, bring a hoof to his chin, “it’s only going to be just one night, and I’ll annul the marriage tomorrow. Just look on the bright side,” she grinned, “we’re getting laid soon enough.”
“Glad you’re looking forward to it. However, I can’t help but wonder over something.”
“That being?” Luna asked.
“Why is she here?” Discord pointed to Twilight. “I mean, I kinda get why she would want me. I mean, I know that I’m amazing, but why is she marrying Princess Bookworm too?”
Now all of them turned to Celestia. “Well, since I’m not exactly sure what I like in bed, I wanted to see what it would be like doing it. I chose Twilight because she is somepony that I trust, not to mention someone who has some experience in this field.” She winked at her. “The same reasons also apply to Discord.”
“All the more reason why I find it surprising that you’ve decided to rope me into this marriage three-way.” Discord remarked. “Personally, I hope that Fluttershy would forgive me for what I’m about to do, and hope that I’ll survive the royal snu-snu.”
Luna blinked, “What’s snu-snu?”
“Give me a sec…” Twilight lit up a horn in which she brought a dictionary into existence. After flipping through its pages, she blushed. “Apparently it’s a cause of death where one’s pelvis bone is crushed during uh… intercourse.”
“Something to give you food for thought,” Discord said to her, “that consider that during the course of the night, there’s a good chance that she might crush your face in with her titanic plot.”
This got a glare from Celestia, “Oh you are so going first.”
“Hurrah for me.” The chariot stopped in front of one Las Pegasus’s hotels. Luna looked up at the gaudy, over-the-top architecture of the Saddle Arabian Nights Hotel and Casino where it had onion-shaped domes, gilded windows and colorful towering spires that seemed tacky in the Night Princess’s eyes. She saw her older sister hopping out of the chariot with a skip.
“Come along you two,” she chirped, “hopefully the penthouse should be up and ready for us.”
While Twilight followed after her with the same enthusiasm as her ex-teacher, Discord looked pleadingly to Luna before he was carried off in Celestia’s aura. “If you see Fluttershy,” he called out, “tell her that I’m sorry for cheating on her on that canoe.”
Before Celestia could walk through the doors of the hotel, Luna hopped out. “Sister!” she called out as she rushed over.
“Yes?” Luna hugged her. As the Night Princess did so, she tried to keep her horn as dimly lit as possible as she cased a preventative spell on her.
“Just… have fun and be safe.”
“Aww.” Celestia nuzzled her. “Don’t worry about me Lu, we’ll be fine. But for now, take care of yourself and we’ll meet up say… ten tomorrow. That way you can pick us up.”
“Noted.” Luna stepped back. “All I ask is to make sure the three of you are washed properly by the time I get back.”
“Will do!” With that, Celestia with her two spouses went through the glass swinging doors, across the casino, and into an elevator towards the top floor, towards the penthouse.
The next day, Luna returned to the hotel heading towards the penthouse. She didn’t know what to expect after leaving her alone with not only her ex-student but with the Chaos Lord too. While she personally didn’t want to know the exact details of what happened in the previous several hours, there was a morbid curiosity as she climbed aboard the elevator about what sort of state the penthouse might be in. After all, whenever Discord is nearby, there’s sure to be some irreversible damage that might have been inflicted on.
When the elevator doors opened, she stepped through a circular room that looked like it was a part of a war zone. Not only were there suspicious stains that drizzled along the floor but even on the furniture, the walls, the drapes and even the ceiling too. Here and there were holes in the wall that looked like they were punched through while others were charged with magic. On the floor and dangling off some of the furniture was a variety of adult toys that ranged from fuzzy hoofcuffs to a cucumber that had a suspicious smell. A funnel here, a couple of melted candles there, Luna was both disgusted and impressed at the same time as she decided to use her wings to hover over the remains of last night’s activities. All the while, she pitied the cleaning staff of the hotel that was gonna has to clean all of this up.
She found her sister over at the kitchen area flipping pancakes with a smile on her face while Twilight and Discord were at the table. Luna took notice that Twilight had a couple of Band-Aids on her flank while Discord had an ice pack over his lower regions. The Night Princess turned towards her sister who was humming happily.
“Fun night?” Luna asked.
Celestia giggled. “All in all, yes, it was an enlightening night for me, thanks to Twilight’s help and Discord’s creativity.”
“I still think you should give us a medal for surviving all of that.” Discord moaned. “I don’t think I can have sex again for a couple of centuries thanks to you.”
“Oh c’mon Dissy,” Celestia teased as she flipped another pancake on a plate, “it wasn’t that bad.”
“But it was rather intense,” Twilight said, “even for me.”
Luna opened her mouth, but then wisely decided to keep her mouth shut for the sake of her own mental health.
Her older sister broke the silence. “Still, it’s surprising that I haven’t try to experiment a long time ago.”
“I don’t know what’s more disturbing,” Discord commented, “that you’ve never done any of that stuff before, or that you’ve been this sexually repressed to the point that you’re desperate enough to do all that stuff.” He then leaned his head back, “Especially when you could have done it with someone that’s more… I don’t know… more durable. The bed is still in pieces.”
“Not to mention the state of the penthouse,” Twilight said. “I won’t be surprised that it’s gonna be sealed off for months just to decontaminate the uh… fluids we’ve left behind.”
“But admit it,” Celestia smiled, “we all did have fun, didn’t we?” She then poured the last of the batter into the frying pan. “Still, even though I know this was meant to be for one night, I do want to thank you both for actually given me the experience before I go. And that I got to do it with you two.”
Twilight, upon hearing this, got up (but not without wincing when she stood up) and walked over to Celestia to nuzzle her. “And I’m touched that you trusted me (and Discord) for taking you through something so intimate. Thank you, Celestia.”
The Sun alicorn hugged her with a wing. “And thank you for teaching me a few things,” Celestia replied. “I’ll think of you when it is my time to go.”
Once breakfast was eaten, the three newlyweds went straight to a drive-by courthouse in which their three-way marriage was over. After pulling to the side of the road across from the Las Pegasus’s landing docks, Twilight gave Celestia a final hug before the Princess of Friendship had taken the balloon back to Ponyville. But as for Discord, who before could leave, he was taken aside by Luna in asking him: “So… not that I want to know all the details, but could you give me an idea what had happened last night?”
“Look Princess Moonie, the less you know about what we’ve tried and did, the better off you’ll be. But for now… let’s just say that because of her, I’ll never look at gingerbread and roller coasters the same way again.” Discord shuddered.
“Huh… I see…”
“Luna!” Celestia called out.
“Now if you excuse me,” Discord said. “I’m gonna be home sitting in a jacuzzi full of disinfectants.” With that, he disappeared in a flash.
Celestia trotted up to her sister. “There you are, I think we should start heading over to Ponyville.”
Luna blinked. “Why? Princess Twilight just said her goodbyes to-”
“Not her,” she smirked, “it has something to do on what’s on my bucket list.”