Rainbow develops her winter floof, but it’s bigger and fluffier than ever this year.

Waking up in a forest? Not too bad. Waking up as a raccoon in a forest? Annoying. Waking as a raccoon in a forest, meeting a tree guy, and ending up fighting a war against bandits and thugs all across the land? Oh, now you're just giving me a treat!

Call me Rocket, I would tell you my real name, but I can't seem to remember it. Together with Groot I'm going to clean up this world from serious crime. Even if the world wants to lock us up and try to stop us, we'll ignore them and carry on doing our business.

Allow me to reiterate. I'm Rocket, he's Groot. We're going to save this world from itself. Because we can, we have nothing else to do. And because it's fun as all hell!

(More character tags will added as the story progresses)

Beware the Shadow Colt, for it is neither good nor evil.
Beware the Shadow Colt, for its stare will turn you to stone.
Beware the Shadow Colt, beware its intentions, good and bad.
Beware the Shadow Colt, it is a creature of Chaos and Harmony.
Beware the Shadow Colt, for when it draws near,
Take heed and turn away in fear.

Don't stop running.

Don't stop moving.

And whatever you do, for the love of God, do not turn around.

This is the mantra that Matthew, a lone human in Equestria, repeats in his head as he sprints through the woods on a particularly dark night.

Something is following him. Something that won't stop chasing him until it catches him.

What would you do if you were being hunted?

Twilight once thought she knew everything there was to know about cutie mark magic. She was wrong. As it turns out, there is a lot more content out there when it comes to cutie mark magic, unlocking that potential is something not just any pony can do, much to the frustration of a certain white-coated alicorn princess.

This is a dumb one-shot vaguely inspired by a writing prompt found on Reddit, and was a caffeine fueled midnight adventure into the wonderful world that is fan-fiction.
As my second ever fanfic, first ever completed fanfic, and first upload on this site, I don't expect greatness, but what better way is there to learn and improve?

Feel free to point out any errors I might have missed, as well as anything that is particularly irritating to read, or that doesn't make sense grammatically. Most of all though, hope you enjoy!

Teen tag is for the use of a naughty word or two (depending on what you consider naughty or not)
Cover is by the ever amazing Evehly, used with permission.
Source: https://evehly.deviantart.com/art/Art-663778952

Edit: Featured? Thank you so much everyone, this is heaps more than I had hoped for, I really appreciate that!

Alright, listen up and listen good because I'm only going to say this once. We are not a highly classified government organization. We do not operate above the System, over it or beyond it. Our primary objective is not to monitor, license, regulate and police extrademensional activities and beings on this great country. These interdemensional beings are not cartoon ponies from a kid's show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. We do not officially exist.

You don't exist.

Got that?

...

Never heard of it?

...

Good. Welcome to the U.S. Department of Strategic Extradimensional Enforcement

Inspired by Tales Of The Canterlot Deportation Agency: A Typical Day by Estee.

[Warning: Tags might be added and/or removed as the story progresses]

You are a human, Anonymous, that has lived in Equestria for two years. After a Hearth's Warming Eve spent together, Anonymous goes through a revolutionary phase when he realizes that Rainbow Dash, his closest friend in this world, has been harboring feelings for him that he never even noticed. How did he never notice? Why him, and not a stallion? Is he some kind of xenophiliac deep down?

Rated for language, along with various sexual-themed exploits. But no sex. Because sex with pastel-colored horses shouldn't be posted on websites that are meant to be browsed by anyone who can click a check box on a dropdown list used by anyone browsing a website. Or at least made to be more secure than that. Because really, who would want to read something like that?

This story has been modified from its original version. It has been formatted to fit the prose-reading mind.

Audioplay (Complete!)

Links to Commando Pony's reading:
Chapters 1-4
Chapters 5-8

UPDATE! The original version of this story was recently added to the /mlp/ collaboration of "Tales To Fap Too - Volume #3". You can purchase the paperback version here (all proceeds go to charity):
Link to paperback version
Again, it is the unedited version, so you'll be reading it in full 4chan greentext format. Also, you'll get spoilers. Spoilers everywhere.

A feud between two chefs ends up involving a very strange third party.

Now has a prequel in the works, called Cooking Roach.

It's Halloween night. Time for candy, bad horror movies, and booze.

Yet there's a pony outside, standing in the rain. She's even holding a balloon.

I think she wants inside. But why?

Hopefully my pony roommate and I can figure that out before it's too late.

A Sombra and Steve Halloween story for some reason. Artwork by CawinEMD.

There is a flood on the horizon. Equestria's enemies have united, and the coming tide will not only change the course of history on one world, but two, and bring about a monumental meeting that will bring brothers and sisters from those two worlds together.

At long last, the downtrodden will rise.

The battle begins.