//------------------------------// // Animo Who? // Story: Journey Of A Tree And A Raccoon // by FoxWithAMask //------------------------------// As we wandered through the forest, a few days after Blood left, Groot was being a dick. "" "Screw you." I muttered. "And I'm not a stinking raccoon!" He smirked. "" "Piss off, you overgrown weed!" I snapped. "" Groot piped up. "No." I grumbled. "" "Listen, Groot! I'm not being distracted by anything else until we get to the nearest town!" I snarled. "Do you get-Hey, what's that?" I spotted a glowing blue cube. Kind...looks like a Cosmic...ugh...my head. I began to rub my head. Was...I almost remembered something! God damn it! What was I thinking? A...damn, it's gone. Grumbling to myself I picked the cube up. "Uhh. This is the...Animorph...Wade. Call me...if you need any help?" A voice emanated from the cube, not unlike Blood's vial. "" Groot said. I smirked, "Yeah, sounds kind of...I don't know, stunned, I guess." Groot nodded in agreement. "" I snorted, "Yeah, no. He was fun!" I began tossing the cube from hand to hand. "Want to summon him?" Groot shrugged. "" I stopped messing with the cube and fixed Groot with a stern look. "Groot. What are you talking about? I trust you. I..." I looked away. Swallowing my pride I continued. "I need you. We're a team, got that? I listen to you, you big galoot!" He stared at me before a smile began to spread across his face. "" I grinned, "Alright! Wade...Animo...meh. Get out here!" There was a long pause. "<...Did it work?>" "How the fuck am I supposed to know?! What do I look like, a fucking magician to you?! Oh, just let me get out my fucking crystal ball!" I was about to give up and call it a failure when a body slammed into the ground in front of us. Oh, and he had the classy style of landing face first. I snorted with laughter, but managed to get myself under control by the time he pushed himself up from the ground, a few leaves sticking to his face. "Sup?" He said. I gave a slow clap, "Oh, what a wonderful landing. I've got to give you ten out of ten for that." I snorted. "" "I agree with tree guy. Screw you." He said, pushing himself into a sitting position. Wait, what?! Did he...He can understand Groot?! He started rubbing his forehead. "One of you wouldn't happen to have a band aid, would you?" I blinked as Groot chuckled. "Oh, laugh it up, fireplace!" I grumbled. Sighing, I shook my head. "So, you're Wade, huh?" I said, looking him up and down. "What can you do? What're your fighting skills? And...you happen to know about all the...humans out there? What's up with that? Or are you just as lost as us?" "Oh, so you're fresh off the boat, huh? Guess I'll give you the rundown. And all of this is second-hand knowledge from another guy, so if I miss something please don't hate me for it." He stood, towering above me while Groot still towered over him. I narrowed my eyes and crawled up Groot and climbed onto his shoulder. I looked down at Wade. Better. "Interdimensional deity of an asshat calling himself the Merchant is picking up humans from different Earths and stranding them in different Equestria's. Usually people that were at a con of some sort." He started before I interrupted. "Wait, he's fucking WHAT?!" I roared. "HE FUCKING SENT US HERE?!" I pulled out my blasters and began shooting the fuck out of some trees. "DID THAT BASTARD TAKE OUR MEMORIES?!" "Holy crap man, calm down!" The bastard screamed. "At the very least, aim that way!" He pointed off into the forest. I snarled, "OH, YOU DON'T LIKE MY BLASTERS?!" I started blasting the area around him. "WHY DON'T YOU DANCE, YOU FUCKER?! YOU DID THIS TO US?!" "Holy shit!" He blurted out, running away like a pussy, screaming. As he ran I continued shooting near him. "YOU FUCKING BROUGHT US HERE, YOU-!!!" I was cut off as I felt Groot lift me into the air and slap my blasters out of my hands. "GROOT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-?!" I cut into a wordless scream as Groot threw me through the forest. I ended up slamming into Wade and we both tumbled to the ground. As we sprawled on the ground I groaned in pain and slowly pushed myself back to my feet. "Mother...fucker...krutacking...shitbag..." I pulled out my knife just to get it slapped out of my hand and I was shoved to the ground next to the Wade fucker. "" Groot roared, his face twisted into a visage of anger. "" I blinked, shocked into silence, my thoughts clearing. "G...Groot...?" "What the HELL is your problem man?" Wade yelled at me, shuffling away from me, until his back hit a tree. "Keep him AWAY from me!" I stared at Wade. I...damn, I fucked up bad, didn't I? "I..." I started. "I'm...You...you didn't bring us here did you?" I asked softly. "I JUST freaking said it was some wackjob called the Merchant! If I was the one that brought you here, why the hell wouldn't I say so?" He grunted angrily. I winced. Yeah, I fucked up. "I...I'm sorry." I lowered my head. "I just...Whoever brought us here. This...Merchant or whoever it was, they...they took our memories. We can still remember things about home, but...anything personal, our families, our friends, our homes...It's all gone. I...I just need someone to blame!" Tears began leaking from my eyes. "I...I can't even remember my name!" I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He stared at me while tears poured down my face. "I..I'm not gonna just turn on a dime and go all weepy with you, you were just shooting at me." He sighed. "Just...please no more yelling and shooting at me for no reason?" I sniffed and wiped away the rest of the tears. Whoa, where did they even come from? I guess I have been bottling all my feelings up since we got here. I nodded, "Sure. I, uh, sorry. I just...felt," Something clicked in my head. "A rage...Damn, is this what Blood feels all the time?" "Just gonna assume Blood's another Displaced, in which case thank you for giving me a name to avoid." "Yeah...Displaced, Blood mentioned that name too. And you don't have to worry about him, he's cool. Friendly as hell, his summon actually states that he'll help any human." I rubbed my arm. "Just, uh, stay out of his way in battle. You know the term Axe Crazy? Yeah well, for him it's literal. Hey, I have his summon with me, I could call him if you want." "NO!" He waved his hands in front of him frantically."I mean...uhhh....no...thank you? I'll be honest, you scare the shit out of me. And what you just described as 'friendly as hell'? Excuse me if I don't immediately take your word as something I can go by right this second..." I chuckled, "Ah, I don't blame you. He is...odd. But if you see a vial of blood on a piece of string, make sure you grab it. You might not want his help, but there could come a time where you have no choice." I shrugged. "Eh, back to more important matters. Me." "" Groot mumbled. "What? I'm important! I did free a group if slaves, remember?" "" I growled lowly, "Eh, whatever. Anyway, kid, you know more about this world than us. Even if the two worlds don't match up perfectly you should a pretty good idea. So, anything we should know about?" He glared at me before composing himself. "All right. So as I was saying before you went Clint Eastwood on my ass, I don't know why the merchant is doing this. If you want to know the whole story, keep an eye out for a golden coin, it looks like a bit-" He pulled a golden coin out of his pocket, showing it off," -but the face and tail are different, one side has a seesaw with the letters A and U on one side, and an eclipse on the other." He pocketed the coin again. "Thats the token of Auric, alchemist of the golden flames. He seems to have a clear head on what’s going on. Also he said he was going to send me over a folder with the information I needed, but THAT still hasn't happened." He huffed. I chuckled. Clint Eastwood. Nice. "Hey, this Auric guy, he's...he's not full of himself, is he? And do you know his motivation? Guy's got to want something." "Guy can make pretty much anything out of midair, based on an offhand comment he made apparently he already has a tower all to himself, but he did have that confident 'I know what I'm doing' vibe about himself. He seemed on the up and up from my minor interaction with him...if a bit kooky. If he offers to help you fix something, watch him, do not leave him all on his lonesome. He turned the Apple family's barn plaid. Blue and green plaid. I can't say I didn't like that outcome, but the Apples are still holding that over my head. For some odd reason." Huh. Okay, maybe he was all right. Won't know for sure until I meet him myself. There was just one question I had. "Apple family? Who the hell are they?" "According to the old lady living on the farm, the Apple family is a group of relatives all across Equestria, usually having work or otherwise that relates to apples in some way. They even run a town over in the desert or something. Appleloosa, I think. The ones I was directly referring to however, was a family of four that live on the edges of Ponyville. Granny Smith, Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Applebloom." "Ponyville? I know I've heard that before." I muttered. "" Groot said. "Ah! Yeah, that's it! You live there? Hmm...you know if your world has any crime? Bandits and the like?" I asked, the more info I have the better. Maybe I could even make up for shooting at him earlier. "I'm honestly not too versed in the politics of Equestria. Apparently there was this guy named Tirek a while back, but the previous Element Bearers stopped him. And become some sort of magic friendship avatars or some shit. According to Chrysalis, there's still some underground sects of Changeling haters that have tried to kill off random folk to throw suspicion on them, but nothing out in the open that I know of." I nodded, "So, utter cunts cross the dimensional barrier then. No big surprise there. You have questions, big guy?" I asked Groot. He nodded, "" "You don't know anything about them? Okay, first and foremost, as ridiculous as it sounds, the way the sun and moon orbit all of the Equestria's is different. And no, I didn't misspeak there, the moon and sun orbit the planet. Apparently gravity or whatever falls under a different source of magic or whatever. Celestia and Luna are the controllers of the sun and moon, respectively. Yeah, they grab celestial bodies and sling them across space. Don't ask me how, I guess they're just that strong. I've also heard talk about Luna seeing dreams or something, but I haven't heard anything concrete on that. Worth looking into, I guess. As for what questions I have for you, my first and foremost would be this. What the heck were you guys cosplaying as?" I rolled my eyes, "Memories gone, remember? We don't know." The thought of what happened when I first saw the cube popped into my head. "What's that cube thing anyway? It...I almost felt like I remembered something when I saw it." "That? Thats my token, Auric made it and...somehow 'spread it across the void. No, I don't know how to do that. Again, keep an eye out for the weird gold coin, he'll be able to tell you far more about what's going on that I can." He poked the token and quickly jerked back, as if it had shocked him. I shrugged and tossed it to Groot to store. "It...I...think I remember seeing something..." I shook my head, it didn't matter. "So, what can you tell us about Ponyville itself?" "Ponyville? Well, theres the apple farm on the outskirts, like I said before. Then theres Fluttershy's house on the other side of town. She's like...an animal keeper, god I don't know, the way they do stuff here is weird. Did you know they actually have the winged horses fly around and change the weather as they see fit? They think normal weather is weird. They even have a coffee and cyanide store. In the same store. And then they claim that cyanide is just a special type of flavoring! My left buttcheek." He took a few breaths, seemingly calming down. "Anyway, actually important things, theres 6 wielders of what is basically a primordial force of magic. As they say, 'Friendship is magic'. And thats not just a metaphysical BS line. If their word is anything to go on, friendship is an actual energy source. The ones that wield it are as best I can figure, Fluttershy-I was just telling you about her house. Applejack, she's part of the Apple family and lives on the farm. She's a stubborn lady who will make sure you pay her back if you owe her something, or even if she just thinks you owe her something. Rarity, she lives in a clothing store in the middle of town. Haven't really talked to her all that much, but she seems nice...also she makes clothes. You might be able to wheedle a free shirt out of her, apparently she's the Element Bearer of 'Generosity', and she takes that pretty seriously. Then theres Pinkie Pie." He began to shudder. "She's pink, and if you step a single foot within Ponyville she will find you. If you like parties, all the power to you, but if you just want to be left alone, tough shit. Then there's Rainbow Dumbass. Her name's actually Rainbow Dash, but I don't like her. But what do I know? Maybe your version of her isn't a complete racist moron. She's a pegasus, and flies around all the time, going on and on about how she's going to become part of this flying guard thing called the Wonderbolts." He took a second to himself to probably catch his breath. "And finally there's Twilight. She's basically the spearhead of the group, holding the best by default Element of Magic. She's a pegacorn like Princess Celestia and Luna, in fact I think she even has the stupid sounding title of 'Princess of Friendship'. Add to that, she has a giant freaking castle made of crystal in the middle of town, you can't miss it. She's a bit of a bookworm, do not show her those-" He waved towards my blasters, "Unless you want her quarantining them so she can take them apart and study them. I'm exaggerating, but seriously. she will spazz out over them." "Hmm...She's the Princess of Friendship, friendship is a magic power in this world..." I grinned, "Hey, Groot, I think I've found our ticket home!" "" "You know any towns near the forest by Trottingham, kid?" I asked. He shook his head, "The only way I even know the town name is that there was a radical group there that executed a pegasus, simply because she was married to a Changeling. A lot of bills that were set into motion because of that debacle. And the only forests I know of are the kill-you-de-, ahem, excuse me, the Everfree Forest, and Whitetail Woods. And I don't really know where they are specifically in relation to Ponyville or Trottingham. Oh, but Canterlot-stop laughing," He broke off as I began giggling at the stupid pun. "I know the names are ridiculous, I didn't make them but am convinced that whoever did only did so to get a laugh. so I will steadfastly refuse that of them. Anyway, Canterlot is a giant town built on the side of a mountain. You can easily see Ponyville from there, plus they have a train that goes there..." I nodded, "Right, they killed someone because of who they loved. Bunch of fuckers." I spotted Groot holding my blasters and snatched them back before picking my knife back up. "And seeing as you know more about this place than we do at this point, you're coming with us until we find the next town." I gave a one-sided grin. "Alright?" "That's fine with me. But I can't guarantee I'll be able to stick in this dimension for the entire duration. I got rubberbanded back without anything saying I would or otherwise last time. And since I don't want to wear out my already shitty shoes, I think I'll start with a morph. You aren't gonna spazz out and start shooting at me again if I transform, are you?" He asked. I shook my head, "Hey, I said I was sorry! Just...just don't turn into a clown." "" He shuddered. "Not even if my life depended on it." With that he began to...change. His skin and clothes melted into a single surface and he grew shorter, but still taller than me. Red fur began to sprout over his body, now an equine shape, with an almost orange tail and mane. I raised an eyebrow, "Interesting." I climbed onto his back and laughed, "Onwards, my trusty steed!" Groot sighed. "" he led the way through the trees. We followed, and Wade suddenly asked, "Can a female horse be a steed? I thought the term was strictly masculine," He continued clopping along, and it was several seconds before I responded. "I think the technical term for such a thing is: I don't give a fuck!" I laughed. "Hey, Groot, you think we'll find a town today?" "" He answered. "Eh? Why not?" I asked before a group of Griffins in masks and holding swords stepped out of the undergrowth. "Hey, pony bitch! Hand over your bits!" One of the group called out. "Are they talking to me?" Wade asked me. I gave a nod and he continued. "I'm the only one being ridden and you stupidly assume I'm the one in charge?" The foremost Griffin took a step forward, and responded in an extremely agitated manner. "We don't give half a shit what your sick fetishes are, lady, hand over everything of value on you, or pay with your life!" I felt my anger start to bubble. These fuckers are going to die. Painfully, slowly. "Fetish? The hell? And do you see any 'valuable' on me? Disregarding the furry little punk, he's only worth as much as far as you can throw him." He looked back up at me, my face one of barely restrained rage. "Plus I'm pretty sure your ugly mugs are pissing him off. You might want to get lost before he kills you." "You dare mock us?!!?" "I'm not ugly, I'm just wearing a mask!" "I told you these things looked stupid!" Came the scattered replies from the band of Griffins. "Get lost you feather brained idiots, you're making actual baddasses like my friends here look kinda bad." "You should have taken your magic smart juice this morning you retarded little filly." "Really? Thats the extent of your insults? The purpose of an insult is to be...you know, insulting?" "You'll regret mocking us you useless broodhorse." "And your mother should have swallowed you. Guess we all can't get what we want, can we?" I snarled at the Griffins before chuckling, "Hey, Groot, we didn't get chance before, so how'd you feel about getting some chicken wings?" Without waiting for a reply I dived off of Wade's back, pulling out my blasters and opening fire. "Hey, suckers. Fuck off." It wasn't really a fight. They were little more than thugs, no training, no skill. Too easy. "" Groot asked after he threw the last thug through a tree. "Not like I did anything past pissing them off to the point where they fought like morons. Seriously, don't you idjits know you fight worse when you're mad?" He poked a hoof at the unconscious claw of a bleeding Griffin. "Not like you stood that much of a chance to begin with. Talk about bringing a knife to a gunfight. And forgetting your knife at home. Idiots." He walked over to another gryffon, one that actually had some sort of pack with him. I looked away for a moment and when I looked back I just saw the Griff make contact with Wade's throat. I was about to intervene when a voice in my head hissed, {Son of a bitch, really? What the hell you stupid little...} I shook off the weirdness of hearing Wade's voice in my head and put it down to his abilities. Wade began to throttle the Griff for a moment before stopping and taking several deep breaths. As Wade looked like he was calming down I strolled up the Griffin that had punched him and put a blaster to his face. "Nighty night." I glanced over to Wade. "You might want to look away, it gets a little messy." I pulled the trigger. As I heard Wade mutter, "That's...fine." I hummed to myself as I kicked the corpse over to a bush. "There we go, that should keep them hidden till the predators get to them." I looked over to Wade. He seemed...like he was freaking out. Like, really freaking out. "Hey, you alright? I don't enjoy killing but we had no choice. Just...try to forget about it." I shrugged. "Groot, you talk to him, you're a better people person. I'll go see if I can see where we are from the top of that tree." "No-I'm fine!" He quickly shot out. "Never better, I swear. Not like this is new for me or anything, I've seen violence before, its not like this was the first fight I've ever been in ever!" He squeaked. Huh, voice was higher than usual. Must be a side effect of the transformation. Don't think I could do that, don't want to know what it feels like to lose your balls. I gave a smile, glad he's feeling better. I started climbing the tree, the sooner I reach the top the sooner I find out a direction to go. Looking around from the top of the tree I realised just how large the forest was. It just stretched on for miles and miles. Sighing I slumped into the branch. "Well, shit." I muttered. Looks like we'll be here for a while. Just as I was about to climb down I spotted several thin pillars of smoke, much too small to be a fire. So...that only leaves a village! Ha ha! Keeping the direction in mind I quickly defended the tree. "Hey, guys, I think I..." I trailed off as I spotted Groot giving a hug to Wade. "Uh...what the hell?" I muttered as they separated. I shook my head, "Come on, this way." I said, taking the lead. "So..." Wade started as we walked. "Where we going? Did you see a town or something while you were up there?" I smirked, "I saw smoke. Too small to be a fire, it had to be from a village." "" Groot said. "Ah, piss off." I chuckled. "So, kid, we're your favourite Displaced, right?" I said while Groot rolled his eyes. "YES! Favorite, definitely favorite!" He let out with a small chuckle. "Wouldn't...rather be anywhere else. So, smoke, village? Did you see any houses?" I let out a cough. "Er...of course! Heh, heh...I mean...houses and...stuff." I gulped. "OH MY GOD, LOOK, A DISTRACTION!!!" I yelled pointing to the trees to the right. Wait...was...was that a white pony in a black suit wearing one of those 'faceless' masks? Creepy. "Pfft. God, I pulled that the first day I was here, it actually worked too."He said as I kept looking between him and the creepy as hell guy with the mask. "I even used the exact same words." I kept my eyes on the pony in the suit. Now I had a better look I could tell it was taller than the other ponies I'd seen. "You guys see that?" I asked, pointing at the masked pony. "What the hell is he doing with that mask?" Wade rolled his eyes and finally looked over and was silent for a few seconds. "Well, if I had to make an assumption, I would assume that’s this world’s version of the Slender Man. If your Equestria lines up enough with mine, that would be the Long Pony. A mason by the name of Shadow Stone. Who, if the lore is to be believed, does 'something' to those that hurt others for no reason. Or mock the work of a mason. Either of you mock the work of a mason recently?" I stared at the 'Long Pony' as Wade called him. "Slender Man?" I whispered. "We're staring at fucking Slender Man?" I gulped, "We're so fucking screwed." As I said that the creature's head snapped towards us and my head began throbbing. "Just ignore him and keep walking. As long as you don't do anything to piss him off, he shouldn't bother you. You haven't oppressed anyone or, again, mocked any masons recently, have you?" I shrugged, "Don't think so, but I think you're thinking that he's the same as yours a little too much. I have an expert plan." "What," He scoffed as he walk on. " You're going to shoot the immortal ghost pony that killed a guy just by shouting at him?" Whoa...he killed a dude by shouting at him?! Awesome! He must be the Dragonborn! "Or maybe you'll shoot him? Shooting always works oh so well on those undead, non coporeal types, doesn't it?" He asked snarkily. I rolled my eyes, "That wasn't my plan. I was just going to suggest running. But now he's gone there's not really any point." I said, hopping up on Wade's back again. "Anyway, the village shouldn't be too far ahead now." ~~~~~~~~Two hours later~~~~~~~~ "My hooves hurt, I'm thirsty, you're heavy are we there yet?" Wade whined like a little bitch. I groaned, "Almost. Will you stop complaining?! I haven't complained once!" "Well you haven't walked for the past five hours, so I can see why you're so dang comfortable..." I gave a shit eating grin, "Yeah, you're right. It is pretty comfy. Think I'll take a nap." "Oh no," He muttered, jolting around. Wow, that is really mildly annoying. "Looks like we're coming across some bumpy ground here~. If only there wasn't so much weight on my back, I might be able to provide a smoother ride!" He paused. "No homo." I was about to reply when an idea wormed its way into my head. I pressed myself against the back of his neck and head, slowly started stroking his hair and sensually whispered in his ear, "Yes homo." Before running my tongue over his ear. I swear, I could actually hear his brain nope the fuck out. Right before he bucked, sending me flying into a tree trunk. "Ow..." I muttered "Are...you all right?" Wade asked carefully. Great, nice to know you care. I started laughing, "So fucking worth it!" I giggled before beginning to climb a tree. "Give me a minute, I need to see where it is." After checking it out I climbed back down grinning, "Just up ahead!" I rushed forwards, "Come on!" "You said 'just up ahead,' hours ago. Is this actually just up ahead, or are you just trying to make me feel better?" "It really is just up ahead! Look!" I pulled apart some bushes to reveal a village. "Well?" Just up ahead, in middle of the town was...a bunch of ponies staring at us. Just...staring. ...Are they wax figures? It wasn't long before a stallion began to scream like a girl. Seriously, what the fuck? "Monsters! Murderers! GUARDS!!! GUARDS!!!" "Oh dear god," Wade muttered. "Its just like the damned farm all over again." He pulled out some kind of medallion and held it up high and yelled, "EVERYPONY QUIET!" Yeah, no. Still not ever saying that. Either way he snapped the stallion out of his bitching. "I am here on business from Canterlot. If you attempt to shun my guards in any way, shape size or form, I will be most displeased by your lack of harmonious intent and action, and will detail as such in my report to the diarchy." What the fuck is he doing?! This is never going to work! "Now, before we were waylaid by a group of bandits, I believe I had an appointment with the mayor of this...fine...burg?" He claimed, sounding pretentious. "" Groot hissed at Wade as quietly as he could. "Seriously Wade, the fuck do you think you're doing?" I hissed at him. "Getting us into a position of endearment, hopefully away from the mob of horses that could make our life difficult, and subsequently putting us in a room with an individual of office that can protect us from said mob, once we explain ourselves. You got a better idea? Perhaps, shooting at everything and everyone in sight like a lunatic?" I let out a small grin in spite of the tense situation. "Actually, yeah, that sounds fun." I saw the look he was giving me. "I was joking! Jeez, fine! We'll do it your way. Lead the way." After entering what seemed to be the Town Hall a posh looking stallion whose hair looked like the thing judges wear approached us. "Excuse me, ma'am, you are, ahem, the representatives from Canterlot? Yes? I will admit, we do appreciate your expedient arrival, I hadn't actually expected you to arrive until sometime next week... I understand the rural nature of our little...'burg' causes nothing but stress for you higher ups. Oh but where are my manners, my name is Mayor Mane-" Wait, what? A mayor called Mayor? No, what the fuck?! That doesn't make any sense! How could his parents have known what he was going to do with his life?! "And is my distinct pleasure-" He glared at the stallion that had screamed like a little bitch, causing him to wander off with an ashamed look on his face. "- to welcome you to our fine home of Fapsville." Wait, what? Hahaha!!! Oh, god, yes! Hahaha!! "The pleasure really is all ours, Mr Mane. Now if we could discuss this in private? Perhaps in your office?" Wade asked. "Of course." Mayor Mane said, indicating to a nearby door. "Just through there." "My thanks." Wade said before we entered the room. Just to be surrounded by a roomful of white coated ponies in golden armour. One of them stepped forwards, his armour purple with a starburst emblem and his mane two different shades of blue. "You are under arrest by the order of Princess Celestia of Equestria!" He declared. "Well then. I think this is more your scene," Wade said, gesturing towards me, "So I'm just going to sit this one out. Rest my aching hoovsies." With that he walked past a stunned guard trying to menace him with a spear, and plopped himself on a lounge chair thing. "Have fun. I tried to be diplomatic. Since they don't really wanna talk, or be reasonable, intelligent adults, I don't really see what else 'I' personally can do. Wake me when its over." I really didn't want to shoot them, despite what Wade thought. Bandits and slavers were one thing, but guards? No way. They're just doing their job. A good job. I sighed, "Fine. Let's try things your way, kid." I faced the...captain? Captain. "What exactly are the grounds for my arrest?" He blinked, as if he just expected me to attack. Placing his spear down he glowered at me. "Murder." Wait, huh?! Who the hell did I murder?! "The group of ponies in Trottingham and then in the woods near Trottingham was the slaughtered camp of Diamond Dogs. While I only had orders about the two of you, I'll have to arrest you too, ma'am." My eye twitched. "What?" I hissed. "You are arresting us for killing bandits and slavers?!" I yelled, my hand twitching towards my blaster. "We did your job for you!" I bared my fangs. "We saved countless lives! And you're arresting us for that?!" "Penal code one five eighteen of the Solar Proclamation. Any use of excessive or lethal force within the borders of Equestria, regardless if it be warranted or not, is punishable within a court of law. So, who exactly are the witnesses testifying against us? Do you have magic chronometer scans to back up said claims? I sure hope you're not wasting our time without any proof." Wade rattled off, still in his reclined position. Hot damn! We have a fucking lawyer on our side! Ha! Brilliant! The captain looked stunned. "I...I'm sorry. But as a suspect your word and all potential statements that would make this arrest null has been made void by Special Decree six two of the Solar Proclamation. I'm sorry. Witnesses put them at the scene of one of the crimes and the wounds and residue match the Diamond Dog's." I groaned and eyed the guards. "So. Ponies won't accept me. What about that other species you mentioned?" Wade's eyes lit up, "The Changelings? They...don't tend to trust outsiders much." I sighed. "So it comes to this." I pulled out my blasters and the guards took up defensive positions. "What...will happen to me?" The captain narrowed his eyes, "I...don't know exactly. You'll probably spend years in Canterlot dungeon. Maybe...maybe even for the rest of your life." I began to shake. "But the Princesses are kind and just. They...they'll do everything they can to keep it fair. I swear it on my honour as the Captain of the Royal Guard." "What's your name?" I asked. "Shining Armor." I smirked, "Sorry, but I don't plan on getting locked up! Groot, now!" On command Groot slammed the guards aside and jumped through a window, grabbing Wade in the process. I quickly followed while the guards were stunned, grabbing a guards helmet on the way. As I landed by Groot he grabbed me with his other hand and sprinting towards the forest, leaving the guards behind us. "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-o-o-o-oo-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-oo-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u, suuuuuuuuuuure leeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaave quiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan iiiiiiimpreeeeeeeeeeeesion-" Wade stuttered out as we were bumping along as we were jostled on the rough shoulder of Groot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As we left the town far behind us I sighed, there goes any chance of getting the Princesses' help getting home. I growled to myself as Groot placed Wade and myself in a clearing in the forest. "KRUTACKING WANKERS!!! FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!! BURN IN A FUCKING OVEN, YOU CUNTS!!!" I started pacing back and forth. "How could they do this? I saved lives, is that not important to them?! Not allowed to kill to save a life?! Put in a dungeon for the rest of my life?!" I turned to Wade, "How's this standing up to your Equestria so far?" I asked harshly. "Can't say I'm a fan, honestly. Shot at by a trigger happy...guy." He's so fucking lucky he didn't just call me a raccoon! "Had to walk for half a day, then attacked by a group of exceptionally rude individuals. And then, we get to civilization. And I just go and prove I'm absolutely useless. Honestly, I'm not sure why you even called me here, I've been more of a hindrance than anything..." He trailed off, laying down on the ground. Great, everyone join the pity train! I shook my head, "Kid, while you might not've done anything, you've been helpful. You planted seeds of doubt about us in that captain's head, you kept a cool head in a tough situation, you helped us, you listened to us when we needed it. Besides, Groot likes you, and I'm starting to agree. Don't think yourself useless, you're smart, that's sometimes all you need." I chuckled, "Never told you my name, did I? Let me properly introduce myself. Name's Rocket. So, any clue as to where to go from here?" "Well...not sure how exactly the laws from the book I read follow your Equestria, not even sure exactly how well I'm remembering all this." He lifted his head, "But you could seek sanctuary from the Griffin Empire, if they actually are an Empire in this world. You'd have to undergo a challenge of right to receive citizenship, but from what I read they're always looking for strong additions. If you're accepted, you'll receive diplomatic immunity. Or you should, anyway. They'd probably give you a puffed up punishment, like house arrest or something to appease the diarchy. Still, you might be able to get into an amiable talking situation if they weren't trying to throw you in chains..." He trailed off and I got the distinct impression that idea would take way too long to happen. "Or, you could just go around Equestria and try to gain favour. If you had a big enough movement behind you, the princesses wouldn't dare detain you. They pride themselves on the harmony they have throughout the land, if the happiness of the inhabitants rests on your own well-being then they'll try to stay in your favour." I nodded, "That sounds better, I'm not the kind of guy to just run and beg for help. Looks like my plan after all, huh, Groot?" "" He looked over to Wade. "" "Well, I think you'd be best off finding an Apple family member, seeing as theirs is the largest family in Equestria. If you can get in good with one of them, they'll end up spreading your fame to the other members of the family, and that would end up spreading your good name all over the place. And just as a tip?" Wade pointed towards my blasters, "The Equestrians are absolutely mental about lethal force. Killing folks isn't doing anything for your image, regardless of whether or not you think it's justified. Just try above and beyond to cripple, not kill from now on. If the civvies see you going above and beyond to exhaust all options before resorting to such an easy, brutal solution? They'll think that much more of you." I nodded, "Aim for the extremities, got it." I narrowed my eyes, "But if it comes down to using lethal force or failing to save someone, I'm going for lethal force every time." I looked away, "I'm not going to let someone die because of me." "Be that as it may. If you can find a way to end it peacefully, do so. You'll never gain their trust if they view you as a threat." I rolled my eyes, "Duh. I'm not an idiot." "" Groot asked, a grin on his face. "Oh, shut up." I chuckled. "All right, we better get moving before they come after us. Any idea which way we should go, Groot?" He looked around before scooping up a handful of dirt. "" He muttered as he let the dirt fall to the ground. "" He pointed. "" I raised an eyebrow. "The dirt feels different? Yeah, way to make sense." "" He shot back leading the way through the trees. After a few minutes I jumped back up onto Wade's back again. "How's it going, Wadey? Liking the new digs? I call it, forest with fugitives." As I held onto Wade he winced slightly. Oops. I eased up on my grip. "Knowing the violent occurrences that follow you two like a bad stench, I wouldn't doubt it. I'm going to go ahead and call it though, Diamond Dogs." He looked like he was suppressing a grin. "Diamond Dogs with magic of some sort. And all of them wearing hammer pants. Plus, for no reason whatsoever, they'll all have French accents." I laughed hysterically. "Tha...th..." I burst into another round of laughter. "Good one! Oh, I'd love to see that!" It wasn't long before Groot stopped. "What's up Groot?" "" Groot warned. "" I nodded, "Of course." I leaped off Wade and charged ahead. "YEAAAAAAHHHH!!!" As I charged through the trees I came to a clearing and just stopped. This...whoa. Just...just...whoa. "" Groot said, coming into the clearing with Wade. "" We stared at the grey, small, cube shaped lorry that was crashed into a ditch in the middle of the clearing. It had no wheels but a set of high tech looking bumps, the doors looked like the kind of things you'd see in a space station, airlocks. The windows were black and looked futuristic. In fact, the entire thing did. The back had a large gash on it and several boxes were spilled out. "Uhhh, correct me if I'm wrong, but this isn't an Equestria where they put Luna on the moon by dropping her off with a spaceship, is it? They aren't flying around in hovercars and the village I saw was only an amish setup?" Wade asked, his eyes widening. "Uh...n...no. The history book said...no. No spaceships." An idea sprung into my head. "Hey! Come on, guys!" I said, running towards the lorry. "" Groot asked. "If we can get this thing working we can have a mobile base!" I chuckled. I stopped by a crate with a crack in the lid and grabbed the stuff inside. Some sort of...blaster rifle! "And look! Party favours!" I looked at the rifle. "Hey! It even has a stun setting!" My hand slipped and a yellowish orange beam shot out of the rifle and hit Wade in the head, where he collapsed on the spot. I stared at Wade. Then at the rifle. "Uh...is he dead?" Please don't be dead, please don't be dead, please don't be dead! Groot picked him up. "<...He's fine. Just unconscious.>" I sighed in relief. "Oh, thank fuck for that." I started rooting through the crate again as Groot walked over and placed Wade on the floor next to me. I pulled out some kind of short metal stick. "" Groot asked. I shrugged and clicked the button on it. A short white beam shot out of the end, crackling with electricity. "Oh, that is cool!" I swung it around a few times. Disappointingly it failed to make Lightsaber noises. I went to switch it off when it slipped out of my hand and landed on Wade. "YAAAARGHHHHHHH!!!" He screamed before I scooped up the Shocker and turned it off. "YAAAAARGHHHHHHH!!! I DON'T WANNA GO IN THE WATER IT...shrivels...my...giblets?" He trailed off, twitching and shaking. Wait...what? What the fuck was that about? "Phew....we were... space ship," He slowly rose to a standing position. "We, they were, ship and saw...what the hell happened?" Great, he advanced from babytalk. "Why do I-" He sniffed a couple times, wiggling his back legs. "Did I... piss myself?" I backed away from the slowly spreading puddle, hiding the Shocker behind my back. "Uh..." I wracked my brain for an excuse. "A...unicorn came out of the woods and hit you with some spell before running off. He got away and you wouldn't wake up, so...uh...I...uh, Groot crushed your leg. You transformed into a human and then back to a pony and your injuries...diss...appeared...Yeah, you pissed yourself." It was a terrible excuse and I knew it. "I...I'm not even gonna ask. I don't care. Whatever you did," He rubbed his temple, "Please don't do it again. And a tip from a liar. Don't make lies based off of something you don't understand." He lifted his left foreleg, showing off a...watch? "This tracks how much magic energy I have left. I had twenty six back when I first did this morph earlier. Seeing as the counter hasn't dipped any lower, that means I haven't demorphed or morphed since then." He lowered the leg, turning and tried to paw through a shattered crate. "When you lie, use the truth to back it up. Otherwise people immediately suss it out and it just reflects badly on you." I shrugged, "Whatever, bedwetter." He threw an inactive Shocker at my head. "Ow." I muttered, rubbing my head. "What's the matter, bedwetter?" I teased as Groot started moving the crates. "Don't like the name? Too bad." I chuckled. "Joking aside, what's up north? North sounds like a good place." I realised something. "Oh yeah, you keep comparing this Equestria to the same place along the timeline as yours. It might be earlier or later. Just saying." "Haven't seen anything to confirm that or compare to..." He muttered, pulling out another Shocker. "What the hell does-NYEHEAFG." He must have pawed the activation button as it activated, he dropped it and it turned off as soon as it hit the ground. "Huh. Another one." I muttered. "They're, uh, like stun rods from what I can tell." I shrugged. Was this a lorry full of space cop gear? "Take it, it might help if you're in trouble. Seems to be mild shock only. Perfect for someone like you." He picked up the Shocker and inspected it. He tucked it into his hair...somehow. Prehensile hair? Sure, why not? "Sure. Thanks. Maybe you should take one too, give you more options than 'shoot it in the head', ya know?" "Already have, little man. Besides I think we'll set up camp here, go through the crates, try and get that thing working." I was about to say more when the Shocker in his hair shimmered. What the? "Hey, pass that back a second." He raised an eyebrow but complied. I turned in over in my hands. A feeling of peace went through my body before a blue wisp flew out of my mouth and into the Shocker. I blinked at the thing and was about to pass it back when a brown wisp flew in. I looked over to Groot, who was shaking his head. I passed it back to Wade. "Hey, uh, try calling for help from us through that." He stared at the tube with a raised eyebrow. Taking it back in a hair strand he froze for a second, as if hearing something. "Well. Guess that works. Cool." He tucked it back in the increasingly messy mop of hair atop his head. He looked over at Groot, who was obviously trying to stifle a laugh. "Maybe, hopefully, that's now one of those summon things. Uh, call us if you need help, like, you're being attacked, or where you live has bandit trouble." I let out a grin. "Or a snob needs putting in his place." "Sure thing. And its actually attached to something useful." I looked towards Groot. He seemed to be organising the crates well. I wonder if he's got a plan? "I've already almost used Auric’s coin as a normal bit twice, and I literally can't think of a way to use a bell except as a trophy. Maybe I should get a loop thingy welded..." Wade trailed off. "Wade?" I asked looking back to...where'd he go? "Uh...o...kay then. Guess he's gone back home." I chuckled to myself and headed over to Groot. "Let's get this place sorted out then."