Cerberus has one job, and that job is to guard the Gates of Tartarus so that no evil creatures can escape. He's had this job for a long time, and not once did he defy his duty. Sure, he left his post that one time, but he never intentionally set someone free. Not that he ever wanted to.

But what if somepony was cast into Tartarus through no fault of their own? And what if that somepony is a pony that Cerberus really cares about? Is there a protocol for this scenario? Alas, no. It's never happened before. So, the big question remains:

What now?

Dramatic Reading by CrazedRambling

Korean Translation

Princess Twilight Sparkle listened to the lectures of her senior princesses and has lived the life of Canterlot's high society since the day she ascended as a young filly. Unfortunately, she skipped Cadence's lessons on love.

Specifically, how to confess to the mare of her dreams when she so happened to be her stunningly beautiful mare-in-waiting.

"Help. Please."

Preread by Timaeus and Monochromatic.
Artwork by Rossby Waves.

Spoiled Rotten knows her best years are behind her. The time of flowers, whirlwind romances, and the luxury of rejecting suitors has passed. Now is the time for husbands and cradles, and she still has neither. With the clock ticking and a string of failed relationships trailing behind her, she fears it will stay that way.

So when one of the rare earth pony elite appears at a Canterlot party, despondent, alone, and (possibly) single, it’s an opportunity too good to pass up. And it’s been so long since Spoiled’s met a stallion she genuinely likes.

History says it won’t last. Common sense warns it won’t work. It’s a one-in-a-million chance, and luck’s never been on her side before. But Spoiled has to try. She can’t afford not to.

(In continuity with The Silver Standard, though reading is not required.)

Reviews:
Titanium Dragon
Seattle's Angels
The Royal Guard
PresentPerfect

Vinyl Scratch, the mare behind DJ PON-3’s purple shades, is boldly exploring new frontiers of electronic dance music. Meanwhile, Spilt Ink, music critic for Sound on Sound magazine, is just as boldly exploring how far he can stick his head up his own rectum.

Trace the trajectory of one mare’s career—and one stallion’s sanity—through this peek into the music world’s sordid underbelly: the album reviews.

“If you want to see a pure distillation of the most conceited reviewership possible, look no further!” —Chris
“Overimportant pretentiousness ...” —Present Perfect
“The complete verbal destruction evoked from this critic is so outstandingly cruel, it feels like I’m viewing a different kind of art.” —Tired Old Man
“Enough WUT in it to potentially scare away some readers.” — PaulAsaran

Sold out on 31 Jan 2017.

This story can be enjoyed on its own, or as a companion piece to Octaves, by JapaneseTeeth. Basically, JT asked me to help with the music reviews in one chapter of his story. I enjoyed writing in the voice of a stuck-up indie music critic so much, I couldn’t stop myself from writing more, and then this story happened.

Big thanks to my pre-readers/editors:
JapaneseTeeth
KuroiTsubasaTenshi
War877
EQD Pre-reader 63.546

Cover art kludged together by yours truly. Vinyl Scratch vector by hfbn2. Sound on Sound logo is a parody of the Consequence of Sound logo.

If you have ever wondered how the saying "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" came to be, please venture inside and learn one fairytale version of this tale.

Now featured on Equestria Daily (http://www.equestriadaily.com/2015/02/story-legend-of-gift-horses.html)! ^_^

Scootaloo’s kite is stuck at the top of a very tall tree! Can she get it?

Fan reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJSFn05f1bc. It's really good, you should check it out.

Based off of the original children’s story, “The Little Engine That Could”. I don’t own My Little pony nor the children’s story, this is a shameless parody.

All attempts at a diplomatic resolution come to naught, Princess Celestia, commander of the army of the Solar Empire, faces Princess Luna, leader of the New Lunar Republic forces, across the field of their final battle. Here and now, a victor will be determined, and their dispute resolved, by the diplomacy of blood and steel.

What could a defeat mean for the sun princess, and where will she go from here?

A mysterious Alicorn arrives in Ponyville from the depths of the Everfree Forest. Who is this strange pony that no one has seen before? Where did he come from? This story tells the true story about what really should have happened.

This is my first story on here so be nice!

Ditzy Doo, known to some as "Derpy", is not a "smart" pony. In fact, she's developmentally disabled, and every day is a struggle to just get by. But despite all that, she loves life and especially loves stories — loves reading them and loves making them up. More than anything else, she wants to learn to write, and share her stories with the world. When Princess Twilight discovers an intelligence-enhancement spell that could enable her to learn faster and more effectively, a spell that could make her "smart", Ditzy is overjoyed to be the first pony to have her intelligence enhanced. But not everything turns out as planned, and unforeseen consequences of the complicated magic prove to be a greater blessing, and a greater curse, than anypony could have expected.

An homage to Daniel Keyes' short story "Flowers For Algernon", told in epistolary style.

Many thanks to A British Gentleman and King Moriarty for their helpful editing recommendations.

Thanks to deadrose for the cover image.

Annoyed that the nobles keep taking up all of princess Celestia's time filly Twilight vents the only way she knows how. By writing an essay! However she wrote this essay on the blank bottom of the scroll containing the speech Princess Celestia was to read to her little ponies. And once the speech ends, Celestia doesn't stop. Much to the horror of some of the nobles in the crowd.

Proof read by Cobalt Comet

Edited by Dark Chocolate

This story now has a Youtube reading.