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// Progress Report Week 17 
// Story: A Muffin For Muffins 
// by BatwingCandlewaxxe 
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Progress Report Week 17
Oh Crap. Oh so very much crap.  Oh so much crap on top of everything else.  Crap.  Bloody total crap.

That was not as cathartic as I had hoped.  Neither was yelling.  Crap.

I think I'm in trouble.  Had another bad nightmare a couple nights ago, woke up crying.  Told Rose about it yesterday and she invited me over to talk.  Went to her place after my evening muffin at Sugarcube Corner; and we talked, and talked, and talked, and talked.  We talked until it was so late that we were both yawning.  I pretty much ended up collapsing on her bed from the combination of the hour and the emotional fatigue.  Woke up this morning to find her snuggled up with me.  I think she likes me as more than a friend.  The way she held and nuzzled me before I left to return to the castle just cemented that impression.  I don't know what to do.  How can I tell her that I'm not interested in anything more without hurting her feelings?  She obviously cares about me, and I like her too, but I just don't... I still have no libido to speak of, no erotic attraction to anypony.  Will she be satisfied with that, or will unreciprocated romantic feelings strain our friendship?  What a terrible time for Rarity to be out of town, I could really use her advice.  Princess Twilight was concerned when I didn't return last night; but was perfectly happy to hear that I had spent it with Rose.  I wish I could say that I was.  What do I do?  GAH!!!  Even spending time with Muffins did not help much.

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I broke down and bit the bridle, and confronted Rose about last night.  Oh what a relief to hear that she's not romantically interested (sounded like she's probably strictly heterosexual as well, but I didn't think it my place to ask, since it doesn't matter for me either way).  When she responded that she looked at me more like a younger sister (she is a few years older than I am), I nearly collapsed from the sudden alleviation of so much tension.  Fortunately she was there to support me when I got a bit unstable.  It does feel good to have her hold me like that.  A little like mother used to.  I also explained about my libido issues.  She was concerned that there were health problems, but was reassured when I told her about my regular medical examinations.  

Speaking of examinations, I'm not sure whether to be happy or concerned about my performance at the academic exams this week.  I haven't gotten the results back yet; but I felt like I aced all the exams.  A levels as well as O levels.  I'm not really sure what that means.  They all just seemed so... rudimentary.  Am I still getting that much smarter, or am I overestimating my abilities at this point?  So hard to tell.  I'll be apprehensive until I get the final results back next week.

There was some concern at Lacuna Heart House this week.  They're losing one of their best caretakers, she's leaving to start a family of her own.  I know how hard it is to get qualified ponies, especially out here in a small town.  I wish I could do something more to help.  Perhaps if I asked Princess Twilight to talk to Princess Celestia?  But with the funding problems, even if they had somepony available, the pay would be so low... it hurts to think about.

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Well, that went better than expected.  Spoke to the Princess about Lacuna Heart House, and she agreed to speak to Princess Celestia about not only getting some help finding more staffing, but securing an increase in funding to manage the staff and some long-needed improvements to the facilities and grounds.  I hope hope hope that they can manage both.  I've known a lot of the residents and staff there for over half of my life, and they're almost family to me.  I guess I'm closer to them than I am to any of my actual family at this point.  I really hope this works out.

Still trouble getting language tutors, but I've found some useful study materials, so I can at least make a solid start on my own.  Seeing some odd things as I study the old stories.  Threads regarding magic that are not as... I'm not sure how to put it.  They bring up some interesting speculation about magic in general.  It's not clear how much is real and how much is simply fanciful, but it's worth pursuing.  If nothing else, it will make an interesting subject for storytelling.