For Ditzy Doo. a developmentally disabled pony, an intelligence enhancement spell proves to be both a greater blessing, and a greater curse, than anypony could have expected.
Ditzy Doo, known to some as "Derpy", is not a "smart" pony. In fact, she's developmentally disabled, and every day is a struggle to just get by. But despite all that, she loves life and especially loves stories — loves reading them and loves making them up. More than anything else, she wants to learn to write, and share her stories with the world. When Princess Twilight discovers an intelligence-enhancement spell that could enable her to learn faster and more effectively, a spell that could make her "smart", Ditzy is overjoyed to be the first pony to have her intelligence enhanced. But not everything turns out as planned, and unforeseen consequences of the complicated magic prove to be a greater blessing, and a greater curse, than anypony could have expected.
An homage to Daniel Keyes' short story "Flowers For Algernon", told in epistolary style.
progres report day 1 my naym iz ditzy doo an i am twenty to yeerz old i am gray with a yelo mayn and tayl and my cutey mark iz a bunch uv bubelz my frenz at werk cal me derpy becuz uv my eyz wich don werk ryt and go in diferent direcshunz and say my cutey mark meenz that i am a bubel hed but my hed lookz prity much lyk therz so i dont no wut they meen
i werk in the ponyvil post ofis i sweep the florz and cleen the toilits i am very gud at it i lyk sweepin the florz becuz i am gud at it and it iz almost lyk dansin my mom yust to dans with me when i wuz a fily i also help cary parselz and sumtimz delivr leterz if ther ar to meny for the other maylponez but onle to playsez i no in town becuz i get lost ezy if i go to far
i am riting this becuz prinses twilit sez i shuld so she can se my progres she calz it a progres report and i shud ryt wun evry day she sez sum day i can luk bak on it to and se how much i hav changd she gav me a big bok with blank pagiz to ryt my progres reportz in it is very prity the cuver is dark yelo like my eyz the princes sez she haz a spel that myt make me smart i want to be smart so i can do stuf like my frenz i also want to be smart so i can ryt gud and tel ponez the storeyz in my hed i lyk storeyz and i want to ryt storeyz wun day
i go to scool at nite at chereleyz adult pone edukashun clasiz thre nitez a week to lern to reed an ryt but it iz stil hard for me to ryt the storeyz in my hed she tawked to princes twilit and sed i wud be gud to try the spel on becuz i try vere hard and want to lern i hav lernd a lot from mis cherele i cud not ryt at al befor but i hav ben werkin hard for a long tym and now i kin ryt a litl i askt princes twilit if i shud ryt storeyz and she sed i shud ryt abowt my lif and wut i think
i do not hav meny frenz outsid werk becuz i am not very smart but i lyk to go to shuger cyub cornir after werk becuz they have very gud mufinz and i lyk mufinz a lot and pinke pi werkz ther and she iz vere nis to me and sumtims givz me extru mufinz i canot think ov any thin els to ryt so i wil stop now
progres report day 2 i told my frenz at werk that princes twilit is goin to mayk me smart and thay lafed an sed thats a tal order and i lafed and sed i don no wat my syz has to do with it espeshuly as i am kind uv short an thay lafed mor and i lafed and thay sed derpy u r al ryt an thay went to go to the pub and drink sider i dont lyk sider it mayks my hed fuzy an i dont fly gud and run into thingz i did not menshun i am a pegusis and i lyk to fly but i am not to gud at it
i am so eksyted to be smart i hop beeng smart wil mayk me a beter flier to i did not do wel in flyt camp and got pikt on a lot becuz I am not smart and do not fly gud but my mom wud mayk me mufinz and that mayd me feel beter i mis my mom she wuz very gud to me and told me that she luved me even tho i am not very smart and do not fly gud
wun day wen i wuz in flyt camp sum uv the coltz sed that if i did not lern to fly gud that i wud be sent to the raynbo faktory and thay wud grind me up to mak raynboz that mayd me vere scayrd and i cryd a lot and the coch sed the coltz wer just beeng meen and no wun wud grind me up but i wuz so scayrd i cud not stop crying so my mom caym and got me and tuk me hom and mayd me very speshul mufinz and held me and lookt sad i remember my mom lookt sad a lot
one day wen i was older i askt my mom wy she iz sad and she sed she iz just tierd i remembr a few weekz after that she got reel sik and had to go to the hospitil she wuz ther almost a hol moon befor cuming hom she wuz very tierd a lot and a few moonz latr she went away dad cryd a lot when i askt when she wuz cuming bak and sed she waznt cuming bak that she had dyed i did not no wut that ment and he sed that sumtimz when a poney getz very old or sik thay go away and never cum bak but that maybee wun day we wud see her agen wen we went away i mis my mom a lot
becuz dad was gon so much for werk he sent me to liv in the Lacuna Heart Home For Special Ponies i am ritin that from the syn so i get it ryt the poneyz at the Home ar nys but not az nys as my mom my dad cumz to vizit me sumtimz but not ofen mostlee on my birthday my dad got me the job at the post ofis so i cud by stuf i need and so i cud by mufinz shuger cyub corner haz gud mufins but not az gud as my mom mayd i rilly rilly miss my mom i hop i get to see her agin sumday
progres report day 3 i had a bad day at werk today. i wuz sweping the stak room ware the mail is sortid and aksidentily nokt ovr a stak of leterz that my frend kwik lyn wuz sorting and he got mad and yeld at me derpy yu totalee derped that up and a bunch ov stuf i did not undr stand. the bos cumz owt and sez wut hapind and kwik lyn sed she derped up my stak and i haf to stay layt and fix it so thay go owt tomoro and the bos sed he wud help and lukt sad. i wuz sad and the bos told me to go sweep the front desk and then i cud go hom and he wud tok to kwik lyn and evrything wud be okay. kwik lyn tels me i derp up a lot cuz uv my derpy eys but uzualy lafs and today he did not laf.
i almost did not go to scool i wuz so sad but i rilly want to lern to ryt beter so i did. it wuz hard to pay atenshun but i lerned how to yuz punctuashun to mak my progres reportz ezyer to reed. i also lerned to spel mor werdz beter. i hav ben spelin cherilee rong but she showd me how to spel it ryt. cherilee sez i spel lots uv werdz rong but that iz okay becuz i am lerning and maybe sumday i wil be abl to ryt gud enuf for other pepl to reed. this mad me hapy after i mest up at werk.
aftr that i went to shuger cyub corner to get a mufin and flutrshy wuz ther. flutrshy iz a pegusis poney lyk me and she also duz not fly gud evn tho she is smartr than me so i dont feel so bad abowt my flying. she is very gud with animalz and taks cayr of other poneyz pets when thay ar sik and maykz them beter. i lyk flutershy she is very nys to me and letz me play with the animulz sumtimz.
i wish i cud hav a pet but thay are very hard to tayk cayr uv and I am not smart enuf. i espeshuly lyk the mys. they ar so cyut and fuzy and wen i get to hold them i feel al warm insyd. i bet my mom wud hav lykt flutershy and her mys.
progres report day 4 today at werk wun of my frenz misty peek dropt a baskit of mayl on the grownd owtsyd and kwik lyn sed yu totaly derped up yu derp and laft and evryponey laft and i didnt no wut thay wer lafing abowt sins she isnt derpy i am. so i thot thay wer lafing abowt kwik lyn for mesing up her naym and i laft and misty peek waznt lafing so i felt bad but i am not rilly sher wy. i did not get a mufin aftr werk becuz i felt bad and went hom. i dont think i want to ryt any mor today.
progres report day 5 today i did not go to werk becuz it iz my day off so princes twilit had me do tests. her tests ar ezyer than mis cheerileez tests. she gav me a woodn bord with lotz of holz of diferint shayps and a bunch of peesez uv wood uv diferint shayps and told me to match the shayps and to tayk as long az i needid. it tuk a long tym but i got them all matcht. then princes twilit showd me a mayz on anuthr tabl and sed she wantid to see how fast i cud run thru it. i sed how cud i get thru. it wuz so smol i mite brayk it if i tried. she sed she wud mayk me smol so i cud do it.
i wuz scayrd at first but she is a very smart princes. she sed take a gud look at the mayz and then she wud make me smol so i cud run thru it. it felt weerd wen she mayd me smol. i askt if i cud fly but she sed she wud rathr i ran wich is okay becuz i do not fly gud. it tuk me a long tym to get thru. i got lost a lot. princes twilit sez that is okay becuz this iz my first tym. i wuz vere tierd wen i finisht so princes twilit let me hav diner with her and we ayt and takt abowt the tests. she sed i show grayt promis and she thinks i wil be perfict for the spel.
princes twilit calz me by my name ditzy doo. i told her that my frenz at werk cal me derpy and she sed that did not sownd lyk a nys naym and thay shud not cal me that but i sed they ar my frenz and she sed she wuz not shur abowt that but wud tok to them. i cal her princes twilit or just princes. she sed i shud cal her twilit but i sed she is a princes and my mom razed me to be polyt and she sed then i shul cal her what i am cumfortabil with.
princes twilit sez she has testid the spel on a mows and sed the mows semz smarter now. she tests the mows and sez that she duz beter on tests evry day. i hop i get smarter like the mows. i ask can i play with the mows and she says no becuz she is testing her and she has to be carful wut the mows duz so she can mak shur her tests ar gud. that mayd me sad so she sed i cud giv the mows a naym. i naymd the mows mufinz becuz mufinz ar my favrit thingz. mufinz is gray lyk me but darkr. she sed mufinz runs the mayz to and runs much faster than me. i am sad at heering a mows is faster than me becuz it is just a mows and i am a poney but the princes sez that is okay becuz the mows has bin made smartr by the spel so i shud not feel sad. i hop the spel mayks me smart enuf to run the mayz faster than mufinz.
princes twilit expland stuf abowt the spel but i did not under stand most of it she sed it was mayd by an old unicorn pone namd medobruk but i dont no who that iz. i did undr stand that she wud put me to sleep for a lot longer than i normaly sleep maybee to hoel dayz. she sed i needid to sleep so it wud not hurt when she did the spel. she sed i am not smart becuz parts uv my brayn did not gro ryt. she sed the spel wud chaynj parts of my brayn and fics them so i cud lern stuf ezyer and faster and be mor lyk normul poneys. i wud lyk to be mor lyk normul poneys. maybee if i wuz normul othir poneys wud lyk me mor and my dad wud cum to se me mor.
progres report day 6 ther wuz not much mayl today so my bos let me go hom erlee. i spent ecstra tym practising the riting ecsersizez that mis cherilee givz me. i try to lern to rite and spel gud but it iz hard for me to remember stuf and so i keep riting werdz lyk they sownd but i stil rite lots of them rong and it makz me sad but mis cherilee sez that i do rite sum stuf rite and i am lerning new werdz and if i keep working hard i can keep lerning and maybee sumday i wil rite gud enuf for othir poneyz to reed. cherilee helpt me rite the namz of my frendz at werk so i cud spel them rite. they ar quick line, misty peak, flowing script, and my boss, index card. she also helpt me lern to spel mor werdz. like muffins. and mouse. i sed it does not luk rite speld that way but she sed that is the rite way and i no she wud no beter then me becuz she is much smarter than me and a teacher. she helpt me spel teacher to.
she also taut me a new puctuashun cald a comma but i do not no how to uz ut rite yet ecsept for lists. princes twilit lyks lists. she maykz lotz uv them. she sed it iz to help her organiz and i shud mayk them to help me organiz but i dont think i hav much to organiz.
tomoro is the day that princes twilit wil do the spel that wil mayk me smart. i am very nervus but princes twilit sez i shul not be becuz she has testid it with lots of mys and thay wer fien. i got to wach mufinz run the mayz and she wuz veree fast much faster then me. she iz so cyoot. princes twilit sez i shuld go to bed erlee so i wil be my best for tomoro. i did not no if i can sleep becuz i waz so nervus but princes twilit had zecora mayk me a poshun to help me sleep. i am veree sleepee now so i wil stop riting. i canot wayt to be smart.
progres report day 7 today is the day princes twilit iz goin to mayk me smart. i canot wayt to be smart. pinkee pi wuz ther and she sed she wuld thro a party to selibrayt mayking me smarter. i am riting this just befor the princes puts me to sleep. i am scayrd but i am trying to be brayv becuz i very much want to be smart.
progres report day 10 i do not hav a progres report for the last to dayz becuz i wuz asleep for al of them. i dont feel anee smartr but princes twilit sez that wil tayk tym and i shud just study and soon i wil be smart. i lyk to study almost as much as the princes. she sez i shul stay in bed today and rest. i sed i feel fyn ecsept my hed hurtz a litl and wud like to go bak to werk but she sed she tawkt to my bos and he iz okay with me tayking a few dayz off to recuvir. she gayv me a poshun for my hed and sed to tayk it ezy. she also gayv me a bunch uv bookz she sed wud help me lern. they ar boks for teeching school poneyz kind of lyk the wunz cherilee givz me. wun ov them iz abowt a mouse. i will try and reed them wyl i am resting.
progres report day 11 i tried to reed today but my hed hurt and i cud not reed wel. princes twilit sed i shuld let her no if i feel bad so i went to the casel and she wuz bizy most uv the day but spyk her asistent had me wayt in a gest room and ly down and my hed got beter so i went hom and red mor. spyk is a dragun. dragunz are normuly big and scaree but spyk is a baby dragun and small and cyoot. he iz also smart but not az smart as the princes. i am very tired so i will rite mor later.
progres report day 12 princes twilit caym over today to se me and sed she wuz soree she cud not see me yestirday but ther wuz an emerginsee. i sed that iz okay becuz i got beter and she sed she wanted to chec me owt enyway. she took me to see the docter to mayk shur i am okay. the docter was nys. she sed i seemd okay and cud go bak to work and scool in a few days if i wantid. i spent the rest uv the day at hom trying to reed and study.
progres report day 13 I spent al day at the casel doin tests. princes twilit had me do the same tests with the shaypz and the mayz. she sed i did the shaypz faster then befor but i wuz slower in the mayz. she thinkz i wuz slower becuz i am stil recuvering from the spel and tyerd and i wil get faster later. she sed the importint part wuz the shaypz and i am showing improvmint. she also put stuf on my hed that had a lot uv wyrz that went to a big box. a paper caym owt of the box that had a lot of lynz on it. i askt wut the lynz ment and she sed a bunch uv stuf i did not under stand. she seemd hapy so i ges that ment i am geting smarter. she also sed that i can go bak to werk tomoro if i want.
progress report week 3 i forgot to rite a a progress report yesterday. princes twilit sez it is okay to rite wun every week now insted of every day so i am riting it now. she sed i can rite them any tym or wayt until the week end. i will try to rite as often as posibel.
i went bak to werk yesterday and quick line said so i heer yu are al smart now how abowt saying sumthing smart and i sed that princess twilit sed I wil get smart slowly and he sed that the operutiv word is slowly. i did not no wut that ment and he said that is becuz i am just as derpy as ever. then he started playing with my broom and saying derp a lot. misty peak made him stop and he yelld at her and my boss came out and sed what is going on and he sent quick line to go sort mail.
i was confuzd so i askt misty why she did that and she sed quick line shud not be so meen. i said i did not think he wuz being meen and she asked if i new wut derpy ment and i sed it was becuz of my eyez and she sed no it ment he thot i waz stupid and clumsy. i sed I am clumsy and not smart and she sed it wuz still not nise of him. i did not rilly understand but sumthing felt bad in my tummy espeshuly when quick line and flowing script lookd at me wyrd. i felt rilly wyrd the rest of the day but went to sugar cueb corner to get a mufin and then to cherilees clas. she taut me mor words.
i went to werk today and everyponey seemd to be differint. they did not laf as much as they uset to. misty peak was werking on sorting the stampz and acsidentaly put them in the rong binz and flowing script yeld at her and she startid shaking and nocked over the binz and the boss told quick line to help get them cleened up and sortid and he said why shud i haf to do it shez the derp who derped up and why didnt he ask derpy over ther to do it sins she is supost to be smart now. and i felt sik in my tummy and hed becuz now i new wat it ment to derp up. i sed i wud help misty peak to sort the stampz but my boss sed i shud just finish cleening up and then he sent quick line hoem and sed he wud help with the stampz. misty peak sed thank yu for wanting to help but i coud tel that she did not want my help so i finisht cleening and went to class. i lerned lots mor werds and mis cherilee said i waz lerning much faster now so that mayd me feel a litil beter.
progress report week 4 i had a bad day at werk this week. i tried to talk to my frenz in the post offis but they just sed they had other things to do and didnt talk to me much. flowing script just stayd in his offis all day, but he does that a lot. the boss said that misty peak shoud do the mail sorting and quick line shoud sort the out going parcelz and i coud sort the stamps and do mor deliverys. quick line sed he didnt think he shoud hav to sort parcelz and shoud do deliverys. they argud and the boss sed he coud sort parcelz or find a new job. it was kind of uncumfortabel for a wiel but i got to sort the stamps and that was fun becuz ther ar so many difernet kinds and they are all colorful and the boss caym and said I did a good job and sent me out to deliver mail around town. I am lerning mor about ponyvil so i can deliver mor mayl with out geting lost.
after werk i went to class and lerned a lot mor words and red sum stuff out lowd for the first time. i was nervus but miss cherilee sed i did a good job and i was lerning very fast now. she sed that nekst week she woud teach me about capitulizashun. i stayd up late reeding the books princess twilit gave me and they seem much easier now. even the wons that i coud not reed befor i coud reed now. i finaly feel lyk i am geting smarter. that mayks me very happy. prety soon i will be able to rite my own storeys so other ponys can reed them. i hav a burthday coming up in a few weekz and hoep my dad wil be there so he can see how much smarter i am geting.
Progress Report Week 5 I Lerned About Capitalizashun This Week.
First At Work Things Were Kind Of Bad. No Wun Laffs Much Any More. Quick Line Looks Mad All The Time Now. No Pony Talks To Me Much, Not Even Quick Line, Who Said I Was No Fun Anymore. The Boss Got Mad At Him For Saying That. Quick Line Complayns And Argues A Lot Now. Misty Peaks Talks To Me A Littil But Not Much. Flowing Script Does Not Talk To Me But He Hardly Ever Talks To Any Pony. I Am Not In The Offis Much Any More As I Am Doing All The Deliverys For Ponyville. I Know The Town Pretty Well Now And Dont Get Lost Any More. It Rained One Day Wile I Was Delivering Mail But I Didnt Mind And I Mayd Shur The Mail Did Not Get Wet. It Is Nice Delivering Mail. I Get To See So Many Ponys Around Town. I Deliverd A Parcel To Roseluck And She Thankd Me And Gave Me A Small Rose. It Was Very Tasty.
Pinkie Pie Is Always Happy To Get Mail. I Sometimes See Her Sitting By The Mail Box Out Side Sugarcube Corner When I Get There. Some Times She Gives Me A Cupcake If She Has Extras. She Makes Very Good Cupcakes. I Still Go To Sugarcube Corner After Work Most Days To Get A Muffin. Rarity Was There Yesterday And Pinkie Pie Introdused Me To Her. She Is Very Pretty. I Reely Like Her Mane. It Is A Beutiful Blu And Is Styled So Nise. Her Tail Is Very Pretty Too. I Talkd To Her And Told Her How Much I Like Her Mane And Tail And She Sed That My Mane Is A Pretty Color Too And Its A Shaym I Keep It So Short. I Said I Like It Short Becaus It Stays Out Of My Eyes Better.
She Smiled And Asked If I Come Here A Lot Becaus She Has Seen Me Here Before. I Said Yes I Come Here A Lot After Work Before I Go To Class To Get Muffins. She Sed That Sounds Like A Plesant Richual. I Sed I Did Not Kno What A Richual Is. She Told Me That A Richual Is Something Simple That Ponys Do Some Times To Make Them Selves To Relax Or Feel Better. I Said Muffins Make Me Happy Because They Remind Me Of My Mom Who Used To Make Me Muffins A Lot Before She Died. Rarity Looked Sad And Said That She Is Sorry To Hear About My Mom. I Sed It Happened When I Was Small And I Still Think About Her Some Times. I Had To Go To Class So I Sed Goodbye.
Miss Cherilee Gave Me A New Book That Is Harder Than The Ones I Have Becuz I Am Lerning So Fast And That Will Help Me Lern More. Today She Taught Me About Capitalizashun Like I Wrote Earlier. She Said Capitalizashun Meens Using Different Types Of Letters For Some Words. It Is Only For Sertain Words Like At The Beginning Of Sentenses Or For Names Or Places. I Kno I Am Doing It Wrong Rite Now And Using To Many Capital Letters But I Like Them They Look Neet.
When I Got Home Princess Twilight Stopped By And Brot Me New Books Too. I Told Her Miss Cherilee Gave Me A New Book And She Asked To See It So I Showed Her. She Sed That She Had Brot Me The Same Book And Laffed. She Gave Me A Few Differint Books And Said That If I Needed Help Reading Them I Should Come To The Castle And Ask Her. I Sed I Woud. I Am Going To Go To Bed Now And Read The New Book Miss Cherilee Gave Me. I Like Reading In Bed But Some Times I Fall Asleep And Wake Up With A Book On My Face.
Progress Report Week 6 I was very busy delivering mail this week. There was a lot of it and it was very heavy and it took most of the day to deliver. I got another rose from Roseluck, so that was nice. She sometimes has ireguler roses that she cannot sell so she gives them away to ponys she likes. It is nice to kno she likes me. I was so tired most days that I could not even go to class. I just got a muffin and went home. I am even too tired rite now to rite much, tho I think Princess Twilight will not be too happy about that. I will be sure to rite more next week to make up for it.
Progress Report Week 7 Today is my day off. I have been spending the entire day studying and doing tests. I did the shape matching test very fast, much faster than Princess Twilight expected, but I'm still not improving as much on the maze. I am just not a fast runner or flier. I did get through it twice without ever hitting a dead end, and she said that was very good. The machine with all the wires on my head is called an encephalograph. Princess Twilight helped me spell that. She said it shows my brain activity. I asked if it meant she could see my thoughts. She said no, it didn't work like that, it just tells her what parts of my brain are active, and how active they are. She said that it shows a lot of improvement, much more than expected, so I should be able to learn new things very fast.
Today I used a lot of my pay to buy a big book on Equestrian language studies. The Princess said that she had one she would be happy to loan me, but I said that I wanted one of my own. She said she understood that, and seemed very happy about that. She really likes books. More than anypony else I think. I like books too, but I don't think I will ever like them as much as Princess Twilight does.
I have been using the new language book to learn a lot more about language, so that I can be a writer some day. I am using it right now to make sure my spelling is good and my grammar is not too bad. I still need to learn more about punctuation, but first things first as the Princess would say. I took a break to go get a muffin and that reminded me about Muffins the mouse so I went back to the castle I asked if I could see her. Princess Twilight said it was okay for me to hold her. That was so much fun. She is so smart and cute. That was about Muffins the mouse, not Princess Twilight. Princess Twilight is also very smart, probably the smartest pony ever. She is also kind of cute, but not as cute as Muffins. The Princess watched me play with Muffins in the maze and on the floor for a while with an odd look on her face. I asked if there was something wrong but she said no. She also said I could come back and visit Muffins any time I wanted.
Progress Report Week 8 I stayed up late reading and was so tired I could hardly get up for work this morning. But I was so happy at how much I am able to read now that I just could not stop. And I am getting better at writing, too. I still have some problems with spelling and punctuation, and I still have trouble organizing my thoughts and putting them down the way I want them, but I am feeling so much smarter. I think I will start thinking about the stories that I want to write. For now, though, I need to keep up my progress reports. Princess Twilight says that I do not need to put Progress Report at the top of each page, just the day. I think I will keep doing so, because it just seems better that way, so they all look the same. I look back at the old progress reports and I am embarrassed. I want to go back and fix them so they have better spelling and are easier to read and understand. The princess says I absolutely should not do that because that is how we can see how much I have improved. I don't like to look at them, it makes me feel stupid. Like when I found out what "derpy" meant. I guess the ponies at the post office I thought were my friends were just making fun of me and laughing at me.
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I don't work inside the post office any more after today. They called me weird behind my back when they thought I could not hear and said I was creeping them out. I am not sure what that means but it doesn't sound good. I got done delivering mail early and went back to the office. Quick Line had not finished sorting the parcels, so I said I would be happy to help but he just walked away from me. I heard him say "freak" when he was walking away. I don't know what that means, but the way he said it sounded like something bad, so I was too scared to ask anypony about it. Everypony in the office looks at me funny now. Even the boss; though he still treats me nice. I think he heard what Quick Line said, because he called him into the back room and closed the door. I could hear them yelling. The boss then called me into the office and I was very scared. He said that he wanted to keep me delivering mail, and that I didn't need to come into the office except to pick it up, and things would be better if I didn't talk to anypony else. That made me very sad and I said I like working in the office. I talked to Princess Twilight and she said that she thought it would be better right now if I didn't work there at all and just concentrated on my studies. I said I like my job, because I like talking to the other ponies while I deliver the mail.
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Princess Twilight asked me to move into a room at the castle. She said that that way she could keep a close eye on my progress and help teach me. She said not to worry about my job because she would take care of everything i needed, and I would get paid a small stipend for helping with her research. I did not know what a stipend is, so I asked miss Cherilee. She said a stipend is like an allowance that is sometimes paid to ponies like me who are helping with research, or studying things, or stuff like that. Princess Twilight said it will be more than I get paid at the post office, but I don't need very much if she is going to be taking care of me like the Lacuna Heart Home For Special Ponies did, just enough to buy ink and quills and paper and muffins. And besides, I like delivering mail. I wrote a letter to my dad and let him know I will be moving into the castle. I haven't heard back from him since last Hearth's Warming Eve, but I know he is busy a lot, and even when I was little my mom and me wouldn't hear back from him for moons while he was away working. I kind of miss him more now since he is the only family i have left. I wish I knew what it was like to have a big family. Maybe I will have a big family one day when I am smarter and can get a better job. I hope any foals I have are smart like the Princess, not slow like I was, but I will love them very much no matter what, like my mom loved me.
Progress Report Week 9 I had my twenty-third birthday this week. Pinkie Pie organized a happy birthday and happy getting smarter party for me. I didn't bother inviting anypony from the post office except my boss Index Card, since he was the only one who was ever actually nice to me. He showed up to say happy birthday and congratulations, but had to leave early. Princess Twilight and all the rest of her friends were there the whole time, Pinkie Pie and Rarity and Fluttershy and Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Instead of a cake Pinkie made me a giant muffin, with lots of nuts. I love nuts in my muffins. I gave Muffins a piece of almond from my muffin cake. She seemed to really like it. Everypony else liked it as well, so that was good. Cherilee also showed up, she seemed very happy to hear how much smarter I had gotten. We talked about school a bit. She is still teaching the night classes for adult ponies, but says it isn't the same without my enthusiasm. I told her I still love learning, and spend a lot of my day reading and sometimes working with Princess Twilight. She talked about some of her other students and said she wished the younger ones had my enthusiasm for learning. I told her she's a great teacher and I'm sure they would learn a lot from her no matter what.
Roseluck and Lily Valley were there for a little bit too. They were very nice. Rose brought me a small box of rose flavoured candy she had Sweetie Drops make for me. She said she liked it when I delivered her mail, since I was always so nice and careful with her parcels, and she liked chatting with me. I thanked her and said I was sorry I wouldn't be delivering her mail anymore. She said she remembered that I wanted to write and asked if I was working on anything. I said I wasn't, that I was still studying and as soon as I learned more about language and writing, and then I would start writing my own stories. She wanted to know what kind of stories, so I told her I wasn't sure, but probably fairy tales or something like that, since I love fairy tales. She said I should let her know when I wrote something because she would love to read it. I told her I would definitely do that.
A little while after they left, my dad showed up. He had sent me a letter telling me he might come, but that would depend on work. I guess work wasn't too busy. I hugged him and started talking about everything that had happened to me. For some reason, he seemed a little uncomfortable, like he didn't know who I was. That made me think I didn't really know much about him, aside from what little I remembered my mother telling me. I didn't even know what he did. He didn't talk to me much on the times he visited me in the Lacuna Heart Home, mostly just sat and listened to me talk for a couple hours then left. I asked him about his job and what he did. He told me he worked for the weather production team as a field engineer. He travels all over Equestria to study the climates in all sorts of places and report on the effects that the weather teams have. The production engineers then take those reports and use them to decide how to adjust the weather in those locations, to decide if they need more rain or less, if they need clouds to keep places from getting too warm, and how much snow they will have over the winter. Some places don't even get snow in the winter. I kind of feel sorry for those places. I like the snow, it's so much fun to play in. I understand why he wasn't home very much and asked him if that made him sad. He said he missed my mother and me when he was out; but getting to travel all over the place was one of the things he liked best out of the job. Getting to see so many places and meeting so many different ponies sounds like fun.
I tried to ask about my mother, and why she died, but he said that was still too hard for him to talk about and he changed the subject. We talked for another hour about stuff before he said he had to catch a train. I hugged him again before he left. I told the Princess what my dad said about my mother, and asked if she knew any way I could find out more about her, and why she got so sick and died like that. She said she would try to look into it, but thought I should focus more on study and not sad things like that. I think she thought it would make me too sad, but I just want to know what happened. I wasn't smart enough to really understand what was going on at the time and now that I am I deserve to know. She said she'd talk to the hospital in Cloudsdale to see if they could send me the records.
Princess Twilight gave me a book for a birthday present, Swift Shadow's Classic Fairy Stories. I guess she noticed that I like fairy tales. Rarity gave me a beautiful silver and gold silk scarf that she made herself. I almost cried it was so pretty. She seemed a little embarrassed by that. The others said they didn't know what to get me, but I said that was okay because I was just so happy that they came to see me and I hoped we could be friends. They said they would be happy to be friends and I got a lot of hugs. After that I took the rest of the muffin home to finish later. It is odd to think of living in the castle as home after spending the last twelve or so years living in Lacuna Heart Home. I hung up the scarf in the closet, where I could see it whenever I opened the door. When I did that, I remembered something. Or more like I don't remember something. I don't remember my dad ever giving me anything for my birthday.
Progress Report Week 10 It has been three full moons since I started writing these progress reports. We did the shape matching test and the maze a few more times this week. I am very fast at both now, I finally beat Muffins at the maze! I was very happy about that. I also made it every time without hitting a dead end, which also made me happy. It still feels weird being that small, though. Princess Twilight said that she would probably only need to run the tests for one more week. That is fine with me, the tests are kind of boring and I don't see how they really measure anything useful now that I'm so much smarter. I am reading several books a day. Mostly easier educational stuff, since I have so much to get caught up on, but I read other stuff too. I like to read the books of fairy tales and old Equestrian mythology. I recognize a few of the stories as ones my mother used to tell me.
The Princess was able to get my mother's records from Cloudsdale Hospital. I didn't understand a lot of the medical words, but I found out she died from Calamular Follicle Carcinoma, which is also known as Calamus Rot. I looked it up in the medical books in the castle library. The books said it's a rare but really bad type of cancer that only pegasi and griffons get. It's hard to diagnose according to the book, mostly just feels like sore flight feathers from overexertion, or irritation from feather mites; or at worst like a case of the Feather Flu that won't go away. By the time it is actually diagnosed, it's usually too late to do anything about it. Three to Six months the books said, and all that can be done is to help with the pain. I remember mom feeling sick a lot, and looking back, all those times she said she was tired were probably the pain, or the medications they were giving her for the pain. I feel awful now. It hurts to think of my wonderful, beautiful mother in so much pain. I remember how soft her feathers were, the pale blue colour of her coat and wings, the light green and gray colour of her mane, the gray in her mane the same shade as my coat. i reme.... ...
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Crap. I wrote a bunch of stuff I remembered about her, but I started crying so hard the tears just messed it all up. I can't write it again or I will start crying again. I miss her so much. I wish I had had more time with her, to get to know her. I don't really know that much, just feelings. The way she smelled like fresh spring wind and blueberries. The way she would smile when she would play with me. The way...
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Spent nearly all of yesterday with a migraine after I stopped crying. I never used to get migraines. I wonder if my mother did. Nothing in her records about it. Spoke to the Princess, she said it might be a side effect of the intelligence enhancement spell, but it should pass in time. She said she would have me go to the doctor for regular checkups to make sure there were no other effects, but she was sure there wouldn't be.
I spend most of my free time in the library, studying. Half the time Princess Twilight is doing the same thing, but we don't talk much outside of testing. I don't have a job anymore. My now former boss said that he thought I would be better off spending my time studying. Princess Twilight agreed. I am going to miss delivering mail, getting to see all the ponies around town; but no one in the post office will talk to me much anymore, they treat me as some sort of monster, Quick Line even seems a little scared of me. I have no idea why.
I spend a lot of the day taking tests. Only now it's not just Princess Twilight doing the testing. She has a couple of the professors from the Canterlot Academy here doing what they call the "full battery" of tests like any schoolpony would get. They tell me that I'm testing at an early high school level already. After almost four weeks. But that there are still gaps in my education, mostly with history and social studies. Memorization stuff that I haven't spent much time reading. My language skills and math skills are very good. They say I even show aptitude for sigilistics, which is rare for non-unicorns. They're planning on bringing in private tutors from the academy to teach me and see just how much and how fast I can learn. I like learning, and definitely need to improve my writing skills, but I kind of just want to have a normal life too. Go out and have normal friends. The Princess says that will come with time.
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I think Rainbow Dash heard me talking about being cooped up in the castle yesterday, and said that I should go out flying with her and I'd feel better. I didn't think that was a good idea because I'm such a weak flier. She insisted on training me, and scheduled me for flight training three days a week. Apparently she helps train some of the young pegasi living in Ponyville. I said I would feel too embarrassed to be flying with school-ponies as bad as I am, but she insisted. My first class went okay. I guess I'm a stronger flier than I thought. All that work delivering mail must have built up my wings. She said my strength was good, and I just needed to learn better technique and work on my speed. That made me feel a bit better. It's good to know my flying is improving too, though not as fast as my brain. She said after a couple months of training with her I could probably get a job on the weather team. It would be nice to go to work again. My wings ache now though. That's supposed to be normal, since I'm using and building muscles that haven't gotten used much, or haven't gotten used right.
I remember trying to help Rainbow Dash out once when she was working on the Town Hall helping repair the roof, and how I managed to just break things and make them worse. Even got myself badly zapped by a cloud that was there for leak testing. Thinking about that now makes me cringe. I was such a derp. Both Rainbow Dash and the Princess hate it when I talk about myself that way, but I can't help it. It's how I feel. I'm just glad neither of us were seriously hurt that day. Princess Twilight is letting me help care for Muffins now, and even assist with the testing. Whenever I feel sad, watching Muffins play in her cage helps cheer me up.
Progress Report Week 11 I haven't done much this week except study with my tutors and Twilight, and practice with Rainbow Dash. I'm studying everything right now, but especially composition and storytelling. I've written a few short compositions that my tutors said show a lot of promise. In my free time I've read pretty much everything I can get my hooves on about fairy tales, legends, and myths of Equestria and other lands. I'd really love to be able to read the stories in their original languages. I've asked about getting a tutor to learn Griffon, and some of the older Equestrian languages that aren't really spoken anymore. They were quite surprised by my request, but agreed. I think they're surprised by how fast I learn overall.
I just realized I haven't been to Sugarcube Corner in almost a week and a half. I should go tomorrow. Take a break from all the studying. It's just so hard to stop when I get going. I spent so much of my life unable to learn, now I just want to learn everything I can. It's hard to even stop long enough to go to flight training with Rainbow Dash; but she doesn't let me get out of it. "Gotta exercise the body as well as the mind, or you'll turn into a boring egghead," she tells me. I don't know that I'd mind being an egghead.
Princess Twilight invited me to join her for tea one morning, said she wanted to know how I was doing. I thought that was odd since she's been studying me so much; but she insisted it wasn't about academics or anything like that, she just wanted to know how I was feeling, if there was anything I needed, if I felt too lonely or stressed or anything like that. I think that was probably a response to last week's progress report. I said I was a little lonely, and missed delivering mail; but I was having so much fun learning that I didn't really notice it as much anymore. She said she noticed that I hadn't gone out for muffins for a while, the way I used to; and insisted that I shouldn't push myself so hard or I could burn out. I told her I would take it easy and not force myself to study, but I just wanted to learn so much. She giggled and said I sounded like her when she was a filly. I laughed with her. It's nice to hear somepony laughing with me instead of at me for a change. I learned something else as well; I don't really like tea.
Progress Report Week 12 Still not doing much aside from studying. I did manage to get out long enough to go to Sugarcube Corner for muffins. Pinkie was there as usual, and laughingly chided me for not showing up more often. Rarity and Fluttershy arrived a few minutes later and stopped to chat. Rarity mentioned that I looked a little frazzled, and that my coat and mane were in bad shape. I said I was just spending so much time studying and working out with Rainbow Dash that I didn't really think about much else. She insisted that, if I didn't have any tutoring scheduled for the rest of the day, I join her and Fluttershy at the spa. I tried to politely decline, since I was engrossed in my studies and had a bit of a headache (not a migraine, fortunately, just a little dehydrated); but she can be very convincing, almost frighteningly so.
Before I realized it, I was at the spa being groomed by a pair of the most beautiful ponies I'd ever seen. I think they were twins, what with their nearly-identical faces and mirror-image colouring. Had a hard time not staring at first. But they were very sweet, and I guess that they get a lot of attention like that. I think Rarity noticed me staring, because she gave me a look that I'm not sure how to interpret. Sort of... concerned and... slightly devious? Maybe 'calculating' is a better way to say it. Once we got to the steam room, she did ask if I was dating anypony, or if there was a particular mare or stallion I was interested in. I just told her that everything had happened so fast that I didn't really think about that sort of thing. I had never had those urges before, my estrus cycle was practically non-existent. I do have a bit more now, but my cycle is still fairly weak, weaker than it should be for a mare my age, and I'm really not sure that I'd know what to do with it even if it was stronger.
She insisted that if I did start getting interested in that sort of thing, that I would be more than welcome to stop and chat anytime I wanted advice, or just had questions. I did remind her that biology and sex education were included with everything else I've been taught in the last few weeks. She laughed politely and said that she was glad to hear it, and replied "But, of course, there are things that one simply cannot learn from books, after all." I laughed too, and said that I would be happy for any advice she could give me, should I start thinking along those lines. I would like to have a family of my own someday.
Fluttershy insisted, in her own quiet way, that Rarity not pressure me, and that she was sure that things would all work themselves out in their own way, in their own time. I am so lucky to have friends like them, they really are wonderful. I asked Fluttershy if I could stop by and spend some time with the animals again, and she said that I would be welcome any time. I should go up to the castle soon and see how Muffins is doing, since I didn't see her at all last week. Maybe I should ask Fluttershy about getting a pet mouse of my own. That would be nice, now that I'm intelligent and thoughtful enough to care for a pet. It would certainly be a nice break from studying.
After the steam room, we had a massage, followed by a grooming session — mane, tail, facial, hooficure, the works. The massage was to die for, as Rarity would say. At first it felt like they were pulling me apart, twisting all my joints out of place and folding my muscles and tendons like taffy; but once everything started to relax it felt just celestial. Training with Rainbow Dash still has me a bit stiff in the wings as well; but the masseur, although an Earth pony, was very sensitive and delicate, and quite experienced working on wings. They haven't felt that good since I started delivering mail full-time. I have got to do this again. The hooficure was nice too, but I'm usually not that fussy about my looks. They did discover a few cracks in my left rear hoof that the hooficurist insisted I should see a doctor about. Nothing seriously wrong, but a good idea to have it checked before it did become something serious. I have a checkup scheduled in a few days, so I'll bring it up then.
Rarity and Fluttershy went to get a mudbath before the hooficure; but I just couldn't work myself up to letting them cover me in that goop, so I went to the lounge to relax a bit. Ran into Roseluck there. She was very friendly. A lot of the other other ponies I used to talk to when I was a mailmare have been avoiding me. I think the drastic changes in my intelligence and personality make them uncomfortable. I can't say that I blame them, necessarily; it is a little discomfiting to me as well, but seeing the way they react still makes me feel bad. Roseluck isn't like that, though, she's been very friendly the few times I've stopped to talk to her. We passed the time chatting about my studies, her business, and just our lives in general. I felt really comfortable around her. I think I would like her as a friend.
I went off with Rarity and Fluttershy after that, and all four of us met up later in the hot tub for a good soak. I made plans to meet up with Roseluck for lunch in a few days. It will be nice having a friend outside the castle and Princess Twilight's circle. Not that I don't like them, but it feels a little bit like they're only friends with me because of the Princess. (Except Pinkie Pie, of course; she's friends with everypony, more or less.) It's nice to make a friend all on my own.
When the spa day was over, Rarity tried to pay for me as well as herself and Fluttershy; but I've saved up a tidy little sum from my stipend, so I insisted on paying for part of it myself. I would have paid for the whole thing, but it was a bit more than my budget would permit; and she insisted on doing so since she invited me along. She's awfully nice, and very generous; but I just wouldn't feel right letting her pay for the whole thing, and I think she understood why. Particularly after I started getting a bit anxious at being pressured. I definitely could not afford to come here as often as she does, but I think I might consider stopping in every other weekend for a simple grooming and massage. Especially the massage. I can afford that if I don't overdo it. It did definitely help my headache; I hadn't realized how tense I had become from all the studying. It does feel good to look good too, Rarity was right about that. Even the Princess goes on occasion, whenever her duties allow. Maybe she'll let me go with her next time, and we can chat about my studies in a more casual and relaxed environment for a change. That would be nice.
When I got home (it's still strange to think of the castle as my home now), I went back and re-read all my previous progress reports, and was stunned at the speed at which the change occurred. I think the Princess was too, based on some of the remarks I've heard her make when reading the previous week's reports. The progression is interesting as well. Something about it struck me, but I can't really say what. I'll have to think about that a bit. In the meantime, I've gotten a start on learning Early Equestrian. According to Twilight, it's based mostly on Late Unicornian, with a bit of Middle Pegasic. Aside from a few loanwords, not much of of pre-Equestrian Terran survived, as they were not a particularly literate culture. That's a shame. Maybe they have some oral traditions I can look into. More inspiration for my own writing, once I finally get a start on that.
Progress Report Week 13 Had my next battery of academic testing this week. I'm well into secondary levels now, having fully completed all the primary courses. According to the examiners, I'm looking at O levels in everything at this point, and A levels in about a third. They won't be doing formalized testing until the end of the academic year, but are confident that I could manage at least that well if my studies continue as they have been. I've started to slack off a little bit, as I've been getting migraines more frequently. Being that I've been doing so little other than studying, I thought I deserved a break anyway. Had lunch with Rose earlier this week. She's so curious about me and my studies, we didn't talk about much else. I really shouldn't have let myself monopolize the topic of conversation that way, I'd love to get to know more about her too. Making a note here to remind myself to interrogate her about her own life the next time we meet up.
I've dropped by Rose's shop a few times while out and about, just to say hi and pass a few minutes with her (she's too busy most of the time for prolonged conversation, but always seems happy to see me and spend a few minutes exchanging pleasantries). I've gotten back into a regular routine, which has helped make things a bit easier to deal with. Having that structure has helped me focus on my literary studies as well. No matter how much smarter I get, I still love muffins, and definitely missed my daily jaunt to Sugarcube Corner. Speaking of Muffins, she's started mimicking some of my and Princess Twilight's mannerisms. I think she's still learning, almost like she's a pup again, learning from her mother.
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My Compendium of Classic Unicorn Folk Tales arrived today. Had to save up for that one for a while, but it was so worth it. Nine volumes of well-known and obscure traditional stories. That should keep me busy reading for a good long time. Also received a copy of Stout Trunk & White Page's Elements of Literary Style as a gift from Princess Twilight. She said that it would be invaluable for my writing career. That, and Purple Prose's Constructing Narrative; which I already own; though I haven't yet taken the time to peruse it as I should. Sometimes I think the Princess is almost as eager for me to start writing seriously as I am. I still have quite a bit more study and research to do first, though.
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Something odd. I'm not sleeping as much as I used to. I used to sleep a lot, about 9 or 10 hours a night. After my magical enhancement, I started sleeping more normal hours; but now I'm only sleeping about 6 or 7. I don't feel tired, just don't feel like I need the sleep. That does leave me considerable extra time for study, so I'm hardly complaining.
Progress Report Week 14 At this point, Princess Twilight considers the intelligence-enhancement spell a rousing success; and I can't say I disagree with her at all. It's such a bizarre, almost disorienting feeling, thinking back to how I was, comparing my memories of those days to my current mental state. The changes have happened so fast I've barely had time to adjust. The Princess believes that the enhancement should be leveling out soon, and that I will reach a plateau where any further improvements will occur at a more natural pace. I'm undecided whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I certainly love my new intelligence, but on another hoof, it will be nice to be able to just relax and focus on my writing and my life. I asked her if she saw any indication of Muffins reaching a similar plateau, but she wasn't sure; and she doesn't think that Muffins would be a good guideline anyway, given the substantial differences in our intellectual potentials. I'm thinking of taking Rainbow Dash up on her offer to join the Ponyville weather team. It would be nice to get out and do something physical again.
Also thinking of going and helping out at Lacuna Heart House. They took very good care of me. I know my father paid them for my care and lodging, but I also know that they're always understaffed and underfunded, and everypony there works so hard. I'm not really qualified for a lot of what they do, but just going and spending time with the residents, reading them stories, listening to them talk, I think that would be a good thing. I would have loved to have had more of that while I was there, and I'm sure some of the others would too. Maybe helping out with the cleanup and some of the chores would be useful. I just want to give something back.
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I just woke up, middle of the night, sobbing. I just couldn't stop. It just hit me like a hammer to the head how much I miss my mom. How I would give anything, everything, just to have her here with me, to show her what I've become, to make her proud of me and everything that I've done. To just hear her voice telling me she loves me. Oh momma momma momma why did you have to die why why why
Progress Report Week 15 I told Rose about my breakdown last week. She was very sympathetic. She invited me over to her house to talk, said she could afford to close the shop early; but I had to get back to the castle for a tutoring session. We walked close together on the way back to her shop, and had an extra-long hug. She made me promise to talk to her right away if I ever felt that bad or needed a withers to cry on, even if it's late at night. She's been such a good friend. It still makes me sad to think about mother, but it was so long ago I don't understand why it hit me so hard all of a sudden. In any case, it was immensely comforting to know that she's concerned for me. I feel so lucky to have her as a friend. I told her about Muffins, and she replied that the thought of me playing with a little mouse like that sounded adorable. I don't know about that, but I do like spending time with Muffins, and she certainly seems to like me. It's too bad she's a research animal, I think she'd make a great companion pet. I've started teaching her a few simple tricks, and she learns unbelievably fast.
Becoming interested in Pegasus magic. Always thought it was purely passive, but apparently that's not the case. It's not as manipulable as Unicorn magic, but there's more to it than just flight and cloudwalking and weather control. A sort of... focused application that enhances certain abilities. The most obvious example is the way that some pegasi can use it to push their speed well beyond the norm, with secondary effects manifesting, like the faintly-coloured contrails Rainbow Dash and most of the Wonderbolts leave when they're pushing themselves to extraordinary speeds. Apparently, there are a number of martial arts techniques to enhance and project kinetic energy in hoof and wing strikes as well, but those appear to be kept mostly secret due to their military application. I think RD knows a few of the basic forms, I wonder if she'd demonstrate if I asked her.
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Princess Twilight has arranged for new tutors, particularly language tutors so I can start studying more of the old languages. I've picked up a bit of Late and Middle Unicornian, and a little Classical Pegasic as well. My modern Pegasic is almost fluent, but it's really the Classical I'm interested in. Not a lot of the old pegasus mythology has been written down, they were more interested in recording military campaigns, but some exists, and I would love to add it to my repertoire.
Progress Report Week 16 Had a stupidly bad week. Studies went about the same as usual, but nothing else seemed to go right. Another migraine, more bad dreams. Haven't felt like talking about much of anything. Rose noticed that I was out of sorts, but didn't push me to talk or do anything, just let me know she was there for me if I wanted to, so that at least wasn't too bad. There's a problem getting good language tutors, they say I may need to apply to the academy. I don't want to do that, though, since that would mean leaving Rose and my work with the Lacuna Heart House. Testing coming up next week so I'm stressed about that on top of everything else; and since I've spent so much on books I don't have the bits available to go to the spa for a massage.
Still haven't gotten a slot on the weather team, either; though I don't know if that's because they just haven't had one open up, or they're uneasy with the idea of somepony as freakish as I am working with them. That's what it feels like, anyway. Got in an argument with the Princess about teaching Muffins tricks. She said it was messing with her research, I said that the fact that Muffins was learning them so well should be part of the research, she said she had to stick with the standardized plan otherwise the results would be meaningless. After a while I just got tired of arguing and stomped off back to my room. Screw this week.
Progress Report Week 17 Oh Crap. Oh so very much crap. Oh so much crap on top of everything else. Crap. Bloody total crap.
That was not as cathartic as I had hoped. Neither was yelling. Crap.
I think I'm in trouble. Had another bad nightmare a couple nights ago, woke up crying. Told Rose about it yesterday and she invited me over to talk. Went to her place after my evening muffin at Sugarcube Corner; and we talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. We talked until it was so late that we were both yawning. I pretty much ended up collapsing on her bed from the combination of the hour and the emotional fatigue. Woke up this morning to find her snuggled up with me. I think she likes me as more than a friend. The way she held and nuzzled me before I left to return to the castle just cemented that impression. I don't know what to do. How can I tell her that I'm not interested in anything more without hurting her feelings? She obviously cares about me, and I like her too, but I just don't... I still have no libido to speak of, no erotic attraction to anypony. Will she be satisfied with that, or will unreciprocated romantic feelings strain our friendship? What a terrible time for Rarity to be out of town, I could really use her advice. Princess Twilight was concerned when I didn't return last night; but was perfectly happy to hear that I had spent it with Rose. I wish I could say that I was. What do I do? GAH!!! Even spending time with Muffins did not help much.
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I broke down and bit the bridle, and confronted Rose about last night. Oh what a relief to hear that she's not romantically interested (sounded like she's probably strictly heterosexual as well, but I didn't think it my place to ask, since it doesn't matter for me either way). When she responded that she looked at me more like a younger sister (she is a few years older than I am), I nearly collapsed from the sudden alleviation of so much tension. Fortunately she was there to support me when I got a bit unstable. It does feel good to have her hold me like that. A little like mother used to. I also explained about my libido issues. She was concerned that there were health problems, but was reassured when I told her about my regular medical examinations.
Speaking of examinations, I'm not sure whether to be happy or concerned about my performance at the academic exams this week. I haven't gotten the results back yet; but I felt like I aced all the exams. A levels as well as O levels. I'm not really sure what that means. They all just seemed so... rudimentary. Am I still getting that much smarter, or am I overestimating my abilities at this point? So hard to tell. I'll be apprehensive until I get the final results back next week.
There was some concern at Lacuna Heart House this week. They're losing one of their best caretakers, she's leaving to start a family of her own. I know how hard it is to get qualified ponies, especially out here in a small town. I wish I could do something more to help. Perhaps if I asked Princess Twilight to talk to Princess Celestia? But with the funding problems, even if they had somepony available, the pay would be so low... it hurts to think about.
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Well, that went better than expected. Spoke to the Princess about Lacuna Heart House, and she agreed to speak to Princess Celestia about not only getting some help finding more staffing, but securing an increase in funding to manage the staff and some long-needed improvements to the facilities and grounds. I hope hope hope that they can manage both. I've known a lot of the residents and staff there for over half of my life, and they're almost family to me. I guess I'm closer to them than I am to any of my actual family at this point. I really hope this works out.
Still trouble getting language tutors, but I've found some useful study materials, so I can at least make a solid start on my own. Seeing some odd things as I study the old stories. Threads regarding magic that are not as... I'm not sure how to put it. They bring up some interesting speculation about magic in general. It's not clear how much is real and how much is simply fanciful, but it's worth pursuing. If nothing else, it will make an interesting subject for storytelling.
Progress Report Week 18 Well... Um... Yeah. A levels. Not just A levels, but perfect scores. Across the board. And I'm already moving on with more advanced studies. The Princess was, well, surprised would be an understatement. 'Startled' would be a better description. She assumed that the enhancement would have leveled off by now, but it doesn't look like it's hit the plateau yet. I'm also sleeping less, I'm down to 5-6 hours a night. None of the physicians have found any medical issues, and I still don't feel any sort of unusual fatigue, so I guess that's just my new normal. Haven't had a migraine for a little while, so that's good. Spent the night with Rose, just snuggled up together in bed. Felt so good, so warm, so comforting, so... I don't really have the right words. She's just so wonderful. She spent the day with me in the castle, and even joined me when I went to play with Muffins. I almost died of cute overdose watching them together. She said the same thing about me.
I started writing my first real story. Not just my creative writing assignments, but a real story. I'm basing it on an ancient pegasus story, Tempest Rider the Tailless, one of the mytho-historical founders of Anemopolis, first city of the pegasi. Most of the original is brutally bloody and violent, but so was most of pegasus history. Fortunately, there is enough adventure and magic to make a good foal's story, especially the bit when he lost his tail. I think I can even inject a bit of humour into that one. The sort of story I loved when I was a filly. I hope somepony likes it.
I'm making good progress in ancient languages, I'm almost as fluent in Late Unicornian as Princess Twilight now; although given how much of modern Equestrian is based on it, that's not too surprising. Classical Pegasic is being a smidge more reluctant to give up its secrets, but I've managed a fluency in the modern form that I should have already achieved, had I developed normally. Better late than never, as Applejack would say. It's a lot of fun to walk through Ponyville or Canterlot chatting with Princess Twilight in Late Unicornian, seeing everypony else look confused, the way I was when listening to everypony around me talk just a few months ago. A somewhat puerile pleasure, admittedly, but it's still fun.
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I've finished "The Tail of Tempest Rider". Everypony is surprised I got it done in only two days. But it was amazingly easy to write. Once I started, the words flowed so smoothly and gracefully, like the story was already there, and I was just copying it down from some nebulous source that only I could see. I've submitted it to a few literary periodicals, but don't expect to hear back for a while; weeks perhaps. Princess Celestia sent word to Twilight that the ancient literature caretaker at the palace library found an old collection of Earth Pony folk tales. Not in the original Terran, unfortunately ― a translation into Late Unicornian ― but a valuable find nonetheless. She's even having it copied out for me, since the original is too fragile to travel. I need to remember to send the princess a note of thanks for her efforts and generosity. I already have three other stories fermenting in my brain; even more clearly than the last one.
I feel such elation at finally getting to see my oldest dreams come to fruition. I do so hope other ponies enjoy my work. That would mean the world to me. I let Rose read it, indeed I could hardly stop her, she was so enthusiastic and insistent. Not the best critic of my work, naturally, given her affection for me; but her appreciation of it made me feel amazingly warm inside. She would have been a great sister, I'm so fortunate to have gained her friendship when I did. I'm growing to love her like family, and I believe she feels the same. Princess Twilight read it as well, though I perceive that her wish to seem supportive overruled her critical faculties, and she praised it more than it possibly deserved. That's all right; I'll get more mercilessly honest feedback from the periodicals' editors, so I'm happy to have her support. She discovered that I have not read any of the Daring Do books, and insisted on loaning me her copy of the first one.
Progress Report Week 19 I've spent nearly the entire week doing nothing but studying and writing. I've been almost manic, barely eating or sleeping, just needing to get the words onto the page as quickly as possible. Writing quality hasn't been great, but the stories are out and have form, so now it's just a matter of cleaning them up. I've noticed a theme, they all seem to be concerned with hidden magic and young fillies discovering their talents for the first time. Cutie-mark stories, essentially. I probably won't use more than one or two of them, ultimately, but simply drafting them has been a useful exercise. Editing and revising will be even moreso.
I've dropped a lot of the other studies. I've gotten all the recent history and social studies I need, and theoretical mathematics is not terribly useful for a writer, although still interesting. I've thought about dropping sigilistics, but something about it powerfully piques my interest. Maybe the way it applies to pegasus magic. I've developed a fascination with magic in general, and have expanded my studies in that field. Obviously I can't actually do any real magic, having no talent for anything but the ordinary pegasus variety, but I'm entranced by the theory of it. I surprised Twilight by asking if she could recommend some good tutors, and she said she'll check with her old sigilistics instructor at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns to inquire if he would be willing to teach me. I doubt it will have any use for my writing, but it's just so engrossing.
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Oh my! Princess Twilight offered to let me take over caring for Muffins, making her my very own pet! She's convinced that she isn't going to learn anything significant from the little mouse from this point on; and since she is keenly aware of how attached I am, she therefore made my caretakership official! I moved her cage into my rooms, now I can spend time with her while I'm writing and studying. So Awesome! (Heh. I probably need to stop spending so much time with Rainbow Dash.) Speaking of Awesome, I got a reply from the Canterlot Showcase of Young Writers periodical editor, and they would very much like to include my story in their next issue! That was fast! She also provided some minor editing suggestions, which were less severe than expected, and quite helpful. I've already sent a revised version, and cannot wait to see myself in print!
I've expanded my studies to Middle and Ancient Unicornian language and literature. Wow that stuff is difficult; and painfully obtuse much of the time. I have come to the inescapable conclusion that most of the ancients were far more interested in appearing clever than in communicating clearly. Fractured Diamond in particularly cannot seem to say a single word in anything remotely resembling a straightforward manner; but has to dance all around with allusion, innuendo, and the ridiculous overuse of flowery imagery. I swear, he would need six full scrolls of text, references to at least three famous mages, and an entire invocation to the spirits of the honored ancestors just to provide directions to the toilet. Once I managed to wade through all the nonsense, he did provide some interesting views into ancient folklore, as well as ancient magic.
There was a lot less formalized study into magic prior to Star Swirl the Bearded; with the majority being little better than trial-and-error; and the most famous mages, particularly Glittering Constellations (now there was a pretentious and long-winded pony if there ever was one), were merely those who were lucky enough to survive some rather foolhardy endeavours. I can see why Twilight finds anypony other than Starswirl or Clover the Clever to be so frustrating to study. Not that Starswirl wasn't a bit of a nutcase himself, with an almost unhealthy predilection for bells. Dude was seriously weird for them, collected hundreds. Clover, fortunately, was much more methodical and rational, although a bit less interesting I guess. A lot like Twilight in some ways. (Did I just write "dude"? I have definitely got to stop hanging around Rainbow Dash so much.)
Progress Report Week 21 I forgot to write a progress report for last week, Princess Twilight isn't too happy about that. Between studies and writing and my normal routine, I don't think I really did anything else. Nearly two weeks straight of writing, studying, and caring for Muffins; with only the occasional trip to Lacuna Heart House to break up the pattern. I definitely don't neglect my cute little mousie friend, even when I neglect myself, and my other friends.
Ugh. I feel so awful about that. I've totally neglected Rose. She says she understands, but I could tell it upset her. I've requested that she drag me away from my studies and work at least a couple times a week, by force if necessary. I get so caught up and hyperfocused that I forget to do anything else. She said she could tell by the smell. Yuck. Twilight and Fluttershy were apparently too polite to say anything, and AJ hasn't been by for a while thanks to Zap Apple season. Rose made me get cleaned up, even washing my mane for me (I almost broke down crying at that point, it reminded me so much of mother); and then she drug me to the spa. That was nice of her. After being cooped up and not spending money for so long, I had more than enough to treat us both, and insisted on doing so to make up for how absent I've been. Since then, Rose has been stopping by every night she doesn't see me out at Sugarcube Corner, and bringing me muffins.
I share a little of my muffins with Muffins all the time now, since she doesn't need to be on a special diet any more. Not too much, don't want to make her sick after all, but it's fun to share. Twilight is disappointed I don't like Daring Do as much as she does. I can see why Twilight and her friends like it, but honestly it didn't really do much for me. My interest is predominantly in ancient myths and folktales. She wasn't disappointed in me, so much as in the fact that the books didn't hit me the way they do her and her friends. I think she just wanted somepony new to discuss them with, a different perspective. Oh well, we still have a lot of things we can talk about. We do discuss the sorts of stories that I like; and I think she's discovered that she really appreciates some of the classic folktales, especially Wooden Lyre the Bard's collections of Eastern Unicorn traditional tales. I prefer Evening Breeze's retelling of ancient pegasus folklore and the rather unusual perspective and style of Chthonian Mere, though the princess finds the latter a bit too dark and gothic for her tastes (and she's not quite as fluent in Middle Unicornian as I am, which doesn't help). I have to admit, he does get a bit... creepy... at times; but that's all part of his otherworldly charm.
Progress Report Week 22 Rose made Twilight promise to keep an eye on me, and not let me get so absorbed in my work anymore, so between the two of them and Spike, I'm back on a more reasonable routine. Spike is really sweet. I think I unnerved him at first, but now that I'm such a bookworm, I remind him of Twilight. He has been very helpful when his official duties don't keep him too busy. I don't think anypony but Twilight really appreciates just how much he does to keep her castle and court running smoothly.
The new issue of Canterlot Showcase of Young Writers is out, and mine is the featured story! I already have editors from other periodicals asking when my next story will be available. I have about a dozen I think are almost in publishable shape, and have sent a few off for editing suggestions. The prestigious Fillydelphia University Journal of Fantasy has an editor that I'm quite impressed with, and I'm hoping she'll be interested in working with me on my submissions. I cannot believe how fast I am reading and writing these days. I think I must be nearly twice as fast as Twilight at this point, although she's not all that unusually quick, according to Spike, just intensely thorough, with a highly organized and methodical mind that enables her to marshal her thoughts and activities very efficiently. I could definitely stand to be more organized. Most of my days are barely controlled chaos.
I've gotten through the basics of magical theory and the Princess has started to set aside a few days a week to tutor me on intermediate theory and history. I think I surprised her with just how fast, not to mention how deeply, I've been able to grasp it all despite my lack of practical experience.
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Got another shipment of books from Princess Celestia. I'm running out of space in my rooms, and have requested a small additional nook from Twilight for storing them. She is having Spike look into instituting a private library space off the main library for my reference and educational volumes. That will be a fair distance from my rooms, but that would provide some much-needed exercise since I am no longer training with Rainbow Dash. RD wasn't able to really do much to help me learn any of the more abstruse forms of pegasus magic, but referred me to a martial arts training school that has been moderately helpful. The most annoying obstacle to studying these arts is that so many of their forms require a high degree of physical conditioning to practice, and almost nothing is written down. It's all treated with such furtive secrecy, passed down by word of mouth. Incredibly frustrating after a while. Fortunately, the master that RD suggested is quite willing to divulge as much of it as I am able to learn, and believes he may have a source for a written treatise on a few of the forms. I find it hard to fathom the princess failing to spend much time investigating similar avenues; given her propensity for magic of all sorts. I suppose that being the Princess of Friendship means she's focusing her efforts on that field. Still...
Progress Report Week 23 Twilight presented her monograph on Magical Intelligence Enhancement at Canterlot University today. The reception was... mixed. While her academic work was impeccable, the old guard of the university kept breaking off to engage in interminable discussions of ethics, academic responsibility, and legions of other irrelevancies. They didn't seem to pay all that much attention to the actual theory and application as a whole. They seemed to feel there should have been much more... well, acquiescence to their ridiculously reactionary worldview would be the polite way to put it. That she should have spent many years agonizing over potential social ramifications of intelligence enhancement before even considering attempting it.
Fortunately, none of that seemed to faze the princess in any way; in fact, she appeared to be accustomed to it. I suspect that was far from her first time dealing with such hidebound attitudes. It frustrated me no end, however, since they kept insisting on quizzing me on my "feelings" as well. Who cares about feelings at a time like this? As far as I'm concerned, they can ██████ █ ███ ████ ██ █████ with their "feelings" and social ramifications. Twilight deserved more accolades for her work than she received. She has been a truly invaluable mentor for me, I cannot tell her enough how much I appreciate all she's done for me. I hope that reading this will help her understand that even a little bit more.
Convinced Rose to accompany us to Canterlot, since her business is slow this time of year. The first night we were there, Twilight showed us around her old haunts, and took us to a very nice restaurant. An exotic little back-alley place where the cuisine was rich and spicy and intensely flavoured. I have got to come back here again as soon as I possess the means to do so on my own. There's nothing quite like that anywhere in Ponyville or Cloudsdale. After that, Rose and I went for a walk together in the botanical gardens, which she absolutely adored. She has such a love for flowers, even outside of her business; and there were so many in bloom that the odour was indescribable. Having the opportunity to devote so much time to her was the highlight of the excursion, and we spent the night snuggled up together like two school-fillies. I cannot believe how fortunate I am to have her in my life.
Unfortunately, that night was marred by an utterly horrific nightmare. I was being fed into a monstrous machine with gargantuan wheels and cogs and teeth. It was going to grind me alive to magically extract my colours. That old school-pony's horror story from flight camp hasn't given me nightmares in at least a half-dozen years, but tonight was the worst one I've ever had. I saw my mom flying into save me, heard her screaming in terror of losing me, but the distance between us kept getting longer, so that no matter how fast she flew she couldn't get close enough in time to rescue me. Fortunately, Princess Luna appeared and banished the frightful imagery, and I spent the next few hours dozing comparatively peacefully. I didn't bother to say anything to my dear Roseluck, as I couldn't bear the thought of troubling her and disrupting her placid slumber. Despite the opportunity to linger so long with Rose, I am becoming antsy to return to work. I cannot stop mulling over the various threads of investigation I have been engaged in over the recent weeks. I left Muffins in Fluttershy's capable hooves, but I really miss her, which is another reason I am eager to return to Ponyville.
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(On review, I've gone back and blacked out the less polite bits in this entry. Not really appropriate behaviour for an academic after all. I apologize for the language, Princess.)
Progress Report Week 24 EEEEE!!! Redline Proof has not only accepted my submissions for the Fillydelphia University Journal of Fantasy, but has also agreed to edit my future work as well! I cannot imagine anypony I would rather have as my editor! I feel truly blessed. I spent half the day squealing like a foal with a new stuffie toy. To celebrate, I "accidentally" leaked the news to Pinkie Pie, and as expected, there was a huge party in honor of the acceptance and future association. I even shared a little bit of cake with Muffins. I need to be more careful how and what I'm feeding her, she's starting to look a bit pudgy. Then again, so am I. We could both use more physical exercise.
I've already started gathering materials for a collection of short stories. I guess I can say I'm officially a writer now! And as any good writer should, I've developed a few... eccentricities, apparently. Aside from sleeping so little, I've taken to letting Muffins ride around on my head while I'm in the castle studying and writing. I've also been using Rose as a sounding board, to work on my storytelling abilities. Meeting up after dinner and reading her the stories I'm writing, or bouncing ideas off her. She never seems to get tired of it, and is so supportive. I don't know what I'd do without her.
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As if there wasn't enough good news already this week, Twilight informed me that an acquaintance in the Crystal Empire encountered a treatise on Old Terran language and culture hidden away in their stacks, complete with a number of folktales and myths! It's written in the pre-Sombran Crystal dialect of Equestrian, which I don't speak much of at the moment; but what the heck, I already speak seven languages and/or dialects, why not add a couple more! It's in excellent shape, what with being magically preserved for over a millennium (like the rest of the capital city) so they're couriering it down, along with a several other collections of mytho-historical tales. Oo, I can't wait!
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Princess Twilight hasn't said anything to me directly, but I've been hearing through the grapevine that she's becoming apprehensive about the continually rapid rate of learning that I'm demonstrating. I haven't really thought about it much; but so far I've learned things in a few weeks or months that should have taken at least a year, if not several. The fact that I have not yet shown any signs of slowing down is unsettling her as well. I hope she comes to me about it directly. I don't really feel like there's anything seriously wrong, but she's still the expert on magic, and I can't help but feel a bit disquieted at her concern. Not much else going on except studying and writing and spending time with Rose and Muffins.
Progress Report Week 25 Oh broken feathers! I lost an entire day to migraine, a bad one. I thought I was over this crap already. I was bedridden for most of the day, couldn't do anything but lie there in the dark and quiet and wish I were dead. Fortunately, Rose came by when I failed to show up at Sugarcube Corner, and helped out with Muffins.
Made up for my earlier loss of productivity by discovering I have developed the ability to concentrate on multiple avenues of thought simultaneously. A welcome boon for my research, as I can now combine my linguistic and literary endeavours. Thinking back, I'm certain I have already been doing this to a small degree, at least on an unconscious level, for a few weeks or more; which would explain my phenomenally accelerated learning. Now that I have some conscious control over it, the additional focus should enable me to cross-reference my studies in real time, and enhance overall retention and recall. I'm going to have to find out more about Twilight's intelligence enhancement spell and see if there isn't some way to make it more readily available to everypony. Imagine a world where everypony had this ability, the heights to which we might all aspire, it's awe-inspiring.
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███ ██████. Another migraine, not as bad as the previous one, fortunately. Twilight hypothesizes that it may be triggered by my multi-threaded mental processes over-taxing my cortex. I can't say that hadn't occurred to me as well. I'll try a more subdued application of the ability, and run some tests to attempt to determine its practical limits. With good fortune, I will find a way to employ the ability without risking further migrainous episodes.
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Broken Arrow's treatise on Terran language and culture arrived, along with the other books from the Crystal Empire capital's library. This is going to be fun!
Progress Report Week 26 Not sure why I'm still calling these things progress reports. Habit, I guess. Plus, Twilight seems to think it's appropriate, given that my intelligence enhancement still hasn't really leveled off yet.
Spent most of the last few days going through the books from the Crystal Empire library. Old Terran is... well... different. Fortunately, the Crystal Equestrian dialect still contains a substantial number of loanwords and grammatical structures, so the path to it is easier than it might have been. Perhaps I should write a treatise of my own. One of the other books included in the shipment was another of Broken Arrow's works, this one entirely in Old Terran. No pony has bothered to translate it to my knowledge, so I'll be the first to read it in over a thousand years. That's something to look forward to. At least, once I finish with my more onerous duties. Twilight has me undergoing a gargantuan battery of tests, and has summoned experts from Canterlot University to investigate my new abilities. I found that if I limit myself to only a couple mental threads, and no more than two or three hours at a stretch (with at least half that much time to recuperate between sessions) I don't risk migraines.
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My Old Terran studies are going swimmingly. I've gotten a basic grasp of the language, which has probably the most bizarre grammatical structures I've ever encountered. Even Griffon wasn't that convoluted. No wonder none of the Earth Ponies still speak it. On the less swimmingly side, I seem to have developed an infection in my left forehoof after stepping on a thorn. The doctor drained it and put me on a course of antibiotics, and gave me some medication for the pain. I can't decide which is worse though, the distraction of the pain, or the stultifying effect the analgesic has upon my thought processes. They're both slowing me down. Rose has been around a lot to comfort me, and play with Muffins. She's really taken a liking to the little mouse. I might start to get jealous (heh heh). That means not much running back and forth to the library; so I'm concentrating on just sitting and writing. Put another half-dozen short story drafts down on paper, along with notes for several more. At least I'm a little productive, even if this is "majorly cramping my style" as Rainbow Dash would say.
Progress Report Week 27 Spent most of this week on magic studies. Between the rather odd descriptions of Earth Pony magic in Broken Arrow's dense tome (hard to discount it all, since she seems a rather stolid and unimaginative sort from her writing), and some of the pegasus magic that I've been learning, there's a... disconnect? if that's the right word... between that and what I've been learning about unicorn magic from Twilight. I can't quite put my hoof on it. Probably just don't know enough yet. The princess hasn't had nearly enough time to spend with me on my studies, so she's attempting to arrange a tutor. Not many appear to be interested in teaching theory to non-unicorns. Some of the old prejudices die hard, I suppose. She thinks she can convince one of her favorite instructors from Celestia's School to tutor me — Compound Sigil, who is now professor emeritus of Runic Composition at Canterlot University's College of Theoretical Magic. The way she described him sounded as though he'd be an excellent choice, I hope he agrees. In the meantime, I've started perusing a few of the more advanced monographs in the library. Having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around them, but lacking the practicum there is a limit to how much I can learn about magic anyway.
In a bit of an argument with Redline Proof over some of her suggested edits. Most of them make sense, and are definite improvements; but she's demanding that I modernize several passages of the more archaic dialog in "The Nine Princesses". I cannot perceive any approach that would allow me to accede to her requests without compromising the tone of the story, and in particular of the character interactions. I don't think it will be as difficult for the readers as she claims. Rose seemed to do okay with it, and she's far from being a scholar of ancient languages. But Redline insists that the dialog is too obscure for the target audience, and that I'll just confuse them. I'm not sure how much I'm willing to compromise on this; I believe that she's underestimating the intelligence of our readers. Fortunately, it's just the one story.
Haven't done much new writing this week, as I've remained predominantly focused on study, as well as editing and revising my latest works for inclusion in the journal. They're talking about making me a regular staff writer, although given everything I'm currently involved with, I'd rather concentrate on authoring a book. They have enough stories for the next half-dozen moons, though, so I've got a few weeks until I need to make a final decision. Haven't been spending much time with Rose this week, she's been busy putting together arrangements for several events which have monopolized her time. I don't have many more friends aside from the princess and her inner circle, so I've devoted the extra time to working on my linguistic and magic research.
I've begun translating the Old Terran, and found that Broken Arrow was a bit of a fraud. She clearly didn't know anywhere near as much about the language as she liked to think; and appears to have been inventing much of it out of whole cloth. I've managed to piece together a few words and passages from context (fortunately, a primary component of the language is context-dependency); but it's so impenetrably complex. I am reduced to making educated guesses about a third of the time, and wild guesses far too often, even cross-referencing what remains of the language in Crystal Equestrian. I'm nearly at the point of abandoning my efforts, especially as there doesn't seem to be anything new in it. Nearly all the passages I've been able to piece together so far have been tales and themes I'm already intimately familiar with. The oral traditions of the Earth ponies have conserved the old stories and kept them alive through many centuries through a form of bardic tradition, although it's clear there has been a notable drift in many tales as outside influences transform them over time. At this juncture, it is plainly manifest that I'd be better served locating somepony who is knowledgeable in the old tales, and giving the translation a miss. Disappointing, but at least now I can focus my efforts a bit more narrowly.
Speaking of focus, I've managed to improve my cognitive multi-focus ability. I'm now focusing on three different threads of thought, for up to four hours at a stretch, before the pre-migraine aura manifests. It feels as though I'm three different ponies using the same room, dancing around each other in a graceful ballet, only very rarely missing a step and interfering with the others. That's the key, those missteps. They are more common the longer I dance, and too many collisions eventually triggers the migraines. Organizing my thoughts into more regimented patterns is the solution. I can already hear Princess Twilight saying "I told you so". I do like my chaotic system, though, there's something more organic and spontaneous about it. Organize the inside of my head, and don't worry too much about what goes on outside it; that seems to be the way to make everyone dance smoothly.
Muffins has certainly gotten used to the outside of my head. She goes everywhere with me now. Such a smart little mouse, I never have to worry about her getting lost or running off; although I do need to keep an eye open for raptors and cats. Rarity has made a few politely concerned comments about the state of my mane, but I don't really care all that much what it looks like. Haven't been to the spa at all the last couple weeks, just so busy. I really should do something about that next week.
Progress Report Week 32 No progress reports for the previous moon; because I haven't really had the time. I've been travelling all over Equestria transcribing and studying earth pony oral traditions. I know Twilight's not going to be pleased with that, but I think she'll understand.
Thanks to one of the journal readers, Allium Harvest (who apparently has become quite the fan), I received word of a storyteller out in the remote hamlet of Clydesdale, Black Salsify by name, who turned out to possess an almost encyclopedic knowledge of Earth Pony folklore in its old forms; so I rushed out to convince him to regale me with his tribal lore. An extremely elderly gent, barely mobile, but still sharp, with a razor wit (and more feisty than is probably good for him, the old rascal; quite the mare-killer in his own day by all accounts, particularly his own). What a treasure trove of tales, and so happy to learn of my interest in them. He even knew a few in Old Terran, and is probably the closest thing left to a native speaker! What a joy to work with! I spent almost two and a half weeks listening and writing. Dozens of stories, some familiar, a few I've never heard before, and many unusual variations on well- and moderately-known tales. At first I thought I'd keep them for my own reference, but I quickly realized that doing so would be immensely selfish. Twilight is assisting me in drafting a paper for the Canterlot Anthropological Society. I must send a letter of thanks to Allium Harvest for putting me on to his neighbor.
Not much else to write about. I left Muffins in Fluttershy's capable hooves, though she was so obviously happy for me to return it was almost heartbreaking. I think next time I travel I'm going to take her with me. I just can't bear to leave her alone again for so long. Was hard being away from Rosie for so long too. She told me she met a very nice stallion, and there might possibly be something between them. I hope so, she could use some romance in her life. She won't tell me who, though. "Don't want to jinx it" she said. Silly superstition, but I'm hardly going to argue over something so trivial. Besides, she's just so cute when she's struggling to keep from spilling the beans.
Progress Report Week 33 Worked with Compound Sigil on magic theory most of the week. He's actually been rather enthusiastic about teaching me, after overcoming his initial skepticism. My progress quickly won him over; and I can tell he's overjoyed at heart to have another pupil as apt as Twilight was, though the stuffy old fart will never openly admit it. I think he cultivates a curmudgeonly demeanor for effect, playing the jaded elderly scholar for all it's worth. The mask slips often enough despite his efforts, letting me glimpse that sparkle in his eyes, most particularly when we get into the really advanced sigilistics. Twilight has finally openly expressed her reservations regarding my unique learning ability, and wants to study me and Meadowbrook's spell more extensively. If it was anypony but the princess, I'd say she was either jealous or paranoid, but now I'm starting to share her apprehension. Not enough to overcome my elation at finally making a dramatic leap forward in my understanding of magic, however. This is just so cool! (Heh, there's that Rainbow Dash influence again. I miss flying with her.)
Muffins didn't appear to be feeling well, so I took her to Fluttershy, who took me to task, with good reason, about the state of her health, particularly for overfeeding her sweet stuff and not providing sufficient exercise. Rosie chided me for neglecting my own health, with similarly good reason — I'm barely able to get off the ground for more than a half-hour nowadays. I hate to think it's the muffins, but they're clearly a substantial part of my condition. Eating for comfort is never a good thing. So, fewer muffins and more exercise for us both. Pinkie threw a late combination "welcome home" and "congratulations on getting published" party for me, so I guess my new diet will have to wait a day or two.
Progress Report Week 34 Had a most singular visitor this week. Sunset Shimmer, another friend of Twilight's, and one as smart as she is (I hardly expected that to even be possible). She was a bit taken aback at my interest in magic, but quickly warmed up once we started talking. The three of us sitting around the library chatting about magic theory, what an amazing experience. I have to say, I'm a bit in awe of Sunset. She lives in an alternate version of Equestria. Originally another gifted student of Princess Celestia, I understand there was some unpleasantness a number of years ago (they didn't go into details and I was hardly about to insist), and she fled through a portal into another world. Dimensional travel! I can hardly visualize what that must be like! (According to Sunset, there's a version of me there who is a little above-average in intelligence, and a bit strange. I can't imagine how she could possibly be stranger than I am. I'd love to meet her, but Twilight says that's not a good idea. I guess I'll defer to her on that for now.) Sunset Shimmer is studying how magic works in that alternate Equestria. As I understood from our conversation, that dimension did not even have magic until she crossed over and brought it with her, and it manifested in substantially different ways. Truly fascinating.
We talked about her studies for while longer, then it suddenly struck me, like a bolt of lightning. I had this... Vision? Epiphany? Not sure what to call it. I could... perceive the three strains of Equestrian magic, supposedly completely separate, but not actually separate. As somehow... linked... like three huge branches extending upward from a hidden tree trunk, or elaborate variations on a simple musical theme.. I tried to explain this to Twilight and Sunset, but they didn't seem to quite grasp what I meant; and I still do not have a clear enough understanding of my vision to explain myself more effectively. The idea is compelling, however, and I am strongly considering making it a primary focus of study. I'm already pushing the limits of practical magic theory, and getting into some fairly esoteric stuff that the princess hasn't spent a lot of time on (although she's starting to, when her duties permit, I think I re-kindled her interest. I hope so, it will be fun having a study partner).
When Sunset left, I noticed an... interesting exchange between the two unicorn prodigies. I do believe there was a bit of something more than ordinary friendly affection involved. Might the "virgin princess" have a marefriend after all? I wonder if I should ask Rarity about that, she's fairly good about noticing those subtle cues, and with my complete lack of experience, I may have been misinterpreting.
My exercise program isn't going very well. I can keep Muffins on hers, but have a much harder time pulling myself away from my studies. I mentioned this to Rainbow Dash, but she doesn't have time to work with me like she did before, what with her Wonderbolts Reserves duties. She did put me in touch with a friend who runs a simple flight-training program locally, so that should help.
Still arguing with Redline over dialog in "The Nine Princesses". She insists I should drop it from the collection. I can't do that, it's one of my favorites. I have three others on a similar theme to send her. Hopefully we can get this resolved. I'm definitely not accepting the staff writer position, I am too involved in my other researches, and want to focus on a book anyway. I'm fairly close to publishing one, I think. Just need to finish revising my other stories, and get a hooffull of new ones committed to paper. I'm writing even faster these days. I've discovered an ability to write with both hooves and my mouth almost simultaneously, so long as I attach the quills to my hooves with with a strong garter and not try to hold them with my pastern. I've nearly doubled my writing speed this way, though it's still hard to keep up with my thought processes. I wish there were a faster way of getting my thoughts down. (If only I was capable of telekinesis, like a unicorn.) Sometimes I envy Twilight's relationship with Spike. Such a capable and devoted assistant would be a tremendously valuable asset. But such is not, alas, to be.
Progress Report Week 35 Well, some oddness so far this week. I was preparing early for my lessons while finishing revising the last few stories for Redline, when Compound Sigil walked in on me and discovered me writing three different papers simultaneously. I was so engrossed in my efforts that I hadn't noticed anypony enter, until I heard him inhale sharply through his teeth. I turned around and was startled to see a look closely resembling fear on his face. He immediately began interrogating me about the practice, and when I mentioned my multi-focal abilities, he went pale (well about as pale as a dark blue equine can go) and sat down abruptly. Not sure what had him so concerned, but I found it more than a little disconcerting. He recovered enough to go on with the day's studies, but I sensed a tension in him I hadn't noticed before, and he seemed to want to slow down a bit. I don't like where that seems to be going. He ended the study time early, insisting that he had important concerns he needed to discuss with Twilight. I can guess what it was about. I don't really see the problem, though. I've not had any problems with migraines for weeks now.
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I just got an idea for a historical-fantasy novel. A young filly who discovers unusual magic abilities, combining the magic of all three tribes. Set before the Equestrian founding, during the inter-tribal warfare period, her magic abilities enable her to end the conflict between the tribes and enact a lasting peace. An alternate to the "Hearth's Warming" version of history. The more I think about it, the more I like it.
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Spa day with Rosie, Rarity, and Fluttershy. I didn't realize how much I had missed this after skipping out on it for so many weeks. I wonder if I could get an increase in my stipend, I would really like to go weekly. That is, if I can remember to go. Muffins is looking better, though she's a bit slower than she used to be. Fluttershy was happy with her progress, though, so I'm not worried. Redline and I have finally sorted out our disagreement over the language. With the new stories, I think she has partially come around to my view, and we've reached a compromise. The collection will be organized in three separate volumes, with the more obscure and "difficult" tales having their own volume. I spent most of the rest of the day thinking about mother, and how she would have enjoyed reading these stories. I think I'll go to bed a little early tonight. Maybe I'll see if Rosie wants to stay with me.
Progress Report Week 36 So little to say this week, it's all been fairly routine, but Twilight insists I keep up with my journals, at least until my intellectual growth levels off.. Studies, spending time with Rosie, getting more exercise. Muffins is doing much better, though has still not entirely regained her old liveliness. Haven't had much time to write, so busy with the routines. I guess whatever Sigil and Twilight discussed relieved his apprehension, as I haven't heard any more about it, though he does still seem a bit tense during our regular class periods.
Progress Report Week 37 I published my first book this week! A three volume collection of fairy tales for children; some of them based on stories my mother told me, some based on traditional folklore, some entirely of my own invention. Stories for pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns. I hear it has been very popular so far, I guess I made a few more fans with my journal contributions than I expected. I gave Rosie one of my author's proofs, inscribed. I thought she was going to break down crying. She just hugged me for a long time, and told me how proud she was of me. I did break down crying then, thinking about how much I wished to have heard mother telling me that. But hearing it from Rosie was almost as good. I love her so much, she's such a wonderful big sister to me.
I'm thinking about writing some short stories expanding on the fairy tales for an older audience. Maybe make that my next project while I'm hashing out my ideas for the novel. The anthropological society received my monograph and their reaction was somewhat less enthusiastic than I had hoped. Complaints that I did not possess suitable academic credentials to support and validate my work. Ugh. Hidebound old coots. They did say they are sending a couple graduate students to follow up with Black Salsify, and review my translation notes for the Old Terran volume (still no idea who the real author of that was, since it clearly wasn't Broken Arrow). Nice to see they have the same opinion of Broken Arrow as I did, at least. I recommended they send attractive mare students to talk to Salsify, as he's more likely to open up to them, the sly old codger. I should write him again.
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Broken feathers! I'm starting to get migraines again. I didn't even push myself, no reason for them to have happened. Twice this week, now. Not bad, thank the stars, but still unpleasant enough. Got a new concoction from Zecora to help with them. Not as powerful as the previous version, but it doesn't interfere with my thinking so much either, so it's a workable compromise. Hope this is just a passing thing like the last lot.
Progress Report Week 38 Another breakthrough! Twilight and Sunset both joined Sigil for my studies today; apparently Sunset had been pondering our discussions, and wanted to hear more about my vision. We spent half the day discussing my recent studies, when I had another epiphany. I think it came about the time we started investigating the magic basis of the Elements of Harmony, the way they work independently of pony magic, and the theory behind their functions. It wasn't a lightning bolt this time, but a growing realization that finally culminated in a clear vision. It's all linked, it HAS to be. And I can almost see how. I managed to convince the others, and we put together a preliminary study outline to develop the theory. I can hardly contain myself, this could really be something HUGE!
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Twilight, Sunset, and I assembled and drafted a preliminary proposal for my Unified Theory of Magic. They're overwhelmingly enthusiastic about it, almost as much as I am. We spent the better part of two days reviewing and revising the basic structure and hypotheses, and should have a solid foundation for further development.
In unrelated news, when Sunset went back to her adopted world, the exchange between her and Twilight was so... obvious... that I just couldn't keep my speculations to myself anymore. Twilight tried to deny it, but she's a terrible liar. It's clear she has feelings for Sunset, which from my admittedly limited observations are fully reciprocated. I hope they take time to pursue their mutual affections, it'd be a shame if they missed out on that companionship. And Sunset is a stunning beauty as well, that blazing red and yellow mane and tail, those intense eyes; and so smart! Almost makes me wish I had a libido myself, ha ha ha. She'd definitely be my type. Hey Twilight, if you're just now reading this and neither of you has made a move yet, stop weaseling around and GO FOR IT! You both deserve each other; and she totally has the hots for you! (A-a-and, there's that Rainbow Dash influence creeping in again. Eesh.)
Progress Report Week 43 So busy this last moon; what with the Unified Theory of Magic project getting underway. I had thought these progress reports were no longer necessary, but recent events convinced me otherwise. First things first...
I've completed the proposal on my Unified Theory of Magic, with Princess Twilight and Sunset Shimmer as co-authors (they have both contributed so much effort and assistance, it would be unthinkable to fail to include them). If my theory is correct, it means that all ponies should have access to all magic — Unicorns could fly and cloudwalk, Earth Ponies could use telekinesis and other complex spells, Pegasi could farm as well as Earth Ponies, and so on like that. Everything so far points to my being right, that there's a single, unified source underlying all magic in the world, especially its expression through the pony tribes. Proving it is going to be difficult, though, which is why I haven't bothered with the journal. (Sorry Twilight, I know how important you think this journal is. I promise I'll keep up with it.)
I'm not working with Sigil any more, this is getting a bit much for him, and he says that he is more concerned with Meadowbrook's intelligence enhancement spell. He's putting almost all his time into that now. I don't begrudge him the time, he's got something that really interests him, and I think my current field of study is rather beyond even his immense knowledge. Regardless, I consider him a friend at this point, and there's no way I could have come as far as I have without his guidance. He has been as valuable a mentor for me as Princess Twilight. I owe both of them more than I could ever possibly repay.
Twilight and I completed a thesis statement and sent it off to Sunset for her input. Sunset wrote back a few days later and said she'll probably end up dropping off as co-author, insists she's better with the mechanics than the theory, and I'm too far beyond her right now. I convinced her that she's still the best pony to help me test some of the principles, because of her strong grasp of sigil-mechanics and practical application, so she's agreed to let me include her. She really does deserve it every bit as much as Twilight.
Twilight is also having a hard time keeping up, mostly because her duties as princess keep her so tied up in other ponies' problems that she doesn't have the free time to devote to study. I think that's a shame, given her sublime intelligence and profound love for magical theory; but she affirms that she loves her duties too, and I can't really blame her, she does amazing and very important work (I know she's not fond of the politics, though she rarely complains about it). She's about the only pony who truly understands what I'm trying for here, and has provided valuable insights and guidance. Unlike those useless old farts at Canterlot University. I submitted the proposal to the research committee at the College of Theoretical Magic, and was starkly ignored.
Half of those hidebound old coots won't even talk to me because I'm not a unicorn, most of the rest are too mired in tradition and prejudice to even consider the theory worth pursuing. I'm convinced they've simply failed to truly comprehend its nature and ramifications. Not one of them has published a paper in at least a couple decades, and few seem to be spending any time on original research of any sort, just fiddling about with insignificant details on the fringes of real magic. What an utter waste. Past their prime and resting on their laurels, and no use to anypony except callow neophytes. I got so frustrated I blew up at them, Twilight had to calm me down. Definitely did not help my case, and probably killed any likelihood of being taken seriously. Derpy the derp-pony derps up again.
Both Princess Celestia and Luna provided suggestions for potential research avenues; but I think even they lack the degree of understanding of magical theory that Twilight and I possess. Celestia and Twilight both think that if I turn out to be right, if the magic is linked the way my theory implies, that if the fundamental interconnectivity enables the different forms to cross the tribes, that there's a possibility I may be up for ascension myself, only the second pegasus ever to be so honored (Princess Cadance being the first). I like the sound of that. Maybe I'll even be a princess! Ha! Princess of Muffins! Oh, that had me laughing for a while. On a more serious note, if I'm truly right, and this truly means what I think it does, there's a chance it could result in something like ascension for all ponies, the three tribes becoming one, all alicorns. Imagine it! All of the tribes becoming powerful, graceful, elegant alicorns like the princesses. With supreme control over nature and magic. That would be a truly glorious sight to behold. I hope I live to see it, though I suspect the process may take centuries.
Even with all that, I'm still finding the time to work on my own writing. I've gotten a partial collection of my mature fairy tales together and sent it off to Redline, and am expecting a response back in a week or two. I've also gotten a fairly good start on my novel, despite having trouble with some of the alternate history. Do I bring in Windigos, as historically accurate? Or do I diverge further from history and go more pure fantasy. Twilight likes the idea of keeping it historically accurate (naturally), but Rosie thinks I should pursue a more fantastical path, give a freer reign to my imagination. So does Rainbow Dash, but she also thinks I should put in more epic monster battles, so there's that. What to do, what to do.
Speaking of Rosie, she and her stallion are definitely an item now. Bountiful Pasture, an Earth Pony botanist studying alfalfa breeding and propagation. She says he's working on a project to develop hardier, faster growing, and more nutritious strains. That sounds like interesting and useful work, and she's quite happy with him. I'm glad to hear that she's finally found a special somepony. I haven't gotten to meet him yet, but she says I should when he gets back from his trip to the Seaddle Agricultural Institute. Pinkie Pie is already planning the party (go figure).
Two more migraines over the last month. I'm probably just overdoing things, pushing myself too hard. Twilight and Rosie certainly believe that to be the case, and they're better at judging that sort of thing than I am. Zecora's remedy is helpful, but it's still so hard to function optimally, and it irks me to waste time sitting around doing nothing. While I'm recovering, I end up thinking about my mother quite a bit. I really wish I could remember more about her, but my recollections are so hazy. I recall her smile, and the feel of her wings, but I can't really remember the sound of her voice.
Broken feathers, that brings up the dream that I've tried to forget. The night of the second migraine, I had another disquieting ephialtes nocturnus. I was a young filly again, sliding down into a pit of monsters, trying desperately to climb out, but not making any progress. My mother was attempting to reach me, to pull me out, but an eldritch spectre clipped her wings so she couldn't fly. She kept calling out to me, assuring me that she would rescue me; but I remained perpetually just out of reach. At one point, she finally reached the edge of the chasm, stretched down her forehooves and nearly caught me, but a cyclopean monster composed all of dense black smoke, with multitudinous fangs and claws, abruptly reared up behind her, grab her her with its fangs and claws, ripped her wings off, and cast her down into the abyss. I screamed and screamed and screamed, I just couldn't stop screaming. I felt the monsters in the pit latch onto my rear hooves and drag me down, but I didn't wake, I just kept screaming incoherently.
Straightaway, Princess Luna appeared and rescued me, banishing the monsters and the pit; while I just held onto her, sobbing inconsolably. Once I finally calmed, I reverted to my adult state, and we talked for a few minutes, mostly regarding my longing for my mother. The entire time, she considered me intently, with a stern and piercing gaze, as though judging me for some unknown transgression. When I inquired, she responded that she saw something in me, something magical, that disturbed and mystified her; and informed me she would converse with Twilight about it in the morning. We embraced again and she flew off on her regular duties.
I was too keyed up to get back to sleep, so despite the late hour I went to see Rosie. She was alone, fortunately, and didn't seem at all upset about my waking her. Quite the opposite in fact. The moment she saw me, concern filled her face. She's become very good at reading me, and I think she realized right off that something was wrong. I gave her a brief summary of the nightmare and Princess Luna's comment, and she insisted I spend the rest of the night with her, chiding me gently for not bringing my previous episodes to her attention. I slept another few hours nightmare-free, though I'd hardly say well. Woke up well before Rosie (only sleeping a few hours a night these days), but lay there snuggling with her until the sun arose and she awoke. So many things on my mind, but being with her made it all seem so far away, so unimportant. I don't think it will ever be possible to tell her how much she means to me.
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Compound Sigil just sent over some notes regarding his research on Meadowbrook's intelligence spell. Says he may have found a flaw. I don't like the sound of this.
Progress Report Week 44 Muffins had a strange episode today. She has been slowing down a little more, but I've had her on a strict diet and exercise regimen, and she appeared so far to be in good health overall. When I went to take her out of her cage today, I found that she hadn't eaten, and had buried herself in her bedding at the back of her little house. I tried to get a look at her, but she kept burrowing deeper whenever the light touched her. She reminded me of myself with a migraine. I turned out the lights and tried to keep everything quiet, and she finally emerged a little where I could see her. Nothing obviously wrong, but I've asked Fluttershy to come have a look at her, since I didn't feel right taking her outside. When I went to call on Fluttershy, I discovered she had left town suddenly the day before; hopefully she'll be able to look in on Muffins as soon as she returns.
I've had three migraines myself this week. Two were mild, one was fairly bad. Sigil seems to think it may be a side effect of the enhancement spell. Small price to pay as far as I'm concerned. Twilight was much less sanguine, and insisted I travel to Canterlot for an examination at the university hospital. Lost almost four days of research because of that, but I did manage to get the rest of the next collection of fairy tales completed, and a fair amount of work on the novel. Redline hasn't been able to get the editing done on the last batch, due to a family emergency (I hope it's nothing serious). They say it will be a few weeks before the results are fully evaluated and I hear anything back. Muffins seems to have recovered from her... I guess migraine for lack of a better word. She still seems a bit sensitive, but is able to play again, which cheered me up a good deal. Such a cute and smart little mousie.
Progress Report Week 45 Having a little trouble thinking these days. Nothing significant, not affecting my multi-focal ability, just feel a little fuzzy. The migraines aren't helping. I have them every few days now. Fortunately they're mostly mild and Zecora has improved her remedy, so the side effects are much less inhibitory. I developed a promising research path last week, but now that I have time to follow up on it, I am having trouble wrapping my brain around it. All the pieces are there, I know it, it's just, seeing how they fit is becoming more difficult, they're not falling into place the way I'd expected. Oh well, it'll come to me. Probably just this headache, making it hard to think, like trying to swim through molasses sometimes. Still waiting on the results from the medical examination. Perhaps I should see if Zecora has anything to remedy my sluggishness. Huh, never considered Zecora before. I wonder if Zebra magic is linked like this, or if it's something else entirely. It seems mostly based on herbalism; so is quite possibly a sub-branch of earth pony magic. I'll have to ask her about it, see if she knows anything that might provide a new avenue of investigation.
Since I'm having a hard time with the magic research, I've been spending nearly all my study time writing instead. Got my edits back from Redline, she was concerned I wasn't putting as much effort into them as my previous work, because she found more flaws than expected, especially in the last batch. I let her know I'm just distracted with my other researches, and promised to give them the attention they deserved. I've been working mostly on those and the novel. My protagonist, Aurora Nocturnae, is a young unicorn filly who starts her life almost entirely without magic. The least magical unicorn of her tribe. Almost an outcast, she discovers that she has a unique talent for magic, different from any other unicorn. A magic that goes beyond mere tribal boundaries. I love her character, when I write her, it's like I'm writing about a special, hidden part of myself; although she's based more on Twilight than she is on me. (I can already hear your objections, Twilight. Yes, she is definitely based on you, and yes, you are that important to me. How could I not?) There's quite a bit of Roseluck in there as well; and maybe a little of my mother.
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Fluttershy is very concerned about Muffins. The poor mouse isn't eating well now, and had another migraine-like episode. She also isn't grooming as well as she should be. I asked her about Muffins' age, asked if maybe she was just getting old, but apparently Muffins should easily live another year, if not two, if she was in better health. Due to her weight loss, Fluttershy said it was okay to start feeding her sweet stuff again, since the little mousie still seems to like it and will eat that more readily than her standard diet. I've started sharing my muffins with her again.
Progress Report Week 46 Compound Sigil asked for my help evaluating his notes on Meadowbrook's intelligence enhancement spell. He is concerned about part of it, that there may be a serious flaw in the sigil mechanics that could cause instability. He thinks this may be responsible for my migraines. I've spent the better part of two days looking at it and good crap! this thing is a convoluted mess. I am having a hard time figuring out why half of it is even there, entire components seem to have no purpose except to compensate for other components that also seem to have no purpose, except maybe to insulate the caster from mana backlash that shouldn't even exist if he'd constructed it it properly. I'm going to need to dig into this deeper. Twilight is looking at it too and is confused as I am by what I'm seeing.
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I'm getting the migraines more frequently. Rosie is worried, but I told her it was nothing to concern herself... She and Bountiful Pasture are really getting serious, and I don't want her spending all her time over me when I should be sleeping. Where she should be She needs the life her own family and being happy with her somepony special... something... what was I going to say? The mouse. Something about a mouse... rosie there's something going and sleeping is not working. So many, but the links are clear. Perhaps it's confabulating synthesis, but the mouse didn't show a varied state flux so Rosie and Twilight can help with isolating the mana recirculation and Muffins is going to need a new blanket I wonder if the food is going to show sufficient organization to keep sufficient efforts managing her ongoing episodes but I'm sure Rosie can care for her despite Twilight not finding sufficient similarities even though there's a core pattern that underlies both the changes and the new diet which probably still isn't entirely healthy so I should probably be eating better there's something in that pattern that ακολουθήστε την παραγωγική ροή πίσω στο σημείο προέλευσης για τον προσδιορισμό των μεταβολών της απορρόφησης so if I can get somepony to show me where the kitchen is I'll try something she may like better
Finis principium sit amet mana in origine destinatum. Unde venit et quo vadit? where are my socks
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Muffins is getting worse. Sleeps all the time, barely eats, barely grooms. And a couple days ago she had what can only be described as a seizure. I've been devoting more time to her care. Fluttershy has no idea what to do. I'm getting very worried about her, and about myself after re-reading yesterday's entry. What was that all about? I can't seem to figure out what happened there, and I don't remember writing most of it. I really wish I had the results back from the hospital already.
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Made another breakthrough on the unified magic theory. This one wasn't an epiphany like the last, it was more like chiseling my way through a mountain of solid rock, finding a tiny diamond at the center of it. But the diamond is there, and it's one more link in the chain connecting the magic of the three tribes. Diamond is probably the wrong metaphor, though, since the link appears to be related to chaos, a sort of general chaos that underlies all of the world of magic. This makes so much more sense now. I think I see the parts finally coming together. A long way to go before proving my theory, but with this piece, I can almost see the picture in the puzzle.
Progress Report Week 47 Redline got my latest revisions and has started the publication process for my collection of adult fairy tales. They should be out in a couple weeks. Sales of my first collection have been superb. Truly superb. The third volume, the one with the more difficult language, isn't selling as well, but is still selling substantially better than Redline expected, so everything is good. I sent her a copy of my first draft of the Aurora Nocturnae novel. I have a lot of work left to do on it before it's even ready for editing, but I'm curious to see her impression of what I have so far.
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I finally got the results back from Canterlot Hospital. They found degradation in the fine structures of the brain, of my brain, the parts that manage mana flow and support the cortex. They're not sure if the degradation is singular or progressive; but are sure that it is definitely responsible for my migraines. I've tried reducing my mental activity to two threads, and am taking more frequent breaks, but that has only had a small impact on the migraines. I hope they can figure out what to do about this, the pain is really getting in the way of my work.
Rose found out about the brain degeneration. She kept crying and hugging me. I tried to console her, told her that it's just a minor setback, the hospital is looking into treatment, and that I should be able to pull through and get back to my usual self. That seemed to help, and we spent the night together talking and snuggling. She helped care for Muffins as well, and was really sad to see her in such bad shape.
We found it, we found the flaw. For the last three days I've been studying so hard I haven't slept, barely eaten, and have drunk way too much of Zecora's migraine remedy, but between the three of us we found the flaw in the spell. I had Twilight and Sunset and Compound Sigil all check my work, and I checked theirs, and none of us can find any errors in it. I'm totally screwed. The neural regeneration/restructuring equation is inherently unstable and self-distorting, especially when one integrates the temporal parameters. There's simply no way to make it function in anything like a controllable manner. That explains not only why I ended up exceeding the intelligence targets by so much; but why I cannot stay intelligent. The fine structures will continue to degenerate and unless we can find a way to stabilize the generative flux, I'll probably be dead within a few moons.
Muffins is already having trouble functioning. I keep her with me all the time now, watching and cuddling her, making sure she is not suffering too badly. I get migraines almost daily now. Zecora's remedy isn't working quite as well as it used to. I guess I can expect that as my brain continues to degenerate.
I've quit going to Sugarcube Corner and the spa, and given up on my regular exercise routines. I've even quit volunteering at Lacuna Heart House. I'm devoting as much of my time as possible to research, even setting the writing aside for now. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to think clearly enough to work on the UToM, and I don't want to waste a single moment. Rosie and Twilight are spending a lot more time with me now, and their support has been a huge help. I don't think I could go on without both of them.
Muffins is in such bad shape that she can't even care for herself anymore. I do everything for her now. Fluttershy and Zecora came up with a remedy that will take away the pain and let her sleep more comfortably. When she's awake, she still likes to cuddle, and still likes to sit in my mane. She also lets Rosie cuddle her while I'm busy working. She isn't eating her regular food anymore, but still likes to nibble at my muffins. Fluttershy said that I should let her eat anything she can, better something than nothing. She seems perfectly level-headed and professional on the surface, but I can see that it's bothering her too. She's so tenderhearted, and loves animals so much, this clearly is not any easier for her than it is for me.
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I had a seizure of my own yesterday, while having lunch with Twilight and Rarity. Scared them both, particularly Rarity. Scared myself as well. Just got home from the hospital a few minutes ago. Apparently I've been having temporal lobe seizures as well, for some time, which explains my hypergraphia and some of the other strange writing episodes recently.
Rosie looked in on me, found me in bed trying to study and insisted I put it up and just rest. I argued that I didn't have time to rest; but she persisted, and we got into a bit of a fight. Not much of one, but she ran off crying after I said a few things I shouldn't have. She returned later and said she understood it was just the pain and fear talking; but I could tell she was still hurt by it. Yet another thing I've derped up, and no way to make it up to her. I hope she forgives me.
Progress Report Week 49 Muffins died. Twilight wanted to perform a necropsy to see how bad the damage is, and investigate some possible avenues to reverse or at least stabilize the degenerative process. I resisted at first, but she was right. We... I... need to know. I helped with the necropsy even though I felt like breaking out in tears the entire time. Afterwards, I buried Muffins in the garden behind the castle. I left a muffin on her grave, not really sure why, it just seemed appropriate. Maybe some of the wild mice will eat it. A nice treat for them in her memory. All of Princess Twilight's inner circle stopped by to offer condolences, even Rainbow Dash. They were very sweet, but I hardly heard any of it I was so lost in grief. I would have completely lost control of myself had it not been for Rosie. I will write them a more suitable expression of my gratitude as soon as I am able to compose myself adequately.
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My mind is rapidly degenerating, more rapidly than it improved. I can't research the UToM anymore. I can't understand half of it, can barely even remember what I was trying to do with it. All that work, and I am now too stupid to keep up with where and who I was even a few weeks ago. Twilight says she can see where I am trying to go, understands the avenues I was purusing, and will continue my research as closely as she can; Sunset and Sigil say they will help with it. She said I'll even be listed as the primary author, since I've done all the hard work already, but I told her she's being too kind. There's still a lot left to prove, and I'll never have the oportunity now. I saw tears on her face, though she tried to hide them. I think she feels responsible, but she shouldn't. That flaw was far too well hidden. Meadowbrook was an idiot. A dangerous idiot. My head hurts again.
Rosie stays with me a lot. Several nights a week. I told her that wasn't necessary, that she has her own life, and her Pasture, but she insists. She seems so sad. Pasture has been very understanding and suportive. He can see how much we mean to each other, and says he considers me her family as well. He is very sweet, I really hope things work out for them. I'm so sad I'll never get to see them finally tie the knot, if they manage to do so. He might have made a good big brohter. She's so good to me, even when I'm being waspish and abrasive from the pain. I can see that it affects her, but she never lets it get in the way of supporting and comforting me. She's the most wonderful pony I've ever known, aside from my mom.
I'm sleeping a lot more now, six to seven hours a night. Partly as a side effect of migraine treatments, partly due to the fatigue from all the work I'm doing, partly due to my brain degeneration. At least I can still multi-focus, that's helpful. Another seizure this week, but not as bad as the previous one, didn't need to be hospitalized this time.
Progress Report Week 50 Since I cannot do the research anymore, I've gone back to writing, full time. I can still do that, even with the pain. I'm sending the finished chapters an revisions to Redline as quickly as I complet them. I want to get this finished before I'm no longer capable of wrting. I am making more mistakes, but she understands, and is taking care of most of the mechancal stuff for me so I can focus pureley on the story. Its getting close to complete now, not much longer to go.
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I got the last of the book done and in. Redline Proof is preparng the final proofs before it goes to the printer, and has personallyh manged nearly all the revisions (well, she and her team, i hear she has a lot of ponies working on this to get it done as fast as posible). I should get my copies within a few days of that. Now that that's dne, I've gone back to writing short stories and fairy tales. I doubt I'll be able to manage another full collection, but I still love telling stories, and I know the jornal will publish a few of them.
Two more small seizures. They make it real hard to think for hours afterward. Penponyship is getting worse too. Some days I can hardly read what Ive written.
Progress Report Week 51 Aurora's Journey has been sent to the printer. I've goten my author's copies, and inscribed all of them to my friends. Rosie first, then Twilight, then Cherilee, then Redline who has been so imprtant to my finishing it. I included her in the dedication along with Rose, Twiliht and Cherilee, she deserved it. I didnt keep a single copy for myself, since i've alreayd read it. heh.
I am mostly just sleeping and writing now. Princess Twilight has aranged for a private nurse for me. That was so nice of her. I am luky to have a friend like the Princess. Have gone a little over week without a seizure. Thank the stars for small favours.
I miss Muffins. Almost as much as I miss my mom. Rosie is staying with me agin tonight. I love Rosie a lot. I wish she had been my real sister.
Progress Report Week 52 Feeling a lot better today, my mind is almost clear. That's the chaotic nature of the spell, though, I go up and down a lot now, but mostly down. They tell me that Aurora's Journey has been selling incredibly well already. The first printing sold out within two days, the second is expected to sell out within a few weeks, and they're already planning a third. The reviews have been phenomenal, though I don't know how much is actual appreciation, and how much is sympathy. I've asked that all profits from the sales of my work go to the Lacuna Heart House and Cherilee's adult education course, and in typical fashion, Twilight decided that she needed to do more.
The princesses all contributed and are funding improvements to the building and grounds. They have re-dedicated Lacuna Heart House as the Ditzy Doo Residential Academy for the Developmentally Disabled, expanded it, and instituted a regular education and vocational program. Cherilee is planning to work there part time, wich is nice, and they are paying her well for it. She always was my favorite teacher. I hear that there is even talk of endowing a chair at Canterlot University to study disabilities like mine, and find a beter way to treat them. If I'm to die young, I couldn't ask for a better legacy. All of the princesses were there at the dedication, even Cadance. It was nice to meet her; and to finally get to meet Princess Luna in person, after all she's done to help me through my nightmares.
Saw some wild mice eating the muffin I left on Muffins' grave. I liked that. I will leave another one when they finish eating it.
Progress Report week 53 The week started off with a terrible siezure, I injured myself falling onto a chair while trying to get to the latrine. Not badly, fortunately, but had to spend several days in the hospital. Princess Twilight wasn't around due to her royal duties, but Applejack was, and she carried me in, running nearly the entire way. Such a strong pony, I'm lucky she happen to stop by. Rosie stayd with me most of the time I was in the hospital. Once I got back to the castle, she asked if she couldhave a bed brought in to my rooms so she could be with me more. I said she had her own life and business to think about, but she wanted to at least spend nights wtih me while she still can. I'm in so much pain, I hate having her see me like this. I tried to tell her a story, since I cant write very well anymore.
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Had a better day today, was able to walk a bit. Rosie helped me put a muffin on Muffins' grave.
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Princes Twilit stoppd by today. She looked so sad, and i could tell she had been crying. Its so hard to think now. Another pony stopped by to see me, I didn't remember him at frst, and I can't remember his name, Single something, I think. He said he had been my teacher for a while. After a few minuts I rememberd him, but forgot again later. He seemed distraught.
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I tried to read one of my favorit collections of fairy tales,but had a hard time undrstandin some of the words. I got so frustrated I threw the book acros the room. Rosie came and held me while I cried and she cried too.
progres report week 54 I am confused a lot lately. i have truble thinkin clearly and remembering things. i saw Rosie and she seemed so sad to see me. i asked why and she said she didn't like seing me in pain, becaus she is my friend and she cares for me a lot. I sed that was very nice of her, that she was very nice to me, just like a big sister i never had. she cried when i sed that and snuggled me. i know we have been friends and she has been like a big sister, but I have a hard time remembering a lot of it. its like a dream. a relly nice dream. i dream about my mom a lot now. i see princess Luna in my dreams a lot too. she doesnt say much, just that she is checkin on me to make sure i'm okay. she can seem a litle scary sometimes, but is really very nice. i couldnt get out to visit muffins grave, but princess Twilit says she put a muffin thre for me.
progres report week 55 I thot about movin bak to Lacuna Heart House but princess Twilit says that i shoud stay in the casel and she woud look after me. she also said that they gave it a new name and named it aftr me. i was kind of confused by that at first, but then i remembrd meeting the princeses when they renamed it. I get to see the others sumtimes, espeshuly Spike becuz he is ther all the time and Fluttershy who comes to visit me speshul. I dont see Rainbo Dash much anymor. I thot she stoppd being my frend but she sed she is still my frend but is very busy with Wonderbolts Reserves stuff. She looked very sad when she sed it and had a hard time talking so i think that seeing what is hapening to me makes her too sad and she does not want to be that sad.. Fluttershy sez that Rainbo Dash is still my frend to, but has a hard time under standing what is hapening and that she has a hard time with sad stuff. I feel bad for Rainbo Dash.
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couldnt walk today. tried to go to the latrine and almost fell. the nurse helped me up and i went and went bak to bed.
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walking better today, not so dizzy. i guess it was becaus of the pain medicine. they gave me a differnt won that didnt make me so dizzy. it doesnt work as well tho. it was dark and cloudy today and I walked with Rosie to Sugercube Corner since i was feeling a bit better and not having so much sun means my hed did not hurt as much.. that was nice. no pony else wantd to talk to me tho. except pinkie pie. she is so funny, she always makes me laff. even when my head hurts. she made me very speshil muffins.
progres report week 56 went back to work at the post offis. i forgot i do not werk ther anymor. quick line is not there anymore. misty peak sed that he had an argument with index card and kwit. i kind of feel bad abowt that. she sed that flowing script is the same as alwayz and grumpy. they all semed so sad and they semed scayrd of me for sum reazun. i guess i derped up again. i went bak to the casel and princess twilit had spyk help me to bed. i dont feel much like riting any more now.
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it is very hard to reed now. i dont understan a lot of words wen i look at them now. Princes Twilit and Flutershy reed to me. Flutershy red me storiez from a book of fairy taylz today. she sed i rote it, but i cant remember. they are good stories so i gess i was a good riter befor i stopd being smart.
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my hed hurts all the tym now. i stay in bed mostly. sumtimes spyk helps me go outsid and see the sun and moon. princess twilit had zecora mayk up sum speshul poshuns for my hed. they mayk me feel a litle beter but rilly fuzzy. i dont lyk the fuzzy but it is beter than the pain. i dreamed a bad dream last nite. princess luna came in my dream and sed it was the pain that mayd it bad and she made the bad dream go away. then i dreamed about siting in a field with my parnts having a picnic like we did wen i was a filly. i askd princess twilit to leav a muffin on muffins grayv wunse in a wile to feed the wild mice in memory of her. the princess sed she wud.
progres report week 57 princess twilit says it wont be long now before it is all over. i am redy for the pain to stop. maybee i wil finaly get to see my mom agin
Ditzy Doo's journal transcribed for publication by Redline Proof; original submitted to the Canterlot University Library's rare and unique book collection.
Excerpt from Princess Twilight Sparkle's notes on the First Edition, annotated: "Sigilistics" is the foundation of all magical theory, the symbolic underpinnings of magic manipulation and spellweaving. It's the magical equivalent of mathematics, with basic sigilistics being analogous to simple arithmetic; and advanced sigilistics to calculus.
Excerpt from Cloudsdale Oncology Clinic's publication "Pegasus Oncology Cross-Reference Guide, Eighth Edition": Calamular Follicle Carcinoma, aka Calamus Rot, is a rare and hard to detect cancer that affects Pegasus ponies, Griffons, and certain large birds. It starts in the follicles of feathers, mainly flight feathers. Unlike other follicular cancers, it doesn't kill the feathers, but makes flying increasingly painful. In its early stages, the pain is typically assumed to be due to overexertion, irritation from over-preening or feather mites, or in more serious cases, recurring low-grade feather flu due to the paraneoplastic symptoms. In the rare cases where it is diagnosed early, treatment with a combination of medication and magic has proven reasonably effective, with a life expectancy of 10-20 years. Unlike most other cancers, CFC is not known to affect the immune system, so opportunistic infections are not a significant consideration. Tumour cells are highly invasive and metastasize quickly. By the time the pain is severe, and the symptoms obvious enough to be diagnosed as cancer-related, it is nearly always at stage 4, and average life expectancy is 3-6 months. At that point, only palliative care is possible, no effective treatments have yet been found.
Excerpt from Princess Twilight Sparkle's publication "Application and Consequence of magus Meadowbrook's intelligence enhancement spell suite; revised with post-mortem evaluation of subject Ditzy Doo." Presented to Canterlot University by Princess Twilight Sparkle and reviewed by the Chair of Experimental Magic:
The Fine Structures of the brain are a set of white-matter nerve channels that only exist in creatures that have magical potential; eg. Equus ferus sapiens terra, pegasus, and unicornis (the three Pony tribes) and Equus zebra sapiens (Zebras); or which are partially magical in composition, eg. Equus fata sapiens (Breezies). Fine structures support the cerebral cortex, channelling mana and enabling communication between the various components of the brain. All ponies possess these structures, although they are most pronounced in unicorns, where they are particularly concentrated in the alicornal bulb at the base of the horn, and enable common unicorn abilities such as telekinesis and spellcasting. In pegasi they enable flight, cloudwalking, and arcane physical abilities. In earth ponies they provide the ability to directly sense and manipulate the complex properties of plants and soil. Breakdown of the Fine Structures is typically caused by mana overload, neural degeneration, or traumatic brain injury. Symptoms of overload can vary, but most commonly manifest as similar to disorganized schizophrenia. Fine Structure channels start leaking mana, causing communication disruption and cross-communication between various regions of the brain. In minor cases, this manifests as disorientation, incoherent thought patterns, migraine, and/or sleep disturbances resulting in unusually vivid and unpleasant dreams, ephialtes nocturnus in the most severe manifestations. If the breakdown is degenerative, then further symptoms manifest, typically synaesthesia, hallucination, delusions, eventually culminating in frequent episodes of florid psychosis. In the most severe cases, this leads to neural burnout and death. Caught early, treatments are available that can reverse the breakdown and restore normal functioning. The later it is caught, or the more severe the case, the more difficult this is to do. By the time psychosis manifests, reversal is typically not possible, but the disorder can be managed, and symptoms minimized.
The case of Ditzy Doo is an atypical presentation, as Meadowbrook's intelligence enhancement spell's unstable primary component caused the Fine Structures to overload, while the other components served to create a network of protective pseudo-structures that re-channeled the leakage and prevented degeneration while they remained stable. The breakdown of the pseudo-structures in the degenerative phase resulted in the documented episodes of temporal lobe and generalized epilepsy. These pseudo-structures are also what created the subject's cognitive multi-focal ability and the extremely rapid increase in memory retention and information processing. Due to the inherent instability of the primary component, there is no way to predict how long this process will take in any particular individual, variance is estimated between a few months and three years, but the end result in every case is increasingly frequent neurogenic pain (migraine and/or neuralgia) followed by intermittent absence seizures and/or tonic-clonic seizures, and finally death from cortex failure. It is highly unlikely that Meadowbrook even realized this was happening, as the effect of the spell on the Fine Structures is indirect (and knowledge of pony neurology was still in its infancy), although he recognized enough of the instability of the primary component to establish several levels of exceedingly and unnecessarily complex protective buffers. Only three sapient subjects were ever documented: one pony and one donkey treated by Meadowbrook himself, and Ditzy Doo. The donkey, whose name was not recorded, was treated with an earlier version of the spell lacking some of the protective components, and only lasted roughly nine weeks. The other, an Earth pony named Dry Grass, survived two years and eight months, but little else is known about her. Animal tests by Meadowbrook and others resulted in survival rates between fourteen weeks and three years.
Dramatis Personae Canon Characters: Ditzy Doo (aka Derpy Hooves) Princess Twilight Sparkle Roseluck Cherilee Rainbow Dash Fluttershy Pinkie Pie Rarity Applejack Princess Luna Princess Celestia Princess Cadance Zecora Sunset Shimmer Original Characters: Quick Line (a pegasus) Misty Peak (another pegasus) Flowing Script (a unicorn) Index Card (an earth pony) Compound Sigil (a unicorn) Redline Proof (a unicorn) Bountiful Pasture (an earth pony) Muffins (a mouse)
