• Member Since 12th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Bad Dragon


I write so that one day I may finally stop writing and be free, but these damn new ideas keep finding ways into my brain. I need to write more to vent them out!

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Most ponies aren’t blessed to be Alicorns. They are unfortunate to be born as Unicorns, Pegassi or, Celestia forbid, the most inferior of them all: Earth ponies.

However, Princess Celestia can reform them. She has the magic. She has the capability to turn them into Alicorns. To make them more than they were before. Better, stronger, faster, and most importantly: Immortal!

This story has Youtube Audio Drama!


Written for the 1000 Words Contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 54 )

Upvote for the cheeky interrobang usage

The more the mareier.

11640438 ⸘Interrobang is the very best punctuation, isn't it‽

11640442 When all ponies are Alicorns, there shall be peace in Equestria (hopefully).

It was at this point that Twilight decided that Celestia needed to die. She didn't know how, but she would kill her mentor. For being a deranged lunatic.

M.A Larson will approved of this story.

11640465

"It's not because of what you do that you need to die, Celestia. It's because of how you go about doing it..."

11640470 11640474 Hasbro wanted to sell more toys make more alicorns. This story is just taking things to their natural conclusion.

I was expecting Celestia to ask her ponies to look under their seats. I am disappoint. :duck:

11640516 But now they get to look under their wings and behind their horns.

A well intentioned, borderline Trollestia. Love it.

11640604 She did good. She also waited for consent before she committed to it. So, it's hard to hold anything against her.

Still, the way she went about it...

This was amusing enough that I'm going to go read a few of your other stories. A lot of your stories have been heavily downvoted, but sometimes people downvote for the wrong reasons, and I'm curious to see whether that's the case here.

11640663 You'll find dark humor in all of my stories. But it's a special sarcastic kind of dark humor that many can't stomach well.

If you liked this story, chances are you'll like the other ones as well.

I wonder how Opaline would respond to this. She'd probably find some excuse to spin the "fire alicorn" thing to see herself as superior, but she can't very well can't turn ponies against each other if they're all biologically the same.

11640485

Hasbro wanted to sell more toys make more alicorns.

I remember hearing that Princess Cadance was originally meant to be a unicorn, but the executives demanded that she be given wings because they thought it would make for better toys.

11640736 Canonically, it would make more sense for just Celestia and Luna to ever be Alicorns. But Hasbro just loves to make money new Alicorns.

For those who are familiar with Scootatrix The Abridged: This is my Celestia headcanon for this story.

11641082 Yes, I can see the similarities.

Celestia likes to say things with an umpf.

This was just Amazing…10/10

11641158 You will also be amazing 10/10 after Celestia turns you into an immortal Alicorn.

11641163
Aww nice, thanks :)

Great job! Funny story.

11641683 Coming from you, that means a lot. Thank you.

Finally somepony has her head screwed on straight and is going to do something about the plight of us all.

11641980 She will, but you will get yelled at in the process for tolerating death.

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11640442
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11640514

⸘What could possibly be better than the Interrobang‽ ¡The Inverted Interrobang!

I am sorry that I am late to this party, but I am busy:

As you know, when the Pandemic shut down the bordellos … I mean massage-parlors offering extra special massages, a woman with whom I had a business-relationship (money for sex) crashed at my place. She is my woosey girlfriend so afraid of needles that she caught the 'Rona twice and now has messed up lungs —— the 'Rona is no joke, as not only did it mess up the lungs of my girlfriend too scared to get vaccinated, but it killed Casto Rodriguez, a man whom I work for years, but called in sick in December 2020 and died in January 2021!

We started our own cathouse … I mean massage-parlor. The trouble is that the contractor who built the place was cheap and only had hookups for a sink and toilet and the electrical can only hand 100 Amperes (the USA uses split-phace 240-Volts At 60 Hertz).. We can work around the amperage, but we need a shower and washing machine for the business, plus, once it has a shower, we can move into the House-Of-Illrepute … I mean massage-parlor …. and save money on rent, utilities, et cetera (we basically have 2 of each bill now). The trouble is the cost:

The plumber has to tear up reinforced concrete, didup pipes for potable water and sewage, lay down new pipes for water and sewage, fill in the soil, and pour new concrete. That costs 13,000.00 U$D.

¡The thing is that if the builder would not have been so cheap, it would have cost less than 1,000.00 U$D to do this when as part of construction!

The building is built as cheaply as code allows. ¿Is it like that in Slovenia too?

Aboubt the story, it is about time that the alicorns share their immortality. They will have to reduce fertility of alicorns to balance the knew deathrate, or else, they will have famine. Certainly, I might operate under a false assumption:

¿Are alicorns immortal but destructible?

If unicorns are indestructible, when they will run out of food, they shall not be about to turn food into foals any more and reproduction will cease; but hungrily however, the alicorns will not die.

11660152
Literally nobody asked.

11660152 I am a fan of Interrobang, but I feel the inverted one is simply redundant.

Opening up your own bordello is a good business plan.

With reduced long capacity, giving deep-throats might be more of a challenge for your Rona-loving GF. but now that you both have a bordello, you can help her out if needed.

In regards to renovation, it might be better to do another construction beside the old one, but this time you do it right. That way, you'll have enough room to host orgies.

In regards to Alicorn, my headcanon is that they're basically indestructible. Luna survived a millennium on the moon without oxygen, food and water. However, they're also sterile (except for Cadence who is the Princess of Whorses Love). Thus, the population will stay constant.

11660338

> "In regards to renovation, it might be better to do another construction beside the old one, but this time you do it right. That way, you'll have enough room to host orgies."

That would be nice, but it is, unfortunately, not an option.

The cheap builders are a real problem here because none of the commercial buildings have hookups for showers and washing machines. All of the renters complain about this. If it were not for regulations saying that buildings have to have toilets and sinks for washing hands so that people do not defecate in the streets, the builders would not bother with plumbing, thus saying money.

I forgot to mention that when we redo the bathroom, the toilet will have a bidet. Americans do not know about bidets because one cannot advertise them here —— ¡Americans are so prudish! ¿Do you have bidets in Slovenia? The customers, being Americans, will not know what to do, but the prostitutes, after a little instruction, will love them.

> "In regards to Alicorn, my headcanon is that they're basically indestructible. Luna survived a millennium on the moon without oxygen, food and water. However, they're also sterile (except for Cadence who is the Princess of Whorses Love). Thus, the population will stay constant."

This should have interesting effects on pony-society.

11660375 You already have toilet plumbing. Just build a shower over it. That way you'll have an all-in-one shower where you can easily piss and shit yourself while you shower.

I actually have a bidet. I never use it, though. Whatever you can do with a bidet, you can do in the shower as well.

11660432

> "I actually have a bidet. I never use it, though. Whatever you can do with a bidet, you can do in the shower as well."

¡Ah!, but prostitutes must have clean buts at all time and they do not have time to sltrip and dress before they strip and dress.

11661105 I can see prostitutes using it, indeed.

I used to think the purpose of bidets is that they're lower so that children can easily use them.

Her optics are terrible, but I suppose transhumanists in fiction usually have that problem. The ultimate ends are based, though.

11670532 She's trying to do good, in the most evil way possible.

11687100 You're as speechless as the crowd was.

11661105
Ill have you know the greatest of whores rarely possesses a clean... anything

He invokes such passion the stank merely adds to his craft

well, that certainly is something. Trollestia is one thing but i like to think that she’d find a more interesting way to do this

11697967 When you live for as long as Celestia, you have to pursue every opportunity for entertainment in order to define boredom.

She's just having some harmless fun (if you discount the life-long traumas she's causing).

”You are already exhaling.”
“It’s called breathing…”

Missed opportunity for an “expiration” pun.

All told, this is just trying too hard. The whole story reads as “Laugh! Laugh! Look at the silly sun horse and LAUGH, damn you!” I enjoy a good bit of absurdism, but this overdoes it to an obnoxious degree. Still, thank you for the entry.

11698813 Added the pun.

The story didn't start as a comedy. It was supposed to be about Celestia actually trying to wake up ponies from complacency.

In my personal view, it isn't Trolestia who is funny. It's the ponies, not jumping at the opportunity for immortality.

Something tells me that not all ponies will be pleased about this.

Celestia follows Hasbros advice; moar alicorns. This story is a work of art and you used fucking interrobangs, which are a work of art themselves. Upvote

11746148 If Celestia succeded in changing everypony into Alicorns, there would be no racism in G5.

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Then everypony from G4 will also be there since alicorn live a lot longer/are immortal (that depends on what you think) :trollestia:

11746933 Indeed. Instead of G5, we would have gotten G4 season 10 with all of the old cast.

11746995
I wonder what would've happened. Everypony in Equestria is now OP so villians are not likely, unless... they start fighting each other trying to determine who's the best alicorn

11747135 Imagine Opaline finally breaking out of her cocoon boasting, "Suffer me now, world. None of you can handle an Alicorn!"

And there are like hundreds of Alicorns just floating above her, watching her quizzaciously.

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