This story is a sequel to My past does not define me
It's been one month since Anon-A-Miss' reign of terror through the school. One month since the school was divided. One month since Sunset was framed and persecuted by her fellow students. One month since the CMC admitted their involvement, and were punished.
Sunset should be thrilled, after all her name was cleared and everyone's been bending over backwards to make it up to her. This should be something that brings the entire school together and make her friendships stronger.
But it hasn't.
Sunset feels more alone than ever now. Having lost all trust for the girls assigned to teach her and believing her past will always haunt her, no matter how much she tries to show she's changed.
With the Friendship Games coming up, can CHS band together and defeat Crystal Prep? Will Sunset be able to forgive her fellow students and friends? How is the CMC going to make up for their mistake?
Featured November 17th, 2021
Though she had a point about the apology. The difference between the two is one you know you messed up and trying to make it right even if takes forever. The other is because you feel bad and probably wouldn't bother trying if you didn't feel bad.
Very interesting start. There isn't a lot of Anon-a-Miss stories out there that took place after the aftermath from the original comic.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
11050939
True. Yet it’s clear Sunset went through so much pain; both physical and mental, that it will take more than a month for her to feel better, even with professional therapy. And right now; to quote Herb from Bojack Horseman, she’s not gonna be anyone’s prop so they can feel better.
11050981
Oh hey, didn't expect to see you here. I've actually read some of your stories before, including your own take on Anon a miss.
Glad to see you're reading my own story.
Ok, that’s actually a good one. Not gonna lie.
Why would they care if she forgives them? They’re not that close.
Here’s the thing, those are two different situations.
Wait, what’s the difference?
Why would that make her cry?
11051015
I was actually slightly inspired by that scene from Bojack. Sunset seems to be in a similar state of mind.
11050939
Well, you put it more eloquently than me. That was pretty much my thought process but I hadn't fully distinguished the two.
But it did seem like something Sunset would say after the school turned on her after everything she did to prove she had changed.
11051020
Oh cool! Glad you read them and I hope you enjoyed my stories!
And I really like your story so far. I'll definitely keeping track of it. Keep up the good work!
11051015
Yeah I thought she should a mental health doctor and not just a school counselor though they can help I believe if she should need meds to help her someone who can actually get them for her would be a good thing. She wasn't exactly welcome 100% by anyone and those comments that ended with no offense weren't probably helping her in the mental health department which got destroyed because of 3 selfish little girls.
This...is amazing, even for a first chapter!
I'm eager to see more of this!
11051116
You might get your wish, I should be finished with the second chapter tonight
11051138
This is so interesting, I'll stay tuned for more of it!
Keep working hard
Very interesting, I definitely want to follow this one and see where down the rabbit hole it takes us.
11051139
Well, second chapters up. No idea how good it is, could probably do with some more polish.
“Twilight, I have been going to the potty all by myself for months now; I’m starting to feel patronized.”
Right off the bat, I just wanna say, I really like the conceit of having colored text representing the characters’ text exchanges. That said, I initially read this on light mode, so the text was a little hard to see. If you keep running with that concept, may I recommend using darker colors for Twi and Sunnybunny? They’d pop out better against both the site’s backgrounds.
(On that note: The way you write Sunset and Twilight’s exchanges feels just a bit too artificial for what’s effectively real-time text messaging. Like they’re emailing back and forth rather than communicating in real time. Try playing around a bit more with that if you incorporate more exchanges like that into the story.)
Beyond that, well. Anon-A-Miss isn’t really subject matter that appeals to me as a reader, because stories following the premise tend to just devolve into author tracts, glurgey depression-porn, or revenge-porn for Sunset Shimmer. You know, either the story exaggerates the extent of Sunset’s bullying and sadness to 13 Reasons Why levels of nonsense, or Sunset’s righteous pony-rage becomes the driving point for every interpersonal interaction in the story.
And I kind of feel like this story is going in the latter direction (although there’s hints of the former with that moment of retroactive continuity, where Sunset apparently told Twilight she was suicidal)? The exchange with Lyra feels... to borrow the language I used before, artificial. It feels like a contrived situation to give Sunset as much license to be angry, and as angry as she wants, for as long as she wants. It’s less like dialogue between two characters, and more like dialogue between Sunset, and a training dummy who just has to sit there and take it.
Like, uh. I haven’t read the second chapter, but I’m willing to bet Sunset isn’t still joining them for desserts after all that.
Also:
...That... doesn’t... rhyme though?
What I’m trying to get at is: There are a lot of AAM stories on this site; as you note in your A/N, it’s a very overdone premise for a story. And stories that follow it tend to be cut from the same mold, you know? They might get a ton of upvotes and praise, but in the end, if you’ve read one, you’ve read ‘em all.
My question to you, and what I’d hope you ask yourself as you write, is what will make this one unique? How will it stand out from the dozens (hundreds?) of stories with identical premises? How will you avoid this being just one more AAM story among the multitude? It’s your first story, I know, and it’s helpful to trot down a well-beaten road when you’re just finding your way. Just, keep that in mind, okay? Challenge yourself to avoid AAM cliches, and do something fresh with the material.
On a final note, I appreciate the pace with which you’re writing, but I think this could have used another once-over from an editor; there are a lot of simple technical flaws that could be ironed out. Also, your second chapter’s title is missing a possessive apostrophe.
Very good follow-up chapter!
Hmm... I wonder what Apple Bloom was up to?
It doesn't seem like anyone's learned anything from the whole clustercrap. Apple Bloom has another secret plan that will no doubt backfire and students who were more than happy read Anon-A-Miss's posts and shove Sunset around are now doing the same to the crusaders(flippin' hypocrites).
Well this can only splendidly blow up in Applbloom's face. 🤔
Lessons not learned in blood are easily forgotten..
So how much "blood" is AB willing to go through?
11051297
Hello and thank you for your comment.
Thank you for taking the time to read and give some criticism to my story despite you not being a fan of AAM stories, I appreciate it.
I've seen a few fics that use that kind of format to have Twi and Sunny talk through the journal, and it seemed like common sense.
As for colors, I guess I could try it out. The site doesn't give a lot of choices however, and Twilight's was already the specially designated one for her on the color palette.
Twilight and Sunny's dialogue could probably use some more polish. What do you recommend I do to make it more natural?
The AAM genre does have a startling number of those stories and I appreciate your concerns. Rest assured this won't be a hate piece for the characters, Sunset being all mopey and suicidal, and Sunset won't exactly be getting revenge per say, though she will be bitter and angry for a while.
You think so? How do you think I could write that interaction better? I kind of felt Sunsets last retort was a little weak, but I couldn't think of anything truly satisfying.
Not in the second chapter, but she will join them.
I'm not sure if rhyming was the proper term, but it was the best I got. It did kind of rhyme though, if not very well.
AAM do kind of feel a dime a dozen, no idea why I read so many of them though.
Do they get a lot of upvotes? They don't seem to get much attention unless it's very unique.
Honestly? Not entirely sure, I just wanted to test the waters of fimfiction and write an AAM story.
The best I could say is it's set after the events of AAM and isn't too mopey or utterly hateful of the characters.
I do plan on having Sunset eventually making amends with her friends and her fellow students, though she'll neither be overly forgiving or stubbornly hateful.
I appreciate your concerns and I'll make sure to keep your words in mind.
All my work could really benefit from the use of an editor and beta reader honestly.
After 'Blooms'?
11051334 This got very long, so I confined my answers to just the points where you asked for help directly. I may have missed one or two questions, though, because I’m old and foolish.
I think I’ve run into a similar problem in the past. You might try bolding the lighter text so that it stands out more? You could also use Violet, rather than the standard Twilight pigment. Experiment a bit.
(For my part, I’ve used dark red for Sunset’s dialogue when I’ve written exchanges that way)
You think about a text message exchange, and it’s one or more people shooting short, punchy lines back and forth, or interrupting, talking over one another. Stuff like that. This isn’t a text message thread, granted, and the format is not a 1:1 parallel. For example, the characters are limited by the speed of their penmanship, whereas texting tends to go faster for today’s quick-fingered youth. But it’s a similar principle, nevertheless.
There are some things that you could do to make their exchanges feel more unique, and authentic to that format; right now, a lot of the time, there’s not much to distinguish them from in-person dialogue. I like how, sometimes, you indicate that some of their messages are taking a while to come through, or they’re trying to figure out what to say to one another; I especially like Sunset’s little flirt-doodle.
By contrast, this moment:
Felt very inauthentic. For all she knew, Twilight was just going to ask if she’d considered a paleo diet. And even if Sunset already had a feeling of where Twilight was going with that thought, the fact that she cuts her off mid-sentence and Twilight just stops feels weak.
I think the idea behind this interruption could’ve worked, but you wrote it like it was a face-to-face exchange of words. So, it’s a stumbling point, instead. Maybe you could try to create more moments like the pauses while they wait for one another to finish, or if you created these loaded moments where they’re waiting with trepidation to see what the other says? Or play around with the mechanics behind the journal: characters erasing or crossing out stuff, starting their sentences again, as they figure out what they want to say.
Or hell, even more doodles.
Mm. The last suggestion I’d give on that front is to check out this story. A lot of its scenes are framed as text-message exchanges between the two protagonists, and I think it really nails what that kind of communication looks like. Like I said, this isn’t 1:1 the same thing as texting, but there are enough similarities that I think you could draw some inspiration here.
It’s also, just, a criminally underread story, and I plug it whenever I can.
Two things come to mind. First, I feel like you overdo it with Sunset’s expressions of outrage. She basically lays out her thesis statement for the entire story in this one scene with (what I assume to be) a minor character. This is a situation where less might be more, where cold anger is called for over hot... uh, anger. I almost wrote “hot passion,” but that would be a different story entirely.
The second thing is Lyra, herself. I’ll do my best to explain: She doesn’t seem like a person in that exchange. Just an object for Sunset to be mad at. To wit:
I can’t say Sunset’s wrong in what she says (even if three mic-drop lines, back-to-back-to-back, is a bit much), but Lyra’s presence here basically vanishes after Sunset rounds on her. I noticed you referencing Bojack as a source of inspiration, but Bojack is so far up his own ass for most of the series that he assumes he is the wronged party in every argument, even if, on some level, he knows he’s the asshole in most situations.
What motivates Lyra in this scene? What does she want? She makes what she thinks is an attempt at mending bridges with Sunset, and Sunset throws it in her face. To me, it seems like Lyra would consider herself the offended party. Rather than shriveling up before Sunset, she’d be offended, and she’d stay offended.
I’m not saying Lyra should start wrestling with Sunset, but she lets Sunset get the last word way too easily here.
They either get a lot of upvotes, or a lot of downvotes. Not much room for in-between. Not sure why, myself.
“Apple Bloom’s Plan.” Possessive apostrophe before the S.
Anyway, glad I could shovel food for thought into your writer-mouth! Chew thoroughly.
11051021
Lyra only saying she sorry to make herself feel better, to get rid of her guilt.
Add she goes, it been a month how long will it take for you to forgive me?!!
Wow!
She fubar badly, and the things she did really hurt her.
Sunset has apologized not to make herself feel better but because she truly regrets what she did.
Even though she may never be forgiven it seems.
In the end Lyra like everyone else drove a spike through Sunset's heart in believing no matter what she never be forgiven one mistake one silly frame up and she be hated and tossed aside.
11051404
Actually, I think you may be wrong about that. Sunset didn’t feel guilty until she was stopped.
11051410
11051404
Here's the scene in question;
As Pete100 points out, Sunset doesn't start showing regret until after she's been depowered (though how much this was a side effect of wearing the crown is a cause of some debate considering her facial expressions during the transformation itself).
Oof. Sunset must be in a pretty dark place if she legitimately believes that letting three genocidal maniacs brainwash an entire planet with their singing was worth it to prevent a case of cyberbullying. One can only wonder where this dark path will lead, as, to quote Nietzche, "he who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster."
11051452
Some people say that the crown corrupted her, but I don’t 100% believe that. I don’t remember where I heard this, but I remember hearing that the crown showed what was in her heart. So to me all the crown showed was what we already knew.
11051453
The funny thing is that if she chose not to save the students she would have been screwed just like everyone else at the school. So she would basically be dooming herself. I’m surprised lyra didn’t tell her that. I also find the favoritism kinda funny.
11051518
Actually sunset is immune to their but the sirens could have another way to get her.
11051613
I know she’s immune, but that’s not what I meant.
Honestly, I don't blame Sunset for not easily forgiving Lyra, or anyone, for the whole thing because like she said, it seems like they're just apologizing to make themselves feel better, not because they genuinely regret their actions. Whether or not that's true doesn't change how she's perceiving it.
Bloom needs to be very careful here, because this could backfire spectacularly if Sunset suspects she's being manipulated.
Can the FANDOM move on from Anon-A-Miss? It was a mass character assassination written by a complete hack.
11051516
I think that's the canon explanation.
11051613
I believe what Pete100 is referring to is that the Sirens in control of the entire school, possibly the entire planet's population, would render them unstoppable.
11051729
But isn’t guilt the source of why people are sorry?
To answer Lyra and Bon Bon's question regarding feeling guilty vs being sorry is actually pretty simple, it's a matter of intent. Apologizing simply because you feel guilty is inherently selfish as you're only doing it to make yourself feel better rather than actually meaning it.
Put another way Lyra was only apologizing to make herself feel better rather than make Sunset feel better. Thereby making it about her rather than Sunset. Feeling genuinely sorry meanwhile is when you are apologizing to make the other person feel better because you fully acknowledge you know what you did was wrong ans want to make it right rather than simply throw an apology out to bury the issue in an instance.
Otherwise, nice enough chapter. Sunset being bitter and angry at everyone is a fun idea. That being unlike other stories where Sunset flat out decided to leave the school is the usual outcome. But her deciding to be the bigger person and stay, but still be justifiably angry at everyone and not letting them off the hook like she did in the comic is quite nice.
Hoping that anger sticks around for a while since just going by what Lyra wrote on Sunset's locker and the story tags, Sunset had it WAY worse in this story compared to how things were in the comic.
11052027
Exactly what I thought too. In fact from the first chapter I said that. At least I am not the only one who gets it.
11052027
Apologies in most cases are often a combination of the two.
11051976
The important thing is why you have that guilt.
11052097
But how would you know why someone feels guilty?
Too many Sunsets... And others along with it - maybe you should look into some synonyms as to not repeat characters names that much? Although, that note aside, the fic is pretty nice so far. Just hoping that it won't drop dead somewhere in the middle like most of the stories of this particular comic :)
But seriously, browse them yourself - it's like there's some kind of curse over the theme of Anon-A-Miss.
11052033
True but sometimes a simple I'm sorry isn't enough. You have show it. You have have to find a way to make them see you mess and want to make it right. Sunset did whatever she could and it took the sirens just to get them to forgive and the sirens weren't making things better by getting everyone hating on anyone not in their band.
11052204
But isn’t this a similar situation?
11052204
Especially hard when one party is hurting.
11052228
Not really because all they doing is saying sorry and considering how a lot of them sent in secrets it going to be hard to trust anyone. They have earn just like she by trying to show they truly care and that forgiveness isn't what matters sunset feeling better is.
(Ah yes, another plan... because the first one went SO well. Ugh... well, this will be an interesting train-wreck to observe, intriguing enough start thus far.)
11052252
Did she earn it? I don’t remember. Also, you say that forgiveness doesn’t matter, but wasn’t that the point of sunset’s arc?
11052458
Considering in the story it says how she got up in front of everyone and admitted what she did Plus the months of being treated like a leper despite trying to be nice. They didn't want to forgive and forget and now it their turn to learn that lesson. Forgiving them might make them feel better but it won't heal sunset. She needs to be able to believe that they do care and this time they actually forgave and forgot.