Apple Blooms plan
Bon-Bon idly scrolled through her phone as she made her way to her first period class, trying to ignore the atmosphere of mistrust, guilt, and unrest that had permeated the school ever since Anon-A-Miss.
Apparently, it didn’t occur to the CMC that revealing the secrets others gave to you online, wasn’t good for fostering a unified student body. Those three had single handedly torn down the friendly and united atmosphere that Princess Twilight had created.
And for what? Because they were jealous their sisters were spending time with Sun...set.
Bon-Bons shoulders slumped. While she hadn’t joined the other students to make Sunset's life miserable, she did believe Sunset was guilty and deserved what she got. She even wished the red head would die after Anon-A-Miss went after Lyra. Bon-Bon had to practically drag Lyra to school because she was so embarrassed.
They still weren't sure who revealed Lyra's secret. At the very least Lyra never suspected her, she knew Bon-Bon would never break her trust like that.
Bon-Bons eyes widened when she saw Lyra calling her. It was a little late to make a call, first period was about to start. Bon-Bon answered and brought the phone to her ear. “Lyra?”
“Bonny!” Came Lyra's distressed voice from the other end. Bon-Bon stopped in her tracks, having picked up on Lyra's tone immediately.
“Lyra? Sweetie, what's wrong?” She leaned into her phone to hear Lyra better. Bon-Bon strained against her phone, trying to decipher what Lyra was saying as she broke down. Bon-Bon did manage to decipher the word ‘Sunset’ and knew what this was probably about. “Lyra, I can barely understand you. Meet me near the front doors.”
Bon-Bon turned on her heels and made her way to the front of the school, not caring that she’d be late for the first period.
When she finally arrived at the front, she was practically tackled by an upset Lyra who wrapped her arms around her and began sobbing into the crook of Bon-Bons neck. Bon-Bon stood there in surprise for a second before wrapping Lyra in a hug and trying to calm her down. “Sweetie, what's wrong? You said something about Sunset?”
Lyra took a moment to compose herself before looking Bon-Bon in the face. “I-I went t-to Sunset to a-apologize-”
“And I assume that it didn't go well?” Bon-Bon asked, a tired look on her face. She sighed when Lyra nodded sheepishly. “Lyra, I told you to give Sunset her space. She’s still upset about Anon-A-Miss, she needs time to think things over.”
“I-I know it’s j-just… I feel really b-bad for how I t-treated her during A-Anon-A-Miss. That's all I c-can think about these d-days.” Lyra sniffled and wiped her eyes, on the verge of another breakdown.
“Come on, let’s get you to the Principal's office.” Bon-Bon said as the late bell rang, grabbing Lyras shoulders and leading her away. “You really shouldn’t feel so bad. You only thought she was guilty, it’s not like you helped harass her.” She felt Lyra flinch, noticing her girlfriend's guilty expression when she looked over. “Lyra. Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Uh, w-well, you see the funny thing about that is-” she stopped when Bon-Bon frowned at her in annoyance. “I Uh… might have, well, yelled at her once or twice, and... pushed her to the ground… and defaced her locker… a lot.”
“Lyra!” Bon-Bon said angrily. “I can’t believe you! I thought we agreed everyone that was harassing Sunset was being immature.”
“They were! It’s just… after Anon-A-Miss revealed your… interests-” Bon-Bon grimaced, the subject still a sore spot for her. “-I was angry, I couldn’t let her get away with embarrassing you like that, and I suppose I still resented her for sabotaging me at the Sophomore year Formal.”
“Even after she set up that faux Fall Formal for us and admitted to the whole school she sabotaged you?” Bon-Bon asked, tilting her head. “I thought that was really sweet of her.”
“Honestly, I can only really remember what we did later that ni-”
“Lyra!” Bon-Bon said cutting Lyra off. “Not so loud!” She hissed.
“Sorry.” Lyra rubbed the back of her head sheepishly before continuing. “Well, yeah, it was a nice apology, and her giving me the crown meant a lot. But it hasn’t been that long since she was a bitch. Plus…” Lyra frowned. “I just can’t forget how awful that Formal was. It was supposed to be our night and she ruined everything.”
"It is rather hard to forget, you were downright inconsolable afterwards. I kinda wanted to kill her For doing that to you.” Bon-Bon added as they neared the principal's office. “But I doubt you tormented Sunset solely to defend my honor.”
Lyra sighed in defeat. “Probably. It did feel good to get back at her for everything she did, you being targeted was just a good excuse.”
Bon-Bon merely hummed as they finally reached Principal Celestia's office. Bon-Bon reached her hand out and knocked.
“Come in.” Came Principal Celestia's voice from the other side, looking up when the two girls walked in. Her eyes widened when she saw Lyra's eyes were red and puffy. “Miss Heartstrings, is something wrong?"
“She tried to apologize to Sunset and… you know.” Bon-Bon explained, Celestia nodding in response. “We were hoping to stay here a bit while she calmed down and get an excuse for our teachers?”
Celestia motioned for them to sit and quickly began scribbling on a piece of paper. “If you don’t mind me asking Miss Heartstrings, why did you end up crying when you apologized this time? I understand this isn’t your first attempt.” Celestia handed her a tissue box to clean up with.
Lyra sighed, taking the tissues from Celestia. “Something Sunset said right after she got angry really hurt me.” Lyra slumped back in her chair. “I know we’re supposed to give Sunset space and all, but it’s been a month! I thought she’d be at least a little receptive.”
“Did you forgive Sunset a month after the Formal?”
Lyra groaned in annoyance. “She brought that up too. She also said she wanted me to prove I wasn’t just saying sorry cause I felt guilty.”
“What’s the difference exactly?” Bon-Bon tilted her head.
“I tried asking her, but it only made her angrier.” Lyra shrugged in defeat, cleaning her face with the tissue.
“Was her rejecting your apology all that happened during your interaction?” Celestia asked.
“No.” Lyra admitted, shaking her head. “I did invite her out with me and Bonny after school.”
“Wait what?” Bon-Bon snapped her head towards Lyra. “Lyra, why didn't you run this by me first?”
“I figured you wouldn’t have a problem with it.” Lyra shrugged, turning to meet her girlfriend's gaze. “Won’t matter anyway, she’s probably not coming.”
“Regardless, please tell me if you’re inviting someone to join us if we’re going somewhere, especially when that someone is rather… standoffish.” Bon-Bon crossed her arms. “But, I suppose it’s a good sign she agreed at all.”
“Miss Heartstrings, what do you hope to accomplish by bringing Sunset along?” Principal Celestia asked.
Lyra huffed in response. “I’m not entirely sure really. I guess to get her out of her house, try to be friendly with her so she’s more at ease with us… maybe get a smile out of her, it’s been so long since I saw her smile.”
“While it’s good that you’re trying to include Sunset, you have to realize that it won’t solve the underlying issue.” Celestia stated.
“We all tried apologizing to her and gave her some space when she wasn’t receptive, what else can we do?” Bon-Bon added. “And what are we going to do about the Friendship games? There’s no way we can win if everyone is at each other’s throats.”
“Not that we were gonna win anyway.” Lyra added bitterly, earning an annoyed glare from Bon-Bon.
“I wish there was something I could do to fix everything, but this will require more than disciplinary action or speeches about friendship and cooperation.” Celestia said as she handed them their written excuse. “I’m afraid it will be up to all of you to fix what Anon-A-Miss broke and earn Sunsets forgiveness.”
The two younger girls gave each other a look. “Now, you two should get to class.” Both of them immediately got up, taking the written excuse from Celestia.
“Oh and Lyra.” Lyra stopped and looked towards the Principal. “If you want to know how to earn Sunsets forgiveness, perhaps you should think about how she got you to forgive her.”
Lyra looked confused for a second before nodding and closing the door behind her, ruminating on Principal Celestia's words.
Sunset weaved her way through the halls of Canterlot High, keeping her head low as she wrote to Twilight. People knew not to bother Sunset when she was corresponding with the princess, and after her little run in with Lyra earlier, Sunset was not in the mood to deal with more fake apologies.
“Hey, Anon-A-Bitch!” Sunset flinched reflexively, then grumbled when nothing happened, reminding herself they wouldn’t be referring to her anymore. She stopped walking and looked towards the source of the voice.
Sunset saw Apple Bloom pushed up against a row of lockers by a group of older kids. Sunset recognized a few of them as the worst offenders during Anon-A-Miss, especially Lightning Dust.
“Didn’t appreciate the stunt you and your friends pulled last month.” Lightning Dust said while holding Apple Bloom against the lockers. “You got me grounded for a month and made me look like an idiot when you fessed up.”
Sunset frowned. By all accounts, she should just keep walking. Let Apple Bloom get roughed up by Lightning Dust and her gang, it’s not like she didn’t deserve it, and it’s not like Apple Bloom or her friends ever stuck their necks out for her.
By all accounts, she should hate them, all of them. Hate them for framing her, for driving a wedge between Sunset and her friends, for hurting everyone at the school for such an inane issue, and putting her through a lot of heartache.
She wanted to hate them... but she couldn’t. They were just young girls. Dumb, spiteful, shortsighted young girls yes, but young girls none the less. She couldn’t hold it against them too much, not enough to let Lightning and her gang get away with bullying a middle schooler anyway.
“Hey!” Sunset's voice rang out, closing the journal as she walked over to Lightning Dust and her gang. They all looked at her with various expressions crossing their faces ranging from annoyance to regret, Lightning herself looking nervous. “Surprised you’d be so bold as to bully Apple Bloom so openly, you’re already on thin ice as it is Lightning.”
“Oh come on Sunset, you know this little bitch deserves it.” Lightning cocked her head toward Apple Bloom. “Can’t you let us rough her up just this once?”
“No, I can’t. Because I know exactly what that's like. You were kind enough to show me.” Sunset folded her arms, glaring at the athlete. “Now either you and your cronies leave Apple Bloom alone, or I go to the faculty and your ass is out of here for the rest of the year.”
“Ugly little snitch.” Lightning growled, her fists clenching. “Fine. You win.” She let go of Apple Bloom and took a step back. “But you can't be everywhere to protect her and her cunt friends.”
With that, Lightning barked at her crew to follow her, each one of them glaring at Apple Bloom hatefully before following after Lightning.
Apple Bloom pushed herself off the lockers and gave a tired sigh as she watched Lightning leave.
“You ok?”
Apple Bloom flinched at Sunset's tone. It wasn’t exactly unfriendly, definitely more than what she deserved, but it was cold and formal. Like she was asking out of obligation rather than genuine concern.
“Uh y-yeah.” Apple Bloom turned towards Sunset, having trouble keeping eye contact with her. “Thanks for that Sunset. Yah really didn’t have to though, Ah deserve it.”
Sunset huffed in bitter amusement and looked off to the side. “Thought the same thing after the Formal. Took me a while to decide I was worthy of anyone’s respect.”
An awkward, tense silence fell between the two. Neither knowing what to say to the other to break the ice.
“Well, I’ll see you around.” Sunset finally said, growing tired of the awkward silence.
“Sunset wait!” Apple Bloom called out, taking a step forward. Sunset turned around and looked at her expectantly, gesturing to Apple Bloom to continue. “Sunset… Ah know Ah of all people have no right to ask this of yah but…”
“But?” Sunset tapped her foot impatiently as Apple Bloom trailed off.
“W-well, we could use some extra hands around the farm this weekend.” Apple Bloom rubbed her head and looked down at the ground. “And none of the girls are available, so Ah was wondering if yah… perhaps wanted to help around the farm if yer not busy?”
Apple Bloom tensed, waiting for Sunset to start yelling at her for the audacity of asking her for help after what Apple Bloom did.
“Your farm is pretty important.” Sunset said in a matter of fact tone. “May not be happy with you and your sister, but I don’t want your family to starve.”
“Uh, t-that’s good! Ah’m glad yah’ll be helping out.” Apple Blooms body relaxed. “We start around 8:00, but yah can come whenever yah wa-”
“I’ll be there at 9:00.” Sunset interrupted, turning around and walking off.
“O-oh, Uh, see yah there!” Apple Bloom called out as Sunset pulled out her journal and disappeared into the crowd.
"Phase one complete." She whispered to herself, a small smile gracing her lips.
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11051139
Well, second chapters up. No idea how good it is, could probably do with some more polish.
Very good follow-up chapter!
Hmm... I wonder what Apple Bloom was up to?
It doesn't seem like anyone's learned anything from the whole clustercrap. Apple Bloom has another secret plan that will no doubt backfire and students who were more than happy read Anon-A-Miss's posts and shove Sunset around are now doing the same to the crusaders(flippin' hypocrites).
Well this can only splendidly blow up in Applbloom's face. 🤔
Lessons not learned in blood are easily forgotten..
So how much "blood" is AB willing to go through?
11051297
Hello and thank you for your comment.
Thank you for taking the time to read and give some criticism to my story despite you not being a fan of AAM stories, I appreciate it.
I've seen a few fics that use that kind of format to have Twi and Sunny talk through the journal, and it seemed like common sense.
As for colors, I guess I could try it out. The site doesn't give a lot of choices however, and Twilight's was already the specially designated one for her on the color palette.
Twilight and Sunny's dialogue could probably use some more polish. What do you recommend I do to make it more natural?
The AAM genre does have a startling number of those stories and I appreciate your concerns. Rest assured this won't be a hate piece for the characters, Sunset being all mopey and suicidal, and Sunset won't exactly be getting revenge per say, though she will be bitter and angry for a while.
You think so? How do you think I could write that interaction better? I kind of felt Sunsets last retort was a little weak, but I couldn't think of anything truly satisfying.
Not in the second chapter, but she will join them.
I'm not sure if rhyming was the proper term, but it was the best I got. It did kind of rhyme though, if not very well.
AAM do kind of feel a dime a dozen, no idea why I read so many of them though.
Do they get a lot of upvotes? They don't seem to get much attention unless it's very unique.
Honestly? Not entirely sure, I just wanted to test the waters of fimfiction and write an AAM story.
The best I could say is it's set after the events of AAM and isn't too mopey or utterly hateful of the characters.
I do plan on having Sunset eventually making amends with her friends and her fellow students, though she'll neither be overly forgiving or stubbornly hateful.
I appreciate your concerns and I'll make sure to keep your words in mind.
All my work could really benefit from the use of an editor and beta reader honestly.
After 'Blooms'?
11051334 This got very long, so I confined my answers to just the points where you asked for help directly. I may have missed one or two questions, though, because I’m old and foolish.
I think I’ve run into a similar problem in the past. You might try bolding the lighter text so that it stands out more? You could also use Violet, rather than the standard Twilight pigment. Experiment a bit.
(For my part, I’ve used dark red for Sunset’s dialogue when I’ve written exchanges that way)
You think about a text message exchange, and it’s one or more people shooting short, punchy lines back and forth, or interrupting, talking over one another. Stuff like that. This isn’t a text message thread, granted, and the format is not a 1:1 parallel. For example, the characters are limited by the speed of their penmanship, whereas texting tends to go faster for today’s quick-fingered youth. But it’s a similar principle, nevertheless.
There are some things that you could do to make their exchanges feel more unique, and authentic to that format; right now, a lot of the time, there’s not much to distinguish them from in-person dialogue. I like how, sometimes, you indicate that some of their messages are taking a while to come through, or they’re trying to figure out what to say to one another; I especially like Sunset’s little flirt-doodle.
By contrast, this moment:
Felt very inauthentic. For all she knew, Twilight was just going to ask if she’d considered a paleo diet. And even if Sunset already had a feeling of where Twilight was going with that thought, the fact that she cuts her off mid-sentence and Twilight just stops feels weak.
I think the idea behind this interruption could’ve worked, but you wrote it like it was a face-to-face exchange of words. So, it’s a stumbling point, instead. Maybe you could try to create more moments like the pauses while they wait for one another to finish, or if you created these loaded moments where they’re waiting with trepidation to see what the other says? Or play around with the mechanics behind the journal: characters erasing or crossing out stuff, starting their sentences again, as they figure out what they want to say.
Or hell, even more doodles.
Mm. The last suggestion I’d give on that front is to check out this story. A lot of its scenes are framed as text-message exchanges between the two protagonists, and I think it really nails what that kind of communication looks like. Like I said, this isn’t 1:1 the same thing as texting, but there are enough similarities that I think you could draw some inspiration here.
It’s also, just, a criminally underread story, and I plug it whenever I can.
Two things come to mind. First, I feel like you overdo it with Sunset’s expressions of outrage. She basically lays out her thesis statement for the entire story in this one scene with (what I assume to be) a minor character. This is a situation where less might be more, where cold anger is called for over hot... uh, anger. I almost wrote “hot passion,” but that would be a different story entirely.
The second thing is Lyra, herself. I’ll do my best to explain: She doesn’t seem like a person in that exchange. Just an object for Sunset to be mad at. To wit:
I can’t say Sunset’s wrong in what she says (even if three mic-drop lines, back-to-back-to-back, is a bit much), but Lyra’s presence here basically vanishes after Sunset rounds on her. I noticed you referencing Bojack as a source of inspiration, but Bojack is so far up his own ass for most of the series that he assumes he is the wronged party in every argument, even if, on some level, he knows he’s the asshole in most situations.
What motivates Lyra in this scene? What does she want? She makes what she thinks is an attempt at mending bridges with Sunset, and Sunset throws it in her face. To me, it seems like Lyra would consider herself the offended party. Rather than shriveling up before Sunset, she’d be offended, and she’d stay offended.
I’m not saying Lyra should start wrestling with Sunset, but she lets Sunset get the last word way too easily here.
They either get a lot of upvotes, or a lot of downvotes. Not much room for in-between. Not sure why, myself.
“Apple Bloom’s Plan.” Possessive apostrophe before the S.
Anyway, glad I could shovel food for thought into your writer-mouth! Chew thoroughly.
11051404
Actually, I think you may be wrong about that. Sunset didn’t feel guilty until she was stopped.
11051410
11051404
Here's the scene in question;
As Pete100 points out, Sunset doesn't start showing regret until after she's been depowered (though how much this was a side effect of wearing the crown is a cause of some debate considering her facial expressions during the transformation itself).
11051452
Some people say that the crown corrupted her, but I don’t 100% believe that. I don’t remember where I heard this, but I remember hearing that the crown showed what was in her heart. So to me all the crown showed was what we already knew.
11051453
The funny thing is that if she chose not to save the students she would have been screwed just like everyone else at the school. So she would basically be dooming herself. I’m surprised lyra didn’t tell her that. I also find the favoritism kinda funny.
11051518
Actually sunset is immune to their but the sirens could have another way to get her.
11051613
I know she’s immune, but that’s not what I meant.
Bloom needs to be very careful here, because this could backfire spectacularly if Sunset suspects she's being manipulated.
Can the FANDOM move on from Anon-A-Miss? It was a mass character assassination written by a complete hack.
11051516
I think that's the canon explanation.
11051613
I believe what Pete100 is referring to is that the Sirens in control of the entire school, possibly the entire planet's population, would render them unstoppable.
To answer Lyra and Bon Bon's question regarding feeling guilty vs being sorry is actually pretty simple, it's a matter of intent. Apologizing simply because you feel guilty is inherently selfish as you're only doing it to make yourself feel better rather than actually meaning it.
Put another way Lyra was only apologizing to make herself feel better rather than make Sunset feel better. Thereby making it about her rather than Sunset. Feeling genuinely sorry meanwhile is when you are apologizing to make the other person feel better because you fully acknowledge you know what you did was wrong ans want to make it right rather than simply throw an apology out to bury the issue in an instance.
Otherwise, nice enough chapter. Sunset being bitter and angry at everyone is a fun idea. That being unlike other stories where Sunset flat out decided to leave the school is the usual outcome. But her deciding to be the bigger person and stay, but still be justifiably angry at everyone and not letting them off the hook like she did in the comic is quite nice.
Hoping that anger sticks around for a while since just going by what Lyra wrote on Sunset's locker and the story tags, Sunset had it WAY worse in this story compared to how things were in the comic.
11052027
Exactly what I thought too. In fact from the first chapter I said that. At least I am not the only one who gets it.
11052027
Apologies in most cases are often a combination of the two.
11052097
But how would you know why someone feels guilty?
Too many Sunsets... And others along with it - maybe you should look into some synonyms as to not repeat characters names that much? Although, that note aside, the fic is pretty nice so far. Just hoping that it won't drop dead somewhere in the middle like most of the stories of this particular comic :)
But seriously, browse them yourself - it's like there's some kind of curse over the theme of Anon-A-Miss.
11052033
True but sometimes a simple I'm sorry isn't enough. You have show it. You have have to find a way to make them see you mess and want to make it right. Sunset did whatever she could and it took the sirens just to get them to forgive and the sirens weren't making things better by getting everyone hating on anyone not in their band.
11052204
But isn’t this a similar situation?
11052204
Especially hard when one party is hurting.
11052228
Not really because all they doing is saying sorry and considering how a lot of them sent in secrets it going to be hard to trust anyone. They have earn just like she by trying to show they truly care and that forgiveness isn't what matters sunset feeling better is.
(Ah yes, another plan... because the first one went SO well. Ugh... well, this will be an interesting train-wreck to observe, intriguing enough start thus far.)
11052252
Did she earn it? I don’t remember. Also, you say that forgiveness doesn’t matter, but wasn’t that the point of sunset’s arc?
11052458
Considering in the story it says how she got up in front of everyone and admitted what she did Plus the months of being treated like a leper despite trying to be nice. They didn't want to forgive and forget and now it their turn to learn that lesson. Forgiving them might make them feel better but it won't heal sunset. She needs to be able to believe that they do care and this time they actually forgave and forgot.
11052640
Which is this supposed to answer?
Why are they trying so hard?
Is this story gonna talk about trauma? Because I feel like it’s not talked about enough.
Save the world?
Why are they trying so hard?
11052729
Both. First sunset publicly said sorry which put her at risk from anyone who might have suspected but had no proof and definitely would want revenge. She even tried to stop the sirens before they got very far but that crashed and burned. If battling to save them from the sirens and getting twilight wasn't enough to show that she wasn't who she used be and was sorry then is.
Second what they want now that it's their turn is an easy forgive and forget which doesn't really change how sunset is feeling. Right now the only one she trust is twilight and considering how bad cyberbullying can for the victims the students are lucky that all they have to deal with is guilty consciences.
11052896
I thought she was sorry because she was guilty?
What do you mean they are lucky?
11052989
You do understand what cyberbullying can lead to ,right. It can eventually lead to death. Sunset almost committed suicide because of the bullying and the school would caught a lot of flack and the cmcs might have gotten even worse trouble than they are in had she died.
Title just makes me think of:
11052992
Honestly, I doubt it. Neither sunset or the dazzlings got into too much trouble, and even if celestia and luna tried to do that the students would retaliate.
This is a good story, can't wait for more! You've also earned yourself a follow!
11051926
Does that count as corruption?
Oh boy I wonder how Applebloom will mess things up today ?
She's a brat who deserves to be dead.
I'LL SMACK HER!
Damn it Bloom isn't your scheming what got you into this mess in the first place and now you're scheming again this is not going to end well
I can certainly emphasize with Sunset heh
oh Bon Bon you piece of shit
11465667
Oh just you wait