This story is a sequel to Trouble in Tiatarta
Reading Trouble in Tiatarta is not necessary to enjoy this story, but you should probably read Queen Chrysalis Reforms (Accidentally)
Rainbow Dash is certain she's about to have the best week ever! She's gotten a letter from her idol Daring Do, inviting her to an expedition to the ancient Centaurian ruin of Midnight Castle to retrieve a lost Equestrian artifact! A daring adventure with Daring Do? What could go wrong?
Well, for one thing, Doctor Caballeron could show up, chasing after the same artifact. For another, Lord Tirek and Cozy Glow could show up too, with their own nefarious plans. Wait, but they're supposed to be in Tartarus!
Maybe this isn't going to be such a great week after all...
Chapters (12)
Also I believe I mentioned at some point that I have something of a zeppelin fetish? The Wind Drifter is actually not that much different the Hindenburg, although with a few fantastic elements. Needless to say I originally had like three or four paragraphs on her and airships in general and how they’re used in Equestria and why planes will never phase them out entirely, but managed to scale back.
"Oh okay, that happens sometimes. When does Daring Do show up?'
"We lied, she's not."
"You son of a bitch I will kill you "
Huh. Didn't realize that "Chrysalis Reforms Accidentally" had a sequel. I shall be keeping a eye on this one.
And if this does end up ignoring/erasing "Daring Doubt", then I will not complain in the slightest
And Here. We. Go.
I really like the villain trio's dynamic. There is some fondness, some intelligence and respect for one another, but refracted through self-interest and dislike of Grogar. Keeps things interesting.
I also like how you write Rainbow Dash. She boisterous and loves talking about her adventures but she's personable and friendly and not oblivious. Also, I always imagined her being good with kids.
Can't wait to see where this one goes!
You mean this like that Chrysalis's emotional filters cannot just beep yes or no but they can help to determine if a person is lying? Like if Chrysalis is talking with some person who put on a poker face but she can feel the anxiety and stress from that person, then she can say that person is probably lying but never for sure?
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I wouldn't mind seeing that in a story comment or author's note.
I don't know how or why, but some reason, whenever Grogar is "on screen" in these stories, this is the theme music that plays in my head.
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I mean, they're certainly more viable in this setting, where you can presumably lower the density of air with an enchantment or two instead of using highly explosive gas.
Will Tirac turn out to be Tirek's ancestor in this tale?
Likewise
Oh. Well.
Not Coltstantinople.
She'd be well within her rights as a school administrator, but this isn't the time or place for me to air my grievances about the School of Friendship.
I would love to see you write more EqG fics. You do some very neat stuff with A Trip Through the Mirror.
Aww, Momalis. You know, relatively speaking. Pairs nicely with the paternal Tirek. He's certainly more supportive than his father ever was.
And yeah, Dash really does need to be more careful with those loose lips. This will get terribly complicated. Should be fun!
Starting off real strong here. Love the villain trio as always. And we’ve already got the doc on the scene. I’m guessing we’ll see Ahuizotl at some point, given the disclaimer about Daring Doubt, so definitely looking forward to that.
I have eagerly been waiting for this ever since Trouble in Tiatarta and I must say, its already looking to be just as good as that one. I am ready to be relentlessly tortured with anticipation of the next chapter after reading every update!
Its lines like these that make you realize just how bad Tirek had it.
Damn, you know how to write Cozy in the most adorable way when needed.
I can imagine something like this happening to Dash quite often. Scootaloo can't be here only fangirl.
I love the way you write changelings and other non-pony races.
Aww, Chrysalis is like a second teacher to Cozy. I bet she's such a good influence. Obviously far better then her former ones.
Daddy Tirek is hillarious. I wonder how the heroes would react to it.
pogchamp
i'm sure that everyone's beat me to the punch on everything i want to say but
the things i liked: villain trio banter, rainbow dash voice, scorpan being dead being the perfect place to end that scene
really excited for this
also do you travel a lot? because judging from this and Tiatarta you have a way of inducing wanderlust in me that i don't usually ever have
And we're off to a swinging start!
This was a interesting beginning ,looks like Cozy sure likes a certain Griffin even if she's hiding/or don't know .
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They're still around today using Helium, just not as big because the demand isn't there (people either do cruise ships or airplanes).
And featured! Thanks to everyone!
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Heh, yeah. I don't know why but I really like the idea of Cozy having a precocious crush on Gallus. Though to be clear I do not ship them; that is, I think it's something she'll grow out of, and Gallus himself will never reciprocate it. But it just helps add a little bit of depth to Cozy's character, and she needs all the help she can get.
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I've been to Ireland more times than I can count, but beyond that, no, I don't do much traveling, on account of being ass-poor. But if I was rich and famous I'd travel a ton. I actually have a tremendous desire to do a Great Train Journey, circumnavigating the world by train (and plane and boat where necessary).
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This is definitely the story where at least one of the Mane-6 might get to see the Tirek-Cozy relationship.
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You know me, I'm a huge stickler for details and worldbuilding...and even I say that when it comes to the School of Friendship, it's best if you just lie back and think of England. Anything else invites madness.
Argh, that reminds me, I still have a copy of Oversaturation that I got at the last Bronycon that I keep meaning to read. I'd been putting off reading it because the basic premise was pretty close to how I wanted to do a Lunaverse Equestria Girls and I didn't want to read Oversaturation and accidentally plagiarize it, but I don't think I'm going to do the Lunaverse EqG after all (because dear God do I not have the time with everything else I've piled onto my plate), so there's no reason to avoid Oversaturation at this point.
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There's a few generations between the two.
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Basically my thoughts on the viability of airships are due to the pegasus cloud-cities like Los Pegasus or Cloudsdale. It can't be easy to land a plane on a cloud without accompanying magic (which I have to imagine is costly), but it's pretty easy to just float a balloon, no magic required. The cloud-cities have no natural resources of their own, or viable means of food production, so everything has to be imported to them from the ground.
As a result, even if ponies do like humans and start to favor fast travel over comfortable travel (airships are superior to planes in terms of fuel efficiency, cargo capacity, range, creature comforts, cost to build, cost to operate, safety, literally everything except speed), airships will still be preferred as a means of cargo transport up to the cloud cities.
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I would have thought it would be more the SatAM theme since so far I've played Grogar pretty straight.
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Yes, but in this universe Chrysalis is a bit more than 1,000 years old. She's had a lot of practice, so you have to be a master of lying to slip one on by her, or she has to be very distracted, and in either case a complete fabrication will almost certainly never fly. Which is why Cozy not only didn't outright lie to Chrysalis, but actually told the complete truth...just, in a creative way. If Chrysalis was really intent on digging she'd probably still be able to get it, but Cozy was able to deflect Chrysalis from investigating too close.
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Yeah, the Trio are fun to write. Note that I'm leaning a bit on something that I established in Queen Chrysalis Reforms (Accidentally) - that since Chrysalis went through a major crisis, the Trio were too distracted to choose to abandon friendship. Instead, Cozy and Tirek helped Chrysalis through what was, for her, a traumatic event.
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Yup! It's expanded into a whole series at this point, as you can see. Hope you enjoy reading!
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Thanks for the comments!
Goood beginning. Hmm, I see Cozy Glow's actually a pony, judging by the author notes and the other stories. A legit shame. I was hoping it'd be revealed she was the offspring of windigoes or something.
Legit, have I ever mentioned how much I loathe Daring Do being 'real'? I mean really, it's dumb and I legit hated that.
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It's probably bleed over from the Doomsdayverse, honestly (even though Grogar has never appeared there).
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Is plausible that with 1000 years of experience can Chrysalis tell lie from a truth anytime. But now I'm confused. If it is about what Chrysalis can feel and classified the emotions then it should matter less how I twisted the meaning of my word but more how I strongly express my feelings, no?
To me, it seems that in Cozy case it was less about how creative she was in selection of words, and more how she was really calm when saying it.
Sorry, if I dig it in too much.
i loved trouble in tatairia,
This will be a blast as well.
and the story after that even more!
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Does this mean that Equestria Girls characters won't be appearing in the Lunaverse?
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No, just that I don't think I'll be going to the human world. But, like, I still want Sunset Shimmer as a pony to show up.
A very promising start! Also digging the snazzy new profile pic.
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I never particularly liked that aspect of Daring Do when they first made her real, but at least we've gotten some mileage out of the running gag that almost no one in mainland Equestria believes she's real.
However, I'm far less fond of their attempt to pass off her antagonism with Caballeron and Ahuizotl as mere misunderstandings. That episode left a sour taste in my mouth.
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All credit for the new avatar goes to Emeral Bookwise.
And yeah, I’m not a huge fan of Daring being “real” either, or at least modern (I think I’d be okay with her having been a real person in the “past” who had a legend built around her a la Davey Crocket), but as long as she is real she does open up a bunch of interesting story avenues.
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I have JUST the story for YOU!
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That's the reasonable way of taking it.
I cannot wait for Tirek to sit Cozy down and warn her about boys like that smooth-talking Gallus.
That's funny, I thought Cozy was the baker in this gang of siblings. (Frenemies)
Yes, yes you would.
I am so glad that you didn't go the route Marks For Effort went during this scene. Twilight actually feels tolerable, and the fact that she ultimately relents, and then talks Dash out of psyching herself out of the trip, in many ways makes her more supportive to her friends; in a way she so rarely was in show (at least during the later seasons).
Also congrats on making Cozy cute and intelligent. Now I feel compelled to keep reading.
Midnight Castle? That's from the first "My Little Pony" story. I wonder if Megan was mentioned in this tale.
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I could write up a big rant about the episode... but I don't think it'd be proper here, or even polite to you. Sadly I stopped doing episode reviews after Magical Mystery Cure. I will, however, say my biggest gripe about it.
The episode's first half was setting up a pitch-perfect lesson of, "The people who create your favorite media are people, too. They have lives outside of this and that should be respected." And it's a lesson the kids do need. But then we learn Daring Do is real and it just takes a sharp left into crazy town. It's two episodes bolted together and they both suffer massively for it. And it pisses me off the genuinely good moral lesson gets forgotten.
Anyway, sorry. Had to get that a bit off my chest. Carry on, my Wayward Soooooon!
I swear to god if this story ends with no actual treasure and someone says "Maybe the real treasure is the friends we made along the way" I'm gonna flip a table.
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I mean...now I gotta.
Minor spoilers, but, I promise that both the Rainbow of Darkness and the Sun Stone are real, although perhaps also more complex than you’d think. Like the Ark of the Covenant, or the Sankara Stones, or the Holy Grail.
Let's hope this zeppelin is a bit less flammable.
Yep, I can see Dash getting punked out like that.
Road trip!
Remember my comment about saidisms on Queen Chrysalis Reforms (Accidentally)? Well, they're still there. Except that this time, they're spread over one 7500+ words chapter rather than over seven chapters in a 3000~ words fic.
A quick check showed me it actually was the same for A Day in Canterlot and I simply never noticed. I imagine seeing saidisms concentrated as they were in the first story made me more perceptive to them.
Listing them all would take something like seventy quotes—I counted because I wasn't sure 'literally over one hundred' would actually be an exaggeration—so I won't. But I'll point out that the flashback scene was particularly egregious, what with there being a "had" before every saidism. Since it was a flashback.
There's a lot of redundancy in them, too. There's absolutely no need to write 'the character asked' when the previous sentence ended with a question mark. Same for "Grogar responded." Or "“Y-yes, mighty Grogar!” Cozy stuttered," since the stutter is written in.
Perhaps that's the actual problem with these saidisms; they're unnecessary. They don't contribute anything to the story. They're just there.
Contrast with "“No,” Grogar responded without hesitation." There's actually a point to the saidism, and it isn't "responded." It's "without hesitation."
Just adding some description would help in most cases—although I'd still be in favor of removing redundant saidisms rather than sprinkling in descriptions to make them 'necessary.'
For example, however 'telly' this might sound: "“Really?” Chrysalis asked incredulously."
That specific one actually wouldn't be necessary, since she's described to 'seem taken aback' in the previous paragraph. So, perhaps the point of this "Chrysalis asked" was to show it was she who spoke rather than Tirek or Cozy stating their surprise aloud?
That's where you swap the telly alternative for some show. 'Chrysalis blinked/tilted her head/picked up her jaw/etc.' Or whatever Tirek would be able to see, since the introduction is clearly written from his point of view.
Moving on from the technical to the... probably less technical, certainly more subjective, and certainly ironic, because I'll talk about scene-setting. And you've given me the perfect quote to segue in from;
That's a good thing, because I can't be the only one who skipped past Rainbow's entire gushing over the Wind Drifter. And not because that paragraph literally was the longest in the chapter.
But subjective and ironic, as I said. I don't care for zeppelins unless they're used to make one hell of an entrance—Tempest's got nothing on the Prydwen—so I ignored that bit. That doesn't make it bad, just something I'm not interested in.
I could argue that it still wasn't a necessary inclusion, and that what you "managed to scale back" would actually have contributed more to the world-building than merely describing this specific airship's specs... but, again, ironic. I waxed enough poetic with Rarity in my latest story to polish Canterlot Castle ten times over.
Some more irony... I found the zeppelin part of the scene-setting to drag on, because it did its job too well. The character-setting part of it, to be more accurate.
Rainbow is quickly established to have exactly zero willpower when it comes to keeping herself from sharing the coolest stories of the land. Case in point: the earth pony (and gender-mixed) versions of Snips and Snails.
(Incidentally, I hope they won't appear again, because I consider 'the children are in danger!' to be one of the cheapest seats to play to narratively. But since they were not only described, but named... I'm expecting that seat to be played to hard.)
So, Rainbow can't keep her mouth shut. And she's having an adventure with Daring Do. Who, in all logic, doesn't want her cover blown and, against all logic, expects Rainbow to keep quiet. Sheesh, what could possibly happen?
So yeah; I found every scene with Rainbow to drag on, because I knew what was going to happen the moment she met anyone aboard the Wind Drifter instead of the story opting for a fast-forward to Istanbull. Especially a conveniently unknown factor, such as an original character who just so happens to buddy up with Rainbow to the point of being included in all her scenes.
...And then it turns out Daring Do never even wrote the letter in the first place and I got bait-and-switch'D hard. Well played, well played.
Sure, it could also be that Daring Do is so used to working alone she never thought about telling Rainbow where to meet or—much more likely—she's just so much in love with drama that she planned to surprise her with a sudden entrance, but that requires Glory Pose financing an entirely different expedition, at the exact same time as Daring Do did, while just happening to be on the same airship, with either a bird waiting in her cabin to inform Caballeron of this juicy development or this same Caballeron spending so much time with Daring Do he's also a sucker for dramatic timing.
Which, uh, actually works too. She could just be a talented opportunist saddled with the strange timing that comes from anything Daring Do. Hm.
At this point, I'm expecting this double bluff to be followed by a double bait; Daring Do has accepted that Rainbow is a magnet and/or a canary for her foes, so while Glory and Caballeron are certain they're using her as a hostage, Daring is actually using her to lure them out/make them show their hand/slow them down/make them trigger all the traps before she swoops in to claim the prize for once/keep all of these idiots out of her mane.
I liked the justification here about something that already happened in Daring Done; Rainbow is still a pegasus as opposed to an earth pony, so she's certainly outmuscled by three of these when they don't give her the opportunity to fly away like Caballeron so graciously did in that episode.
And then one of them puts a knife to her throat to put the boot in. Rainbow's got an excuse, this time.
Speaking of 'yeah, saw it coming...' Scorpan is going to show up, isn't he? That specific line was already tempting fate as it was, but serving as a bookend to the introduction? Like hell they 'shouldn't worry about that.'
But I have been described as paranoid. And I've just proven how 'good' that instinct actually was, to boot. We'll see whether the Sun Stone and the Rainbow of Darkness turn out to be one and the same as I expect as well.
And that's another transition. The other side of the coin, Tirek and the other two.
Because yes, as interesting as you can make Cozy and Chrysalis, I don't really care for them. And this is a good moment to mention I've never watched anything My Little Pony before G4, so I guess I'll be a control group of sorts about all the references to G1.
I don't care for Cozy's crush on Gallus either. If further references to it mean referring to the others... well, I did like her contempt for them, although her actual insults didn't impress me.
But I imagine that fits her being a child. Speaking of fitting; "her smile grew simultaneously devious and yet far more honest." Great line. Not quite as much a favorite as the 'she smiled an evil smile, which was the only kind of smile she knew' from some story I've read years ago, but still pretty good. And pretty telling.
One more line I liked: "“Softening,” Tirek answered. “Not soft.”" Oh, nuances and exact words, I love you so.
Still on Tirek: "I intend to give her every opportunity to remain loyal – she has earned that." Good (evil overlord) boss Tirek, who'd have thought?
Really, he'll be the reason I keep reading this—although I do expect Glory Pose to surprise me—along with the story delving into the lore of centaurs as surely as he'll delve into the depths of Midnight Castle.
To finish, I'll admit I was sorely disappointed that, when Cozy went and started babbling about 'all the sorts of secret stuff they're gonna get up to,' Chrysalis didn't put her hoof on Tirek's shoulder and say "I'm so, so sorry..." But that'd have been out of character, wouldn't it?
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Right! I went through and substantially cut back on the "saidisms", and I'll make sure to keep a better eye out for them from this point forward. I tried to only keep the ones that I felt were necessary.
The crush on Gallus that I've given Cozy isn't something that's likely to come up too many more times in this fic, since Gallus isn't in it; I can't give an exact count but I can only think of one or two more times where it might be relevant at the moment.
It's something I gave to her as a means of expanding her character from the gaping void that the show itself left us with - but at the same time I am trying to keep it filtered through the fact that she's a little psychopath with an extremely warped worldview. Also...Cozy is going to be one of the three perspective characters in this fic, alongside Dash and Tirek. The "camera" will always be on one of the three, so...if you really don't care for Cozy that much, this might turn into a slog. I do intend to do my best to make her interesting, though.
Hmm. I do love me some G1 callbacks.
Well, that's one way to handle the divergent G1/G4 Tireks and also account for spelling. Must be a popular centaur name.
Okay then. That's something.
Istanbull was Coltstantinople
Now it's Istanbull, not Coltstantinople
Been a long time gone, oh Coltstantinople...
Hmm. G1 Glory with reversed colors, then?
Uh...
So! Some nice interactions for the terrible trio, the usual stubborn refusal to admit to themselves that perhaps they might possibly like each other, and a taste of the adventure to come. Seeing the Daring Do and villains' day out plots collide headfirst into each other should be fun.
And now there's the usual post-binge wait for new updates. I've actually had the rest of your stuff on the huge I'll-get-to-it-later pile I never get around to working on, but with three months of quarantine looking me in the face this might be as good a time as any to do something about that.
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Corrected the mistake even as you were reading it, funnily enough.
Yup!
Also apparently "Tirac" is the canonical spelling of the G1 character. The original Rescue at Midnight Castle had no credits, but the MLP canon bible plus multiple VHS covers give the spelling as "Tirac". It definitely works here, allowing me to keep the name of the original master of Midnight Castle without it being confusing when put alongside Tirek.
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Thanks for taking criticism so well. Sure, I feel more saidisms should have been removed, but that we have different definitions of 'only what's necessary' is absolutely irrelevant here. You're looking out for them, that's the important thing.
If this turns into a slog, I don't think it'll be because of Cozy. I don't care much for Chrysalis either and I still adored Bok's Dumb Enough to Work. The common point being that they were written entertainingly.
Yes, she's only the gravy to Tirek here, but Daring Do and Caballeron are also only the gravy to Rainbow; who was the other reason this story caught my interest in the first place. I liked how you wrote her, even though I forgot to mention it before.
In fact, strip the cast down to just she and Tirek as they venture into Midnight Castle, whether individually until they meet up or stuck together from the start and hating every moment of it, and I'd have been all over the story faster than a parrot on a cracker.
And since when has that stopped anycreature? With necromancy implicitly canonized by the existence of Grogar, and being said directly before a cut to the main theme, the chances of Scorpan not appearing pretty much round up to zero. (Look, he was at least a historical personage and, again, necromancer. He's almost certainly out there somewhere, and will not be happy to learn of his impersonator)
Hey, at least you don't have a nudity taboo bulking up the former.
So Scorpan destroy the peace between Centaurs and Gargoyles... Harmony and Friendship will only show good results, my ass! Equivalent Exchange, when creating something good, something bad will happen.
ok people, place your bets, Who here thinks Trieks brother is still alive in that castle
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Scorpan's body, yes. His mind, no.
It's weird that Tartarus's magic apparently makes people immortal; if they can just do that, why are the only people getting it high-profile prisoners?
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I hope this fic isn't trying to do that, it's always so stupid.
Well now, all and sundry are officially on their way. I find it amusing how Cozy manages to be both a good and bad influence on Tirek.
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Probably a weird interaction with the magic he already had.
In before the Rainbow of Darkness and the Sun Stone are actually the same artifact, and it does different things depending on whether or not the user is pure of heart.
So I guess theres gonna be three teams going to Midnight Castle. Should be fun. It was nice to see Dash actually be competent and give Caballeron and the others a hard time despite getting caught. Cozy and Tirek also make for a fun duo. Can't wait for everyone to finally meet.
I think Caballeron might have a crush on Glory.
Damn, I have not seen or heard that like in a long time. The show practically forgot about it.
I guess the guilt broke him, although that line about Tirek is a bit strange to me. Did Tirek rule for a bit before going on his magic stealing quest?
Tirek's gonna spoil that filly at this rate.
Fangirl Dash is adorable.
I appreciate seeing Rainbow Dash actively trying to escape and the ensuing action from that. I'm curious about where this story goes with this Rainbow of Darkness too.
Yes, awesome! So glad you were able to show Dash as being capable and competent, even if she is eventually overwhelmed. I can't wait to find out more about Daring's backstory in Saddle Arabia.
Interesting twist with Scorpan! Now Tirek has another motive: finding out the truth.
I actually think her curls serve a practical purpose too, they keep her hair off the ground and out of her eyes, which proberbly makes sense if you spend a lot of time flying and want to look a certain way, while also avoiding being blinded or tangling your hair in things on the ground.
(Edit: that's proberbly why she doesn't make a whole lot of use of accessories or additional clothing either too much drag when she's flying.)
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Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
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Yet another thing RDD did that the show was rarely cabable of doing.
Spoiler alert! I am betting the grief at losing his family is what did Scorpan in.