Moon Dancer was not prepared for the flood that swept through Canterlot. Twenty days can really change a pony, though.
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paperhearts
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It’s a dangerous business, stepping out your front door...
I experienced this. The last day I was old me. It was horrible, it was sad and it was... almost not worth going on. But taking that first step is a lot harder than taking a step back. Im glad I moved forward.
Fucking fantastic. Your prose is delicious.
This was beautiful!
9948659
Psh, oh whatever, Bilbo.
9948802
I'm glad you moved forward, too! It's not a nice place to exist, a fact I also know from experience. Thank you for taking the time to read my story; I hope it was entertaining, if not enjoyable for you.
9948918
Oh goodness, thank you for the kind words, genuinely. That really does mean a lot. I'm delighted that you enjoyed reading it and I'm really grateful you took the time to do so.
9948973
Thank you! That means a lot coming from someone with your skill with words. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Beautiful. Poetic, and also rhythmic, like a tide that ebbs and flows outward and inward continuously.
I wish I could say more, but right now I'm feeling many a strange thing, and as it stands, it would do you a disservice were I to attempt to speak unclearly.
Years of isolation don't get resolved after a single game of sportsball. Brilliant showcase of a mare who doesn't even realize she's dying of thirst. Thank you for it.
Very refreshing, nicely done.
One question though, was that supposed to show her state of mind before or after making amends with Twi?
9949807
Well thank you very much for the comments you were able to share. It was by and large what I was hoping to achieve with this story, so I’m relieved and delighted that it worked for you, particularly the sense of rhythm. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my work.
9949957
Eee, thank you very much. Glad the Amending Fences ending reference was picked up; I’ve been a little worried that I made it too vague. That was pretty much my starting point too; I don’t begrudge the show its values and storylines at all, but I did feel the ending to that episode was somewhat optimistic, at least in the short term. Then again, that’s what fan fiction is for, and I very much appreciate you taking the time to read mine!
9950018
Thanks for reading and commenting. Very much appreciate you giving some of your time to my story, and I’m glad you enjoyed it. To answer your question, this was intended to take place after Amending Fences; the memory Moon Dancer keeps reliving in the story is the aftermath of the game she set off to play with the others at the end of the episode. I’ve always felt that friendship can need a little more hard work than was depicted in the episode, so this was a somewhat metaphorical take on that. Hope that gives better context.
9950304
Thanks! Yeah, after re-reading a few parts, I thought that the case.
Once again, nicely done
.
9950316
You’re most certainly welcome!
As someone who specializes more in dialogue and interaction, your prowess with description, especially in complex writing feats like parallel concept description, is truly respectable, and something I aspire to.
Amending Fences is my top favorite episode as I can relate to both MoonDancer's and Twilight's struggles and shortcomings.
Speaking as someone who's introverted, I can relate to pushing myself towards other people and struggling to gain every inch.
This is faved.
I've been away from the site for a few weeks, so please excuse the delay in responding.
9989932
Thank you very much for your thoughts and for taking the time to read my work. I'm delighted it resonated, as it came from quite a personal place. And yes, Amending Fences is one of my favourite episodes too.
I hope you have a nice holiday period/new year!
9972019
Thank you kindly, you do me a lot of credit with those words. I've always leaned on the descriptive over dialogue, so I've got so much to learn in terms of the latter. I used to write a lot of poetry before turning my hand to prose in earnest, so I guess that leaning has come from there.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work. I hope you have a lovely holiday period/new year.
I'm new to the fandom, at least compared to most of the people in the site, and I'm always blown away by the quality of works I find here. Though I usually stick to the fluffy, romantic stuff, it's good to read something else once in a while. But this piece.
Wow.
It's like being sucker punch by a huge wave when you're swimming in the shallows. And like Ice Star said, your prose is delicious, I'm honestly jealous. I've never experience the anxiety and depression Moon Dancer shows here so I can't really relate, but at least for a moment I think I understood.
I hope your 2020 is one full of opportunities, just remember to breath every once in a while.
I'm super sorry I should've left a comment earlier10026554
Thanks again for the kind words, and I hope you're enjoying your time within the fandom.
Eee, you're very kind; there was and is no obligation to leave a comment anyway, but I'm certainly delighted you enjoyed it enough to do so - that means a lot. As is probably apparent from my other stories, I'm a fan of the fluffy too, but sometimes you need to get something out of your system.
The moment I started reading, I knew it had to be a metaphor. :D This is so fucking good, welcome back.
10048421
But seriously though, thank you very much for the kind words, the review, and the signal boost that comes with it. That means a lot, but I appreciate even more you just taking the time to read my stuff. So thanks, in triplicate.
Have metaphor, will travel - that's me!
Of course there is going back. Silly Moondancer.
I've reviewed your story here!
everyone else already said it but THIS IS SO GOOD
10288955
I've already said it to everyone else, but THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY WORK AND COMMENT! :gildasnark:
But seriously, thanks! It means a lot usually, but getting comments on this story really is just the absolute best. I think it's my favourite piece of writing that I've ever published on this site. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
This is some beautiful prose. Happy to give you a follow, and curious to see what you write in future!
pbs.twimg.com/media/EXWIAZCUEAI5Mo5?format=jpg&name=small
Wow.
You really have a way with words. The prose here, as Ice and others have said, is excellent. Masterful repetition, imagery, and emotions. Truly evocative writing. I knew what was happening from the beginning. Even so, I was following each day with urgency, trying to see what would happen next. When she would face the sea. And when she did... it was so powerful and painful. Just like it was for me when I lived beside the ocean.
You should be very proud of this.
10374423
As you can probably tell from how long it has taken me to reply, I haven't been particularly active on here for some time. Nevertheless, it does the heart some genuine good to know that people are still stumbling across and enjoying some of my work, and I really appreciate that you took the time to do so and comment. Your kind words mean a lot. I've learned by now to never say never, and should I actually scratch an itch and publish something here in the future, I hope you find some pleasure in it too.
10566968
I'm always at something of a loss when I read how much one of my stories has found connection with a reader; it's a wonderful feeling, and I'm delighted, really delighted, that you found something to enjoy in this. I think it's probably my favourite story on here, in terms of how satisfied I am with putting onto paper (uh, kinda) what was swirling about in my head. It's a fairly personal piece, and not just in terms of the subject matter; I find myself often feeling fraudulent when I write - that I use metaphorical imagery to hide the fact that I sometimes struggle to convey a narrative. This story marked one of the few times that didn't feel like it was the case, and so it has a special place in my heart.
Thank you so much for your time reading my work, and for your kind words. It genuinely means a lot!
I read this to my depressed friend and she really appreciated it
10611124
I hope she's doing a little better - I know from experience how tough depression can be to live with.
Oh goodness, I'm not even sure what I could say to that. I'm pleased the story offered something to your friend in those circumstances.
Hm. I'm hesitant. Wary, maybe even. Just to comment. What to write. How to... respond. I usually try to write comments. I count myself lucky in that... in all these years, and as far as I'm aware, I only ever have written, like... maybe three comments that, according to downvotes, critique and other comments, offended. Or insulted, or rubbed the wrong way, or whatever you might want to call it. It's always been the same topic. And I'm aware of that now, and I'm making a huge way around it.
But this one. It's not that dissimilar. So I'm... well, almost afraid, I guess.
The more I read, I felt my heartbeat quicken. Same with my breathing. So something, something, clearly resonated. The mold. The water. The sirens. Fear. Locked doors. Comfort. In books and beds. The outside being to big, the others being too loud.
You know, of all the different ways to go, drowning really is one of the worst. It's a suffocation death. And they all suck. I can understand being afraid of that. Metaphorically speaking. And quite literally. I'm terrified of that.
Grocery runs once per month. And yes, I call them 'grocery runs'. Because in the back of my head, there's a clock ticking. Don't look up. Don't look at them. They don't exist. Don't acknowledge them. Don't interact. Just walk. Faster. The faster you walk, the faster you can close that door again. There's always voices, obviously. Inside, and outside. Although, given circumstances, the latter is mostly my own.
I'm getting sidetracked. Well, not entirely. It's about voices, really. About dichotomy. I want that; versus: No you don't! Makes it hard to think straight sometimes. Heh, my right eye's twitching. Compliments the look, I guess. Point is: I have a hard time telling if she's being incredibly brave... or recklessly stupid. I mean, fair enough, the story's trying it's damn hardest to tell me what my conclusion should be. 'She remembered to breathe'. But hey, maybe she didn't. Maybe she just hallucinated while drowning. People freezing to death rip off their clothes because they feel overheated. There's so many reports of people 'seeing their life run by' as they die.
It basically comes down to... hm. I'm not entirely sure. One side is labeled 'hope', I think. Hope to swim. Hope to breathe. Hope to cope. Hope to survive. Hope to not get eaten alive. Hope to not get horribly wounded, disfigured, disappointed, abused and used and discarded and betrayed. Just general... 'hope'. I have... difficulties finding a proper label for the other side, though. Is it 'safety'? Could be 'safety'. But maybe that label is too biased. Probably is.
I can't say I 'enjoyed' your story, as such. It made my heart race a little. Were it longer, I feel like I might have panicked a little? Maybe?
It's never wise to put on dramatics on the internet. Then again, it's never wise to say anything ever anywhere, the internet usually being the last place you want to do that. (And I suppose 'social media' being the last place within the last place.)
Anyway.
I like to hope that she's fine. I don't know for sure. Because you can never, ever be sure. Of anything. At all. Ever. And that's supposed to be fine and normal. But I would really like to convince myself that she's fine. She did good, she made the right decision, and she's fine.
Because everything else would only pile on the heartbreak, really.
You are very talented with words.
Thank you for writing.
11459388
Hello again. Thanks for taking the time to read this fic, too. Again, I must express my gratitude for your time; it's a privilege to receive the thoughts of others regarding one's work. This one seems to bring out a reflective/personal sharing in people, which I am truly flattered by. It's something that resonated for me personally, and is still probably the story here I'm most proud of getting over the line, especially when the cold light of day brings with it readers with whom parts similarly resonate.
I'm not going to pretend my crutch of metaphors extended to this line of reflection at the time, but maybe it's just both. I think there's a level of recklessness and stupidity when we're fighting against a desperate sense of limitation or restriction, when we need to grasp that change no matter what. And there are no guarantees of happy endings either. Words like 'hope' and 'comfort' and 'safety' can take on sharper forms in situations like this, and come into conflict more often than we like. At least, that's what I've found from my own experiences.
But I wrote this with the intention for the story to have a positive, affirming conclusion - one that could be something of an optimistic marker for moments when we doubt the outcomes of our dreams and actions. And maybe that hope is a fallacy, but I like to believe not. This was something of a personal story for me, one that I like to think has been instructive too.
So if it's any assistance whatsoever: yes, my intention was that she comes out of this fine.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings, particularly in this domain; I very much appreciate it. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the story as such, but can understand why that might be the case and I at least hope that it was a positive reading experience. Thank you too for the kind complement. Wishing you a pleasant day/night.
11461482
Hi again, yes. I suppose I've popped up in peoples notifications a couple of times here and there in the last few days. My reading habits are a bit erratic and this time of year, I tend to devour stories en mass. I'm glad it's still appreciated. This one especially, seeing as I considered roughly a dozen times to go back and delete the comment, just to be on the safe side.
I can see why. I recently read a story that was, in all regards, very well-written. Flawless. Compelling characters. But I couldn't quite get into the headspace of the characters involved to really understand their problem. Because it was something alien and foreign to me. This one isn't. And I'm inclined to think that we resonate most with things that we know, that we experienced ourselves in some fashion.
And for what it's worth: I told you I didn't enjoy this story. And I stand by that. Because I don't think - for me, at least - that this story could be 'enjoyed'. There is no joy in dancing on the edge of panic. (I suppose your run-of-the-mill thrill seeker might disagree.) But despite that, it still was a... how did you call it? A positive reading experience. Yes it was. Because at the end of the day, the story allowed me to make a decision on how I wanted to interpret the ending and it reinforced that by presenting one that was tinted positive to begin with.
It's good. To put it simply.
I think you using that specific line might have been for the better, actually. If you had found another metaphor, one that might have worked better to keep the veil in place, I don't know if I'd been able to still twist this entire chain of thought in my head into something positive.
I'm struggling with this more or less constantly. The 'no guarantees'-part especially. There's no true security to be had, ever, and that's terrifying. Because at that point, everything basically morphs into gambling, the difference just being varying chances. Limiting yourself before others can do so establishes a sense of control that, while obviously illusionary, still can hold up for a while and provide a breather. It's just hard to then let that go again, voluntarily.
It can be hard to keep dreams and hopes alive through it all. As I said earlier, I'm grateful for the outcome of this one.
I hope that you're doing fine. Might sound stupid, but: I wish for you to be well.
Thank you for being patient/lenient/welcoming.