Moving On isn't Giving Up
I sit at a table in the restaurant, my hooves folded and watching. Watching them. My family.
My daughter listens eagerly, a motherly look in her eyes as her little sister speaks on and on about... something. I can't hear them over the crowd of voices surrounding me. I look at my son, who sips his glass of water gently. He reminds me so much of his father. I feel a slight tinge of pain in my chest but I just can't bring myself to look away.
Then there was Apple Bloom. I remember that bow in her mane used to be as large as her entire face. She's grown. She's grown so much. How long has it been? A year? Applejack stopped sending pictures after the last time I came back.
"We can leave, if you want," the masculine voice says from across the table.
I blink and look up to him. He might as well be faceless, because it's not him. Instead a new stallion, different feelings, different twinges of the heart. Different... everything.
And I love him.
"I need a few more minutes to decide," I say.
"Pear," he says, so sweetly, so gently. "There's nothing wrong with trying next month."
The words ring like a familiar lullaby in my ears. I could try again next month. The Apples are a family of habit, if nothing else. Except, the waves of burning in my throat tell me this is wrong. It's so wrong.
"I don't know if I believe that anymore, Forest," I say to him. The name is familiar, safe on my tongue, but with them in the room it feels as if I've committed taboo. Perhaps it's because I have. Sometimes I believe that I have. I don't know anymore.
"It's just," he says, placing his hoof on mine, "I remember the last time you tried to talk to them. I remember how it... affected you."
I sigh and look up to his light green fur and chocolate brown eyes. His short, tidy mane reminded me of the fresh hair of a newborn pup. My mind drifts to Winona, and my resolve falters.
"I won't drink like last time," I mumble.
"It's not about the drinking," Forest says. "It's about how much it hurts you. I know giving up family is difficult but-"
"I was told that you'll remember the 'who' long after you've forgotten the 'what.'" I snap back. "Family is the first set of friends you ever make, and-"
"Stop quoting her book, Pear," Forest interjects. "I don't think that's going to be the first thing they have on their mind when you talk to them."
A chorus of laughter erupts from the Apple Family's table.
I rise from my table.
"It'll be different."
I trot away from him and walk towards my family's table. It's Applejack that notices me first. Her joyful expression falls to a stern glare. I feel as if a sudden guest of air knocks me off balance. The sound in the crowded restaurant in Ponyville melts together into a dull hum. A piercing dial-tone that makes my words catch in my throat and my mind falls silent.
Apple Bloom looks to her sister, and glances to where her eyes are locked. A flurry of expressions fly across her face in a matter of seconds. Confusion. Recognition. Excitement. Then... disappointment. She turns her back to me.
My hoofsteps fall heavier and heavier as if each step I took made me fall deeper and deeper into quicksand. But if keep pushing, the other side will be worth it. I just need to keep walking. I just need to keep pushing.
I stop in front of their table, and now I've have all of their attentions. I open my mouth to speak but a dry rasp is all that comes out. I clear my throat and set a hoof on the table.
"How can we help you, missy?" Granny Smith asks stoicly.
"I, uhm," And my mind falters. I struggle to find the right words to speak. What could I even say? "Was wondering if yall would mind some company."
A silence falls from my family. My children. My mother-in-law.
"For how many?" Applejack speaks up, her voice stern. The sound of her voice is sweet on my ears like lemonade, but stings like an open mouth wound. It's been months. My eyes move to Granny, and I can see her hooves tremble, likely repressing another shouting fit.
"I was hoping..." I nod towards Forest. "For two."
"You have some nerve, you know that?" Granny growls.
I close my eyes, trying to keep my facial features rigid and calm. My eyes look to Apple Bloom. Her eyes look into mine, and it's as if I see a near-mirror image of her father. That same stabbing pain strikes my chest.
"I care about my family," I say gently. "I know that not everypony was comfortable with me finding somepony after Bright-"
"Stop," Granny says, rising to her hooves. Her voice is stern. She leans toward me aggressively, although her bones were so old they could seem to shatter on their own. I step backward, feeling the knife near my throat. "You made your decision."
"There never had to be a decision," I reaffirm.
"Why can't Mom just sit with us and have dinner with her gentlecolt?" Apple Bloom asks, standing up. "I haven't seen her in a long-"
"Stay out of this Apple Bloom," Granny says.
"But," the little one whines, but her older brother places a hoof on hers, trying to pacify the situation. I can't help but feel a touch of guilt-filled pride. That was likely Bright's lessons. I look back to Granny.
"I told you that if you wanted to start a new family, you stay with them. And you made your choice."
"Family is the first set of friends you ever make," I say, looking to Applejack. Her face reddens and her brow furrows as if she were unexpectedly slapped in the face.
"Now don't you go usin my own words against me. You don't care. Where have you even been?"
My breath escapes me as I didn't expect AJ to come for blood. Granny Smith I expected. This feels more like a fever dream I'd imagine in a panic attack before trying to reconcile. Not what would really happen.
"I've been in Manehattan, you know that."
"Yeah, and we've been here on the farm. Waiting for you to 'Get things together', Pear. Dad died a long time ago. And we couldn't spend forever mopin' around the farm waitin to feel better."
My hooves on the floor feel weak, as if the pull of gravity threatened to tear me asunder with every passing second.
"I didn't want to spend the rest of my life alone," I say.
"And you weren't gonna be!" She pipes up. I recognize that lead in. It's what Granny said last time. "We were all here for you. When Dad died, it hit all of us. Apple Bloom weren't more than a year old. We all banded together and worked through it together. You left us, Mom."
"I didn't want you all to see me in such a mess. And there's a difference between having family and somepony special to spend your life with. It's what Bright Mac would have wanted. Do you think he would have been happy to see me wasting away, staring at the moon missing him every single day? He'd want me to move on. So I did. And I now have a wonderful stallion in my life that... that cares for me. And wants me to be happy. We're engaged, and-"
"Engaged?!" each pony at the table repeats in shock.
"When's the wedding?" Apple Bloom asks, leaping up in excitement.
"That's enough," Granny says, throwing a bag of bits on the table. "We're going."
The ponies I care about most in the world each rise from their seats and exit without another look.
"I don't understand why I can't still be a part of our family and find somepony new to spend my life with."
Apple Bloom stops and turns around, but Big Mac lifts her into the air and continues following behind Granny.
"That's not fair! I want to stay with Mom!"
Applejack stops as the rest of the ponies leave the establishment.
"Sweetie."
Applejack turns towards me, a few of the tables in the restaurant talk in hushed whispers, watching the strange situation unfold.
"Mom, just," Applejack says, walking towards me for a moment. "I don't understand how we weren't enough for you. Why did you need somepony else? Why is having a new family so much important than... this one."
I can see my mother-in-law in her eyes. I wonder if there's anything I could even say that would sway her or change her mind.
"Honey, when your father passed, I was distraught. I have loved him since I was a filly. And that hole in my life... It was so, so large. I was barely able to function, let alone be a good mother. I needed to find a reason to... exist. A reason to feel joy again. And I know that's all difficult to understand, but-"
"Yeah, we get it. We couldn't be enough. We couldn't make you happy-"
"It's not that. It's never been that."
"Then what is it?! Because we don't understand, Mom. You haven't been here. You might as well have died with him."
Those words again.
"You don't mean that."
Applejack takes off her stetson. Her father's. And covers her face for a moment. I wonder what she's trying to conceal. Hurt? Pain? Fury?
When it moves back to her head, she's calmer.
"I'm sorry. That was harsh to say, but it's hard not to repeat what you hear at home," AJ says. "You know?"
I think that actually makes me feel worse.
"I understand."
"I hope you have a nice wedding, Mom. I'm sure it will be beautiful." Applejack says, turning away.
"Well I was hoping you all would be there. Or... maybe in the wedding."
But my daughter keeps walking, as if she didn't hear a word. I feel my strength fail me, and I sit on the cold tile floor. I feel a gentle hoof wrap around mine.
"Come on," A gentle masculine voice says.
"Okay," I cut myself off, unsure if I would say the right name.
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Ow.
Ouch. Oh, ouch. This is one of those cases where the better written the story is, the more it hurts because it's hitting on intensely real and painful subject matter. And oh, oh, ouch.
I'm afraid this sort of attitude is painfully accurate, painfully real when it comes to marrying into a large, established family. . . there is a nagging sense that you're never really really accepted as truly part of the family, and if your spouse dies, that sometimes does become an explicit declaration that you're not unless you never, ever move on.
Oof
oh no
9674793
I agree. My aunt encountered something similar to this
Excuse me for a few minutes I need to do something.
Slowly goes to a corner and start to cry.
Sorry but this it too heart breaking
Damn.
.....I don't really know what to say. I guess I agree with Pear Butter, She was Widowed and didn't want to be alone and I doubt Bright Mac (or any man/stallion) would want their Significant other to be alone for the rest of their life.
I think Granny Smith and Applejack are being unreasonable, Pear is STILL family and yet they are treating her like a Clan Exile. SHE want's THEM to be a part of HER family just as much as SHE wants to still be a part of THEIRS and yet they are unwilling to allow it.
I will be honest, If I were Pear at this point I would move on. They don't want me? then I guess I was never Family to them. It's sad but some times.... some times you just have to cut your losses or in this case THEIR losses. Let THEM see what they have lost and THEN maybe try fixing things.
I hope you do another for this Flutterpriest as I wouldn't mind seeing how this get's resolved, IF it get's Resolved.
...
Damn, Priest. That was heartbreaking.
I don't know if I can really side with one or the other. On one hand, I understand Pear wanting to find somebody else if she really was that distraught over Bright Mac's passing. But at the same time, it does kind of feel like—especially since the Apples accepted her, a Pear, into the family—bringing somebody else into the family is pushing a little too far. I personally don't believe that, but I could see it being their thought process.
This actually hits me in the opposite way as the Apples: my father passed away a decade ago, and my mother stuck with the paternal side of my family like glue, and they always considered her a daughter/sister, not an in-law. Four years ago, long story short, she ended up meeting a gentleman with a heart of gold whose wife had also passed away, and when she introduced him first to my brother and me, and then my father's mother and sister, we all took him in gladly. Every one of us knew he would never replace my father, but we also knew he made her happy, and that was all that mattered. Especially since the rest of us fell in love with him, too. He unfortunately passed away last year, but we all believe my father and the gentleman's wife were up there pushing them together. So another long story short, I guess I do need to side with Pear on this one. If a right one comes along after the right one is gone, they deserve a chance.
Aaaaaand we now have two candidates for worst pony. Granny and AJ. That was...wow.
I'm actually quite disappointed in the Apples here. It is never as black and white as that, and the fact they were willing to push away Pear just because she chose to move on, well...
...Applejack kept asking why they weren't "family enough" for Pear, but in reality, it's more the opposite--Pear wasn't family enough for them if they were willing to just push her away like that, regardless of the circumstances.
I get the whole idea of a parental figure dying and then a stepparent then stepping in can feel like said stepparent is trying to completely replace the original, and that's difficult to deal with even in the best of circumstances. I further know that there are some idiots out there who think and act this is precisely the case (this happened with my grandfather recently, something the poor man didn't need to deal with).
But it's like the chapter title says: moving on isn't giving up. It isn't forgetting what once was, either. Certainly not.
So yeah, very disappointed in the Apples over this.
At least this Forest fellow seems to be a good soul, who gets the situation and is trying to be there and support Pear as best as he can, given circumstances. She at least deserves that much.
Big oof.
That's more cruel for them to reject her as they did In this story.
I really think Pear should have tried baby steps here
Not saying she shouldn't be allowed to move on, but if she understands the situation as much as she says she does, in what universe was dropping all of this at once a good idea? The last thing most of her family wanted to hear was that she was getting remarried, and if things ended as poorly as they apparently did the last time they all saw each other, then yeah, I'd say that the subdued outburst we got was the best case scenario.
My dad and mom aren't together, and my dad tried a lot to reach out to me before I was ever willing to give him the barest chance. He never made things about his new wife, he always let me know it was about my relationship with him and no one else. Pear's relationship with her family is strained at best and in shambles at worst. She needs to focus on getting that back before trying to introduce anyone new.
And then that begs the question, does Pear want her family back in her life or does she want them to accept her moving on from Bright? If she keeps trying to have both, she could end up with neither. Forest might not want to continue seeing the woman he loves destroy herself in her attempts to reclaim her family's love. And I'm not saying it should be this way, or that the Apples are right to shun her, but if she's going to be the one to make the moves to salvage the relationship and have a future, she has to do it properly. And that starts with her and her family reconnecting.
Not asking your daughter to be in yours and your new boyfriend's wedding.
I'd love to see an epilogue or a sequel or something with Gran Pappy Pear and Big Mac. I highly doubt Pear would push away his daughter, morr his daughter would push him away. Big Mac I feel would fall with Apple Bloom more than Aj and Granny. Maybe it's just me but still, that story feels like it's be amazing.
i have to disagree with some of the people who seem to be putting a bulk of the blame on AJ and Granny. Pear Butter is not completely innocent in this. Her actions were, at least partially, selfish. Yes, she lost her husband and that is sad, but she then chose to leave her children behind on the farm and go to another city halfway across the country. Applejack said Bloom was less than a year old when Pear left, and most place her at around twelve or so now. Which means that she left them for over a decade. Even if she is younger, it has still been many years.
Here's a question: when Applejack sent those letters and pictures about how they were doing, did their mother write back? Or did she stay quiet until she one day showed up, boyfriend in tow, after years of being gone, and tried to insert herself back into her life like nothing had changed?
A person can't just abandon a family for years and years without a word, then walk back in, expect to be accepted, and carry on like they never left.
And from the perspective of the Apples, that is exactly what she did.
Let's look at it from Applejack and Big Mac's perspective. They loose their father, and while still grieving that loss, their mother -- the one pony they should be able to rely on the most -- decides to up and leave them. Just disappears from their lives, leaving them to be raised by their grandmother, to help raise a baby, and to try and take over running a farm. No visits, even on holidays or family reunions. At least one writes to her, and may or may not get any responses. So those children who are also grieving now have to deal with being abandoned, and trying to take on adult responsibilities they are way too young for.
Then, years later, after they have moved on and two of them have grown up, after they've put their lives back together and are for the most part happy, that same mother that abandoned them, that left them when they needed her most, walks right back into their lives with this stranger they never met but she supposedly loves, and asks them to just let her back into their lives like nothing happened.
Looking at it like that, can you really blame them for being so angry?
Granny’s, and more so AJ’s, reactions in this just feel to forced too me for the story to have a major impact on me. They’re just too out of character. sorry
All who have had love and lost it have a hollow ache within the soul, and the greater the love, the greater the hole left behind. This hole can only be filled by another, and even then the ache remains; it is only lessened, not removed.
Any who have not felt this cannot truly understand, and even those who have felt a lesser form of it cannot fully understand those who have felt it more strongly.
At some point, Applejack will look back, and understand what her mother was going through, and it will make her own ache all the more bitter.
Any family that would reject you, because you used to share a biological or legal tie, and no longer do, was never really family at all.
9675311
Thing is, I'm not sure Pear did have a choice in leaving. The way things are phrased, I really more think she only left because the rest of the Apples took issue with her wanting to move on and pushed her away. As she didn't have anywhere else to go or much reason to stay, only then did she leave altogether. So I suppose it boils down to who pushed away who first.
But that said, the story doesn't really say one way or another on this, not with specifics at least. It might be one of those things the author intends to be left up to the reader to decide.
Whatever the case, whoever started it doesn't mean it must continue, nor that either side can't make amends. Mistakes were made, sure, and there's probably blame to go around on all sides. But that doesn't mean none of them can't come back and seek repentance. After all...Grand Pear did that successfully, did he not?
9675235
I have to disagree on one principal. From the sound of this conversation they have gone round and round on this. And Pear eventually got to the point of engagement, probably not even something she did- as in Forest proposed to her. So she accepted, and sought out to reach to her family once more to no avail. That's how I read it at least. And seeing how the Apples are stubborn... well, I feel like they have refused attempts to work things out.
Now, I don't have a situation like yours so I'm a mite more distant from the situation, so I can't say I have the perspective of the family though. But from what I read this Pear Butter tried reaching out time and again. It wasn't a push on thing, but a gradual thing that came to this.
But that's just my persepctive. Either way, it's a very sad situation. I would hope that someday both the apples and Pear Butter lay out the differences in opinion and come to a conclusion that make them both happy.
9675315
I disagree about Granny Smith... but yeah, I agree about Applejack here. Still, as a marked alternate universe I can accept as much. But I can see how it ruins it for some people.
9675311
This comment actually brings me much side on the Apples. If it was just about Forest being a replacenent over Bright Mac, I would side more heavily with Pear. But as is, I find her just abandoning her children like that... to be rather painful. Being neglectful is a certain type of abuse after all. I agree that in the respect of this (which the story doesn't seem to focus on much over the whole father issue) that the Apples have a definite right to be angry.
... so in short this fic gives me mixed feels butO just know my heart aches for both sides here. Bleh
9675341
That's not how it reads to me. When Applejack asks why her mother left, it sounds like it was almost right away, and that it was because she was distraught over the loss, and needed to "find herself." That being there with her children was not enough. Admittedly, I did lean into that more than I intended, but I stick by my interpretation, and maintain that putting the bulk of the blame on Applejack is not fair.
That said, no, it doesn't have to continue. BUT, as I did say, she can't just walk back into their lives and pretend to pick up where she left off except now with a new husband.
And not because she should never move on and love again, she should. It is as AJ says: it makes them feel like they were not enough of a family for her. That she did feel close to them enough to stay around now that her husband was gone.
If they took Bubbler's advice 9675235 and reached out to them as herself, to slowly get to know them, let them know her again, and have it be about reconnecting with her children -- with no boyfriend or fiance -- they might have been more willing. As it stands, she left them for years, then suddenly comes back with a new pony in her life and wants the family she left to suddenly accept the two of them because she decided it. Life doesn't work like that.
9675367
I don't think she really expects to just walk back into their lives like nothing happened. The problem's more that she doesn't know how or even where to start...not helped by the fact that the Apples are not being exactly...cooperative or even that receptive to her attempts.
The story isn't that clear on who exactly started this, so it could've just as easily been Pear as it was the Apples, I'll grant that much. But the Apples aren't really even trying to work things out, at any speed. If they were, they would've been at least a little more willing to find some way to fix things, surely? Maybe try and rebuild the bridge themselves if Pear's attempts to do it herself were insufficient?
But instead...they just kind of come across as if Pear really is dead to them, and are not interested in doing anything to correct that. On their terms or Pear's.
I suppose I'm not really trying to argue if Pear is really innocent at this point but more that there's probably blame to go all around on both sides. Not so sure if that's any better, but there it is.
9675055
I second this motion.
So is...like Apple Jacks dad dead? Or did Pear cheat on him? I don't get why the apples are mad at her....
9675523
Explanation/Clarification:
After Bright Mac's death, Pear Butter wanted to move on and find another stallion. The rest of the Apple Family didn't take too kindly that, and they've been estranged from each other since.
I'm sorry. This story is too depressing for me to like in any fashion. I wish you well.
9675623
Thats fucking stupid though
9675642
To each their own, I s'pose.
9675662
Like i almost related to this story because i thought she left the dad for another stallion and thats why they were mad...
My mom did the same thing to my dad
But she is well within her right to move on after her husband died and its fucked up that the apples especially her goddamn kids expect to her to not.
The only problem with HER is the fact that she moved the manehatten with her stallion instead of settling down with someone from Ponyville
9675666
People have a right to move on, but a father or a mother must place their children first. Nobody in their right fucking minds says "kay kids, im moving on from dad. I still love him but I need to move on, be loved by a man again, so im abandoning you all"
Honestly I think you just wrote unrealistic and unreasonable piece of shit characters for drama. The elders would indeed maybe reject an outsider to the family moving on, but her children wouldn't turn on her. I'm sorry but its not very believable. And Butter comes off extremely selfish. A mother, a good mother, doesnt put herself ahead of her kids. EVER.
9675907
She wasn't putting herself ahead of her children. It is very clear from the narrative that she fell into a deep depression, and was not capable of being a mother in any capacity; Granny was already doing all the work, and even if she was alive, Pear Butter was so checked out so may as well have not been. Leaving the way that she did, as emotionally painful as it might have been, actually freed of time and resources that could be put towards raising the children, because now they didn't have to take care of her as well. It might be a bitter pill to swallow, but it was objectively the right decision given the circumstances.
As for it not being believable that her children would behave this way way, allow me to quote Applejack: "It's hard not to repeat what you hear at home."
Apple Bloom may not remember much, but Applejack and Macintosh remembered enough to feel hurt. And when you're hurting, and you're living with someone that you look up to, who tells you that the reason you're hurting is because of something that someone else did, and they tell you this every single day for years, you will believe them.
Besides, look at the silver lining: Based on what we see in the story, it's only going to be a matter of time before Apple Bloom has enough and reconnects with Pear Butter, and if anyone else objects, she'll just say, "I'm choosing my whole family. What do you choose?" and will force them to choose between family and ego.
9675326
that POV is insanely selfish
9675894
yeah, certainly she has a right to look for a new relationship, but deciding she can just leave the kids behind to get it? No
9676071
well in that case they're better off keeping her out, because the next time she suffers a tragedy she'd break down on them again
9676118
I don't think that you quite grasp the depth of the tragedy she experienced, and that's ok and maybe even expected, because it's an unusual set of circumstances that surround it; suffice to say though, she is not likely to experience that depth of tragedy again because those circumstances will never arise a second time.
More to the point, however, they're capable of taking care of themselves now; the circumstances that existed when she left will never exist again. They take on no risk by letting her back into their lives, but they have a chance to get their mother back if they do.
They aren't protecting themselves by keeping her out; all they're doing is punishing her when she is trying to make amends, and punishing Apple Bloom when she hasn't done anything wrong. There is no framing of this where what they're doing is not morally and ethically wrong. My mind is made up.
9675404
This. This is the intent.
I think I need a medic bag
9676243
Oh good, then I'm on the right track.
Thanks for the thought-provoking story, by the way.
On one hand, I find it rather unfair of the Apple Family to disown Pear for trying to move on, essentially. She probably was just as heartbroken as they were, and though I get that family means a lot to them, it sorta means little to nothing if they're unwilling to add on when things change. It would've been different if they divorced, but...still...
And on the other hand, it also looks like Pear Butter abandoned them before finding her next love - and I just cannot empathize with her if that's the case. If a mother CANNOT be there for her kids willingly, she's no mother. Plain and simple. And yet, I don't find her unlikable - I don't find the rest of the characters unlikable either. It's like...this is a situation that makes sense, no one's really in the right, but you can't exactly HATE anyone for what they're doing either. Part of me believes that this isn't even about Pear marrying someone else, it's about them collectively being unable to move on from a very terrible loss.
Either way, this was very well written, and I really liked it. :3 Very good.
Rough around the edges is definitely an understatement. Both sides made their mistakes and the consequences were dire.
However, it feels like this story misses the point of A Perfect Pear of reconnecting with family. It feels OOC for all parties to act the way they do if A Perfect Pear is cannon to this. Then again, this is an AU
Please make a sequel to this.
9676168
That's... debatable. Applejack is one of the Elements of Harmony, after all. She faces mortal peril at least twice a year, so the risk of such a tragedy repeating itself very much exists.
AJ, that's an unfair question. It'd be different if it were Apple Bloom asking, but you're a grown woman. You should know that women have needs. Unless you expect your mom to commit incest, you know why she needs somepony else. If you want to be upset at your mom for abandoning you, that's another matter. But she did nothing wrong by remarrying!