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On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon page.)

Comments ( 82 )

That was...interesting...


I find the ...(word)... pattern in a comment generally indicates a reader who's desperately in need of a hard drink.

In anticipation of reader reaction, hard drinks are now available for $10,000 each.

Never realized how much I wanted this story.

I'll take 3 please.

A laser v.... No, I can't say it.

"-- we are moving towards the playing field," Luna cut her off. "There is a particular plot which is always used. We will be using it."


A plot," Twilight tried.


"Yes," Luna smiled. "A surprisingly large one."


Twilight was now calling upon her mental map of the palace. Large plots of land... not when they were moving up --

Oh! Well. That'll be one reason why it's banned. :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight, who had a tendency to miss tones (over and under, with an option for sepia), excitedly nodded. " Bartleby's Scrivenings !" she happily exclaimed. "Did you know that some ponies say this is the most depressing book ever written? I saw the title in an estate sale's catalog listing, and nopony's seen that title in nearly twelve hundred years! I'm not even sure how it survived! Or how the last owner did!"

"warning: this story is extremely depressing."
first line of the first book in the "a series of unfortunate events" books.
i didn't read any more...

Twilight you need to drag Discord into your next revenge plot. Both sisters need a good Discording for this.

This is just evil. Just plain evil! Damn hilarious, too.

That ending...it really does come back to cycles with them, doesn't it? That's actually pretty cool thematically...even if this's just a silly asscrackfic.

a silly story called "cooking roach" by Bucking Nonsense some to mind:
it starts with a Changeling named "Rochelle" taking part in a pepper-eating contest...against Iron WIll.
then she gets roped into a cooking contest...

*Lets out a sigh of relief.*
When I saw the dark and sex tags, I was expecting something worse. So, I'm actually a bit relieved with what it ended up being.

As it is, this was a really well done balancing act. If I had simply been told what Twilight did in this story without the context, I would call it out of character, but you built it up enough that even while it still seems outrageous, is also somewhat plausible.

On a side note, I think that the guards went along because of something more in line with shipping. I could be wrong though.

Hilarious. I loved it.

I laughed. I chortled. I may have briefly howled.
This is the first example I can think of where it's not body horror, but body comedy.
Fantastic work!

That was cruel and unusual punishment. I started laughing with

Twilight searched her memory for a two-part game, and a mind which generally sought fun between bookcases eventually discarded Shelve And Then Shelve Again

and didn't stop until I finished.

Icicle indeed.

And for the rest of eternity Twilight found herself a pawn in the sisters games. Also, she was never able to adequately explain why she refused to eat capsicum, or take ice in her drinks...

Does Cadance’s version of the game involves dates? (Amusingly, an Australianism for anus is “date.”)

Estee writing explicit? Now this I gotta read!

"Do you agree," Luna countered, "that you will play the game all the way to the end? That if you stop at any point, you forfeit?"

Stopping here to predict that the rules are "Luna makes up new rules until the other person is destroyed."

Interesting tactic when you saw the Reaminator, incidentally,

I didn't know there was a pony equivalent of Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

Let me see... to the right for an increase, circle to the left if the desired goal is surpassed.

So it's not just a cutie mark, it's also the temperature control for the grill. (And it says something when Celestia makes for a better grill than a cook.)

I have not heard the one about the beam since my Return.

Heh. If anyone's qualified to bring in that particular concept, it's Celestia.

In any case, I wasn't entirely wrong in my rush to judgement, though it certainly went in directions I didn't anticipate. Hilarious stuff. Here's hoping Twilight doesn't end up becoming an instrument in the sisters' next cold war. (Er, so to speak.)

Broadly, broadly...

"You'll have privacy," the Guard promised. " Total privacy. I'll reroute the patrols myself. Sneaking... it's about time ...!"

"Is it not?" Luna casually asked. "Good night to you, Glimmerglow."

Live update (reading this at work) I was wrong and this is better.

"...but there's no oven. Or fireplace. Or..."

Update 3 (I'd be done right now, but-- do you know how many people feel the need to order pizza right before close? It's the same number of people who will die if Campbellsville has a Purge Night.)

Anyway, when you read these in stages, you get to appreciate the escalation of events. Also couldn't help but notice Twilight can't teleport in the castle grounds...

Confounded my expectations at every turn.

I love your Luna and Twilight you should write them together more.:twilightsmile:

"Oh, that doesn't matter," the most evil pony in the world whispered. "In the end --" and smirked at her own not-so-private jest "-- it's all about getting the water into the mold ..."

...I have the perfect youtube clip and I can't post on my phone.

"Interesting tactic when you saw the Reaminator, incidentally," the Lunar Princess noted. "I was not expecting you to deflect."

Still panting, "Isn't that pronounced re-an-i-ma-tor?"

"No. You misheard. Ream."

"Reaminator" made my internal spell checker hit a speed bump. I found myself re-reading it several times and preparing a correction note before ever registering the next two lines.

"...but there's no oven. Or fireplace. Or..."

At first I thought, she'll have to place it inside "something" hot......no, get your mind out of the gutter.

And it didn't happen.

"Yes, it would go faster, and the sear would come on all sides at once!" Luna whisper-barked. "But you do not have permission! To insert, even in the name of pulling ahead... that would be..."

Oh, no, there we go.:rainbowlaugh:

Why Estee, why? :rainbowlaugh: Poor Twilight... :facehoof:
I laughed so hard I cried right through it. :trollestia:
Foul indeed. :pinkiegasp:

Bartleby's Scrivenings

One strains to regard it every day, considering that the option to read it is available -- and then, having considered that option, a healthy pony realizes that they would... prefer not to.

You cunning Mel-villain, you!

Celestia: Hot Ass.
Luna: Cool Ass.
Cadance: Lovely Ass.
Twilight: .... Hmmm 🤔

The sequel: Twilight discovers Spike and Rainbow Dash also have a game...

Well, aye, wasn't expecting that. :D
And I think that that last line may explain why Luna was so troubled by Twilight's foul...

I'm just glad that Luna got her old book back. After living so long and going through so much pain, I'm glad Luna can still find joy in familiar places of with the people she loves.

This was very Pratchett-esque. Thank you,

Gaia #36 · Apr 14th, 2019 · · 1 ·

Why, Twilight has the Magic Ass of course!....

Temporarily gain +3 to intelligence!

This was absolute madness, and I loved very word of it.

Friendship ass, obviously. Friendly to every visitor :twilightsmile:


uGH, the denial.

I just have this image of Celestia's eyes turning into Daybreaker's on that last line.



I got it! MAGICAL ASS! Entering it would be... Magical! Eh, eh? 😉

"Bartleby's Scrivenings!" she happily exclaimed. "Did you know that some ponies say this is the most depressing book ever written?

I must confess to being curious why I feel as if the most depressing book thing is one I'm familiar with.

The rest of this was a wild ride that made me almost spit out my drink.

Or New Ones Are Born

Challenge accepted.

Now I really wanna see the icicle continuation

Have you ever gone to the comments of a story to see if it would interest you? Usualy based off the description and comments I can tell the direction a story is going to go.

However this time im left completely baffled as to what in the world is supposed to be happening here! This commeny section is one of least spoiler laden ones I've ever seen

That was delightfully fucked up.

In case anyone is wondering what the first chapter of Bartleby's Scrivenings is, I suggest Cackling Moron's adventures of Jack, the ending Turn Off The Lights.

Twilight has become a pawn in a most dangerous game.

I don't know if I want to read a story about Icicle or not. I will leave up to the author to decide.
But I enjoyed this one for sure.

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