• Member Since 17th May, 2017
  • offline last seen Dec 12th, 2019

Cipher800


T

Everything had been a blur for Darach Meldrak Obenhjerthe. Darach was the first of his name, clansman of the Meldrak household, and a profound soilder. Unlike most people at the time, Darach wasn't very religious. When he did in the war at the hands, or hooves, of his own horse, he expected to float in the endless void of nothingness, or wind up in the pyres of damnation if unlucky.

To be honest, he expected a lot of things. But what he got was something that clearly wasn't on his expected menu. Darach woke up reborn into the body of a small, winged unicorn, she has to make sense of his new life as a small pink princess, and try not to disturb her new parents with her strange personality while occasionally being visited by six ponies while trying to find her place in the world.


A revival-fic of "Crystal Reincarnation" and a Christmas present to those who saw potential from it.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 31 )

When he did in the war at the hands

died

9365372
Oops. To be honest, though, I expected more from a remake than 29 views.

9365373
meh can't win them all

9365381
I know, but I could've sworn it would be higher.

9365397
maybe the error in the description turned a lot of people away

9365401
Fair point. I've been expecting at least 500 views.

9365410
I'll look at it after Christmas, maybe others are doing the same?
Also never read the original.

Yeah, could be interesting.

Not too bad. We'll see how this goes in comparison to the original.

9365410
You just put it out though, Rome wasn't build in a day. They'll come.
Good luck with this reincarnation of the story lad. I can't promise I'll be continuing my own, but I'll follow along your version.
If I ever do though, you just keep doing yours. I'm interested to see your take on the premise.

Merry Christmas Cipher, and even though I haven't been the most active, I really do appreciate your enthusiasm and support.
Thank you :twilightsmile:

9365427
So far, they both run somewhat along the same line, but I'm sure Cipher has his own unique ideas for where to go from there.
If you want a better chance of an updates, you might wanna keep reading his version tho :ajsleepy:
I definitely will.

9365713
Yeah, although, I made a few changes, like Flurry being a normal filly's size, and I'm planning on some other things, too.

Soilder = SOLD-I-ER = SOLD-EEE-ERRR

Why... can't people spell these days?!

Well that went better then expected

9366516
Well, what do you think?

9366923
Its good but I feel like he calmed down to fast .
It was like boom I'm no longer freaking out

9366930
It was slower in-story than the readers saw. But what did you think of this story overall?

9365713
Yeah, I added a new chapter.

9367020
Its good keep up the good work

Welp I'm interested.

I was interested in the idea, but this doesn't really feel like the viewpoint or reactions of a soldier from the 1400s. Actually, as a former cavalryman (and thus familiar with what a horse looks like), I'm surprised that he would even associate the new body with a horse instead of questioning what in the world he's even supposed to be (because, with few exceptions, Equestrian "ponies" really don't look much like horses)... I'm not sure how familiar Scandinavia was with the few remaining Camelids in the world, and Flurry Heart is a foal anyway, so he could be as far off as "some sort of winged goat", even. (An atheist in the Middle Ages is pretty unheard of, too.)

reads good. more please.

Are you going to use the picture from your old fic in this rewrite?

Alright, this is fun. The first part, from Flurry's POV, was a confusing rendition of the same part of the original... but I like what you've done to the second part. Like...

Cadence said in a loving manner loud enough to drown out the snoring.

Given that she removes ear muffs in a couple paragraphs, that's gotta be a shouting volume- or, possibly, Royal Canterlot Voice. Speaking of volume, Shining's snoring volume is disturbing to anyone that understands the art and science of snoring- and I just left a comment on Crystal Reincarnation as to why... Here. (Just kidding, it's not an art.)

With a small snort, he jutted up, the comic book flying to the other side of the room, slamming into the wall as he became fully upright.

This is a little confusing... Did he slam into the wall, or did the comic book? I think it's the book- and if so, he's impressive for more than just his snoring- you try throwing a magazine haphazardly across the room and having it hit the wall like Harry's copy of the Monster Book of Monsters! Unless you get the angle just right, and the spin at flat zero, it'll go off course, flutter, and stop before it flies very far. The wider the room, the harder the throw... and that royal bedroom is gonna be pretty big.

that I sounded like an broken lawnmower when I slept!

A. Spotted a typo
B. I like your simile over the original... though in my experience, the broken lawn mower has usually just shut down (computer problems). There was once, though, when the blade was just clipping the metal edge of the deck... and if that wasn't noisy, I don't know what was. We already need ear protection to use the thing (it's a garden tractor, or riding mower).

going all the way up to Cadence's knew.

Typo!

And unlike Crystal Reincarnation, you're capturing the pains of a night owl's morning perfectly.

"You'd laugh if I told you, won't you." the tiny alicorn said.

This doesn't feel right. Her mind is clearly functioning enough to think Cadence would laugh if she told... but not enough to realize Cadence doesn't already know, therefore won't be able to answer a "won't you?" question? Strange.

"I have to tell Shining about the events I just witnessed.

While that makes sense coming out of a fair witness' mouth, it doesn't make sense coming from the common citizen- who would make the assumption that what they saw is what actually happened. She'd be more likely to be all "I have to tell Shining about what just happened" instead.

All in all, you've easily outdone the perfectionist. Even on formatting! How one can be a perfectionist when one out of every three to four paragraphs is poorly formatted, I'll never know.

Definitely reading your next chapter.

This story is not over yet please continue with the story

aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd it's dead.

9624229
and it pisses me off because it was suppost to be a revival of the story

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