Elián was sent eons before equestria, with forerunner technology, with the passage of time, he learned to control it and acepted with much work his destiny, as a new guardian of the mantle of responsibility, this story will have a focus on the struggle between his humanity and duty.
Eons of Elián
Birth and charity
Chapters 1- *
Construction and compensation
Chapters
Doubts and discoveries
Chapters
Disclosure and claim
Chapters
Despair and sacrifice
Chapters
Wait and extension
Chapters
Help and compassion.
Chapters 1-
Help and support data
23/07/2020 featured, i can die happy :'v
Chapters (13)
One first and two nice story so far my dude u need to space more put pretty good
I have very good feelings about this story and really want it to succeed. However there is some work to be done with some of the grammar and formatting to give the story a better readability. Parts of the story feel like they were just pulled directly from a translator.
However I'll stay hopefully optimistic and wait for more to come.
A good start. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
The grammar and dialogue are awful, as is the OC. But considering what this is, that's just par.
Holy shit reading that summary hurt.
Great work keep it up
Abomnible grammar and poor spelling. Also, are you using some kind of translation software? because I'm pretty sure that 'Luna' and 'Moon' are two seperate words.
The grammar really needs to be brushed up on. Your use of the word euphemism is so out of place.
Also since you are going Forerunner with this how come you didn't just make him a forerunner instead of a pony. Sure this is equestria but I don't see how big an impact some pony with special abilities will be compared to and 'alien'. Having a forerunner main would make for a more interesting read.
Also having him be able to make 1000 constructors before he's dead tired is pushing that power into the OP section.
Great work keep it up
Nice length, if it weren't purely walls of text. Otherwise, I'm not really sure as I mostly skimmed it. Hopefully you get that editor soon. (Would do it but busy)
nice! also
I've got 1 problem with this
THIS IS NOT RATED E!?!?! THIS IS AT LEAST RATED T!!!!!!
9181318
HUH I never expected you to like halo
..... huh wow every time I learn something knew about someone and they like the same thing i do I get surprised by it
9187587
You're right, later there may be something ... hard and etc, it's already fixed to a more mature classification.
9187628
your welcome good sir
now if you excuse me I'm gonna go see shining dick get his butt kicked
So he finally made it to the planet. LET the fun begin.
9187660
could be
9187686
SAD face
9187701
the Equestrians have an image of Elián thousands of years ago, thanks to the temporary dilation, many things can happen.
9188107
maybe something else appears
9188552
none of the images in my story are of my authorship, but when I have time, I will try to draw Elián.
did you mean kilometers? or did you intend to use meters because the ponies dont realise how large it is?
9189341
They do not know how big it is
Interesting story but the grammar is really bad... you know what most of the time when someone ask me if I want to edit I say no and very rarely I say yes, and you know what I'm gonna edit that @&?!#.
You have my support Jhonn!
More Plz :3
Strong the grammar is not but, much potential there is for this story.
Enjoying so far
9220717
I am hopeful the ponies won’t get any tech or anything else humanity earned and certainly no Forerunner stuff or something silly like them being intended to be their universes custodians. Halo humanity worked, sacrificed, and suffered horribly for their advancement and for the Mantle. Real humanity, too. Besides, in the show the ponies are even more control-crazy micromanagers than the Forerunners and that is against the ideals of the Mantle which is one of the reasons the Precursors did not choose the Forerunners to succeed them.
And any Flood stuff is, I hope, not used as an excuse to throw tech and stuff at the ponies.
Why do you put hypens after quotations? I notice sometimes you don’t, does it symbolize something in this story?
Also, commas and you seem to have a tense, love-hate relationship.
9163506
Or let him be human, since humanity was bequeathed what the Forerunners had anyway.
The Forerunners must have missed the memo.
9187711
Temporal dialation or speed of light? If he’s thousands of lightyears away...
Helping the smallest population first is unwise. While helping them, the larger populations of deer will be paying the price. He’s saying to save the fewest instead of the most.
When they approached the ship, big was their surprise!! It was not equestrian griffins! XD
Sorry, but this story has ALOT of bad grammar. It’s a good story, just need to work on the grammar.
9325493
we are working on it, but until the edition reaches the update, some chapters are going to have errors
Wait, the telescope could see 9million lightyears, but only 90 lightyears with spells? Might want to check that line over.
9163506
Maybe he meant to put euphemism? I mean, you never know whith celestia.
Ok, I’m guessing English is a second language for you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I saw you use vente instead of twenty. I believe vente is Spanish for twenty?
9326101
I thought that I had fixed that error, I uploaded the wrong chapter
9204009
That profile pic is great. Just great.
More plz
kool
Yay! It updated!!
Yyeeeeeeesssssssssss.
More updates... more.
the picture of the new swords are not there, they must have taken it down or something
I'll fix it tomorrow, I had not realized :'(
Can’t wait for the next chapter!
9406172
done!
:3
How do I make chapter 'the last resort' stay checked cause Everytime I check it off or rewatch the video and go to the next chapter it keeps unchecking itself
9407973
It has not happened to me, maybe it's a bug