• Member Since 11th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 52 minutes ago

The dragon hunter


I'm Italian, I like Halo, and my favorite pony is Applejack. What else?

T
Source

After the destruction of the Ark and the collapse of the Portal, the wreck of the frigate Forward Unto Dawn is transported on an unknown planet, where a series of events initiated long ago will bring the inhabitants of two completely different worlds to fight side by side against an ancient enemy long forgotten.


Placed between the events of Halo 3 and Halo 4 and immediately after the end of Season 3.


This is my first fiction and English is not my first language. Editing by Requiem17.
Criticisms and suggestions are welcome.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 37 )

I'll be blunt. You are in dire need of an editor and a pre-reader.

3657009
Yeah, I feared that this would be the first reaction. Maybe I was a bit too impulsive in publishing immediately the story

3657062
Fortunately, there are literally dozens of groups that can help you.

3657062 and the grammar could use a lot of work

I've fixed the grammar issues that I've been able to detect. I hope that the result is acceptable :applejackunsure:

3766299
It's a lot better. However, I still recommend you get an additional editor/pre-reader. Your current weaknesses appear to be (in order of severity) capitalization, word choice, and pluralization.
EDIT: You also have a few issues with some base grammar rules. Unfortunately, it still makes reading this story a bit more difficult than necessary. Fortunately, there are literally dozens of groups that can help you.
Your characterization, however, is spot-on.

Nice start. Pretty sure they broke the 'Spartans Never Die' tradition for the chief, though (Halo Nations claims he was listed as KIA).

Comment posted by The dragon hunter deleted Jan 20th, 2014

3802115
Halo Nation is wrong. In Halo 4, Dr. Halsey mentions that John is listed as Missing in Action.

3817368 What his file reads doesn't change the fact that the Hillside Memorial has him as KIA.

3822378 True, and when Lord Hood talk with the Arbiter, the admiral says "It's hard to believe he's dead", implying that everyone thinks that the Master Chief is dead, despite what the ONI says.
EDIT The reaction of the UNSC forces during the level Infinity is mostly disbelief, the radio operator think that he's heard incorrectly the name Forward Unto Dawn, while one of the marines says that he thought that the Chief was dead.

I will tell you, there are some grammar issues in the story that need to be fixed. But other than that, the story looks very promising. I'm looking forward to reading it all the way until the very end.

Sono davvero attratto la tua storia, e penso che ha un sacco di potenziale. Sarai aggiornare in qualunque momento presto? Voglio vedere un po 'di più, male!:yay:

3923462 Thank you for your interest and enthusiasm :twilightsmile: Actually I'm working to translate the next chapter, but due to various issues (plot holes noted at the last, lack of much time due to the real life and the university, diminution of my enthusiasm for the plot of this story) I'm not sure when I'll be able to post the next chapter. I regret a little, also because I came with the idea not long after I discovered MLP :ajsleepy: so it has a special meaning for me; hope to be able to keep 'alive' this story

Spartans are never marked as KIA they just go missing in action. Even when they clearly died. But other than that good work.:twilightsmile:

So.... when is this going to be carried on?

I want MORE NOwW? If its lot to much trouble:flutterrage::fluttershbad:

Looking good thus far, needs more editing but overall is ok.

Good start and I can't wait to see what happens when they meet Master Chief. I'm so nervouxited! :pinkiehappy:

*EVILgrin* Se ho capito bene (il mio MlP-fu é estremamente debole) Tirek deve ancora evadere, giusto?
*KK immagina il centauro demoniaco contro Master Chief. Il cui armamentario é completamente non-magico*
Penso proprio che mi divertirò assai...
BWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!
Voto: 10+++

5476921 Thank you :twilightsmile: You are right, the story is set after the end of season 3, right after the coronation of Twilight. The story is currently on hiatus for several reasons but it's not unlikely that one day I'll start to write on it again, maybe changing the base idea

Honestly this is a lot better written (with less mistakes, even) than some stories where the authors know ONLY English.
Great job!

5577112 Thank you very much :pinkiesmile: the credit is also of my editor.

5577135 dude are you even still writing this story:rainbowhuh::flutterrage:

6489585 As much as it pains me to say it, it's been over a year since I've wrote something related to this story. The chances that I'll continue to write it are very thin, while I'm seriously considering to cancel the story for several reasons (lack of time, plot holes and inconsistencies, ...)

6493127 Oh its sad it hear that:fluttercry:

6495680 Yeah, you can say it :ajsleepy: this was my fist story, so you can imagine how I feel about it.

6496797 If you could would you pass this story to someone else to finish it? You just can't abandon such a master piece after all.:twilightsmile:

I can barley even imagine how you must feel:applecry:

6496854 Really? Wow, it's been a long time since I've read the content of the chapter (I honestly don't even remember some of the things that are written in it), but I'm always pleasantly surprised when people say that in their opinion the story is good (at least, the edited version, for which I have to thank my editor: the first version that I published was embarrassing to say the least). To say the truth, I've considered the idea in the past, but I think that it wouldn't work. I personally think that most of the positive receptions from the readers come from the cliffhanger at the end; if I were to show what I was planning to write in the following chapters, people would run away or grab torches and pitchforks (reading my notes, my general thought is "Gosh, I can't believe that I was planning to write this". Some ideas are still good and I'm planning to recycle them for other stories, but others... well, in hindsight they wouldn't have worked so well).

6496927 Oh come on it can't be that bad, I am sure that every idea is a good idea as long as you had an idea that is what truly matters. Plus that's where friends come in, you talk and change a few bits here and there as you go along:twilightsmile:

But I like how you think, take an idea and create a hole new story out of it, I never thought of that.:twilightsheepish:

6497026 What can I say, I'm a firm believer in recycling :twilightsheepish:

6496927 I don't know much about Halo (I'd know even less if it wasn't for the fan fics and books), but seeing this, after reading your new story, I can safely good; good choice on cancelling this. I'm not saying this is bad, just that there's too many Master Chiefs with the same beginning, so you not writing this lead you to write your other, much more original, story. Congratulations!

7158643 Thank you for the honesty :twilightsmile:

7158732 I wouldn't give it any other way.

Pls reboot I don’t care if it’s master chief or not :flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::twilightangry2::facehoof::twilightsheepish:😡

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