• Member Since 19th Sep, 2016
  • offline last seen Yesterday

ArkKane


Prepare for the power of Dark Arts

T

[Data Capture Is Activated, Master.]

Thank you, Seras.

My name is Delta-12, I am a new Cybran Commander on the Uncharted Alien World of Equis. I have no set mission as I am currently a Displaced with no proof of Cybran existence except a small defunct base that was left to me. As such I have made it my mission to build up my forces and prepare for threats that might endanger me or the friendly inhabitants who have taken me in.

The problem in that is... said inhabitants, along with the rest of the planet, seem to be on a scale my forces are not prepared for.


yes indeed this is going to be another displaced fic from yours truly, and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I love writing it.

Tags and rating will change depending on how much the later chapters evolve.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 50 )

I enjoyed the storytelling the first Chapter had, though I don't think it's a displaced story, it was still pretty good, but I am surprised that he didn't see Twilight who turned him into an exhibit in her mad scientist laboratory.

9341178
A displaced story is about a human who is drastically altered into a new form with new powers and assets and thrown into Equestria. The Merchant isn't a necessary medium and the person can be displaced lots of other ways.

9341182
Hmm... I never really though about it, but your explanation does make sense as displacer merely means dimensionaly misplaced. Still the first Chapter was very good.

He is the cise of a ant he could be overcome by bugs at this point.

9341189
There are a lot of fics where the mc gets displaced by something they bought online or an entity that was definitely not the merchant or one of his disguises.

9348140
I feel bad for my friend though. He's going to have to stand still for almost an hour modeling for me!

9348148
guys... please... there is MAIL for this! please stop artificially extending my comments section!

He's not happy that his arm change and cannot turn it back. (You know what I mean.)

“...ffffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-”

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep going. Ps teleporter anyone?

what is the crossover? Or is it just a made up one you used for this chapter

Thissss is straying dangerously into mary sue/gary stu territory. A lot of the tension and interesting conflict in characters comes from them having weaknesses or flaws that others can and do try to exploit and it seems like this character is getting a lot of quick fixes and patch jobs that remove the relevance of those weaknesses, not to mention he's so "clever" and perceived as "morally right" that most attacks on his intentions or motivations are swept aside and everyone who dares challenge him in this way is quickly made to look like the bad person who should be very ashamed of themselves.

Think of it this way, who is more interesting?
SuperKnight the sword weilding do gooder who smacks aside foes and always has some surefire back up plan or quick wit to make the bad guys look or feel stupid or...

SwordGuy the reckless warrior who says offensive things and starts fights he sometimes has to run from but has a few close friends on the generally good side that he really wants to stay in good graces with so will go along with things like saving ethnic shop keepers he views as inherently sleezy because he knows that they haven't really done anything wrong and he would be insulting his friends if he let his own racist misgivings stop him from doing the right thing?

Now I tried to distance my examples a bit from your story because it is important that it truly stays your own but I do want to impress upon you the idea that it is important that your characters have some real and relevant flaws. That it's ok to have characters with morally grey motivations, beliefs, or mistakes and that it's ok for them to not always be sure of themselves. It makes them relatable and builds a character that acts and feels alive and interesting. It brings new perspectives to light and it gives people something to think about and that is a crucial part of a good story.

9398100
*ahem* flaw number one:
he is the size of an ant with his only defense being a robot that can be knocked over by a disgruntled pegasus.

flaw number two:
the blueprint system must follow earth physics to an extent, and anything he builds must follow the rules of Supreme Commander, meaning long. ass. build times.

9398298
While i have other reservations about how relevant those flaws will truly be, I didn't quite say it was unsalvageable, merely that you were heading in a direction that looked like it was about to remove what few drawbacks he had (those being infinite power gen with no explosions (vulnerable ACU) and tech 3 engineers (build speed)).

But more than that, i kinda worry because i don't see many actual "character" flaws, like in how he acts. Not much he does would really bite him in the ass and he seems to be pretty smart, well versed in the world, able and willing to emotionally manipulate people, and seems to near effortlessly sway them over to his side. Also, he just kinda has the ally he needs fall into his lap and also gets a free magic boosted reactor via the hospital iirc. Also no one really stands up for themselves or tries to defend their actions or that while maybe they were hasty to judge, the two are still a pair of mechs with no verification on their stories just running around in the middle of ponyville looking scary with arm guns, spikes, and armor plating.

I'm not meaning to come off as snobish or nitpicky but I just wanted to point out that I'm seeing a lot of stuff happen that they just kinda automatically have an answer for, whether it's manipulation, schemeing, or just having an AI invent a new custom upgrade... The main character has just kinda gained a bunch of information and got free stuff while shaming the local national heros...

This has to be one of the few Supreme Commander stories on here.

9403789
and that is exactly why I made such a thing, because no-one felt like doing it, or actually working on what they made.

9398298
9398100


meaning for the number 2


if he wanted to make a super dreadnought it would take not only extreme amount of time but also resources,power, and bot power


meaning in order for him to even start building it he would have to make new kinds of resource extractors and those resource buildings that take energy and turn it into resources (and the name of the building escapes me due to not having played supreme commander for almost two years), also design new and better power stations while also designing new and better storage buildings and design better engineers (personally i prefer flying engineers in video games alot faster to get to what they need to build) to build faster (and yes ik if it means building faster it's gonna use up more resources) and also better factories to build said bots and maybe make multiple at once which in the long run will be a long ass time

MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey I have an idea on how he can use the 4 Red eyes for expressions.

Seems that..... somthing is not right..

9474937
one of these links are not like the other

9474945
It might be because I’m using mobile but one link is an actual WALL of text!

Hey you could use the eyes for emotions by dimming or turning them on/off.

9475075
true, I just wanted to word it like a song

“*sigh* Housten, we have nooo problems…”

Annoyance generating: REALLY?! F#CKING REALLY?!

Speaking of ‘tech up’ I had already begun sending in some tech 3 engineers through the Quantum Gate to the beacon’s signal location and have received confirmation of their landfall and successful construction of a second Quantum Gate, linking me and Prime’s worlds together and to subtly keep an eye on my forces over there. I was rather disgruntled when he seemed to make only 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]Monkeylords and not a single Megalith , but I wasn’t really risking my butt over there so I let him do his own thing.

Woah now.

How come you had to use a longer URL?

apologies to all, it seems I had a little error when placing in an image link, thankfully I have remedied the issue so no-one need suffer it.

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