A dude dropped inside a 1-foot tall planetary annihilation commander......what could go wrong?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 21st May, 2017
- offline last seen Apr 6th, 2021
Sgt_Metz
Yo, Just a dude who likes Sci-Fi
Sgt_Metz
Joined 21st May, 2017 ·
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hmm... lovely concept especially shrinking the commander down xD in dire need of some polish and editing though XD
also in chapter two you had the commander reclaim Organic material for mass.... which.... is not how the re-claimer works <.< organic material is turned into energy while inorganic ones are turned into mass <.< oh and you've written about the power generator twice o.o
also... if you wanted the mc to be so incredibly quick at getting used to the situation of suddenly being in a Commander unit... you could've probably skipped the human life part and started with a mysterious awakening during free-fall =P might've been kinda neat having the support program be a bit more ''dumb'' and providing the mc with basic objectives like ''establish primary manufacturing facility''
but anyways o.o lovely concept ^^ would definitely enjoy seeing it explored some more ^^
I loved planetary annihilation, so I'm excited to see how this story turns out
Woah thanks for the feedback guys! this was supposed to be a try at fimfiction but from the support, I will start on the next chapter!
Just found this today, looking pretty good all things considered.
9005970
thanks!
this made my day. To be fair, I'd run if I had turrets pointed at me.
Like the concept so far, but a little editing would go a long way.
Good luck and keep going!
You have the start of a good idea but you really need a beta. Badly. The very first sentence is one large run on sentence. It needs to be broken up and/or have punctuation added. And from what i could tell when I skimmed it most of the others are too.
Also your wall of text needs to be corrected. But other then that good job.
you messed up at the end of the chapter
I really like this, sure you need to work on quite a lot, but I like the story and it seems to be a pretty entertaining story. (compared to others writing, this is 10 times better than mine!)
good story i find it funny that he's 1 foot tall and still scare's the pony's HAHAHA!!
The section I've highlighted in red seems to be duplicated text; probably happened when the chapter was being transferred over from the writing program.
'protogener?' Is that supposed to be a name? Or did you mean something else; 'progenitor,' perhaps?
hmm... this story would really benefit from having an Editor.
The premise intrigues me; so i shall be tracking this story, for now.
Only one word im looking for.
RAGNOROCK
But Im hoping for is that this story does not go down the normal route these storys normally take. You have a planetary annihilation story.....meaning that there must be large amounts of war and destruction. And in that game there is no such thing as over kill. So please make the story a bit akin to that of how a planetary annihilation game would go and have it so that the main character also does not do the whole finds fluttershy really cute and gets sad when she is sad thing.....just do not do that and we shall.be good my dude.
I need more of this.
please please, please! make more.
Thier arent any planetary/total annihilation stories
9034999
Hey Tanis! And yes, this story needs an editor, no offense to the author.
Noice!
cliffhangers friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick
9005833
As the former author of a similar concept I congratulate you on getting this up and hope one day your Commader might like to team up with a 6 Foot CORE counterpart once I restart writing my story
If you do any rewriting for the sake of error correcting. When the spybots are digging into the roof they then find a hole, making the digging pointless.
Looking forward to more.
This is going to be really interesting
9144824
Now you know how it feels.
MORE
Ok so I am starting this story up again! but my writing skills are still not the best, so if anyone wants to beta read my chapters it would be AMAZING! thanks!
For some reason the first thing that goes through my head with this story is:
Tiny world domination!!!
Had to!
Capitalization, punctuation, too much too fast.
9005833
Do you think you could get an editor? These chapters are too small and they seem.... rushed. Anyway love the idea about this story!
9022176
What even is that profile picture?
More please sir/ma'am?
9242369
sure I'll beta read it
I found planatary annilation fics interesting and this one is as well. So I await the future chapters.
9294574
Hopefully this one continue tho
Hey everyone! sorry for the wait! I just came back from a break and was looking around to polish anything I made on the web, and I came across this, again, and proceeded to facepalm. My writing skills have improved a LOT compared to this, this, utter monstrosity of grammar and editing. I currently just finished polishing the first chapter! please let me know if it's any better!
Love and hugs,
Metz
It may not seem technologically advanced, but ponies at the same age as the CMC does calculus.
9983072
Oh, I actually forgot about this until it came up, I'll read the chapter in a bit and look forward to more on this story, not many planetary annihilation stories, and non are alive, well, except this one