• Member Since 24th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago

CommanderApplejack


"Today the enemy will hear the roar of humanity, and they will fear us." -Colonel Akono Menteith, 53rd armor division

T

When Scootaloo crashes into twilight during a magic experiment they get teleported to an unknown city that's burning and has weird creatures scattered in the streets. As the two separated stranded ponies roam around the city separately trying to figure out where they ended up, will they try to make it home as fast as possible or will they stay to help a species that's being systematically eradicated?

I'll try to upload chapters whenever I finish them. :twilightsmile:

Cover art by myself


23-12-18: I got featured!:rainbowderp:
2 - 1 - 19: Again :rainbowlaugh:

Edit: This entire thing is going to be edited and partially re-written somewhere in the future.

Chapters (28)
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Comments ( 450 )

Been awhile scince ive seen a new halo story on here

Whelp, I'm tracking this.

"C'mon Scoots we'll think of something we can do to find our cutie marks!" Sweety belle said trying to cheer up the mood in the clubhouse.

It's spelled Sweetie Belle.

"You are going to voluntarily read books?!" sweetie belle followed up after Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle's name should be capitalized. You are not making her happy right now...:unsuresweetie:

And with that Scootaloo shot off on her scooter towards Twilight's tree library where unbeknownst to her, Twilight was busy Creating a portal using high powered magic.

Creating should be lowercase.

"Spike, do you have the Charged gemstones?" Twilight asked as she was painting magic circles on the floor of the library."I'm almost done with the circles!"

Charged should be lowercase. By the way, love the transition line.

"Are you sure it's safe to do this in the main room of the library Twilight? This is probably the most high powered experiment we have ever done!" shouted from the basement, which since twilight had moved into the library had been converted to a science lab.

"I don't really have any place else to do this spike, these circles have to be very large and I don't want to do it outside because of thaumic radiation hazards." Twilight said as she walked to the middle of the circle,"Now can you bring the crystals over here please?"

Who shouted up from the basement? And Spike's name should be capitalized.

As soon as twilights horn started to glow tendrils of magic started to come from the crystals and fed into the circles on the ground. After about 10 seconds the magic stopped coming from the crystals and the stopped glowing right as the circles started to light up.

Again, capitalize names.

So, to sum up, you have a few grammatical errors you might wanna take a look at. Other than that, this seems like a good premise. My suggestion is to find yourself an editor, especially if this is your first story. Luckily, there's a group on this website for just that purpose: Looking for Editors

A Halo story with my name on it?:moustache::eeyup:

How can I resist. :twilightsmile:

8920744
just fixed those errors :twilightsheepish:
I'll see if I can get an editor :scootangel:

You have my attention

You have my attention, please keep writing, I would love to see more of this story.

See you next chapter, hopefully soon,
Shadow Quill, Messenger of the Moon.

8930966
I'm putting the next chapter up on Saturday:raritywink:

Don’t have time to read just yet, but you defiantly have my attention

"Oh, sweet Celestia, Scootaloo where are you?"

Your asking for it:

Realistiucally, it depends on what ONI agents get to hear of this first, if it was say, agents like Captain Dare, youd see some leniency provided they help or otherwise not interfere, if it was others, well then its a toss-up

I'm liking this so far. Keep it up :)

I am interested. One tip as far as little errors (like Twilight often not being capitalized), depending on what version of Word you have you can use 'find and replace' to fix all entries of the name en masse

You know, one thing I've always suspected is that Twilight is from a military family. Not just because her brother is in the Guard, but because when he's putting on his Dress Reds for the wedding he's wearing a military crest that he mentions belonged to his favorite uncle (past tense). That suggests to me that he was A) military, and B) possibly KIA. Potential angle to explore there for her to come to grips with killing if you feel like using it. Enjoying the story so far. Glad the squad didn't waste six chapters being suspicious of them.

Seems good so far. Hopefully your first attempt at writing fanfiction will be met with success. However the story turns out, I'm rootin' for ya! :twilightsmile:

”Nothing.”
“Have at it.”
“Do you like it?”
“Just Tell her you twats” Lucy glaring at her squadmates, “You’re earing chicken Scootaloo.”

“You’re eating chicken Scootaloo.”

Interesting work so far

And finally they have that little brainspark faster than normal, usually most authors make it take half a story before they try the ol mail

8964268
thing is that the only good information they can get out of it is that they're still alive since it's only one way. :ajsmug:

8964113
Just tell her, you, twats.
You're eating a chicken, Scootaloo.


Stars, why people can't remember that you *must* put comma in this case.

Wow, that picture... The first thought I had was Twilight thinking: Look at dat ass. Srsly, her expression...

8975280
And now no one can take that picture seriously anymore :facehoof:, Thanks! :pinkiecrazy:

So was the UNSC logo placement over the cutie marks by coincidence, or did Twilight tell them about the significance of the marks on her flank?

8975345 I don't think Mack did it with that intention but it has some symbolic value

*Looks at date, proceeds to look at date of the Fall of Reach, pales...*

Well, that's lovely.

if they work with the unsc, then shouldn't both twilight and scoots both be considered some kind of attache. I mean magic unicorns flying Pegasus and powerful earth ponies. Heck the spooks probably wouldn't be able to get their hands on twi or scoots just because of the alliance implications.

Also you were saying there's no protection for equus, but celestia controls the sun and luna the moon a few loop da loop's through space and good by covenant fleet. Equus is in my opinion probably one of the only planets safe from a fleet but not from a incursion.

8977788
Alliance implications would be a reason to let the ponies walk but I'm not putting anything past ONI they have a habit not giving a damn about morals. Ergo Spartan II project

As for fleets they jump into the system at extreme ranges assuming that the sun is located at 1AU from Equis, so they can observe from a distance since the sun can't move to far off or get to close without catastrophic consequences for the planet.

As for approaching, the covenant could just make an in-system jump.

The moon would be a more effective weapon but if the fleet is too close to Equis tidal forces would rip the moon appart making it an impractical weapon

And all of that is assuming that the ponies would strike first which is unlikely with their peaceful nature

Hrmmmmm if they knew that the princesses freely move celestial bodies about.....

next up: Bootcamp. I'm also going to use a character from canon Halo for the training scene.

sergent johnson sergent johnson sergent johnson sergent johnson


i.ytimg.com/vi/_HPGEwvbGsg/maxresdefault.jpg

Roughly six weeks to prepare for what's coming...

I wonder if they'll meet either Noble team of Blue team? I really want to see how they react to 7 feet of armored badassness.

Next up: Bootcamp. I'm also going to use a character from canon Halo for the training scene.

Gunnery Sergeant Stacker!

"Oh, I guess that makes sense in this situation. Anyway, I should probably warn you that Tyler has been thinking up silly catchphrases and unit nicknames so don't be weirded out if he suddenly shouts 'The Cavalry has arrived' when we reach the training fields."

That actually got an audible laugh from me. Not a small feat.

Hm.. I seem to have found another great Halo fic. OwO So hard to find good ones. Perfect Halo fics have great grammar, decent knowledge of the Halo series, and good pacing. Hopefully this will be one of the good ones. Well, I'm gonna get reading. Bai pones! I'll be sure to check back every Saturday for an update if I like it. 😄✌

No chance at seeing Twi and Scoots in their armor, is there?

An advice on insignia design. Without ODST logo it looks perfect. It resembles a proper pentagon while wings frame a "golden" triangle between them in which skull fits. Essentially you may overlay pentagram on top of it, a symbol of geometric harmony.

Problem is with your variant of "ODST" placement is that it breaks harmony of insignia, "squishing" said pentagon and font is too bleak compared to bold skull and fire outline.

Well-designed logos and insignias benefit from use of golden ratio, pentagon and pentagram are representatives of such (also fibonacci curve). That way they are better at being "analyzed" by human eye, an artefact known to artists and architectors for duration of couple of millenia.

Possible solution: wrap insignia into curved pentagon shield-like frame, you may find exact shape on some real life insignias. ODST would be bolder or would go onto tape across top of shield. That should look better, try it if you can. Simpler solution would be change of font, kerning and height to restore petagram-like form of sign, i can't guarantee effectivenes.

You have disturbed the circles! You shall now live in interesting times.






Also, your lucky numbers are, 13, 6, and 117.
Thank you for flying FUBAR lines, we hope you survive your trip. Have a good time!
pre00.deviantart.net/eba2/th/pre/i/2015/054/f/e/discord_grayscale_01_by_baron_engel-d8j95oe.jpg

Whoa, dude, ya might need to slow things down a tad, I think you're accelerating the narrative just a bit too much. This is a fun story, and I'm definitely enjoying it, but you need to take some time to let the characters breathe. I know, cool stuff is just around the corner, and cool ponies doing cool stuff is awesome, but it's character development that really gives a story it's verisimilitude.

Punishment for breaking curfew by a few weeks are going to be a bitch when I get back and yes I just cussed, no-one her to stop me here is there."

The last part of the sentence has grammar problems

damn it all i wanted fighting also stop making twi look bad

9030658
Next chapter :scootangel:
I kinda forgot that after the winter contingency got enacted there was an almost three week period where there wasn't any significant fighting other than the attack on swordbase

Twilight and Scoots were so close to meeting Six, oh well.

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