• Published 23rd Jul 2018
  • 3,190 Views, 105 Comments

Twilight Sparkle Was Shot - Coyote de La Mancha

The Mane Seven have united their powers before, and over time their friendship has become stronger than ever. But only now, as graduation looms, do they unite for revenge.

  • ...

I Always Dreamed of Unicorns

Sunset hated hospitals.

Even as a filly, she had hated them. Princess Celestia had taken her along once, when she was making an appearance at one. The place had just creeped her out. Having Twilight in one didn’t make the experience any better. None of this did.

“How’s yer leg?”

Involuntarily, Sunset glanced down. The bite on her arm, Fluttershy been able to close with a few butterfly strips. The stab wound in her thigh had required stitches before bandages could be applied.

“Sore,” she said.

“I still think you should get something that deep looked at professionally, dear,” Rarity said.

“It’ll be fine.”

Applejack and Rarity exchanged exasperated looks.

A little further down the hall, the other Sunset, the human-born Sunset, was talking with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. Always looking down, arms crossed over her abdomen. Her face horribly bruised from strangulation and half-hidden by the hoodie she wore. Rainbow Dash sat on the bench next to Twilight’s room, watching the girl through half-lidded eyes.

“I still don’ like it, Sunny,” muttered Applejack, glaring at the other Sunset from beneath her hat. “Why’re we lettin’ her near Twi again?”

“Twilight was never her target. I was.”

“An’ you can be so dang forgivin’ because why?”

“Partially because I saw a few glimpses of her life while I was… killing her,” Sunset said uncomfortably, “and partially because, well, let’s face it: I’ve done worse. A lot worse.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow, and Sunset leaned back against the wall, eyes on the ceiling.

“I stole an irreplaceable artifact that an entire country relied on for their defense, leaving all their people open to invasion and worse,” She said. “I used it to gain magical power, and then started stripping away the free will of everyone around me, enslaving their very souls with the ultimate purpose in mind of conquering two entire worlds and crushing their various peoples beneath my tyrannical heel.”

Applejack rubbed the back of her neck, uncertain. “Well now, when you put it like that…”

“In doing so, I knowingly betrayed the trust of the closest thing to a mother I’d ever had. And once I had that power, anyone who could oppose me I was ready to murder out of hand.”

“Aw, c’mon, Sunset. It’s not like that was really you.”

Sunset shook her head. “I may have been under the influence of Twilight’s crown towards the end, but magic is like anything else: if you seek it or take it in voluntarily, you’re responsible for the results. And in my case, the results were catastrophic.” Sunset closed her eyes. “Hell, just that stunt I did with the front of the school, tearing it away like I did? It’s a minor miracle no one was crippled or killed.” She sighed. “When it comes right down to it, I lucked out more than anyone has a right to.” Sunset nodded to her counterpart. “She didn’t.”

“Uh-huh. ‘Ceptin’ that in her case, Twilight paid the price.”

“Yes. She did. Because when people like us fuck up, or get unlucky, or even just miss some little detail, it’s the bystanders and the people near us who pay.” Sunset grimaced. “Something Princess Celestia tried like hell to drill into me when I was growing up. I never really got it until now.”

“Huh.” Applejack considered this. “Well, yer a better man than I am, Gunga Din.”

Sunset ignored this. “Besides, I called on the way here. Twilight wants to see her.” Sunset nodded to the door to Twilight’s room, where Twilight Velvet was just emerging. “And it looks like about time for ‘Sunset’ over there to start paying her debt.”

They chatted for a few minutes on how well Twilight was doing. Sunset spent the time deliberately not limping or favoring her good leg, meanwhile her counterpart looked the other way and tried not to be noticed. Then, after the older woman had left, the girls went in. The nurse gave them a very professional scowl and a strict warning about Twilight needing her rest, and then finally left, closing the door behind him.

Twilight smiled at her friends, especially at Sunset.


Sunset smiled back. Twilight looked pale, and tired. But for Sunset, a whole parade of nightmarish what-ifs melted away at seeing those violet eyes bright and focused again.

“Hey, love,” she said. They shared a brief kiss. “Still up for another visitor?”


Sunset stepped to the side, revealing the smaller girl behind her.

Twilight blinked at the Sunset who had shot her as she pulled her hood back. Twilight took in the girls’ bruised face, the old scar on the left side of her throat, thin as a razor. The shame in her eyes.

“Hi,” Twilight said.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” said the human-born Sunset. “I know nothing can make it right, but I am. I’m so, so sorry…”

Twilight’s voice was weak, but still clear. “Will you tell me why?”

“I’ll try if you want. But I don’t know if it’ll make any sense to you. You love her.”

“Just start at the beginning.”

“Okay. The beginning.” She blew out a breath, ran her hand along her drying hair, putting it in line again. Sat down in a chair near the bed, but not within reach. AJ glowered, but said nothing.

“The beginning. Well, in the beginning, they found me as an infant. Around where your friends found me tonight,” she said. “No birth records, no missing kid reports, nothing. So I went into foster care.” A pause. “Never really found a place. By the time I was fourteen, I’d gone to twelve different schools.”

She took a breath, let it go. “I escaped into fantasy whenever I could. Unicorns. Dragons. Cats with golden eyes. I don’t know how many times my drawings and paintings got torn up or burned in front of me, with some ass-hat going on about my being crazy or my soul being in danger. One time, I got ahold of some old Anne McCaffrey novels. I loved them. I had to watch them burn on a barbeque grill.

“So I’d retreat further into my fantasies. I’d dream of having magic, of exploring fantastic worlds and defending the innocent. Those were my good times. My escape. I mean, sure, aside from my artwork, some of the homes were okay. But some were…” She swallowed, looked away. “Some were less than okay. Let’s just say you should believe the rumors.”

Fluttershy handed her a paper cup with water in it. She nodded her thanks, drank, and went on, holding the cup in both hands. “When I was fourteen I ran away again, but this time I was able to keep them from finding me. About six months later, I pulled my first robbery. A while after that… it’s amazing what you’ll do when you’re hungry. Like, really fucking hungry. There comes a point, nothing matters but food. You just don’t give a fuck anymore. I did whatever I had to, to stay alive and off the radar.

“Once I had the contacts, I made a little scratch as a courier. I was cute then, beneath suspicion. Then, once I had enough cash, I started selling. After a while, I was cooking. I mean, sure, I almost got caught a few times. But I knew who my enemies were, and I stayed ahead of them. And everybody underestimated me.

“But the thing was, I had a plan. I wasn’t going to be like this forever, you know? All my life, they’d called me names. Besides the usual slut-shaming, I mean. Stupid. Psycho. Crazy. Dummy. But I knew I only had to stay on the lam for a few years. Because once I turned eighteen, they couldn’t send me back. And then, I’d prove them all wrong. I’d show them that I wasn’t crazy. That I wasn’t stupid.”

Her voice became more uneven as she continued, “I’d go to college, get a degree. Maybe I’d be a teacher somewhere. Maybe I’d go into law, be a child advocate. I could sell my paintings on the side, try to get recognized. And then, someday, when I had the recognition and the cred I needed that people’d listen to me, I could call out the bastards who’d tried to use me up instead of helping me. Stop them from hurting other kids.

“I should have suspected something when getting my ID was so easy, but I didn’t. When everyone assumed I was getting replacements, I just figured things were going my way for once.” She shook her head. “Stupid. Still, I got it all: social security card, driver’s license, everything. With a legal identity, I could put my cash into a bank. Then I took my GED, aced it. No sweat. Then, I went for my college placement tests at Canterlot U.”

The other Sunset stared. “Oh, my god.”

A nod. “Yeah. They told me I wasn’t allowed to take the tests twice. And that I had already taken them, like, a month before. Buried the needle in everything, apparently. That was when I started looking for someone using my name.” She took in a shuddering breath, looked at Sunset. “I found you on MyStable a week later. A perfect me. Healthy. Whole. Unscarred, with a winning smile. Everybody’s hero.”

The tears started coming, her voice shaking more as she went on, “Graduating with honors, top of your class. Surrounded by friends, a beautiful girlfriend who loved you, with a free ride scholarship to the same fucking college I’d picked. The one I couldn’t go to, because you were there. Just like I couldn’t go to any college, because your fucking transcript had my name on it!

“And suddenly… it all made sense,” she said. She lowered her head, eyes screwed shut. “For the first time in my life, something made sense.” Her breathing came faster now, despite her attempts to control it.

“You stole my life,” she cried. The words forced their way out of her, unwanted. “The life I should have had, the life I was denied… you came here from someplace, you took my place, you left me on that pier while you fucking took my life!”

Sunset moved to her, put her arm around her. “No. No, I didn’t.”

“Bullshit,” her counterpart wept. “Two Sunset Shimmers? You look just like me, only better. We could be twins.”

Sunset said nothing.

“I knew all about where you hung out from your MyStable posts. I don’t even remember going to the mall. I just remember thinking as I walked past the stores, over and over, ‘She stole my life. She stole it. That explains everything. It all makes sense now. She stole my life.’ I saw the two of you at the food court, laughing, and… I… I went up to you…”

Sunset winced.

“But then, she, she saw me with the gun… she got in the way. Knocked you down,” The tears came faster now. “She loved you so much, she would have died for you. And I almost killed her…”

The human-born Sunset wouldn’t look up, or couldn’t. “I know you can’t forgive me, Twilight. But I… I really am—” And finally, with Fluttershy on one side of her and Sunset on the other, the ability to speak left her completely as she broke into uncontrollable sobs.

Part of Sunset felt more than a little strange, comforting her own would-be assassin, the girl who had nearly killed Twilight. Not to mention the girl she herself had tried to kill not long ago. But what else could she do?

She looked askance to her friends. All of them, even Applejack, gave her matching looks of helplessness.

Then, over the sounds of penance, a faint voice made itself heard.

“It’s okay.”

With effort, Twilight scootched over on her bed a little. She reached out towards the mohawked girl, but she was still too far away.

“Hey, did you hear me? I said, it’s okay.” She said weakly, arm still extended. “I forgive you. And for what it’s worth, our Sunset didn’t plan anything against you. It’s a long story, but she didn’t. I promise. We can prove it.”

While the girl shook her head, Sunset squeezed her shoulders, adding, “Hey. Hey. Look. I didn’t steal your life. I didn’t. And I can prove it. But… I am sorry. For everything. I’ll go somewhere else for college. And I’ll help you get things sorted out, so you can go where you wanted.”

She sighed. “And, in a way… I mean, look, I didn’t do this to you. Hell, even at my worst I’d never have put you through all that. And I’m not saying I’m responsible for what you did. Nobody can take that on but you.

“But in retrospect, I should have at least tried to find you. I was just… too wrapped up in myself, even after things got better. And that’s my fault. I should have known you’d be out there somewhere, as soon as I saw that Principal Celestia didn’t have a—”

She broke off, staring at Twilight, who was staring back at her with the same, stricken expression.

“Sunset,” said Twilight.

“And come to think of it,” Sunset said slowly, “maybe I can give you more opportunities, along with that proof that I mentioned.”

With the coming of spring was the smell of freshly mown lawns, the sounds of singing birds, and the promise of longer days. The campus of Canterlot High was an architectural work of art, and the green seasons suited it perfectly. Still, on a Saturday there were few who felt like hanging around the high school, especially near some dusty old plinth.

Then, along with the birdsongs and the winds whispering through the newly-green trees, there came the sound of young voices. Coming up the walkway were the Rainbooms, united again. Twilight, only just discharged, was grumpily being pushed in her wheelchair by Sunset.

“But I can walk.”


“You’re enjoying this!”


Rainbow Dash popped open a can of soda. “You really expect her to show?”


Applejack grunted. “I dunno, Sunny. Y’beat her up pretty bad. She might skedaddle rather’n show up t’see you again.”

“She’s not a coward. She’ll be here.”

“No offence, darling,” Rarity inquired, “but how can you be so sure?”

“Because Twilight asked her to. And she promised she would.”

A few minutes later, the hunched-over figure of the human-born Sunset could be seen. As she got closer, it was plain that she looked like hell. The bruises on her face were healing nicely, but she also hadn’t slept much since the hospital. She went up to the Rainbooms, avoiding all eye contact.

“Hey,” she muttered.

Sunset stepped to her, and extended her hand. “Hey.”

Her counterpart took it, and the Sunsets embraced. Not quite as friends, perhaps. But it was a beginning.

When they stepped apart, the mohawked girl saw that Twilight was also extending her hand to her. Her hopeful smile was a question asked. The human-born Sunset answered her with a handclasp, then, uncertainly, kneeling down and giving her the gentlest hug imaginable.

“I’m not made out of glass, you know.”

“Taking no chances,” came the reply. After a moment, Sunset pulled away slightly, to allow eye contact. “How are you doing?”

“Still hurts,” Twilight admitted. “Don’t let the chair fool you, though. I can walk. She just insists on pushing me everywhere.”

Human-born Sunset stood, smiling. “Uh-huh. Girlfriend’s prerogative.”

Twilight made a sound of frustration. “Urgh! That’s what she said. That’s exactly what she said.”

The Sunsets exchanged a glance, then crossed their arms, shifting their backs towards one another. “She’s not wrong,” they said in unison.

“Aaack!” Twilight clutched her temples while the others laughed. “And now I’m surrounded! Why, God? Why?”

Just then, the base of the plinth took on an unearthly glow. A moment later, a purple-haired and violet-skinned girl stepped through. But for her hairstyle and lack of glasses, she looked exactly like…

“Hiya, Twilight!” waved Pinkie happily.

“What the fuck!” exclaimed the human-born Sunset.

“Okay, easy, I think some introductions are in order,” Sunset said. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, this is Sunset Shimmer, the native Sunset of this world. Sunset, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, a native to the world where I came from.”

Sunset stared at Sunset in anguish. “I… you mean I was right?”

“No.” The pony-born Sunset shook her head as she took her counterpart’s hands in her own. “No, you were only half right. You see, we were both foundlings. But in my world, I was adopted almost at once. Later on, we both ran away about the same time. But again, there was a difference: I got to start a new life.”

She gestured to the plinth, still glowing slightly in the fading daylight. “When I ran away, this is how I came to your world. I never knew about you. So you had to survive this one, on your own, without any of the advantages I had. And you did. Which, by the way, is completely fucking amazing.

“So, look, you can stay here if you want, and like I said, I’ll help you however I can. We could be long-lost sisters, or cousins, or whatever you want. I know a guy who can help with the documentation. But this is another option, if you ever want it. The world where I came from doesn’t have a Sunset Shimmer anymore.” She shrugged. “Maybe it needs one.”

The human-born Sunset kept her face neutral while she processed this. “What kind of world is it?”

The newest arrival spoke. “My world, and Sunset’s native world. I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle. In my world, I’m an alicorn—whoa, careful!”

The pony-born Sunset caught her counterpart as she staggered slightly, her mind reeling. “You okay?” she asked.

The girl seemed uncertain, but she managed, “Uh-huh.”

“Good. Because, remember those pictures you used to paint? How you used to dream of unicorns in a magical world?”

Slowly, the human-born Sunset turned to stare at her.

“Well, um, now you could be one, if you want.” She fidgeted a little. “Okay, that sounded better in my head. Look, it isn’t a perfect world, believe me. My reasons for leaving may not have been noble, but I did have them. And the magic isn’t easy to learn. There’s a lot of frustration. And, um, some danger.” She glanced at the princess. “Okay, maybe a lot of danger.”

As the stare continued, Sunset hurriedly added, “And I’m not trying to kick you out of this world, honest. I swear to God, I will do whatever I can to help. Anything. I’m just saying, this is always an option, if you ever want to take it. There’s no rush either way. It’ll still be here.”

Still staring.

“And, um, this would never be final if you don’t want it to be, either. Even if you ever did leave, and God knows I understand you thinking this is all completely crazy, but you could always come back if you—”

“What, are you kidding? Come back? This world sucks!” And without another word, the girl leaped through the portal, vanishing in a burst of interdimensional light.

“Well,” Princess Twilight blinked. “That was… decisive.”

Sunset chuckled. “Yeah, well, remember who we are. This isn’t exactly a surprise.”

With another burst of light, her counterpart suddenly reappeared through the portal. Grinning, she grabbed Sunset, kissed her, and then leaped back through, vanishing once again.

As Sunset grabbed her girlfriend’s chair for support, blushing fiercely, Applejack snickered. “Feelin’ surprised yet, sugar cube?”

“What about you, Twilight?” Pinkie winked. “You’re not jealous, are you?”

“I dunno,” Twilight mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “That, or maybe I should make sure I can watch. I’m not sure yet.”

Sunset buried her face in her hands “Oh, my god, I hate you all so much right now…”

Princess Twilight, meanwhile, was studying various areas of sky.

“Welllllllll. Ummmmm. Iiiiiiii… guess I’d better get back to Equestria!” she declared. “Looks like there’s a new mare in town, and I’m sure she’ll need some orientation.”

Sunset gave a rueful grin. “Yeah, probably. Good seeing you, Twilight.”

“Hey, you too,” the princess smiled.

“Let me know how she’s doing?”

“Of course.”

There was a group hug, another surge of light, and she, too, was gone.

“So, that was fun,” Pinkie perked. “Who’s for Chinese?”

Applejack considered this. “I’m game,” she decided.

“You know, that does sound lovely,” Rarity admitted.

“Veggie, please.”

“Tofu for Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash grinned. “With spring rolls. We can mix-and-match the rest, as usual.”

“Yeah, I’m for garlic veggies, myself,” Sunset said. Then she looked at Twilight. “What do you think?”

“Well, I am more tired than I was expecting,” Twilight admitted. “But I’m also ravenous. And white rice and noodles are both easily digested. So, I think as long as I don’t have anything spicy or complex…”

“Yay!” Pinkie cried. “Chinese food going-away party for Other Sunset at Twilight’s place!”

“Why at Twilight’s place?” Applejack asked.

“So she can crash out any time she wants, silly!”

“But… the other Sunset’s already gone,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Oh, well,” Pinkie bounced happily. “More for us!”

As their friends talked and laughed, the pair with the wheelchair fell slightly behind. Twilight gave the love of her life a calculating look.

“So, you… ‘know a guy?’”


“Interesting,” she pondered. Then, “Who else do you know?”

“Hmmmmm. Curious Twilight asking about illegal shenanigans.” Sunset leaned forward. “I sense danger.”

“Hmmmmm. Cautious Sunset evading the question.” Twilight kissed Sunset on the cheek. “I sense opportunity.”

Sunset stood upright again, giving an exasperated sound. “You’re impossible.”

“No, I’m not. And neither are you.” She sighed happily. Reaching back, she put a hand on her lover’s arm while they wheeled towards the lot. “We’re both just very, very unlikely.”

“It’s an unlikely world.”

“It is,” Twilight agreed. She shifted slightly, resting her head on her girlfriend’s arm as she pulled it towards her, ever so slightly. The breeze smelled of grass and evening blossoms, and mixed pleasantly with the scents of Sunset and her jacket. Twilight breathed in as much of the moment as she possibly could, feeling very content as she spoke again.

“Let’s go home.”

Author's Note:

Continued in Breakfast at Twilight’s

Also: Dave Bryant wrote this, in which his OC, Cook, is involved in the matter. Now I need to read his Cook stories... :twilightsmile:

And, of course, the seminal story that starts it all begins here.

Comments ( 52 )

Is this the end?
Short but good.

You my friend...did a wonderful job finishing this story! This final chapter was, at least in my opinion, creative, emotional, comical at certain points yet still focusing on the serious tone of the plot and most of all, has a very heartwarming and comical resolution. It really makes you wonder what the situation of the human Sunset is in EQG. And aw far as fanfics go, this is one my new fav Sunset meets Sunset fics! Also are considering making a sort of sequel focusing on human Sunset’s transition into the world of Equestria? If so, i would definitely read that from start to finish! :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

You ended that well for human Sunset.

She dreamed of unicorns.

Thank you so much!

And I am planning to continue the adventures of human-born Sunset. This is the second of three continuities I have planned. :twilightsmile:

(EDIT: Sorry, four continuities. I forgot to count my comic book timeline. :moustache:)

Well, for now. :raritywink:

And thank you. :twilightsmile:

She did; and she is not alone. I am so very glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

“So, that was fun,” Pinkie perked. “Who’s for Chinese?”

Never change, Joke- I mean Pinkie! Yeah, Pinkie...

Great read. I always thought that meeting your alternate must be a little bit stressful, but also really interesting. In time, it might even be fun to meet your double. This story really conveyed the whole gamut of emotions. Nicely done.

I enjoyed the turn this took.


That was lovely. Though...would it be problematic when OG!Sunset comes by to visit? What if she wants to move back?



Truly enjoyed the story; it wasn’t until after I finished my brain caught up and asked, “But what about the police investigation of an attempted murder?”

“Shut up,” I told my brain.

Living well is the greatest revenge, especially when both parties can live well. And excellent exploration of the question of human Sunset. Thank you for it. I have a few new continuities to explore.

“What, are you kidding? Come back? This world sucks!” And without another word, the girl leaped through the portal, vanishing in a burst of interdimensional light.

:rainbowlaugh: Okay, you got me there. Laughed out loud for a minute straight. That alone has earned my upvote.

Dave Bryant also wrote this, in which his OC, Cook, is involved in the matter. Now I need to read his Cook stories... :twilightsmile:

Author Interviewer

100% sold on this continuity, more to come.

I want to see you write horror (if you haven't already). You're a writer who knows how to use tension to get what you want out of a story. :)


Thank you both! Yeah, I have some long-term plans / schemes for this timeline, among others. I hope you continue to enjoy them. :twilightsmile:

As for horror... well, to me, the most horrific beasts in existence have always been “normal” people, and what they’ll do to one another and themselves when the chips are down. So, we shall see. :raritywink:

Mmm... It was okay. It passed by at a faster clip than I'd like, and was a bit shaky and bland in places.

Good tension, I wasn’t sure about whether or not Sunset P was actually going to kill Sunset H or not. The emotional outbursts are done right, which is hard to pull off. Overall, I highly enjoyed this, especially how the ending was done; for a while I didn’t think there was a happy ending to be had. I was pleasantly surprised to realize this was not a revenge-fic.

That’s cool. Can’t please everyone. :twilightsmile:

Thank you. The outbursts were some of the parts I was especially concerned about; I’m glad they worked. :twilightsmile:

“And, um, this would never be final if you don’t want it to be, either. Even if you ever did leave, and God knows I understand you thinking this is all completely crazy, but you could always come back if you—”

“What, are you kidding? Come back? This world sucks!” And without another word, the girl leaped through the portal, vanishing in a burst of interdimensional light.

Well thats going on the list of my favorite lines ever.

This was pretty good, but for once I'd like to see a story where human Sunset's life isn't shit. Maybe I'll have to write it myself.

I expected a LOT with the RCL feature.
Now I just know not to trust the RCL.

When in doubt, if no one else is writing the tale you’d like to read, write that sucker yourself! :twilightsmile:

I meant no offense.

Not at all. I was simply referring to one of the reasons I write many of the stories I do.

No offense was taken whatsoever, I assure you. :twilightsmile:

Upon consideration, please allow me to clarify. This is a wonderful medium for communication in many respects, but is sorely lacking in nonverbal cues, and sometimes my efforts miss the mark.

My use of the exclamation point was intended to show enthusiasm, not any sharpness of tone. Often, it seems that when an artist writes the story they wish they could read, they create truly inspired work. In that vein, I was seeking to convey enthusiasm at the idea that you might be inspired to paint upon a canvas that had, until now, been left relatively blank. And the smile at the end was quite genuine. :twilightsmile:

This was a good ending, if you ask me. Laughed out loud at human Sunset literally throwing herself into the world where she can be a magical unicorn!

I dreamed of unicorns myself; it’s hard to blame her. :twilightsmile:

Very glad the RCL spotlighted this, as it's a damn good story I would have completely missed out on otherwise.

Yes, this was very interesting. Compelling, dramatic, and pulled out an ending that was unexpected, yet interesting and satisfying. Good job!

Fuller review here, but in brief: gripping, with fine characterisation, in particular a great Fluttershy. Not surprised this made the RCL. Have a fave. :twilightsmile:


My thanks to you all. If you read any other tales in this continuity, please feel free to let me know what you think of them as well. :twilightsmile:

And also, thank you for the review. I’m rather proud of the Fluttershy in this tale, myself. Pacifists can be some of the strongest people around, IMO. :twilightsmile:

This story leaves me very conflicted. On one hand, I love your concept for Human Sunset, Fluttershy is masterfully characterized, and the conflict is powerful and tense. On the other hand, there is just so much baggage around that conflict — like the whole shipping aspect, which is completely superfluous and hard to swallow for anyone not previously invested in the pairing, or the idea that a group of teenagers would just jump into "cold blood murder and hide the body" mode so easily. While the ending did a lot to warm me up to the tale, the first chapter broke suspension of disbelief in such a way that the fic never quite recovered from it.

This was an alright story. It's short but manages to get everything across, and I always love me some Human Sunset stories. Fluttershy was also written very well.

But because of its length, the last chapter feels like a huge mood whiplash, where the dark atmosphere suddenly flies away and everything seems to be alright again. And speaking of the dark atmosphere - the swears. Those were some Grade A cluster F-bombs, which makes the fic feel like it's trying too hard. They're teenagers, yeah, but when there's a swear in what feels like every five sentences, it breaks the immersion and starts sounding an edgy nightmare.

The SunLight pairing feels tacked on, as in the story would work equally well without it. I like the pairing, but in this fic it just didn't really click with me.

I only read this because I saw it in the RCL, and I have to say I’m not all too impressed by it. It has a very interesting premise, but all the characters are so out-of-character that it kind of falls apart. I try to imagine the characters saying the dialogue in their voices and I just can’t. In particular, the constant swearing is annoying and jarring. I understand that it was intended to show how tense and gritty the situation is, but it’s applied far too heavy-handedly, and every time I see someone drop an F-bomb, I find myself thinking “How edgy”. The romance also feels extremely unnecessary. The story would work just fine if they were still just friends.

There are also a few pacing issues. The beginning feels a bit more drawn out than it needs to be, while the final chapter feels rushed and resolves too quickly. On a more positive note, I did enjoy the exploration of what the other Sunset’s life might be like, but with all the flaws of the story I found I couldn’t really get into it.

Now I need to read his Cook stories... :twilightsmile:

Yes. Yes, you do.

And I promise you won't be disappointed.

Found this through Dave's story! Great read, and even a happy ending :twilightsmile:

Love the banter in this last chapter especially. :raritywink:

Great job with this story! It's interesting seeing how the girls react to this "real" threat, and Fluttershy's characterization was especially interesting. Concerning an earlier review's complaint, I assumed Applejack was venting her frustration when saying she had a place to hide the body and her later actions show she wouldn't have gone that route. I get the complaints that this can come off as overly edgy and grimdark at first, but I thought the character reactions made sense. I did think the shipping aspect wasn't set up as well as it could have; after I started reading, I had to check if there was a story before this, but I didn't have a problem with it.

Sunset encountering herself is a common trope, and while I did feel some inevitable repitition in that regard, I thought this worked. I can't say I'm invested enough in this Human Sunset to check out her further adventures, though, but don't take that as a slight against this story.

Overall, good job.

Thank you, and no slight taken. :twilightsmile:

Human Sunset: "This world sucks!" *YEETS through portal!*

“So, that was fun,” Pinkie perked. “Who’s for Chinese?”

Is that a Batman TAS reference?

Login or register to comment