My muse won’t leave me alone about this, so I must exorcise it · 7:20pm Aug 7th, 2018
Come quick, the text message read. No punctuation, no additional information, nothing else. I sighed and muttered, “Gods and little fishes, what have they dug up now?” In return I tapped out, Where?
The answer chilled me to the marrow.
She’ll live. Over and over I repeated it to myself. It’s hard to retain the appropriate metaphorical distance when one has come to care so deeply about the seven bright, charming teens one was sent to keep an eye on. Six of them already had left; the remaining one lay on the hospital bed before me. Only Twilight Sparkle’s family, by special dispensation including her talking dog Spike, also stood or sat in the room keeping vigil. Finally my tight lips loosened enough to ask, “Where did they go?”
“Sunset’s place, for a sleep-over, I think,” Twilight replied before anyone else could. “They were pretty upset.”
“No. You think?” I just couldn’t help myself. I’ve been told I have a terrible sense of humor.
Her laughter, weak and coughing as it was, warmed my cold bones.
“You what?” Turbulent emotions flooded through me. For once I was speechless, a rare state of affairs in a professional diplomat. On the other hand, I defy anyone to have a ready response to the news one’s charges hared off on a mission of vengeance and very nearly murdered another young woman.
On the other other hand, who that young woman was posed a huge, uncomfortably spiky problem in its own right. Finally I managed, “I searched for your counterpart, Sunset. I looked hard.”
“She kept herself under the radar, Cook,” Sunset said, shame and bruises clear on her face. “She worked even harder at that. And I’ll bet you couldn’t get into the foster system’s records.”
I blew out a breath. “Not deeply enough, apparently. I did check, but when I didn’t turn up anything immediately, I figured that was enough. It looks like I was wrong.” I was upset enough to let slip a curse, one of the very few I’d uttered in front of the girls.
“It ain’t yer fault,” Applejack assured me stoutly. “The way ya talked about investigatin’ us, you were tryin’ ta juggle plates while runnin’ across a tightrope. So somethin’ slipped through the cracks.” She shrugged, blithely ignoring the mixed metaphors. “Ain’t nobody perfect, Cook.”
“Yes, but—if I’d found her, we could’ve avoided all this mess. I could’ve done something for her.”
Rainbow Dash made an exasperated noise. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. None of us thought about it either, right?”
For a moment I rubbed my face with both hands. “Fine, set that aside. But there is that little matter of attempted homicide. Two of them, actually, though we might be able to tap-dance fast enough to make yours disappear, even in my reports.” I pointed a stiff finger at the Sunset in front of me. “Still, it’s only a matter of time, and probably not much of it, before CCPD shows up. A revolver shooting in the middle of a mall food court isn’t exactly unobtrusive. We need to get ahead of this.”
The six of them exchanged glances before turning back to me. “We’re listening,” said Rarity.
“All right. That offer you told me you’ll make, Sunset. You said Princess Twilight already signed off on it, right?”
Sunset nodded, and I continued, “Good. In that case, could you ask her a favor? I can’t; it would be an obvious conflict of interest. But if she’s willing, it could be a big help—maybe decisive.”
I swallowed my mouthful of rice and lemon chicken. “So all’s well that ends well?”
Sunset nodded hard. “Yeah. It took her a while to work through everything, but once she did, she jumped right through. I gotta admit I was kinda surprised. I expected t’have to talk her through deciding whether to stay or go.”
“Whew,” I breathed. “Okay. That’s the first hurdle. You got the court date?”
“Right here.” She held up her phone.
“And she’ll be there for it?” I pressed.
“Princess Twi said she promised to be.” Sunset looked less certain. “I just hope this all works out. There’s still a lotta room for things to go wrong.”
“Don’t worry,” I said confidently, covering my own trepidation. “Look, we all have to do this. If we don’t, she becomes a fugitive, and your life gets really complicated.” To her expression of discomfort I added, “We have a wild but true tale to tell, a ream of documentation and testimonial letters, a formal request from a friendly nation, and me to present it all. What else do we need?”
Her mouth pursed but finally relaxed in a small grin. “Don’t ever change, Cook.”
“Yes, Your Honor.” I stood, heels together, in my best three-piece suit, expensively made and expensively tailored. “I’m present in the capacity of amicus curiae, as my superiors and I have an interest in this matter and a possible resolution to propose.”
“And what interest might that be?” The judge gave me a patently skeptical look, no doubt honed by years of presiding over fractious courtrooms. The rest of the court’s occupants eyed me with varying degrees of puzzlement, annoyance, or hope.
“That requires considerable explanation—and discretion, as it touches on classified matters. I crave the indulgence of the court and a conference in chambers.”
His Honor sat back in his high button-tufted chair. “This just gets better and better.”
“With all due respect, Your Honor doesn’t know the half of it,” I told him wryly.
A seat-rocking pause of consideration culminated in a sharp nod. “Very well. But if you don’t have a very, very good reason, Mister Cookie Pusher, I’ll hold you in contempt.”
“I understand, Your Honor.” I took a deep breath. “I can assure you, however good you need it to be, it will surpass that expectation.”
Well now. I have something to add to my Read Later list.
Also, "Cook reacts to other fan fiction" sounds like way too much fun in general.
4916155
You know, you’re all too right about that.
I burst out laughing as soon as I read this.
Very cool.
EDIT: Just re-read it. Very, very cool.
4916179
I’m so pleased you liked it.
I can let out that held breath now!
I could just hear Princess Twilight as they wheel her into the Emergency room.
""My butt is on fire, please make it stop!"
Oh joy, another talented author's worth of stories to read. As if I didn't have enough distractions in my life.
4916211
I do. I was wondering if you would be cool with my linking to it in the TSWS comments section?
Also, out of curiosity: in this version of events, when Sunset says she “knows a guy” towards the end of TSWS, is she talking about Cook? (I obviously need to read more of your stories.) Just idly curious.
There will also be a story dealing with legal fallout from TSWS from my own pen at some vague point in the future, because Many-Worlds Interpretation. Alas, not every world has a Cook, and I suspect that those which do not are poorer for his absence.
It should be fun watching the different reality branches.
4916482
Please do! I would consider it an honor. I’ve toyed with the idea of promoting it to one-shot story with the AU tag, though it might need an additional paragraph or two to hit the thousand-word minimum.
Good gracious, I hadn’t thought of that! I assumed the guy in question was an identity artist and forger—but that interpretation works too, if one assumes Twilight is teasing Sunset when she brings it up again. (Cook, as he exists in my storylines, is there to keep an eye on all seven of them, so they all know him.) Foreign Nationals of Unusual Importance covers the investigation AJ refers to, by the way.
I will read it!
I intended this to be just a bit of whimsy that demanded to be let out, rather than a larger exploration, as I didn’t want to step on any toes.
Cook really has grown on me, and I have the impression he is the most popular of the characters I’ve created.
4916506
*nods* That had been my intention. I just think it’s cool how a story can shift like a kaleidoscope with the addition or subtraction of a few paragraphs.
I just finished reading the story that inspired this. Dang it's amazing when things like this happen.