• Member Since 3rd Jan, 2015
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Damaged


Just a pon who likes writing. (Patreon)

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Hi. I'm Greg, but I'm pretty sure when you look at me all you will be able to think is Dizzy Do. Explanations about crazy, cartoon-world logic aside I have to admit I'm pretty sick of this place. Not figuratively, of course, but physically. Cartoon worlds are two dimensional visuals shoved into three, and it makes me ill just looking at it. But life's not all bad. I have a job, a boss that actually knows my name, and a nice apartment.

The first in a series of one-shots to do with transformation and/or mind-control. I hope you enjoy!

Art by Badumsquish

Some keywords to help people find this: snake snek danger noodle nope rope hypnosis mind-control mind control jokes comedy slice of life sol hie human in equestria cartoon karma transformation tf tg lamia villain reformed

Now with a reading by Quinch!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 55 )

As I stated in the description, this is the first of what I hope to be several one-shot stories involving transformation and/or mind-control of some kind. I plan all to be nice and chunky (I think 6k is the minimum I plan for).

Big thanks to Badumsquish for doing the art. I hate having to call in favors, but his style suited a story with this much cartoon-shenanigans just perfectly. Check out his stuff on Derpibooru—it's great.

Congrats on your 69th story having an amusing spoiler tag list! :D

8905548 Thanks! Mostly just throw words and odd spellings in there to help people searching for this kind of thing find it.

*Reads chapter title*
Well, the characters tend to lack depth, but they sure are colorful!

An interesting idea here. Maybe Twilight come here every now and then for 'relaxing' session? I heard her Princess' duties really take a toll on her.

8905734 :pinkiehappy:

8905749 Heh. Given the implications of how easily Miss Hiss dealt with Twilight, she might be just a little bit worried about coming back for seconds. Besides, I think Twilight needs her coffee just how it is.

I want more of this

8906045 This one's a one-shot. The next will have plenty of silly and funny in it, but it will also have lewd too.

Well that was a fun read. Really liked how "evil" miss hiss was.

8906065
Romantic lewd or just fun lewd?

8906172 Thanks! Her evil knows no bounds (within the realms of bad coffee selection).


8906173 There'll be romance in it, but it will be having to deal with a similar cartoony world as this story with two new characters.

With the amulet's totally not a curse and its recharge cycle, and the protagonist's condition requiring repeat mind-whammies, wouldn't that make the protagonist effectively a werepony? Spending some days a pony every few weeks or so. And who knows what commands Miss Hiss inserts during that time. The protagonist could find themselves turning out very strange indeed.

!0 for 10

Fantastic job. Unique premise and plot line, with great characters.

The Monk

What idiot would give this a thumbs down? Prob pissed that there is no clop.

8906291 Thanks! It was a lot of fun to write. :twilightsmile:

8906289 Oh no, definitely not cursed. I mean, it didn't come off, but that doesn't mean it never will, right? Where'd that zebra go?! :pinkiegasp:

Lovely stuff! Miss Hiss is great. I hope we'll get a sequel story one day.

8906437 One or both might appear in another story. Miss Hiss is one of those characters who could be strong enough to slip the bonds of her initial world. Thanks! :twilightsmile:

8906437
8906450
I definitely would not mind this at all.

Didn't read it to the end yet but by gods this is beautiful. Easily one of the best HiE I've seen, and by best I mean it actually makes one WANT to be an HiE, species/genderswap included. The friendly lamia hug fetish is just a bonus. And so are the transparent, clear and visible rules you play by. How interesting and/or painful your life is, is entirely up to you here.

Thank you.

8907360 Glad you liked it (or at least are in the process of liking it)! :pinkiehappy:

8907544
Yeah, by this time the process is fully complete.

8907601 Excellent. :pinkiecrazy:

I usually have an extreme aversion to mind control fics, (as they usually end up pretty rapey and depressing), but this one was the first I've seen that deals with it in a more lighthearted, not completely terrible way.

You said you are possibly going to be working on a follow-up or three, will they be in the same positive spirits as this one?

8907715 I won't use Miss Hiss' powers for evil. Would you like a cup of decaf? :twilightoops:

This was wonderful. I would love to read more of something like this

8907722 By which, of course, you mean she'll devour ponies nicely. :twilightsmile:

Also, some brands make really good decaf, which is helpful for people like me with chronic GERD.

The lump was almost the right size to be a pony, and despite myself I had a vision of Miss Hiss devouring one of her clients.

"That is so hot," I whispered, imagining myself within the glorious, sacred confines of my Mistress' stom- "No. Bad lamia. No making ponies want to be eaten."

She pouted, "But at least I can make them enjoy it! That's not too evil!"

:pinkiecrazy:

I looked from the adorable predator before me to the fetish.

Alondro also looks to the fetish... which he finds countless examples of on Furaffinity. :rainbowwild:

(Alondro subverted expectations! BRILLIANT!! He's made director for the next 12 Star Wars films.) :trollestia:

8908441 Yeah, I deal with GERD too, but just avoid all coffee. You have to remember, however, that the story is entirely from Greg's POV, and he (used to) hate decaf. :twilightblush:

8908472 Even Disney slip in the odd double entendre, I thought using that particular descriptor for talisman an apt one.

8908813 Thanks! :twilightsmile:

8906065
Ok, so you're continuing the story. Perfect. I like all of the things you just said.

8909759 I didn't say that at all. The next story will have different characters in a different situation. :twilightsheepish:

That was a fun little read. And surprisingly tame for a Damaged fic :raritywink:

8910359 I write whatever catches my fancy. Adorable little E rated fics, risque T rated, and off the wall M + sex + fetish rated. :twilightsmile:

8911138
Yeah, I know. I was just teasing. :scootangel:

Was kinda expecting something to go horribly wrong and he would be stuck as a pony.
Good story though, hope to see more of these two.

That was a fun and uplifting read. I like it when hypnosis is used for (mostly) good. She would make for a really good background anti-hero. I say background because she's already got a life of comfort and stability, along with no real reason to go to the forefront.
She would make a really good interrogator though, maybe she does occational freelancing for a detective agency on some of the tougher cases? Subtly bending the minds of her victims and converting them to decaf while she's at it.
Hey, there's a silly spin-off idea.

Was a great story. Love seeing mind control being used for proper evil(/good)!

This was... painful to read, and I'm not sure why. Did you intend for that? I felt like Gregory, where everything looks perfect, and everything looks... indescribably wrong.

9072102 Err. An example of what I did wrong would help.

9072103
I'm not sure you did anything wrong! Even at the very start when you write, "Another day. Sun was shining," it was kind of jarring, and then "and, since she paid me by the hour and knew my problems were medical, would only schedule jobs for the morning that I wasn't required for." Starting a clause with "would only" is really context dependent, and having an and inside the and clause, it's just... I had to keep stopping and going back to figure out who it is who would schedule jobs, even though I knew it had to be "my boss" since she's the only character introduced so far!

Any random sentence is perfectly technically correct, but its grammar's just... jarring in some way. Like "Showers made the first kind; big, fat droplets fell on me as I stood under the cascade, and the even crazier thing than all the kinds of falling water was that somehow I was clean seconds later." It's talking about what kind of water droplets showers make, but then it's talking about what the protagonist was currently doing, then it's talking about how all the kinds of falling water, and by the time it gets to "somehow I was clean seconds later" I've forgotten the sentence was even about a shower. So I was having the same reaction his reality was having: "Oh, uh, they're in the shower? I guess they're clean now."

Combine that with the arbitrary cartoony and non-cartoony physics, and the way how some things cause motion sickness and others don't, and the protagonist's explanation of terrible things that never appear in the story, because they're trying to avoid getting punked by reality by walking around with eyes closed, and it's just strangely unsettling.

Then we get to his boss, the strangest, most disturbing thing about this extremely artificial reality full of non-people trying to be people, and we're told "She was singly the only creature I could stand being around in the whole country." So now I'm completely unable to identify with the protagonist, as this predatory child of a snake tries to do good by taking away what little free will ponies have. To consider someone who is so all powerful they cannot be resisted much less overcome as not disturbing would take some severe cognitive dissonance for me. And then the whole obsession with decaf coffee would've been a funny joke as turnabout is fair play, but it's just treated so importantly, and ends up being a really big thing.

And... I mean... I honestly really like mind control, and snake ponies, and stuff like that. So the fact that you managed to disturb me with that sort of stuff is kind of impressive, I guess? I certainly haven't felt as... comfortable about hypnosis since reading this yesterday. Is that a kind of hypnosis? Is this story intended to get me preferring decaf coffee instead of mesmerizing snake ponies bending me to their will? So I can't say you did anything wrong, even though everything was wrong. I feel like you could write a story that would instill in someone a phobia of spiders, even if they've never had one before. So uh... good... job I guess? I really don't know what to think. :applejackconfused:

I don't seek out horror fics, so I'm sure I just missed a ton of disturbing stuff in the interim, but this's possibly the most disturbing thing I've read since that comic by Waveywaves took a turn for the Dr. Gaster about 2 months ago.

Sure enough, Miss Hiss had found her way to civilization and was in the process of taking over Vanhoover when six friends came to town. To hear my boss tell it there had been a mighty battle, but the story I had found out was that she had mind-controlled five of the friends when the sixth locked eyes with her.

Slitherin Hiss doesn't talk about that bit.

Heh.

:flutterrage::yay:

The concept of cartoon-karma was something I had picked up quickly, but a lot of other humans seemed to have trouble with. Put simply, if you make ponies laugh you have a really good day. The way I was going I should buy a lottery ticket tomorrow.

Question: does that mean if I tie a bunch of ponies up and tickle them I'll have a very VERY good day? :trollestia:

9215575 Well, it depends. Do they enjoy it? Do they have fun? At some point a pony is going to not like being tickled, and on that day your luck will run out.

9215603
Drat, I was hoping I could get all the luck ever by tying up everypony in ponyville and tickling them. I'll just have to make do with ponies that like being tied up and tickled, then.

I'd love to see a continuation of this with more of the shenanigans between Dizzy Do and Miss Hiss, or maybe a prequel of the time Miss Hiss was still an actual villain.

9259210 Heh, there are ideas kicking around for a sequel/prequel/whatever, but there are other projects ahead of it, and it needs more polish.

9259211
I'm a patient person. It helps that your other projects are also pretty dang good to read :rainbowwild:

You had me at 'danger noodle'.

9456576 What about nope rope? Slippery tube dude? Caution ramen? Murder spagurder? Hazard spaghetti? Shake snake? Spicy noodle?

9456590
Well that was extremely enjoyable. And yes, I laughed again at 'hazardous spaghetti'.
So did I see you say something about a sequel or continuation? I didn't read the entire comment, I just thought I saw it there or something....

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