• Member Since 18th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

CommanderX5


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Confused, devoid of memories and lost in a world filled with mythical creatures, little Raichu faces ferocity of monsters. Taken for a creature from the Everfree Forest, she’s adopted by Twilight and her friends as they show her friendship and compassion, doing their best to help her restore her missing memories.

Determined to make friends and find purpose in her new home as she slowly regains her memories, Raichu gets attached to her new owners and is willing to repay their kindness, no matter the cost. Little does she know that a chance to repay them draws near.

Special thanks to proof-readers:

ChudoJogurt (For pointing out issues and quality check in chapter 1 and the prologue)

Georg  (For massive improvements in emotional scenes in chapter 1 and the prologue)

Jay+Tarrant (For grammar/mistakes fix in the whole story)

Uber_Shy (For detailed proof-reading of chapter 2)

PoisonClaw (For detailed proof-reading )

Tapestry (For additional proof-reading of chapter 2 and futher)

Sonik (For taking over after PoisonClaw for all chapters after chapter 18)

SilverDiamond (For taking over after PoisonClaw for all chapters after chapter 18)

Chapters (53)
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Comments ( 1273 )

Not bad. I am surprised at Applejack’s reaction until I found out about her previous dealings with the beaver. Sometimes I wonder if Fluttershy recognizes the fact that her animal friends a quite the handful and pose issues to the common pony.

So this Raichu is probably some kind of insomnia displace? Since she seems to have much more logic than usual pokemon I know - not counting ability to talk more than 'Chuu' (a good point in my book). Have to see where this would go.

8457896
Pokémon are actually sentient beings, having a firm grasp on human culture, and behaviour. The communication barrier and physiology of the individual pokemon is what gives off the impression that they are animals.

Hmmm... so Raichu couldn't really make a communication. Wonder if Fluttershy can talk pokemon?

8457834
Maybe yes, maybe not, but she work hard to be a bridge between ponies and the animals, as well as judge/ambasador and translator in between.

As for Applejack, she is head-strong and easy to anger whenever someone cause damage to her farm or steal form it, and she's not a fan of wind animals, but she has good conciousnes. The moment she learned about hunger and injuries, she was more than willing to share and help.

8457896

Since she seems to have much more logic than usual pokemon I know

Pokemon may not have human's capability of creative thinking, but they do learn. This Raichu in particular had a trainer who tought her quite a lot. Even if she can't remember her past, she's rather smart and mature. But you don't need to worry, her backstory will come into play eventually.

8457917

Hmmm... so Raichu couldn't really make a communication. Wonder if Fluttershy can talk pokemon?

Since Raichu is main character of the story (aside form the ponies she meet), I decided to let her speak normally so readers would understand what she's trying to say. But for ponies, she just keep using words made of her own name. But fear not, I'm sure this Raichu will find a way to comunicate, or maybe magically talented ponies do.

As for Fluttershy, there's a big chance that she would understand pokemon speech. Her special talent is about comunicating with animals, and pokemon shouldn't be an exception in this regard.

This, is pretty good. I shall track this.

This Raichu has the worst luck I’ve ever read. :fluttercry: What was that like, eight things she ran into? Dang.

Er, one problem with the story art: ever since Generation IV (Diamond & Pearl), female Raichu can be distinguished from male Raichu by the shape of their tails - male Raichu have a pointed end, female Raichu don't.
That art, as wonderful as it is, depicts a male Raichu.

Sure, it's not as noticeable as male/female Pikachu (females have a heart-shaped tail, males have a flat end), but it's still something.

8458238

This, is pretty good. I shall track this.

Glad to hear, I hope that the updates will prove just as enjoyable.

8458395
Let's look on the bright side. Since she doesn't remember anything about her past, or about her own abilities, at least now she learned that crashing into things won't hurt... much. But yeah, I must agree that she's quite unlucky. But now with AJ and AB on her side, thinks can only get better.

8458421
I'm aware of the tail diference between males and females, which is why I pointed the shape of Raichu's tail in the story. Though you do have a point about the art. I'll try to customize it a bit with the tail-part, but I need to be careful, because this art is quite wonderful and I not want to lower it's quality.

Good foundation; can't wait for how Twilight and Fluttershy deal with Raichu's existence (unknown injured animal and unknown injured animal, respectively).

Loving this story so far. I'll be watching this story.

Cool, but how did you get this in the Featured Box?

8458477
Are you saying Fluttershy will want to nurse Raichu to health while for Twilight Raichu will make a great research specimen? If that's the case, I can't argue with that.

8458511
Cool. Hopefully you'll enjoy the updates just as much. I won't be receiving as much proof-reading assistance for futher chapters, so it may not have as great quality, but interaction between Raichu and ponies will become a greater focus.

8458517

Cool, but how did you get this in the Featured Box?

Well, I learned form my mistake and the alternative aproach paid off. I'm happy it did.

I must Favorite this for a fellow Pokemon. :pinkiehappy: I hope she get's her memories back quickly. :twilightsmile:

hmm... good start, i'll add it to my list

8457943
IIRC, what makes the Meowth so often seen in the Anime so unusual isn't that's he's abnormally smart for a pokemon but that he can speak 'human'. There are a couple pokemon-only sequences that get subtitles and full dialogue rather than the typical limited speech that isn't quite as good as Scooby Doo's.

8458517
There was a MewTwo Displaced in the featurebox awhile back too. Idk why, but Fimfiction loves MLP x Pokemon crossover Displaced, apparently.

Just saw the image edit, and I must say, it looks good.

...I'm no artist or anything, so me saying "piece of art looks good" doesn't mean as much as the same compliment coming from an actual artist, but...eh, it looks good to me.

8458993
This is what an art "critic" does.

8459006
...True.

I wouldn't call myself a critic of anything, really, aside from Pokémon games and what does and doesn't work in 3D Legend of Zelda games, but that's only because I really dislike X and Y, Skyward Sword and Halitosis of the Wild.
Otherwise I'm just a regular Joe Schmoe.

8458583

I must Favorite this for a fellow Pokemon.

What do you mean by "fellow pokemon" is Raichu your fave or something? Or do you mean that you just like pokemon in general?

I hope she get's her memories back quickly.

Who knows, it all depends on how much ponies will be able to help her. Maybe they can magic-fix it with ease, or maybe she'll need weeks to get her memories back, one memory at a time.

8458675

hmm... good start, i'll add it to my list

Cool. I hope that the follow-up won't disapoint.

8458936

IIRC, what makes the Meowth so often seen in the Anime so unusual isn't that's he's abnormally smart for a pokemon but that he can speak 'human'. There are a couple pokemon-only sequences that get subtitles and full dialogue rather than the typical limited speech that isn't quite as good as Scooby Doo's.

Well, Meowth is a special case, The writters probably were experimenting to how audience will react to a pokemon than talk and then roll with it (adding detailed backstory in futher episode). Outside of Meowth, I think only psychic pokemon and some legendaries could speak human language (mostly telepathicly).
Subtitles or narrator were introduced whenever pokemon were main focus with no humans around, so they had to give audience something to work with.

8458940

There was a MewTwo Displaced in the featurebox awhile back too. Idk why, but Fimfiction loves MLP x Pokemon crossover Displaced, apparently.

Really? I got the impression that crossovers in fimfiction have very very hard time getting into the feature box, mostly due to the fact that often focus goes to far away from the ponies, so the story must be very interesting and engading to keep audience's attention.

8458993

Just saw the image edit, and I must say, it looks good.

...I'm no artist or anything, so me saying "piece of art looks good" doesn't mean as much as the same compliment coming from an actual artist, but...eh, it looks good to me.

Well, the ammount of work required to do the change was actually very small, considering that only edge of the tail needed altering. The challenging parts were:
1) Ensure that collors on the edited part didn't stand out, which wasn't easy considering that I used simple paint while the artist most likely had something way more advanced.
2) While Pikachu's tail is wide at the edge, it's quite easy to make it heart-shaped without it looking out of place. For Raichu's tail that is pointy, female version is basically cutting the pointy part, which isn't exacly appealing, In other words, it took quite a bit of thinking where to make the cut and added heart-shaped edge so it would stand out.

Glad it worked in the end.

8458552
What do you mean by alternative approach?

8459746
It's a long story. If you really want to know, I can PM you.

Love me some good Pokemon stories ^^

not reading till its done, but looks good! :pinkiehappy:

The weakness and fatigue of her injuries was just an annoyance she could push into the background while continuing on. Was she used to being hurt and exhausted?

I'm not sure if this is a hint at past battle experience, or of downright abuse by a former trainer, given that most Pokemon seem to view battles as little more than friendly competition.

“N-no thanks,” the creature responded by placing the apple between filly’s forehooves and taking a step back.

So wait, can Raichu talk or not? I'm a bit confused.

8459500

Outside of Meowth, I think only psychic pokemon and some legendaries could speak human language (mostly telepathicly).

Yes, that's why I was describing that trait as what made him unusual. It's clear that Pokemon are, in general, sapient.

Willsaber

There was a MewTwo Displaced in the featurebox awhile back too. Idk why, but Fimfiction loves MLP x Pokemon crossover Displaced, apparently.

Really? I got the impression that crossovers in fimfiction have very very hard time getting into the feature box, mostly due to the fact that often focus goes to far away from the

I think the Pokemon ones tend to better because it's a crossover that meshes well, similar to why there are lots of Ranma/Sailor Moon crosses

8460875

Friendly competition in as much as boxing is.

“By the way, why are ya repeatin’ ‘Raichu’ or “Rai’ over and over? Is this yer name?” Applejack asked.

Raichu’s eyes opened in an instant. “I do what?”

I like the way you built up to this, especially how it was hinted at in the previous chapter.

8458552
I can do spelling and grammar, if it would help. I wouldn't mind proofreading for you.

Congrats on getting featured. Keep up the good work.

Of course she doesn't like sour food. The poor thing is Lonely.

Confused, devoid of memories and lost in a world filled with mythical creatures

Is this related to the Mystery Dungeon Pokemon series, perhaps?

Can't wait for more of this wonderful story.

Oh no! You found my guilty pleasure!
*sigh*
*fav's*

8460670

not reading till its done, but looks good!

I would advice against it, since there are plenty of chapters that will be uploaded over a long period of time, so waiting for it will take very very long time.

8460917

So wait, can Raichu talk or not? I'm a bit confused

.
It is stated at the end of chapter 1 that Applejack only heard words like "Rai" "Raichu" and "Chuuu". I know it may not be all that clear since I wanted audience to understand what Raichu is saying since she's the main character, but ponies responses are based mostly on her body language (nodding, shaking her head and othes), so in short, they're quessing what the large critter tried to say.


8461181

I like the way you built up to this, especially how it was hinted at in the previous chapter.

Thanks, though I fear that not everyone figures it out. There may still be many readers who, after reading prologue and chapter 1, will still think that Raichu can speak since I didn't leave all that many clues until the very end.

8461202
Really, thanks. I'm always open for more support.

8461289
Thanks.

8461415
True, at the moment she's lonely, but I'm sure the ponies are going to change it. Though I don't understand what sour food have to do with it.

8461423

Is this related to the Mystery Dungeon Pokemon series, perhaps?

Not really. In the Mystery Dungeon series, it is human with no memories who is lost in a pokemon world while turned into a pokemon himself/herself. In this series, the human needs to use his knowledge and creative thinking to gain advantage (in both using his/her own abilities as well as his/her team). However, what I find odd about this series is that wild pokemon also show a lot of creative thinking (they are organized and have towns and shops and so on), and the human, despite not being able to evolve, is capaible on taking down armies of experienced pokemon and even legendaries. Even in the show, the strongest legendary that Pikachu took down was Regice.

Anyway, in Little Lost Raichu, we have a pokemon lost in a world filled with mystical creatures (some are like giant monsters, some are powerful, some are creative and inteligent). In this case, Raichu still have power and abilities he worked for in the past, just doesn't have any memory of it. In other words, she don't know how to use any attack and underestimate her own strengths/jumping. This Raichu excess greatly when it comes to durability, agility and stamina, but without any memories, she's forced to learn about her limits from the scrach. The ponies however are more like humans, inteligent and creative, but they also posses great strength and magic.

Long story short, both cases are similar, but have big diferences. In Pokemon Dungeon, human need to learn how to use pokemon skills, use his inteligence to his advantage and face against great odds while trying to regain his memories.
In Little Lost Raichu, we have a pokemon who already posses great skills and experience, but with no memories, she have no idea about her own limits, skills and attacks. Ponies in this world already are as inteligent as humans, but posses super powers and magic, so in order for Raichu to be useful in any way, she needs to study herself.
The similarities are probably: Lost in another world, lost memories and desire to make friends.

8461497

Can't wait for more of this wonderful story.

Thanks, hope we won't dissapoint.

8461596
Lol.
Is your "guilty pleasure" cute interaction between Raichu and the ponies, or is it the struggle the large critter is forced to face?

8461693

It is stated at the end of chapter 1 that Applejack only heard words like "Rai" "Raichu" and "Chuuu". I know it may not be all that clear since I wanted audience to understand what Raichu is saying since she's the main character, but ponies responses are based mostly on her body language (nodding, shaking her head and othes), so in short, they're quessing what the large critter tried to say.

See, what had me confused was that the segment that I quoted in my last reply was clearly written with the narration having Applejack's POV, and yet it still showed Raichu speaking in normal words. If you're going to have Raichu speak, it'd make more sense to have her English lines only appear when the narration is from her own POV. Otherwise, it creates this weird contradiction where the POV is telling us one thing and the dialogue is telling us something different.

This fic is very well-written, but this one detail was jarring enough that it broke my suspension of disbelief. It's a bit too noticeable of an error to call it a nitpick, but I think it's something that you could definitely fix with a very minor revision.

Don't let that discourage you though, this story has a lot of potential and I'm eager to see more of it.

8461693
Like I said, she's Lonely. She has extra Attack, lower Defense, and she likes spicy foods and dislikes sour foods. She is probably better suited for Cool contests than Tough contests for that reason.

Btw raichus stripes go across it's spine not along or else they'd be vertical

8461705

See, what had me confused was that the segment that I quoted in my last reply was clearly written with the narration having Applejack's POV, and yet it still showed Raichu speaking in normal words. If you're going to have Raichu speak, it'd make more sense to have her English lines only appear when the narration is from her own POV. Otherwise, it creates this weird contradiction where the POV is telling us one thing and the dialogue is telling us something different.

This fic is very well-written, but this one detail was jarring enough that it broke my suspension of disbelief. It's a bit too noticeable of an error to call it a nitpick, but I think it's something that you could definitely fix with a very minor revision.

Don't let that discourage you though, this story has a lot of potential and I'm eager to see more of it.

The thing is, at one point I wrote stuff like "Raichu, Rai" and next the translation next to it in italic whenever it was from , but one of my proof-readers said that using this style for the entire story would be more annoying than helpful, And deleting Raichu's lines whenever it is shown form pony point of view would cut out a lot of her responses from the story. What I was going for was to show the readers that ponies doesn't understand her while still telling what she's saying.

My other proof-reader suggested to have Raichu's lines in between <...> rather than "..." to make them stand out. Would this work?

8461706

Like I said, she's Lonely. She has extra Attack, lower Defense, and she likes spicy foods and dislikes sour foods. She is probably better suited for Cool contests than Tough contests for that reason.

To be honest, I never understood the relation between pokemon character and their food likes and dislikes. I do rather take anime aproach where their character affects them in battle in a diferent way.

In case of this Raichu, she dislike sour food, but loves sweets. She have a very gentle nature, so in battle she's extremely hesistant to hurt others, but she cares about her allies more than about herself. Though I think it will be best for you to see her character shine in the story by watching choices and actions she'll take. Just expect me to follow more of anime logic rather than game logic.

8461831

My other proof-reader suggested to have Raichu's lines in between <...> rather than "..." to make them stand out. Would this work?

That's actually a good idea, I'd think that would clarify things more.

8461837
Now the question is, should I also utilize this method in prologue and chapter 1 or not (since Raichu is still unaware that ponies doesn't understand her at all). And another question is, should I put in between <...> only lines that Raichu speaks when it is shown form ponies POV, or for all her lines.

846183

she dislike sour food, but loves sweets. She have a very gentle nature

Well, Gentle nature also dislikes sour, so there you go.

8461876

Well, Gentle nature also dislikes sour, so there you go.

lol, didn't expect this.
Anyway, bitter and sour tastes aren't all that diferent. Also, keep in mind that there is something called character development, and this Raichu's character was much diferent than when she was younger, so in a sense her nature changed.

As for special defense being raised at the cost of defense, it is not exactly accurate in this case. For Raichu in this story I would say her defense and special defense rose at the cost of attack and special attack.

8461896
I still hope she is going to suprise them. I don't want her to destroy everything, but I want her to make sure they now that she isn't only a teddy bear.

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