- Member Since 18th May, 2017
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Piemaster128
A novice writer who one day plans to genetically modify himself to grow wings. Because wings are awesome and I hate gravity. (Avatar belongs to racer437 on Deviantart)
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Yes yes yes yes I need more information love stories like this with twilight as main character
More will be coming soon
O.O my now this seems interesting
8201890 more
8202445 Soon, I promise.
Bravo that was an excellent prologue. I can't wait to read more.
You know you came up with a very believeable cause for Twilight's nervousness about failure.
YES!!! More bad*ss Twilight? Yes please.
8202480 Thank you
Aghh why a week this is almost as bad a 'cliff'-hanger as the end of the last chapter.
8202637 I'm sorry about that, but I want a bit of time to work on chapter 7. The others are written, but it usually takes me a while to write them due to other stories and video games distracting me. I promise it will be worth the wait (I hope)
Well this is a interesting start. I want to see where you take this so I will upvote and track.
8205876 Thank you for the support and I hope it lives up to your expectations
8202677 I know it will but doesn't mean I can't grip about the cliffhanger.
Certainly looks interesting.
No worries, I like world building, even if it's an AU.
Alright, two big questions that at least 1 of which needs to be answered next chapter.
1: Who helped Twilight with the key and cannonballs?
2: Who of the Mane 6 will she meet first?(I'm thinking it's gonna be either Fluttershy because Everfree, or Pinkie because Pinkie.)
8221897
#2 is answered next chapter. #1 will remain unknown for quite a long time (AKA, until the interlude between acts 1 and 2)
8222556 Well, at least my quota will be met, notice I only asked for one.
Let me guess, the escaped ponies are Rarity and Sweetie Belle
8230378
Actually, Rarity and Sweetie Belle won't show up until Act 2, so we won't be seeing her for a while yet. Sorry to disappoint.
8231101
Dang it
Is this the only maroon settlement in this story or are there others? In case you are wondering maroon is a term refers to a escaped slave that has escaped to the wild to live there.
8242343
Yes, this is the only one that's in the wild. Later on they will find a smaller one, but it will still be on an Alicorn's land since they live in the desert and won't have the resources to cross in.
At least she didn't threaten to bring out the frying pan.
By the way, the ponies mentioned last chapter, any chance we'll meet them soon?
8245065
I'm not actually sure. I just mentioned them as a way to introduce Fluffy and bring up the idea of rescuing ponies from the forrest. Though you will get to see a rescue next chapter, and the two ponies rescued there will be appearing later on throughout the story. I may mention the two rescued last chapter in more detail later, but for now, I don't really know. I may try to work them in though since you mentioned it.
Interesting. I'm gonna go down the rabbit hole for this story.
8246460
Yay. Thank you
8247078
No prob. Though, I got into this story solely because it went to the FlashLight group, so I'm hoping there's some shipping in here.
Okay, I'm caught up. This is really good. There's some minor errors at certain points, but this is really really good. I really like it. Also, if you need an editor, I'll gladly offer my services.
Also, because I'm a total grammar freak, the title for chapter 6 has a spacing problem.
8247228
Thank you for catching that. Please point out any other errors you see, and thank you for the positive feedback
8247283
Sure! When I get the chance to reread it all, I'll point them out. Also, I'll try to be nice about it and not a grammar Nazi. Sorry if I end up being like that though, tell me if I am.
8247698
You're good
Alright, here's as promised, some errors. For the prologue, this is what I found:
Missing an 'are' here in the dialogue.
Second 'L' should be capitalized
Dialogue missing a quotation mark
Also, there are several instances in the prologue where the spacing is off, probably due to the fimfiction editor. Here are the sentences where it happens:
These sentences are spaced wrongly due to the editor. Just go find these sentences and you'll see what I mean.
Also, Night Light is supposed to be spelled 'Night Light' not Nightlight. That's the canon name.
8252630
I didn't actually know about that rule for the second one, and I didn't realize that Night Light's name was two words. Thank you for catching that
I perl the spacing is ok now, as it always seems to get messed up somehow.
8252677
No problem. Though, you better check the other chapters for Night Light misspellings. I suspect the prologue isn't the only time you mention him.
8252700
I will
Interesting story you've got here, I'll be tracking it. 😊
As promised, here's chapter one's errors:
Missing a 'the' after 'on'
Flash should be capitalized here.
The 'your' should be 'you'
Unnecessary quotation mark
This should end in a question mark
Also, I think you never described what Thorn looks like. What does this obvious villain look like? We know what the Queen looks like, and its obvious she's going to be a villain. (I'm thinking her evil plan is to get all the elements for herself and instead of restoring Equestria, she's gonna rewrite Equestria in her image) I'm guessing Thorn looks like Chrysalis? What does she look like?
As promised, here's chapter 2's errors:
'greeter' should be 'greeted'
'That' should be 'than'
'lay' should be 'laid'
'other' should be plural
Missing a 'she' after 'memories'
Spacing problems after this sentence.
Spacing problem before this sentence.
8256413
Thank you
8256517
Thank you for that, and that is an excellent point. I will add a description of Thorn to the prologue in the next hour or so. As for the Queen... no spoilers!
8256684
Thank you once again.
8257505
Eh, that's fine. I wasn't expecting spoilers, I was just showing you my thoughts.
8257557
That's fine. I like hearing what people think will happen
8257904
Oh, if that's the case...I'm guessing the next chapter is just Twilight controlling her magic. As for the future, I'm hoping we see the alicorns, specifically Thorn, come in and wreck shop, destroying this community they found so we can hate the alicorns more. I also hope there is a future chapter where we meet Trixie...and Maud Pie. Love those characters. I'm also guessing Discord is not gonna pop up in this AU, I doubt he exists in this version of Equestria. Though I'm wondering if Sombra exists...
8257918
Discord and Sombra will both pop up eventually, but not in the way you think. As for Thorn, she will play a role in the end of this first act. Good news, I only plan to have about 10-12 chapters for act 1, so conflict may come sooner than you think
8258646
I can't wait to see that! I so hope she gets her just desserts and gets killed!
Oh goody!
8258692
No death, but something far better in terms of justice being delivered
8258696
Darn. And this has the Mature rating! Hmm....maybe torture and loss of alicornhood? Oh, I hope that means her horn and wings are destroyed. That would be awesome!
As for the latest chapter, that was really good! I really like the version of Flash you've written here. I like that he's not fully flawless, despite how hard it is to show that when there are so many more flawed characters around him.