3000 years ago, the Tree of Harmony was destroyed, the Elements were lost, and almost all of the Alicorns were converted into either Earth Ponies, Unicorns, or Pegasi. Now, Alicorns are the masters, normal ponies the slaves. Can freedom be achieved?
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You know you came up with a very believeable cause for Twilight's nervousness about failure.
As promised, here's chapter one's errors:
Missing a 'the' after 'on'
Flash should be capitalized here.
The 'your' should be 'you'
Unnecessary quotation mark
This should end in a question mark
Also, I think you never described what Thorn looks like. What does this obvious villain look like? We know what the Queen looks like, and its obvious she's going to be a villain. (I'm thinking her evil plan is to get all the elements for herself and instead of restoring Equestria, she's gonna rewrite Equestria in her image) I'm guessing Thorn looks like Chrysalis? What does she look like?
8256517
Thank you for that, and that is an excellent point. I will add a description of Thorn to the prologue in the next hour or so. As for the Queen... no spoilers!
Finally, someone that actually gives Flash Sentry a personality.
From the editor's archive:
"Chapter 1: A Normal Day"
Me: I have a feeling it’s not going to stay this way.
Because how does a story like this ever stay 'normal'?
"Gems that could be used as currency."
Me: RUPEES
Combined with Spike getting a bowl of gems to eat later, does this mean the dragon is EATING MONEY?
"Well, it just says ‘Surprise!'
Me: I enjoy this already.
Who here knows Red vs. Blue? Because I'm pretty sure Piemaster was going for a Director-level birthday party here, heh heh heh
"They knew Golden Heart had a thing for helping couples find love, but also that this kind of teasing was very characteristic of her."
Me: Also, she’s Cadence’s mother. Mothers do that.
Can't say my own mom has teased me about grandkids, but that hasn't stopped her from finding new ways to be a crazy person.
"Twilight didn’t let this fact distract her though as she slowly lost consciousness and fell into a quiet slumber…"
Me: Really? The girl who finished all her work and STILL needed a sleep bomb to go to sleep the previous night is not nervous at all about going to Canterlot, the place where she exploded, because the Queen is summoning all the alicorns for the first time?
Another example of how my viewing is a little different than the finished product in some places. I'm pretty sure this is what made the change. But I liked this comment because Twilight just sounds like Hermione at exam time.
See you next time!