3000 years ago, the Tree of Harmony was destroyed, the Elements were lost, and almost all of the Alicorns were converted into either Earth Ponies, Unicorns, or Pegasi. Now, Alicorns are the masters, normal ponies the slaves. Can freedom be achieved?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Bravo that was an excellent prologue. I can't wait to read more.
Well this is a interesting start. I want to see where you take this so I will upvote and track.
No worries, I like world building, even if it's an AU.
Interesting. I'm gonna go down the rabbit hole for this story.
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Yay. Thank you
Alright, here's as promised, some errors. For the prologue, this is what I found:
Missing an 'are' here in the dialogue.
Second 'L' should be capitalized
Dialogue missing a quotation mark
Also, there are several instances in the prologue where the spacing is off, probably due to the fimfiction editor. Here are the sentences where it happens:
These sentences are spaced wrongly due to the editor. Just go find these sentences and you'll see what I mean.
Also, Night Light is supposed to be spelled 'Night Light' not Nightlight. That's the canon name.
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I didn't actually know about that rule for the second one, and I didn't realize that Night Light's name was two words. Thank you for catching that
I perl the spacing is ok now, as it always seems to get messed up somehow.
Wow, looking at your Author's Note, it seems you have no confidence in your work
This AU of yours is highly intriguing. So far, you proposed a lot of interesting lore and alternate history, all finely clicking into place. Simultaneously, you managed to tie this story into the canon storyline, giving each of the characters and events a fitting place. Your descriptions are done well, not too scarce nor overly detailed. The characters act naturally and their dialogues are dynamic and flow swiftly. Futhermore, from time to time, the chapter gave me a laugh here and there. The counting of the buildings was maybe a dark, but indeed hilarious moment.
All in all, this is definitely going on my tracking list. I hope to read through the next chapters as soon as I can!
Oh, by the way, have you ever heard of frogs of the Pelophylax esculenta complex? Your depiction of alicorn reproduction reminds me greatly of those.
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I have not heard of that, but I will look it up when I have the time. Other than that, thank you for the kind words and I hope you enjoy what I have posted so far
Nice I love that idea: While they will never die of old age, they can still die by wounds and/or natural causes.
Did I edit this on your computer? I don't see the prologue saved in my documents so there might not be editor's archives on this one.
Sorry, y'all
Good job using the prologue as an exposition dump, honestly makes me excited for the following chapters means a lot of showing and less telling.
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Glad you like it
Have any male Alicorns ever been born after The Miasma? I ask because it says up above that Alicorns could still procreate with the other Pony species, but it also says that all Alicorns currently alive are female. Also, I'm calling it now: The Miasma was this universes Sombra. He and Luna are the only two characters in the show that have been shown to turn themselves into clouds.
Is the Queen just obsessed with fixing the world that she's become apathetic to all things else, or does she simply not like Thorn? If she rules all of the lands, I would think that she'd make laws to prevent tyranny to the point Thorn has taken it. Yet, at the same time, if Thorn is one of very few who enforce such sadistic punishments for such petty crimes, I could see how such excessive penalties could be required in their world.
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I won't spoil anything about the cloud or the queen, as both of their identities and motives will be relieved with time. You just need to wait and see.
On the plus side, I finally finished the next chapter and it is now being reviewed, so hopefully the day when you get your answers just got a little closer
I remember that from skyrim
this is my first time reading this I didn't think I would like this but I still put it in my favorites but I love it it is in my top 5 so thanks for writing this
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No problem
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i decided to re-read this this is my second time reading this
i decided to re read it again
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The next chapter is in editing, so hopefully there will be more soon.