• Member Since 18th May, 2017
  • offline last seen 46 minutes ago

Piemaster128


A novice writer who one day plans to genetically modify himself to grow wings. Because wings are awesome and I hate gravity. (Avatar belongs to racer437 on Deviantart)

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From the day of her birth, an unknown guardian has watch over Twilight Sparkle. He has secretly protected her, assisted her, and been there for almost every significant event in her life, watching from the shadows as she grew into the wonderful and loved Princess of Friendship.

And yet, trouble is brewing, and with Twilight's life is now in danger, her unknown guardian must come out of the shadows and do all that he can to protect her, even if it breaks both their hearts in the process.

But just who is this pony? Why does he have such an interest in the Princess of Friendship? Why does he seek to protect her even at the cost of her happiness and his own?

And what is the force that threatens the young mare's life?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This story was written in November 2017 as part of Writers Challenge put forth on EQD. It only took me until now to actually edit it fully and start publishing it, so enjoy :twilightsmile:

Cover art belongs to ShujiWakahisaa. Thank you for letting me use this art :pinkiehappy:

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 249 )

SIGH

I may regret reading this. Why? I don't do well with sad fics. I'm weak. But GODAMMIT! This was really interesting so, i'll keep going... for now :twilightangry2:

More! I must have more! great story!

8975984
Thank you. More will come as soon as I am able to edit the next five chapters, so hopefully I will be able to continue posting soon :twilightsmile:

“Would you two just SHUT UP!” Discord yelled in frustration. “This is embarrassing enough with out you reminding me that I’m being held captive by a couple of morons!”

Yes but you're being held by vary dangerous morons

8977112
At least Caboose isn't there, then he'd REALLY be in trouble :pinkiecrazy:

Also, Red vs Blue jokes are best jokes :derpytongue2:

I really like this story. I hope you can explain how Alicorns grow. My theory is that they have multiple forms. One for their dark magic form (Nightmare Moon, Daybreaker, etc.), Their fully grown form (How Celestia and Luna currently look), and their smaller form (What Twilight currently looks like.).
,

I think this is off to a great start hardly Any grammar problems, decent pacing, and overall great beginning. But please please please please don't be an Alicorn OC and if it is I hope you write him well .

MY OVERPOWERED ALICORN OC ALARM IS GOING OFF!!!!!! PLEEAASSEE write him well I have seen so many good stories fall because people can't write a character and set a ending point of power. I know this is about Alicorns but like the 2002 He-man the characters seemed overpowered then when something else comes their way that they originally defeted the villan seemed too overpowered. Love it so far though!

8982381
I do plan on revising more about alicorns later on, but no spilers as of yet.

Glad you like it so far :twilightsmile:

8982722
Don’t worry, I have plans for him, and the reason it took this long to release what I have so far is because I had to make sure I could write him as best I could. Also, glad you like it :twilightsmile:

9005810
It’s coming
It’s coming
It’s coming
It’s coming :derpytongue2:

But seriously, the next chapter is currently on the second draft, so I hope I will be able to get it out by this weekend or next weekend at the latest :twilightsmile:

HELLO I AM NEED MORE I GOING WAIT GOOD LUCK MAKE THIS UTIL END I AM HERE!!!

9013638
Good news then. I just (ten seconds ago) send the second draft of the next chapter back to my editor, so the next chapter should hopefully be here in a week or so, or maybe even sooner. Thank you for the support :twilightsmile:

And the epicness continues! Love this story and I can't wait for the next chapter.

Hmm this reminds me kinda of A Court of Wings and Ruin , weird. I like how this is going I'm sad I blew through it though.

9023010
Don’t worry, I have a few more chapters completed already. They just need to be edited and revised

IS TOO MUCH GOOD NEED MORE I AM WAITING FOR MORE GOOD LUCK NEXT

9023050
I will do my best to release more as soon as I can :rainbowdetermined2:

Man, if my intuition is correct, based on how this story is being paced so far, I think I can make the educated guess that THIS will be a long one.

I like that.

Keep up the good work my good man :pinkiehappy:

9023696
Yes, I believe this will be a long one. And thank you for the nice comment :)

+400 times seing this page for uptades kkkkkkkkkk

9066758
Don't worry. The rough draft of the next chapter has just come out of editing, so expect it by the end of next week at the latest (if all goes according to plan)

Can't wait to see where this goes ~
Anyway good chapter and keep up the good work! ♥ ♡ ♥

Is this something like the legend of Spiro or something ?

9075989
I had not even thought of that, to be honest. Not really

Liking the story so far. But I have a question. Is Twilght a reincarnation to this “Star”?

9087971
Only time will tell...

Seriously, I’m not spoiling ANYTHING for this story, which is very hard I will admit, but all will be revealed in time. Aka, more will be revealed Sunday, since I think I will be able to post the next chapter by then. Monday at the latest

9088149
Lol I wasn’t asking for spoilers. I’m just going from clues already in the story:twilightsmile:

9088750
I know, but it’s really hard to say anything without spoiling. Though I will say more clues will come with each chapter

Well, I will say this. If you suddenly stopped writing this story, I will be very disappointed if you let such amazing potential go to waste.

Please, keep up the good work my good man :twilightsmile:

Sparrow just lost all sympathy with me on this. I don't care for excuses. there are better ways to protect Twilight.

I bet the sisters are going to seriously revamp their defenses after this.

she should have said no. Go to tjhe island sure if it is safe but reject the ring.

9117622
You may be right, but this is the path he has chosen.

Also, thank you. Your comment has helped me resolve an issue I had involving a future chapter I was planning out

9123830
yeah but still face consequences. like I said later. Twilight should go with him but not accept the ring.

I hope we get a new chapter soon i enjoy this story it has a lot of potential. Keep up the good work.

9126470
I am a bit busy, unfortunately, but the next three chapters are already complete. They just need to the edited by my lovely girlfriend, so I hope I will be able to get them out soon :twilightsmile:

Do you have any schedule ? Like a chapter a month or week if not busy ?
Oh also its the best mlp:fim i v ever read . Hope you continue the amazing work but have a lot of break/vacation you deserve every single one you had/have/will take

9140445
Thank you for the kind words :twilightsmile:

Unfortunately, I don’t have a schedule, for this story or my others. It all varies based on how quickly I can write it and how quickly my editor can help me clean up the mistakes and help me expand it. For this story I already have three more chapters waiting to be edited, but I can’t predict when I will be ready to release them. Sorry :fluttercry:

9140508
Dont be sorry , i (and a lot of other) already know its worth the wait :twilightsmile:

“I think you are humble to a fault, though that is not necessarily a bad thing,” Luna said, wrapping a wing around Twilight as Sparrow went flying overhead, singing some random song about coconuts.

Referencing this particular song?

“He shouldn’t be trying to imprison you in the first place. But if anypony can’t find a solution, it is you, Twilight.”

Am I right in assuming you meant to say can instead of can't?

“I don’t remember your head being this…confusing,” Luna said as she watched dream Sparrow with a raised eyebrow. “Might be sleep deprivation,” Twilight said. “Or all this thinking is making me go crazy. It wouldn’t be the first time…”

This is supposed to look like this:

“I don’t remember your head being this…confusing,” Luna said as she watched dream Sparrow with a raised eyebrow.

“Might be sleep deprivation,” Twilight said. “Or all this thinking is making me go crazy. It wouldn’t be the first time…”

Break the paragraph for new speakers.

But whatever happens, happens. She might not like it, she might not think it was much of a choice at all, but no matter what, she could not lose hope. Even if she said yes, even if she had to become Sparrow’s wife, she just had to accept the outcome, and hope that things worked out for the best.

I think you meant it like that.

The ring refused to back down. The magic around it surged, and suddenly a bright blue shield appeared in front of it, just big enough to cover Twilight. When the first knife hit, Twilight screamed and cowered, but the knife seemed to disintegrate upon contact. The two guards growled in anger.

Missing word.

Sparrow shut the door and waited the long, agonizing seconds until the protection wards full engaged.

Past tense.

“I-I thought I would have more time. He…He just went for her less than a week ago. Why would he risk attacking her again? If…If I hadn’t given her the ring…”


“Sir, we BOTH know that we can’t understand how or why that thing does what it does. All that we can do is make sure it doesn’t claim any more victims. We’re already starting to sweep the city and the surrounding area, doubling our number of undercover agents, and our ponies in the crystal caverns say there hasn't been any movement or magical activity. And by this time tomorrow, she will be in the one place it can’t find her. It won’t get that close to her again, we promise.”

Break the paragraph for new speakers.

The ring box in her hooves and the glass orb went flying, but Velvet caught both in her magic before they hit the floor, her, Night Light, and Luna all having just run into the room in a panic.

Misspelled name, wrong tense for run.

I just wanna know how Sparrow knew Twilight was in trouble,” Applejack said. “He seemed to be perfectly fine for the entire conversation, then he just froze and whispered something…I think it was Twilight’s name, before yelling ‘Code Umbra’ to the guards outside our tent and rushing off. He looked pretty panicked.”

No need for the am in I'm, missing word.

There are more errors, but I gave up pointing them out after the 9th...
But despite all those, it's still a good and interesting read.

I suggest looking perhaps using Grammarly for proofreading

9142322
I might look into that, though the paragraphs acting wired is something that just happens whenever I move it over to the site from Pages, no idea why as they always appear to be correct in the main document. Still, glad you like it :twilightsmile:

Silly silly Sparrow, you stalk her from birth to adulthood, protect her from threats she has no clue about,you suddenly conquer her kingdom and somehow nullify her fellow princessess magic, captures her best friends , and proposes to her holding Equestria hostage and won't release it unless she marries you. I'm surprised she's not pissed off ! I'd be all hellfire and brimstone then and there. Negativity aside he feels generally sad but idc that's not how you propose to someone u luv lol. I'd like to see a lil less tears and more fire in her heart please no rushed romance!

PS,

You better make me cry by the end of this be it bittersweet, uttery sad or joy idc BUT MAKE ME CRY!

~LaLa:heart:

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