Interlude 1
A few blocks away, while Sparrow and Twilight have dinner…
As always, the open-air bar of Vinum Clava was bustling this early evening. Many of the customers were soldiers who had just finished for the day, but there were also plenty of locals in search of a peaceful and relaxing place to hang out and swap stories.
At one of the large tables near the bar sat four stallions. One was bright red unicorn with a tan mane, the other a slightly darker red unicorn with a blue mane, one was a bright orange earth pony with a yellow mane, and the fourth one was pink pegasus with a grey mane.
The orange stallion was hunched over the table, groaning, stopping only to give a small thank-you to a waitress as she delivered a large bag of ice to him, which he immediately moved under the table as soon as she had turned away.
“Wait, so what happened to Grind Stone, Simmer?” the pink stallion asked.
“I told you, Donut,” the bright red stallion said. “That new drill leader punted him across the field! Just a single kick between the legs and he went flying! And he even landed on a cement divider between his legs too!”
Both stallions shivered at the mere thought.
“And you said she somehow got away with it?” Donut asked. “I didn’t think King Sparrow would stand for that…”
“It’s because Numb Nuts over there completely messed up our stealth exercise, and nearly got Simmer sent to the medical wing,” the dark red stallion said with a grunt. “And all he had to say to defend himself was ‘buck it, I’m lazy.’ Darn fool never stood a chance…” He sniffled.
“Sarge, are you…crying?” Donut asked in surprise.
“Of course! Do you know how LONG I have waited to see somepony kick the snot out of Grind Stone? It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen! My one true hatred in life, flying through the air, only to land yin-yang first on a concrete divider…it was a dream come true…”
“Oh, shut up,” Grind Stone muttered, adjusting the icepack between his legs. “It was a miracle she didn’t break something. And now Sparrow says she’s gonna be in charge of us permanently!”
“Really? Why? And what happened during the stealth training?” Donut asked, tilting his head in confusion.
“She’ll be in charge because Grind Stone’s a lazy bum despite having bonded one of the rarest magical artifacts on the island, and Sparrow agreed with Miss Ball-Buster that he needed to finally get his butt in gear,” Sarge exclaimed joyfully. “And seeing as every other method of motivation has failed, what better way to do that than to threaten him with bodily violence!”
“I doubt King Sparrow said THAT,” Donut said skeptically.
“He didn’t, but King Sparrow agreed that the new instructor was the best pony for the job, especially seeing as how he has made us fail the stealth mission five times already. He didn’t condone the punishment she gave Grind Stone, but after making sure he was ok, the King said that so long as she sticks to normal guard punishments in the future, she is free to train us,” Simmer clarified.
“It was Simmer’s stupid plan to impersonate the guards that failed when we were about to reach the exit,” Grind Stone muttered.
“That’s because you said your name was Agent Pluto!” Simmer exclaimed in exasperation.
“Yep, Grind Stone messed it up pretty bad,” Sarge agreed. “Good thing we had our contingency plan to fall back on.”
“Sarge, for the last time,” Grind Stone groaned, “shooting the guard in the face with your magic cannon artifact does not count as a contingency plan…”
“Sure it does! A magic cannon to the face can solve a variety of problems!” Sarge happily exclaimed. He reached below the table with his magic and grabbed his bag. After rummaging for a few seconds, he withdrew a green stone that immediately glowed bright red and quickly grew to form a device about two hooves long. It had an open barrel that began shining with red runes running down its length, was lined with large rubies about half a hoof wide, and had a large magical trigger on the bottom.
“For example,” Sarge said, pointing the weapon right at Grind Stone’s head as it gave a menacing click, “just watch how quickly it solves insubordination!”
“Sarge, not now,” Simmer groaned, grabbing the weapon in his own magic and canceling out the transformation, reverting it back to a small green stone. “You know the rules. One: no shooting teammates unless their wearing training gear, and two: no using deadly magical artifacts in public places.”
“I know, I know,” Sarge grumbled. “But it was set to ‘stun’ mode.”
“Which hurts almost as much as the ‘not-stun mode,’” Grind Stone muttered.
“But not as much as being kicked across the field, I bet,” Sarge smirked.
“So when is this new mare going to start training us?” Donut asked.
“Tomorrow,” Simmer said. “She wants to get us going as soon as she can, and is already planning to make us run ten laps around the city in the morning.”
“It’s gonna suck,” Grind Stone grumbled.
“Maybe you should tell her that,” Sarge said, smiling with a mad grin. “Or better yet, when you inevitably slack off and she ask why, you should tell her you’re just too lazy. In fact, you should tell her that at least ten times a day!”
“Why, so I can be punted around the city like a soccer ball?”
“…Maybe…”
Meanwhile, two tables over…
Sitting at a large table near the window, four stallions sat around a large plate of muffins, having a conversation no more productive than their red counterparts.
One was a grey unicorn with a silver mane, one was a dark blue earth pony with a darker blue mane, one was a light blue unicorn with a golden mane, and the fourth was a pegasus with a light green-blue coat and a purple mane.
“I can go ask her about the trap!” the earth pony said happily.
“Caboose, don’t,” the blue unicorn groaned in exasperation.
“You could ask her if she has the hots for me, Caboose,” the pegasus said to the earth pony. “I think I felt a connection the last time she punched me in the face.”
“Ask her if she wants to make an emotional hot connection with your trap, got it.”
“OH HO, even better!”
“Would you two stop using the word trap!” the blue unicorn exclaimed, double face-hoofing in exasperation. “Seriously, how did you even get onto this conversation about TRAPS in the first place?”
“Oh, well, the new training lady said she was impressed with us completing the stealthy thingy and that she was going to make us a new harder one, Church.” Caboose said matter-of-factly.
“A harder one, bow chicka wow wow!” the pegasus exclaimed, earning a smack to the back of the head from the grey unicorn.
“Shut up, Tucker,” the blue unicorn groaned. “And, wow, that almost seemed…too correct for you, Caboose. There must have been a part you didn’t under—”
“And when we get to the end she’s going to throw us a really big surprise party!”
“Ah, there we go.”
“I was pleasantly surprised that he grasped as much as he did, Church,” the grey unicorn said, rolling his eyes. “Though I DID promise him a new button if he managed to listen to the conversation.”
“Button!? OH MAN I LOVE BUTTONS!” Caboose said happily, pulling out a large piece of cloth covered in buttons from…somewhere and poking all of them with his fore-hooves for no real reason. “Beep bop, boop beep boop bop bop…”
“I’m pretty sure you could bribe Caboose to jump off a mountain for a few buttons, Wash,” Tucker said with groan. “It’s not like he wouldn’t survive it anyway.”
“Didn’t he already fall off the mountain during your initial training?” Wash asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yep,” Church said, shaking his head as Caboose continued to push his buttons. “And he came back up without a scratch on his whole body. Hay, he actually said it was awesome and wanted to go again! Of all the ponies that could be unkillable, why’d it have to be him!?”
“You’re just saying that because he ‘kills’ you every other day,” Tucker said.
That earned him a muffin to the face from Church.
“And is it WRONG for me to not want King Sparrow to repair ‘me’ every week? Seriously, this body is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and Caboose breaks it all the time!” Church said angrily.
“Break it? OK!” Caboose exclaimed dramatically!
“CABOOSE, NO—”
But it was too late. Caboose picked a green button up off the piece of cloth, throwing it forward with such force that it knocked Church’s head clean off. The rest of his body crumpled to the floor and the illusion of skin and fur dissipated, revealing the gold-tinted metal body covered in runes beneath. The head flew a few feet before Wash could catch it in his magic, though he thankfully got it before it could hit anypony.
Only a ghostly outline of Church was left where the metal body had stood as the button bounced off the far wall and landed back in Caboose’s hoof like it had never left. The rest of the ponies nearby were so used to this happening that they didn’t even bat an eye.
“HARMONY DAMN IT, CABOOSE!” Church yelled, his fore-hooves passing through the table as he tried to smack it.
“TUCKER DID IT!”
“You can’t say that when I’m sitting right next to you,” Tucker said with a deadpan stare.
“TUCKER SAID IT!”
“Why did I join the guard again?” Wash grumbled as the three idiots in his squad immediately began to argue back and forth. Getting up, he levitated the discarded metal golem and its head over and gave them a quick check. Given how often Caboose broke the dang thing, Wash had become the impromptu repair pony for it when the damage wasn’t so severe that they needed to seek out King Sparrow.
Thankfully, despite the raw physical force Caboose used to throw the button, the new neck-release mechanisms did their job, releasing the head at the right moment and allowing most of the force to be transferred into momentum, sparing it and the rest of the golem from much of the damage it would have otherwise taken.
Reconnecting the head with a small click, Wash plopped the golem next to Church’s ghostly form. The blue unicorn immediately phased into the body, activating the runes and restoring the illusion of a flesh-and-blood pony, and continued arguing with the other two ponies at the table without so much as a blink.
A few blocks away, at the Garden Paradise…
Sitting on the balcony above where King Sparrow and Princess Twilight were having dinner, a light blue pegasus with a vibrant red mane and red eyes sat, watching her companion in amusement. Said companion was a dark purple-red unicorn with a scar over her right eye, a bright red two-tone mohawk mane, and very light blue eyes.
What made said unicorn unique, however, was her horn. While the base looked normal, the top half was a few shades lighter than the rest, and the stark boundary between the two colors on her horn was jagged, as thought the horn had been broken and a new one grafted back on top.
But Yellow Jessamine knew that wasn’t quite the case. She had read Fizzlepop’s file, or Tempest Fizzlepop as she now went by, and had learned not only how Tempest had lost her horn, but also how King Sparrow himself had seen fit to help her regrow it. Rather generous, given her role in attempting to attack the Hippogryphs.
But then again, when she had asked Sparrow more directly about Tempest, Jessamine had learned that said unicorn was partly a victim of outside influences. Her boss, the Storm King, had been horribly corrupted by Akumu to the point where his infectious influence had begun to spread to Tempest herself. Heck, the corruption had been so bad that if the Storm King hadn’t tried to attack the hippogriffs home island, King Sparrow might not have learned of their existence until it was too late to purify Tempest.
Once he had been defeated and the corruption removed from Tempest, it had become clear that her actions were out of desperation. She had been so deprived of hope that she was willing to do nearly anything to get her horn back, even siding with that power-hungry maniac that was sure to betray her once he had what he wanted. With the Storm King defeated and her only known chance at recovery dashed, she had lost nearly all hope, becoming almost completely unresponsive to anything. Even Jessamine’s good friend Soft Touch had been unable to treat her depression. There was a picture in her file that still made Jessamine shiver, one of Tempest just…staring blankly at her holding cells wall, the light gone from her eyes.
And according to Soft Touch she had remained that way until Sparrow offered her a second chance. He had offered to regrow her horn. In exchange, he wanted her to serve in the islands guard for a minimum of ten years with Jessamine serving as her probation officer for the first two. Tempest hadn't believed him at first, but said that if he could really fix her horn, she would make it fifteen years.
Nothing could compare to the teary-eyed expression Tempest had when she woke up after the procedure to find her horn fully regrown. She had practically sworn herself to Sparrow's service right there, only stopped by the fact that she was too weak to stand and had nearly fallen on her face trying to get out of bed.
Since then, she had been training with Jessamine and the guard while simultaneously trying to learn how to use her newly regrown horn. She was actually surprisingly shy when she started out, likely because she was now training with ponies she had just recently fought against. But Sparrow had cleared her of any wrong doing, and so the guard was patient with her, and slowly worked to show her that they were taking her second chance very seriously.
A few surprise visits from Sparrow didn’t hurt either.
While Tempest had yet to achieve significant results in terms of magic capability, she had never given up in trying to use her new horn and was continuing to progress in her anima mea magic training at a steady rate.
Currently, Tempest was focusing all her attention on the small roll in front of her nose, her tongue sticking out comically as she tried to make something happen.
Slowly, a small bit of blue magic appeared at the base of her horn. It rose to the boundary between the old horn and the new, paused, then slowly, slowly began to creep up the new portion of the horn. As it did, the bright blue glow began to overtake the roll, glowing steadily brighter until the roll slowly began to lift off the plate.
The silly grin on Tempest’s face could make any pony’s day just a little bit brighter. Even as the glow around the roll imploded and Tempest let her head fall to the table, panting in exhaustion, she never lost that happy smile.
“It’s about damn time,” she muttered, smirking at the roll in front of her.
“Having fun?” Jessamine asked, smirking as Tempest remembered she was there and blushed slightly. Jessamine chuckled. “Another month, and maybe you’ll be ready to levitate some butter to go with that roll.”
Tempest snorted and rolled her eyes, but chuckled.
“You underestimate me. In a month or two, I plan on being able to levitate something as heavy as a pony. Maybe even an annoying pegasus,” she jabbed, smirking herself.
“You’ll have to catch me first,” Jessamine said with a playful glare before her expression softened. “In all seriousness though, I am glad to see you improving.”
“Really?” Tempest asked, tilting her head in confusion. “I seem to recall you being rather suspicious of me for quite a while. Especially since you’ve basically been my probation officer for the last six months. You only really started treating me as a friend a week ago.”
“I was suspicious, and I am still here to keep an eye on you, but after Manehattan I think we can be a little less formal,” Jessamine said. “Your first true field mission, and you manage save a city guard from being crushed by a falling statue and nearly broke your own leg in the process. Quite the improvement from the shy mare who barely said two words to anypony a few months ago.”
“King Sparrow said no casualties,” Tempest said swiftly. “I wasn’t about to fail my first real mission.”
“And you didn’t. You went above and beyond, proving that all your talk of loyalty to the King wasn’t just bluster.”
“Of course it wasn’t,” Tempest snapped, before sighing dejectedly and slumping forward. “I owe him too much to be anything but loyal. If it wasn’t for him, I’d still be blindly follow the Storm King on the small chance that he wouldn’t betray me as soon as he got what he wanted. What even were the chances that I would get my horn back if I had kept following him?”
“Probably zero,” Jessamine said, completely serious, “but it also wasn’t all your fault. Akumu’s influence, even just by proximity, is strongest on those without hope or trust. You had neither at the time, so it’s understandable that you would be susceptible to someone under his influence.”
“And what about now?”
“Now?” Jessamine asked, her smirk returning. “If you could see how adorable your face was when you were levitating that roll, you would know you have more than enough hope to resist him.”
“I was not adorable!” Tempest said, blushing fiercely.
“You totally were!” Jessamine said, laughing at her companion’s flustered expression. “Your tongue was sticking out, and your smile looked like Speedy Diamond whenever she’s in hyper-dress-mode. It. Was. Adorable.”
She ducked to avoid a roll tossed by the irate unicorn across from her.
“I hate you,” Tempest growled, still blushing.
“And I hate you. Quite the relationship, wouldn’t you say?” Jessamine said, sticking her tongue out playfully as she giggled.
Tempest snorted, before chuckling slightly. “Yes, I suppose it is. Though I will admit it’s pretty hard to TRULY hate the ponies that gave me back my horn, even if they are overconfident snarky pegesi,” she said with a mock glare that was completely ruined by her happy smile.
“A perfect match for a grumpy glaring unicorn, wouldn’t you say?” Jessamine said with a wink. That earned her a few chuckles as Pie Crust arrived with their entrees.
The two fell into silence for a few minutes after that, working on their meals before Jessamine spoke again.
“I do, however, need to talk to you about what happened today.”
“What part?” Tempest said, her expression telling Jessamine that she knew exactly what part.
“The part where you broke multiple regulations and ended up punting Private Grind Stone across the training field with a well-placed kick between the hind-legs.” Jessamine said, trying not to wince as that particular memory came back.
“Ah, that. Do we need to? King Sparrow already gave me a warning not do that again…or at least not to punt him all the way across the field next time.”
“Yes, but I want to know why. Both why you saw it fit to nearly neuter one of our soldiers, and how in Concordia’s name you managed to get away with it.”
Tempest chuckled and shrugged. “The why is simple. His own laziness and inability to act as a competent soldier led to his team failing their training and nearly got one of his own squad members seriously injured when his weapon misfired and hit his own teammate. To say nothing of the fact that he forgot to set it to the mandatory ‘stun’ mode. If it weren’t for Simmer’s armor, he could have been seriously hurt. And rather than explain himself or detail why he shouldn’t be punished for completely compromising the mission, he instead just said ‘buck it, I’m lazy.’”
“Sounds like Grind Stone alright,” Jessamine said, rolling her eyes. She, like every other senior guard, knew of Grind Stone’s legendary ineptitude and laziness, something that was even more frustrating for two very specific reasons.
First, his natural magic was very similar to Jessamine’s, meaning that if he actually bothered to train with it, he would be able to move five times the speed of your average sprinting pony, making him a terror on the battle field. Yet he was too lazy to even bother trying to bring that skill to a useful level.
The second, and possibly more insulting reason, was his weapon. All guards, when they first joined, were asked to tour a room containing the seven legendary weapons once wielded by the island’s founders. These weapons owners had long since passed on, but the weapon’s magic was still active and would continually seek out a new pony to become their wielders. Even Tempest had toured the room, but none of the weapons had called out to her.
If none of these legendary weapons responded to the new recruits, the ponies in question were then asked to tour another room filled to the brim with less powerful magic weapons. Just like before, these weapons would continually seek out new owners, and almost anyone who entered would have at least one weapon call out to them. If selected, the pony would simply need to pick up the weapon and activate it in order to permanently bond with that weapon.
Jessamine had been selected by a set of magic hoof shoes that could either fires blast of blue magic energy or that could enhance her punches for some extra power. The former was great for long range, and the later was great when she was using her magic to run super fast. It was the perfect weapon.
Tempest, on the other hoof, had been selected by a rather powerful magical spear. When active, the golden spear could channel lightning or even absorb incoming magical attacks and redirect them as lightning enhanced versions of said attack. Rather fitting given how her magic had functioned before her horn was fixed, and the spears gold and blue lightning stylization made it look rather epic too.
But then there was Grind Stone.
Of all the ponies that the legendary weapon ‘Muta Iecit’ could have bonded with, it HAD to choose the laziest pony on the entire island! That weapon was wielded by one of the seven founding ponies of Delubrum, and its new user was a complete idiot!
At least Tucker was willing to work and improve his skills with the legendary ‘Industria Gladio.’ Grind Stone just couldn’t be bothered to do anything productive.
If it weren’t for the fact that he had that weapon, he likely would have been moved to support roles long ago.
“And as for why Sparrow allowed it,” Tempest continued, pulling Jessamine back to the real world, “it was because despite the best efforts of every major leader in the army, including yourself, Grind Stone has never taken any of his work seriously. He’s lazy, rude, and has never made any significant progress in his training. If he hadn’t be chosen by Mut…mat…mt le—”
“Muta lecit,” Jessamine assisted.
“Yeah, that. If he hadn’t been chosen by that stupid weapon, he would have been kicked out of the military years ago. But he has it, and given its power and importance, he needs to be trained. And even if I can’t threaten to kick him across the field again, the fact that I did the first time should hopefully show Grind Stone that I am serious about training him by almost any means necessary.
“Well, ok, that’s only part of it. The truth is that because I was trained and ascended the ranks of the Storm King’s army, I have a unique training and skill set among all the guards on the island, and King Sparrow thinks it may be different and strict enough to finally help Grind Stone get his act together.
“Plus, while King Sparrow did say that punting Grind Stone across the field was not appropriate under any circumstances, he did agree that something had to be done about his behavior. In fact, given how badly Grind Stone screwed everything up and how many times he has held his own team back, the King said himself that Grind Stone needed a good smack to get his butt in gear, though he did think I was a liiiiiiiiittttttttle too literally in that regard.”
“You think?” Jessamine said with a playful smirk. “I could hear his cry of pain from across the training field. That’s more than a ‘little’ too far, don’t you think?”
“Which is why I don’t think he’ll be tempting fate again anytime soon.”
“You might be surprised.”
“Well then he better be prepared. Even if I can’t kick him again, I can sure as harmony make him run laps and do pushups until he finally learns to stop complaining so much,” Tempest said with an evil grin, causing Jessamine to roll her eyes.
“Just be careful not to actually break him.”
“No promises,” she said with a wink.
We interrupt this deep and mysterious story to bring you RED vs BLUE!
Plus 1 sin...(Current Sin count, 2)
And YES, this is, in fact, CANNON! It's insane and has so many references but it's still cannon.
For those of you who have never seen RED vs BLUE, look up season 8, episode 10. I would provide a link, but given the language and and violence, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to put one here on FIMFIC.
And, despite how silly this was, notice that I did manage to actually include some world-building, including the islands magic weapons, a bit more about the mysterious enemy, and of course, introducing everyones favorite edgy pony, Tempest Shadow/Fizzlepop Berrytwist. I can already tell that she will make a great Texas...
In other news, the next REAL chapter of Spero is undergoing first round edits, but it may be a little delayed. I have a special plan for the day the final episodes release, so that special surprise may take up more of my editors time. But it will come, have no doubt.
Enjoy and have a happy Twilight Day 
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Before I read this, I must know: What's a spero?
9778866
That will be revealed later down the line. Can't say right now, because spoilers. Sorry
So if you can answer, how true to form are we being for RVB?
Is he a ghost of somebody who's reanimating a mechanical golem? Is he a completely magical construct powering a magic body (basically a magic AI controlling a magic mech)
Is he something else?
9779323
It not much of a spoiler for the rest of the story, so I will tell you.
He was killed in an accident years ago, but the islands unique magic kept him alive as a basically intangible ghost. He could possess other temporarily, and his ghostly image appears to age normally as time goes on, but he can’t truly interact with the world without the body Sparrow made for him. More hinting at how the body was made will come next chapter.
Poor Wash getting replaced by Tempest and not even the right gender unless the illusion is a double one.
Don't let Caboose have a tank.
A somewhat comedic chapter in a story that doesn't have the comedy tag.
9779706
There’s always room for the comic relief
9779751
Indeed there is.
9791011
Sure ?
No
Suspicious ?
Yes
9791066
... I feel like I have heard/read something like this somewhere, but I just can't place where
...what about Caboose, did he get something cool ?
This was awsome
Please let these guys show up a little more, I would absolutely love to see Twilight interact with them, especially Caboose
9801985
Don’t worry, they’ll be back
Interesting chapter, I like it.
9804379
Thank you
9801985
Also, maybe this is inadvertently similar to Harry Potter? You know, the whole ‘the wand chooses the wizard’ bit? The weapons chose the pony, not the other way around
9887240
Maybe, but i feel like it's from somewhere else... can't for the life of me figure out where though
9887287
Oh well. Maybe it will come to you
Is this story dead?
9908190
No. I am just distracted by my other stories at the moment. The next chapter is written, but I still need to review me editors comments before i post it. I will try to get it out as soon as I can
I miss this story 💜
10026267
The next chapter is currently in editing. It just takes a while because it’s a really long chapter. I am going to try and get in the habit of possibly writing shorter chapters so I can update more often. Sorry for the delay, but know that I am still working on this
10026321
Grind Stone, huh?
How hard does he....grind?
Sorry couldn't resist please don't kill me!!
10139228
I always appreciate a good pun.
Sounds about right
9887298
Okay so while I'm not a 100% sure, I think it might have reminded me of "The Asterisk War"