• Member Since 26th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

markelsmith866


Most stories will be based around Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Sci-Twi, and Scootaloo!

T

Twilight has always been the mare to go to when you have a situation. But what happened if no one looked to her for help anymore? Her sole purpose was to help ponies and give them information. That's why she loved the library. But......what now? Now that the traffic's stopped, the others , her friends, don't even talk to her when she expresses her concerns. Along with lies and things that have gone untold about her.

What now......that her sole purpose is gone?



P.S. Not too depressing, but you sure are in for a shocker! Includes action, adventure, and Family as well!


Has been updated to a Teen Rating due to sexual references in later chapters

Chapters (31)
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Comments ( 158 )

At least tell the truth in a positive way...............Sun raising jerk... :ajbemused:

Wow I know this is just the first chaper but it just seems so mean spirited, and kicking puppy and torturing kittens cruel and its only beginning.

Before I read this, I must know: Why would Twilight's friends abandon her like that?

I am intrigued and wish for another chapter. Onwards, noble author!

Comment posted by darkfire95 deleted March 19th

i am here now......*takes a sip of coffee*...hmmmmm entertain me.. my fellow brony.

Ouch. This could either be some sort of mental attack on Twilight by the Changelings, or some other enemy that specializes in mental attacks, or Harmony no longer 'needs' Twilight, and there's only room for four Princesses, and with the familial connection between Cadence and Flurry ... there's simply no need for Twilight anymore.

Horrifyingly, as I am typing this, a thought occurs to me. Harmony is basically the balance between forces, correct? Well, things have been far too stabilized in the direct of order and goodness, with every threat dealt with and even the Avatar of Chaos brought to heel. Maybe Harmony itself has found the most dangerous and unstable individual in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle in a manic state of mind, to use to 'kick' the world back into a more harmonic state of being, good and evil, order and chaos, rather than just the idealized world that Celestia dreams of?

8787011
We'll see. Currently typing up the next chapter.:twilightsmile:

Dang. And to think, all this happening the way it did isn't completely out of character for them.

Though, (serious spoilers ahead) Celestia really should have told her about her title pony-to-pony, rather than through a letter. Heck, they should have told right before her coronation, rather than let her think that she was a part of their royal family for so long.

After such a long period of silence on the matter, Twilight had a right to think that she was a royal princess, a named princess of friendship, rather than just having an empty title. After all, the only alicorns in Equestria are princesses, and right when she gained her wings, she was named one, too. What else was she supposed to think?

And with everything that's happened between Twilight and her friends-- oh, she must feel so betrayed by everyone in her life.

You have my attention. Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

And then Twilight turned to the dark side, 'cause they have cookies and sweet revenge. All tremble in fear of Queen Twilight.

8787533

Honestly the best "revenge" Twilight could obtain for herself is establishing a new and happy life for herself in a new land - like the Pegasi-only tribe she just conveniently stumbled into. And where ponies appreciate her for all that she can do for them, rather than her Equestrian buddies who all seem to find her bothersome to deal with for some reason and don't talk straight to her face. And her former friends finding out that she's doing just fine without them, thankyouverymuch, and genuinely has no reason to want to return to Equestria.

That would be pretty awesome to see. Usually these type of stories end with the inevitable reunion and reconciliation and everything going back to how things were, so I'm kinda hoping things might go differently here where Twilight builds a new life for herself and doesn't go back, but that's obviously for the author to know and for us to find out :P

I like it so far, also you do realise how much of a hypocrite Spike is accusing the others when he himself said some nasty things,

This just means I would have preferred him rolling up in a ball in fetal position realising that he too had fault in this, normaly I wouldn't be this agressive on Spike but I feel this is something I needed to addres.

Also can't wait to see also the rest of everyone else take in the news, rarely do I fault Celestia when others hate her guts on accions that were actually necessary but yeah that was cold and I feel that the letter should be directed to everyone, now Sunset has a new reason to be hostile towards Sun Butt (maybe, maybe not), alas the fireworks are going to be amaizing.

And I was hoping the letter was also addresed to everyone else like Cadence, Armor, Luna and Spike (cus ya know hypocrite), on other note I feel that the others should also be more impacted on this whole thing as well you know cause of the whole Elemets thing, cause I just witnessed deliberate Betrayl, Deception, Creulty, and Selfishness (Can't really find a fault in Pinkie in a way I think she was being the nicest one) since this has happened well after Season 6 (I think?) and alternates from there so Twilight really has the reason to be mad here.

On a final note I felt the letter should have had ended like : Your Friend Princes (There exists no double cross option but it should) Twilight Sparkle.

Love it so far, also spotted some errors though im not sure how the whole proof-reading thing works.

Luna's response proves Twilight was right to leave. Instead of trying to find her and work out how to make amends, Twilight is immediately to be treated as a fugitive.
The actual state of her friendships and relationships might explain the Map's lack of function. Despite Twilight's beliefs, there was no real harmony there anymore, so why would artifacts of Harmony work for them?

And so begin the fireworks!🎆

The thing between Twi and the king (if there is going to be a thing) Feels really forced so far. Like. It felt a little cringy. The rest is pretty good. Though I can't see her explaining the reason she left to everyone so much. I could see her more dancing around that and just continuing on as best she could. But that's mostly just me probably.

But yeah. Twi and the king felt a lil cringy

Yeah, if Luna's response is anything t go by, Twilight was right to get the hell out of dodge. If they cared about her their response would be to find her and contact the princesses so they can try and talk and soothe things over, not to try and detain her (which is dumb in the first place, your random guard trying to fight Twilight would fare about as good as the changelings during the Canterlot invasion) which is guaranteed to worsen the situation and her mood. Taking the element was a bit of a dick move on Twilight's part, but it does sorta belong to her personally at this point. And you are not obligated to let other people keep using your things even if it's convenient for them.

The one thing that feels a bit weird is how much Twilight is telling the pserateps about her circumstances of leaving Equestria. Like, I wouldn't expect her to go into details, that feels kinda off, I'd mostly expect her to simply say she left because she felt unappreciated in her homeland and leave it at that in front of total strangers, before she develops closer relationship with any of them (like the king).

Anyway, this should be interesting. If things actually kick off between Twilight and this king, by the time Equestria finds her she will be queen of the pserateps and behind her a populace that absolutely adores her and see her as their savior :rainbowlaugh:

I wonder if the elements will try to track down and join Magic cause I always thought of them as sentient and I really doubt the Elemts would be happy with their bearers right now, and then Op Sparkle happens.

Sweet, that was one quick update, made my day :pinkiehappy:

Celestia's letter to Shining and Cadence though ... they sure took it pretty calmly. I would have expected more worry out of them - especially Shining. Especially if they are expected to put the guards on alert. Though come to think of it, Celestia's letter didn't actually explain the reasons for Twilight going "rogue", did it? I wonder what Cadence and Shining would say if they knew the actual circumstances - I'd imagine both of them would be pretty pissed. Do they even know Twilight wasn't actually considered as Princess and that Celestia hadn't explained anything to her and allowed her to live with false pretense? I kinda expect them to tell Celestia to take a reality check and stand the Crystal Empire's soldiers down and make it clear that Twilight is welcome in the Crystal Empire - she's a beloved family member to the both of them after all, so I kinda imagine both would be pretty offended on Twilight's behalf.

As for the Pserateps ... wow, so they didn't know they could manipulate clouds despite being made entirely of pegasi? o_0 How did they manage that? Did they never attempt to fly above the cloud layer in all of their history? And if no, then why not? (Some sort of superstition, or ...?). And if that's the case then I imagine they don't know anything about weather manipulation either ... meaning they have been basically living as earth ponies except without the earth pony advantages. And no cloud structures either, obviously.

Yeah, Twilight could really revolutionize their society if she stays around and teaches them. She's probably no cloudsculptor or weather manager guru, but she ought to know enough to teach them the basics and major do's and don'ts. If helping to fix/improve things is Twilight's calling then she wouldn't be short of fulfilling work in the Pseratep country ... and would probably get a few genuine thanks for her efforts, instead of being taken for granted.

And there is something sadly ironic that the humane 6 seem more concerned about Twilight than their Equestrian counterparts who 'should' be her actual closer friends. Here's hoping they (Human Rainbow or AJ?) let the Equestrians and the Princesses know what they think about the situation ... unlike the Equestrians I can't imagine them being all too impressed with Celestia heh.

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Well K-O-D-E-X and Batling, there will possibly be more coming later this afternoon. Because i myself am REALLY enjoying writing this story. I mean...I'm over here having so many scenarios that could play out swirling around in my head, just thinking of reactions and ways that this could all go down. As well as more plots that will be added in the story. So much will happen and so far, it's only on paper!

But I will be adding to the story as soon as I finish the chapter for The Lost One. When I update either of the stories, they will first be known through your feed if you're following it, or via my Facebook Page! Either way, it's going to be updated today!

Stay tuned!

8789355

It's awesome to hear that you are excited about your story as well - it certainly shows with the update schedule! I'll be looking towards the next chapter :pinkiehappy:

a few spelling mistakes but otherwise an excellent chapter. I am looking forward for more. This story is amazing!

Another great story! But, if Alicorns really are as powerful as they say in the pony world, any of the princesses could use a long range tracking spell to find her... Or something.

Can’t wait till the next chapter!! :derpytongue2:

8787533
They don't have cookies. That's just something they say to get people to join. :ajbemused:

Also, I'll just let you know right now... the cake really is a lie.

Huh, guess I was wrong and Shining and Cadence did know. Guess there are no non-jerks among her friends and family in Equestria then. Seriously, what have they been thinking this whole time? Twilight never asked for any rewards or anything for all that she did, so not making her a princess in the first place isn't a problem. It's pretending that she was and then going "lol jk the last 4 years of your life have been a lie!" that's the problem. Guess her family doesn't really care either ... that's a shame, but I guess that's one less reason for Twilight to want to ever return.

And yeah, that was very stupid of Sunset - guess she isn't any smarter than any of the others after all :rainbowlaugh: Good thing that SciTwi has awareness enough to point out that asking her what her dimensional counterpart would do is a dumb idea, because their lives and circumstances are very different. Though I guess the whole ordeal again points out how deranged the whole lot of them are, with their assumptions about Twilight planning for revenge or mass causing of damage or something equally ridiculous when in reality Twilight simply took a hike out of the country. Shows how well any of them knew Twilight I guess ... though SciTwi was kinda at fault with that one as well for suggesting it. Guess they are all simply idiots then :rainbowlaugh:

On the other hand it's nice to see Twilight's work proceeding smoothly. It's a good thing that Psera is such a small country - much easier to make a difference when you don't have too much ground to cover.

Well...op Twilight is op. Pls nerf:twilightsheepish:
So far idea behind this is interesting, but realisation of it....
Yah, it was said above - it's a little forced in some moments, almost cringy in others and almost cheesy overall.
But (here is always a butt) it's interesting so far.
I'll write just a little what ticked me off, which may help you.
That thing with PS in her scroll? Impossible. Several ponies skimmed through it, spike and Shimmy have read it aloud - trere is NO chance it can be missed. Just make it magical - PS will be wisible only before other princesses eyes.
And just overall motivation is lacking. Princesses just callous in their letters, main 5 is just neglected her somehow and so on. We need much more motivation behind that to relate somewhat to what we are reading. Maybe it will be in future chapters, I don't know.
She's also got there too fast. Not even overnight flight. It's too close to stay undetected fo so long it even has it's own kingdom.
And I still repeat it, even if it was said. I get it you plan to bring them together, but that infatuation and overall communication between them feels forced.
Cheers! Make mistakes, fix them and be better for it.

8789355
Dude, I just can't leave that uncommented.
"After nearly a year of agitation, grief, and suffering, they were finally smiling again”
Really? Just..... really? She just came to the flying race and told them they could fly? Because sitting under cloud cover for nearly a year and not trying to at least do something about it is just stupid.
I can't believe no one in their entire history haven't flown to at least one cloud and tired to sit on it or to kick it.

8791240
:rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

I know, I know! But they technically are cutoff from the Equestrians, so they don't know about magic, just mechanics, reusable, energy, and more. But not magic.

I think her name is Raven. And I'm really liking this story. Kinda want them to find Twilight in the future, but shes Queen by then, so they can't do s**** to make her go back. Also looking forward to a family reunion in the future. Lots of bad blood there going to be.

8791492
Thanks for letting me know, and don't spoil....well...nevermind, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

I keep reading weapon but most times I have see/think of the Elemets as Artifacts a.k.a. ancient batteries of some type or conduits/amplifiers not really weapons, yes it can be weaponized but that depends on the intention of the user, like the Crystal Heart normally it power just the defence/terraformig of the Empire but as seen with Sombra it can be turned into a distructive force.

And for a moment I had though Twilight had grown a second pair of wings the way it was described (or due to me reading a bit fast on that part, still would be cool though) not just her wings growing stronger and longer, that would be cool though all the natural magic that region boosting her other Alicorn attributes like a longer and slightly curved horn with higher and more pure magic output (not multiple horns though that's a might wierd) , a second pair of wings that allow her greater control and speed, her hooves becoming golden or platinum showing the boost in her Earth pony magic granting a better connection with the earth (as in the ground), I was thinking also something with the stars but that is probably taking it a bit too far I dunno ... for now at least.

Also the king I feel he doesn't act too much as like and old and very wise king it feels as if they were Relatively green in the being in the whole in charge scenario, that and it's looking like he is growing infatuated for Twilight or something, though I'm also not sure if I have read if he is married or not(again reading speed.)

Still nice read.

8791718
Hmmmm.....gives me a few ideas. Permission to borrow those?

And the king is as old as Twilight. I'm gonna say twenty five(I don't know their ages, I'm just making up stuff). They get better though I promise.

8791838

Sure! I got no problem with that.

Hmm, I think you should edit the distance between countries to be more than 130 kilometers. That's like nothing - if they were that close, I'm sure you could be able to see Psera's cities up from Cloudsdale and there is no way they wouldn't know about each other :rainbowlaugh: Make it like 1000 kilometers or something, that would make it more believable as to how the two countries haven't found out about each other if there hasn't been much exploration beyond their borders.

Speaking of Psera though ... hmm, it almost reminds me of changelings how the whole love/adoration energy seems to empower them. And how it manages to affect Twilight despite her obviously not being of pseratep origins. Is that some sort of a magical property of the land they are inhabiting? Or is that a unique quirk of the pseratep species where they are able to unconsciously (uncontrollably?) project empowering energy towards individuals? Either way I would be very surprised if Twilight isn't itching to run some tests on this, once she is done with her gardening plans. Oh, speaking of which, is it just her wings that are growing or her overall size? Because having Celestia sized wings on her small body would look pretty weird, I think :P

And wow, the Equestrians sure know to keep being disappointing. Why the hell is Celestia assuming Twilight wants to or is about to hurt someone? :rainbowhuh: Sure she is pissed and she trashed her room, but how in the world does conclude "she trashed a bunch of her own things in a fit of anger ... zomg that means she is about to cause mass destruction!"? If that's what they actually think of her then getting away from that toxic environment is truly the best thing that could happen to Twilight in the long term.

8791865
Thanks! I'll be sure to credit you!

8791883
Thanks for the tip, I'll be sure to make it more believable.

8791884

That's not really necessary. :twilightsheepish:

Just sharing some thoughts.

The insistence on the idea that Twilight will seek bloody vengeance says more about the kind of ponies that the Princesses are in this story than it does about Twilight. They're assuming that she would act as they would in her place, and in the case of Luna/Nightmare Moon, have previously done in a similar seeming position. They can't seem to imagine that she might be a better pony than they have shown themselves to be.

Seriously, is Celestia daft? Wants to find Twilight and ask her what's wrong? Uuuh ... did she already forget the letter? And she compares her to Sunset, when their circumstances are nothing alike? Sunset was greedy and threw a hissy fit when Celestia didn't give her what she wanted right here and right now. Twilight basically got told "the last 4 years of your life are a lie, thanks for taking on all the princess duties without any of the actual benefits, sucker!". That Celestia can't see this doesn't say good things about her intelligence.
--

Anyways, it's nice to see Twilight and the king getting closer - the king is a funny guy with his outbursts. And my suggestion, before doing any timeskips, is to focus more on the growing relationship between Twilight and the king. It's obvious that attraction is already there, but it would help with establishing the relationship and help readers accept them as a couple if you spent a few chapters more showing us their courtship and them growing steadily closer.

Have them go on a few dates, have them talk about each others past a bit, maybe end it all with them spending a night together. Potential marriage (and kids) is a big deal - that's not something Twilight would do hastily, so seeing a few chapters of them dating and doing couple stuff before making any permanent decisions would be good. After you have done that, then might be a good time for a timeskip. Would be all sorts of interesting if Twilight is already a mother by the time the countries make contact, heh. As for the whole Alicorn thing, I can't really imagine why Twilight would want to call herself anything else. She obviously doesn't mind what she is, and Alicorns are, in the end, the combination of all the other pony tribes. Just that Twilight now has one more race added to the mix ... hmm, does that mean she might be the first 'full' alicorn, by having obtained traits of the one pony race the others lack?

Anyways, that would be my suggestion before any potential timeskips - some more focus on Twilight and the king (though obviously this doesn't preclude showing bits and pieces of other events on the sides .. like you have already been doing).

8793592
Thanks, I'll keep all of that in mind! But if they were to have a kid, what would you name them?

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That's a tough one ... dreaming up with pony names has never come easy for me :rainbowlaugh:

If we want to be poetic and symbolic? New Dawn (or simply Dawn), or Horizon, or something else symbolizing a new beginning, for symbolizing both the start of Twilight's new life she found in these lands, and the new life (and quite literal dawn by clearing the clouds) she brought to the pseratep country and giving it a future. Dunno if Twilight would go for that; depends on how sentimental she was at that moment :P

If you do the timeskip, I would love to see that is, a now older, flurry heart who discover the land. Would be interesting that she is the first to meet her aunt as a queen

I agree with Batling, before any mayor skips it would be best to develop Twilight and the kingdom she currently lives in, we have seen what they have now, but some past context would be good after the celebration and stuff or during and stuff like how they got there, is there really any major difference between Pseratep and a Pegasus a side from the eviorment because we could make the resemblance between the Crystal and Earth Ponies and the Pseratep and Pegasai.

Also surely the citizens also would like to meet the one who helped them.

In regards to that part at the end I feel that Twilight still would count as an Alicron though just a much stronger one or like battling said a more complete one, if they were to use "ascend" (a.k.a tranform) to a higher level I feel the term Seraphim would work though that would depend on what exactly said transformation entails (like the multiple wings thing).

On the story structure I don't have much to offer as advice but I would say to be careful to not use too many ideas at the same time, it could confuse or make the story lose sight of it's original focus.

I feel like we should see a little more of the everyday life and how Twilights more involved with the Pserateps , see Celestias more rational side of things . and a cute filly's name could be Evening Star or Starfall.

I’m gonna go shipping soon....

(Madun+Twilight)

:pinkiehappy:

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