- Member Since 11th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 17th, 2018
Esle Ynopemos
Was that me? Or was it... somepony else?
Esle Ynopemos
Joined 11th Jun, 2012 ·
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHEN YOU WRITE A HORROR STORY, YOU STICK TO THE HORROR ASPECT
and while we're here, I might as well point out NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE CUPCAKES INSPIRED. It's not all about torturing and killing ponies because of a dark history or FUCK ALL ELSE.
Know what? Next time you want to write a "horror" story, then check this first.
(Y'all should know, reading comments before the story is a good way to catch spoilers)
845135 Truth be told, I've never read Cupcakes. If there are similarities, I assure you they are accidental. Perhaps I didn't get it across in my writing, so it's my fault it isn't clear, but the point to the story was never about the violence, but rather the question of what might drive Applejack to do such a thing. She doesn't want to do what she did to Twilight, but she feels she has to in order to protect her brother.
And I do apologize for the ending. My Author's Note at the end of Chapter 1 did warn that the Epilogue would ruin the whole "horror" part.
Thank you for your input. While it is unlikely I'll write another story in this particular vein anytime soon, I will take any and all advice under consideration.
how the buck did you make this happy but not ruin the story
Big spoilers here.
I like it with the epilogue, mostly because the story without paints Applejack as terminally stupid. Don't get me wrong, it's good horror in almost every way, but the whole time I'm reading it, I'm going, "Applejack, you idiot! Rainbow Dash knows that Twilight was in the orchard. When Celestia's student mysteriously disappears, the first thing that's going to happen is Sweet Apple Acres being turned totally upside down. Why didn't you just react with shock and then go move the skeleton after getting Twilight back to town? There's a whole Everfree Forest of creatures happy to gnaw on your pappy's bones!"
And then there was an epilogue and I was happy.
846710
This is true. Applejack is not acting rationally in this story. She has been known to make poor decisions under pressure in the past (the episodes Applebuck Season and The Last Roundup come to mind). I am considering writing a couple of alternate endings; one in which AJ does in fact get caught because she didn't quite think the whole "Princess's star student disappears" thing through, and another where she lets Twilight cast her memory spell.
But this story's gotten a pretty lukewarm reception, and it's hard to summon up the motivation to put any more work into it at this point. *shrugs*
-Contains spoilers-
I personally don't really like that kind of dark stories nor unhappy/sad endings, but I still think that fiction was well written, and the ending lightens things up as well as explains AJ's madness in the spooky story. The ratings seem to show this story is far from being bad, I believe. I think the idea of alternate endings such as Twilight managing to escape alive, or AJ changing her mind in time before doing what would turn her into a monster could be interesting... up to you and don't give up, no story can please everybody.
850181
I'm glad you did decide to add the additional endings, because both are pretty awesome. I especially liked the 'Forgetting' ending because it still managed to be chilling despite being a 'good end'.
Wow. Just wow, I must recognize I'm not a friend of horror stories but this one has something great to it.
I'm also considering to track it just in case you consider writing a follow up to the forgetting ending. I personally think that this can make an awesome thriller if you do so.
It'd be great to read about twilight getting curious about her knew feelings toward SAAcres and re-descovering the story, applejacks past and big mac's crime. And you even have two great endings at hoof, one making the whole killing-dad-story into an accident/self-defense or discovering big-mac as a product of his ruined childhood causing him to rampage when aj and twi try to talk sense into him.
Dunno, maybe worth a try!
852352 851072
) aren't huge fans of this kind of story. I really shouldn't be trying to compare the reception of this story to that of A Teatime Visit; people read the two for very different reasons, and I should be pleased with the turnout I did get for this.
I am glad you liked it. I understand that a lot of people (myself included
...I suppose the fact that I wrote a story that on most days I wouldn't have wanted to read myself makes me a bit of a hypocrite. Ah, but when plot bunnies attack, what else am I to do?
As for follow-ups, sequels and the like... eh maybe some other time, much later. I don't feel like I want to return to this particular continuity any time soon. If you want to write a sequel to the Forgetting ending yourself, feel free. Shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to help edit it for you, even.
This story is the most well-written, well-thought-out, and overall best story I have read on this site. Amazing work. If you ever need an editor, I would be happy to help, but judging by this story, I doubt you need one.
-Contains spoilers-
These endings are well written too, offering interesting details and alternatives. One I think could also have worked though, might have been about all of the first chapter being AJ's nightmare, and she'd wake up in panic and stuff, before trying to break/burn every shovel and rope she'd find, before running right to the library to ensure Twilight is fine (I personally don't think the canon/in character AJ could really go that far and kill an innocent and one of her best friend just to protect such secret, and considering the attenuating circumstances about Pa Apple's death...)... so there would have been a comfort part. I'm just suggesting, and not planning to write it, with my poor skills and language barrier, but so if anybody is interested...
I heed your warning. Keep up the dark fiction.
BEST. DAMN. Darkfic I've ever read since Cupcakes. I hope you make more.
I went on to read the Epilogue... And I really hope you make a horror story about Twilight going to visit Rarity for tea.
I went on to read the Epilogue... And I really hope you make a horror story about Twilight going to visit Rarity for tea.
899164 Heh, that's actually a reference to my first story, which, while more popular than this, couldn't qualify as dark even if you turned off all the lights and wore a blindfold. I'm glad you enjoyed this, though.
the problem with this is I don't think she could keep this secret and still be the element of honesty.....that aside........
what just happened?
...........................
1464874 It's been a while since this story got any attention. Thanks for reading!
Personally, I take issue with the idea that being the element of Honesty means Applejack is incapable of deception. I feel that casts a rather flat interpretation on her character. There was a line in a fanfic I read quite a while back that I wish I could recall the name of, but it gives an interpretation of the Element of Honesty that I particularly like: "Honesty ain't about tellin' the truth all the time. A pony could say nothin' but true things their whole life and still be a dishonest scoundrel. Honesty is about bein' worth trusting in." I like to consider that my guiding star when I write Applejack.
That said, the epilogue/first ending, where it was all just a story Pinkie Pie made up and none of it really happened, is my personal headcanon. Applejack would never really hurt her good friend Twilight, would she?
Dear Chuck Palahnuik,When did you start writing pony fics?Hey Esle, just read this over lunch break. Face full of rice, readin' about AJ lynchin' Twilight. Regular work day. It's totally legit.
First of all, I love so many of the elements of description you had set up for the story. You spared no expense in going into detail for scenes that have very little payoff, and I actually appreciate that. Normally, it's hard to do something like that without it ending up redundant or breaking the overall tone of the story, but you managed to pull it off just nicely indeed. A lot of your descriptive verse is very rich and adds to colour the scene.
For the story itself, it's rather simple, but that's not really an issue. The way I read it was as it was - just part of an experience; part of THE experience. And nothing else really matters. Story really is secondary in such tellings, aren't they? So, I found it quite a lot of fun! In fact, I was laughing quite a bit (not in a bad way, I assure you!) because of anticipation of the things that were coming up.
I would akin this to a Fairy Tale of horror stories, or something that people tell around a campfire. It's just for the fun of it. And as per your suggestion, I choose not to see you as a spineless wuss, and I will not read the epilogue.
Now, go write one with a super deep story and thick plot and you'll make my month. =D
Also, hammer to the horn, that entire line about how the spell backfired was brillo. I don't know why I love it that much but I do.
My only beef is that the opening of the 2nd act opens with Applejack as the primary for a very short while. That actually disrupted the flow quite a bit as I don't think we're meant to identify with AJ, and the story really ought to have followed Twilight entirely and be presented from her perspective in order for us to be locked into her experience.
But otherwise, short and sweet! I suppose AJ needs to go find Rainbow now to tie up some loose ends.... Tie up, get it? GET IT?
1792250 If you can't read about ponies lynchin' one another over lunch break, I don't know what the point of lunch could possibly be.
You have a very kind way of saying that I ramble on in this story. Honestly, after reading some of your stuff, a compliment on my descriptive prose is flattering indeed. You are right that the story tends to take a back seat to the scene-painting here. Really, the whole plot itself could fit in the story description with space to spare, so it definitely leans heavily on the atmosphere to carry it.
The hammer to the horn was my answer to the question, "How could Applejack possibly overpower what is generally held by the fandom to be the most powerful unicorn in Equestria?" I always liked the idea of overcoming the supernatural with mundane means and a bit of planning.
I agree that the switch to AJ's POV was a mistake. If I ever take another sweep at this, I'll need to find a way to keep it in Twilight's perspective.
Are you sure you didn't read the epilogue? Because I don't mean to spoil anything, but you basically just hit the nail right on the head for it. Both of the alternate endings, though, keep the dark themes intact. As a matter of fact, in hindsight, I think the second alternate ending, "Forgetting," just might be a better ending than the original.
1792579
I ain't sayin' you're ramblin'! Now, y'all just puttin' words in my mouth there!
What I mean by payoff is this. The entire first part, the WHOLE first part. Its ENTIRE purpose is to just have Twilight be dropped off at a place that wasn't where she was supposed to be. You could have done it in ONE single sentence. However, you managed to actually stretch the narrative out so much that it flavours the fic. Some might deem it unnecessary. I'm telling you that I don't.
When the merits of a story is based on atmosphere, and I think you know by now that's my kind of deal, that's all there is to carry things forward. You're along for the ride, and you already know the destination. That's why I love the intro.
And no, I didn't read the epilogue. (will NOW, though) I went straight from this to the Zecora rhyming clop.
Reading clop that rhymes at work, disturbing your colleagues and employees with random bouts of laughter.
THAT'S LEGIT.
1792579
That Epilogue.....
NOPE. That didn't happen =) NOPE.
Also, not a fan of alternative endings or those kind of 'it was all a dream!' stuff. I really like the idea of horror being horror. Also, I love keeping things vague so that interpretation can be used, but I don't like letting the reader choose from a list.. you're the writer, it's your vision, put out one ending and have faith in it! So I think I'll respect your original ending. WITHOUT THE EPILOGUE >=(
I would extend it! I'd love the idea that Twilight uses the spell, and everything goes back to normal... and THEN SHE FINDS THE BODY AGAIN. And then AJ just goes out the door with the hammer, frowning, and is all like "This is why y'all don't give ponies second chances" and the scene ends with some weird sounding THWACK from outside while keeping shot in the barn.
1792976 Heh. If Twilight went back and found the body again, I think it would be on Applejack this time for not hiding it well enough. Gotta dig it real deep, girl.
1794327
Yeah, you're right, but I'm a sucker for irony. =D
845135
It's funny how indignant you can get over cartoon ponies.
I actually enjoyed this greatly my friend. Do you still write dark/horror stories?
3080019 I've got a few dark entries among my Thirty Minute Ponies compilations, which seem to be the only things I've been publishing lately. Just look for the chapters tagged as [Dark].
Also, I don't know if you've read it yet, but A Toast to Friendship is in a very similar vein to this story, and I personally feel I wrote that one a bit better.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
3081462
Ah yes. I've checked all of your stories out, and I quite like them. Mayhaps we can collaborate on an idea sometime.
3081546 Perhaps. I've got a lot of ideas I'm already busy with, among them a mostly abandoned darkfic collab with Kitsune Risu. But maybe if I ever find myself with a bit of spare writing time.
I came close to giving this story a downvote for being tagged "Teen" rather than "Mature". I wonder how in the hay you ever thought that "Teen" would be enough for the first chapter.
4028828 I... I really marked this as Teen? Huh.
This was a long time ago. Maybe I figured that because none of the violence had any blood, it didn't cross the line?
How are you the first person to bring this up?
I'm going to change the rating now.
4028999
I doubt I was the first to notice. I guess I was only the first to care enough about this kind of story having proper tagging to comment about it.
The only half-reliable way to avoid unmarked Grimdark here on FIMFiction is to notice the combination of Dark and Gore tags with the Mature rating; thus, since I really don't want to read pony Grimdark, but actually like reading stories with some danger in a not so light word, that specific tagging failure ticks me the wrong way.
No worries, though. And thanks for fixing the rating.
Well then....-sits staring down at coffee-
I don't care if they make you look like a wuss. You wrote them, they can't be that bad.
I don't know which ending I like better out of this one or the default one. it is a hard choice. Though naturally, everyone loves an ending where every pony lives.
Wait... Did twilight never actualy die, or is it just a story or what? Im confused...
5376353 Gosh, this has gotten more views lately than it has in a while. Must be the new "Also Liked" feature.
The Epilogue reveals that none of the story ever actually happened. It's just something Pinkie Pie made up.
This dark and oh so twisted tale has earned its place in Tag-A-Long's Book Club.
i.imgur.com/BF6x9JM.png
899187 I'm pretty sure Pinkie's talking about the comedy "A TeaTime Visit" also by Esle. Pretty funny stuff.
This story uses TeleportationPhysics. I wrote a blogpost about this. One must also conserve energy too.
Twilight Sparkle should not remember being hit in the head. Indeed, the whole day should be fuzzy.
Well Now, ponies hate killing, so Applejack probably will get hard labor for e few decades.
You write the best horror fics and I like the optional happy endings!
Well and truly earned the dark tag.