20. A Dicey Roll
Dear Small Pony Book,
I am about to do something foolish. Something no changeling would ever think themselves brave enough, stupid enough to attempt.
Well. Dumber than being seen in natural form by ponies, let alone two one’s, er, mother held designs against. My apologies, that … was difficult to write. Difficult to think.
Thinking of her.
Anyway, I have kept you waiting long enough. Quite long enough. I write to you, as always, at the end of my day. I can still feel my knees shaking, my shoulders tensing as though I should be prepared to flee out the window and back to the safety of the hive—for a given value of the word “safety” as I’m sure my hosts would say. The though has occurred to me, but it is consistently blocked by … others.
This morning, I was awakened by Flurry Heart, as was my usual routine. But something felt a bit different in how she leapt from her crib and pounced me.
For instance, she did not immediately demand that I pick her up and engage in tickles. Rather, my overlady seemed content to squeal and babble until I woke, then hugged me around my chest, nuzzling almost like a little nymph in disguise might to coax some extra love from an unwary pony. Her little wings fluttered and traced against my carapace in a most adorable manner.
Perhaps I should have taken note that she was less playful and commanding as per the norm, and more like a hungry nymph—clingy, I believe is the word I have heard some of the palace staff giggle behind their hooves after one of her hugs. That, I believe, should have been my hint that she knew I was going to do something so foolish, so simple-minded, that any changeling, yes, even those who had been more foolish than me over our history, might trip over themselves in shock.
Then, she sat upon my belly for a moment and looked me in the eye. Almost as though she wished to see if what had so troubled me yesterday still haunted her favored changeling this morning.
Flurry Heart then let out a little crooning sound from the back of her throat, a frown marring her little face as she leaned in and pressed her nose against mine. Perhaps, I realized, I had underestimated Flurry Heart’s capacity for understanding.
“Tora, sad?” she asked.
I gave a bit of a weak smile. “Tora scared,” I admitted.
Her frown deepened. “No scare, Tora. Home in bed! No—” I shan’t try to spell out the babble which followed, but I could only assume it to be some sort of terrible monster.
A moment of consideration allowed me to understand. Don’t be scared, Thorax. You’re home in bed. There are no monsters here.
I opted against a reminder that some ponies might consider me the monster in her bedroom. I don’t think she would have appreciated that, nor would she have understood the nuance.
“No, there’s no monsters in the bedroom,” I said, laughing just a little with her. How I came to deserve service under such a caring overlady, I don’t understand. I could smell the love on her, strong and full. And sweet.
Almost as though she wished me to have a snack to make me feel better, and knew her love would sate me.
Indeed, I had underestimated her.
A foolish changeling am I.
However, I did not feed upon her, no matter how sweet and tasty her love might be, her mother had not granted me permission and I could hardly claim foalish babble and hugging to be consent. Besides, I was quite content to let her try to chase my worries away.
If only.
Sighing, I let my head rest against my pillow. “What do I do, Flurry?” I asked. I must have sounded piteous, even to her. “Shining Armor and Princess Cadence wish for me to try to befriend ponies, to try and have what they seem to think is a more normal life. But that is not changeling way—nothing they’ve taught me is, but that most especially is against everything I know.”
Flurry tilted her head at me a moment. I dared think she would suddenly gain the power of speech and great insight, and impart me with some sort of great knowledge or snippet of sentiment.
Instead, she reached out and pressed her hoof against my nose, giggling at how my eyes crossed.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Boop?”
“Boop Tora!” she chimed.
Boop Tora, indeed, Small Pony Book. I was lucky to have my home, my hosts, my friend—well, friends. Princess—er, just Twilight. Twilight was rather pleased to inform me that I am counted as a friend in her mind, so I suppose that does mean I have several. She had said so quiet earnestly, and made a point to add it as her own note (I read it sometimes, it is a nice note).
Spike, my hosts, Sunburst, Twilight, Starlight, Pinkie Pie and her cupcakes, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, those troublemaking fillies, and their fellow foals back in Ponyville.
I froze in place.
Under my breath, I murmured, “That is more than several.”
You may think it silly, I certainly do. But I hadn’t realized there were so many. And were there more? Did Princess Celestia and Princess Luna count? The former seemed delighted to join Flurry and I in sneaking around her own castle—truly, the silliest of pony things—and the latter made it a point to discuss my dreams and wishes, and fed me those delicious cookies.
Apologies. My mouth waters at the mere thought.
But so many ponies had been friendly. Some held me at length, mostly the adults in Ponyville, but I couldn’t exactly blame them. Other than that, none really knew me for who I am save those here at home.
Home.
Yes, this is my home. And I have been home, never leaving, for months. Not without my Crystal Hoof disguise.
Afraid.
I am afraid. Of them.
That they might see me as what I am from what they’ve heard, not who I am, and reject me for it.
Just as I was when I met Spike, and just as had nearly been were it not for his intercession.
Without him, I did not have any of this.
Any of them.
I was scared then, too. Just as I am now. Just as I was when I wrapped my chitinous hooves around Flurry Heart and held her tight, burying my snout in her mane for just a moment.
No changeling would be so stupid.
None should, I told myself again and again as I carried a newly bathed and diapered Flurry Heart toward the dining room. My stubby tail flicked and twitched nervously, I could think of a thousand and one reasons I should refuse the offer.
All of them rooted in what I’d “known” before meeting my hosts.
And what I’d “known” before, I thought as I stepped through the open doorway leading into the dining hall and exchanged rather cordial greetings with a pair of guards, a pair of cousins from Merriedamme named Prim Dazzle and Prim Stride, was that I should not have been expecting smiles and nods when they let me pass. I should have been pinned on the ground, with their spears at my neck, while they tried to get their young princess away from me.
Instead, I was looked upon as a friend and counted as one they should admit and protect.
Nonsense, I could almost hear my elders hiss. No pony would think to lend a hoof to a changeling. They are weak, anyway, and foolish. You are strong and wily, they will never see through our masquerade.
And yet they had.
On all counts.
My hosts stood by the table, chatting idly with one another while they awaited us. Shining caught my eye first, smiling brightly as he trotted over to wrap his magic’s warm, bubbling glow around my charge and lift her into the air, relieving me of my burden so he might nose against her belly.
The effect was quite immediate. Flurry succumbed to a squeal of mirth and waved her tiny hooves about, unable to escape her father’s ministrations. She babbled and latched onto his snout, giggling as he sat back on his haunches and calmly set about prying her hooves free so he could place her in her seat. “Good morning, Thorax,” he said, idly engaging in a little battle of hoof-baps with my overlady as she tried to regain her hold. “How did you sleep?”
I hesitated. “I don’t think it was well,” I admitted slowly. “I just remember laying down and waking.”
Princess Cadence approached and nuzzled my cheek. “You’ve been thinking a lot lately,” she whispered. “How are you holding up?”
To be honest? I wasn’t certain how to answer.
It certainly wasn’t going well in my head. It certainly wouldn’t go well in practice.
At least, I didn’t see how it could.
My gaze fell to my hooves. I traced an arc in the crystalline floor and stared at the cloudy reflection of my own form.
They wanted me to go to a pony school looking like this?
How had they even convinced those in charge to allow it? Or had they just walked in and said it would be so, and thus it was?
No. Of course not. My hosts were far too kind and thoughtful toward others to make such demands so frivolously. They would have asked and made their case for my presence, just as they had asked me to consider it.
I swallowed a mouthful of slime. “What is it that I have to sign for me to go to school?” I asked, my voice strained and barely audible.
I found myself wrapped in an embrace both of hoof and powerful wing for quite some time afterward, the sweet delectable nectar of Princess Cadence’s love, joy, and pride had me filled well until dinner.
“Thank you for being brave,” she whispered in my ear, “and rolling the dice with us one more time.”
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I can't decide who's cuter; Flurry, with her babbling, or Thorax, reading the babble.
Yay, an update! I like it when this story updates. Don't take too long with the next one!
And cheer up, Thorax, you'll like school.
Change can be scary, especially when it involves a complete reversal of everything you thought you knew.
Alea iacta est--the die is cast.
Is it odd I could see Flurry sneaking into Thorax' school bag to keep him company on his first day and to protect him from what scares him?
If she does, I could actually see her getting away with it until she popped out at school. That'd be a first impression to remember.
9543982
I hope that does happen. But I guess we'll have to see.
Yo 5 months of waiting for Thorax to decide to go to school... I wonder which school he is going to now since he had all the time to plan
Sorry to be a bit a rude cupcake
I hope you get the chance to do more chapters and take the time you need to make them fun! 
Date is wrong it’s the 2nd
Oh dear.
Flurry's trying real hard.
Wise words.
Amazing how much of a difference one thing can make.
He learns.
I'd definitely call this a Nat 20.
Reading this story is almost self-help all on its own. Experiencing the troubles along with Thorax, drawing lines between times in real life. Maybe even finding a little strength in his own bravery, his struggles.
It's also entertaining to read, so there's that too.
Havens I love this story. I cant wait for more.
Aww, poor Thorax. Them existential jitters....meanwhile
Who can stay sad when you've got this Lil angel at your side?!
a grate chapter
I wish these chapters weren’t soo brief, this story is too good to wait for
9544752
Yeah, this one doesn't feel complete. I don't mind short chapters, but this one seems like it was cut off at an arbitrary point.
This sentence was very difficult for me to make sense of because it falls equally between "let alone two that one's mother... err... held designs against" and "let alone to ones that mother... err... held designs against". Until part-way through typing this, the interpretation where "two" wasn't a typo didn't even occur to me.
Adding the "that", as I did in my example interpretations, would really help to disambiguate it.
(Also, note that, when I switched to ellipses (commas have semantic meaning which in inappropriate there), I moved the first ellipsis after "mother" in my interpretations. I just think it feels more natural if saying "mother" isn't what he balks at but, rather, describing her actions.)
Specifically, you use commas to join clauses or insert a clause within the middle of another clause, and you get a pause as a side-effect of the brain "switching contexts". To insert a pause where there's no boundary between two clauses, you use an ellipsis. (And "er" has no semantic meaning like what you'd get from relocating an adjectival/adverbial word or phrase, so it's just a way of vocalizing a pause.)
Two layers of comma context-switching here makes this a bit awkward to parse when, like me, you've just woken up and are still drowsy. Might I suggest making the second of the two inserted clauses a parenthesized aside? (ie. "(cousins from Merriedamme named Prim Dazzle and Prim Stride)")
9550525
It wasn't dumbed down. It was an illustrative thought experiment. In fact, it was through such thought experiments that Einstein came up with the Theory of Relativity in the first place.
Ah, those first daring steps out of the shadow of countless disapproving generations. They may not be easy, but it's the only way to get into the light.
This was sweet. Flurry's so kind to Thorax.
Interesting story. But the latest 5 or so chapters are massively different compared to the rest of the story. They are not... “bad” but I wouldn’t call them “good” either.
I need more of this story.
It is godly!
9580745
In what way do you mean? It is due to the writing or the tone?
So when is Cadence going to get off her bejeweled butt and get the other bug equines head honcherita's on the band wagon of putting the kibosh on Chrysalis parasytic campaign of stupid?
Should just make it official and adopt him.
Where is more. More is required immediately.
Did like this chapter, though felt abit cut off at the end. Still a good cliffhanger.
As some have said, I would
Ike to see some interaction with the other hives. Always thought the crystal empire would be a good place to bring them together as the crystal heart dose radiate love energy.
Though it was only touched on in the show, it would put a nice spin on it if it could atleast let changlings go without the need to feed, even if it didn't fill them up. Would leave off for more intimate moments
This is one of my favorite stories of all time, and I have reread it many times over. I truly hope that it will be continued someday soon.
Please new chapter soon. I miss this story so much. It is sooooo good.
I'm so sad because I need more of this. More and more and more!
This is Literally (ha) the best thing ever!
I just started reading this today, and I'm almost caught up on all the current chapters.
This is a really fun premise- Thorax keeping a journal. Thorax is so clueless on pony stuff that he thinks his journal is alive. That alone is great stuff.
I could really feel his misery when he was sick through Hearth's Warming. Hopefully now that he has a different room, he won't get sick during the next one.
I enjoy the little footnotes that the others leave. They add a fun dimension to the entries, that being not entirely Thorax's thoughts. Every time Shining warned him about the water balloons, I had a big grin on my face. I also liked the little bits like Shining Armor being the youngest captain of the guard in three hundred years. Him marrying Cadence and producing the nation's first post-creation of Equestria baby alicorn aside, he's making history on his own just like his sister finishing a spell Star Swirl couldn't.
My favorite thing about the current chapter I'm on- Failure- is Thorax catching Spike and the Crusaders via cocoons, and the distinction between a full cocoon and a capture cocoon. The capture cocoon makes me think of swaddling a baby in a blanket. I found the detail about the slime strap interesting because I haven't seen someone bundle cocoons together like that before.
Now I kinda want to see Thorax cocoon Flurry, and sling one of those slime straps around his neck so he could take Flurry around in a makeshift baby carrier. In fact, it would be neat if Thorax could cocoon Shining and Cadence to foster a stronger sense of trust and lessen the negative connotations with cocoons.
I'm going to finish catching up with all the chapters. In the meantime, add me to the list of readers that are interested in the story behind Thorax cocooning Flurry for one of her naps.
I hope this gets continued someday. You did a wonderful job at breaking down Thorax's mental and emotional shell from where abuse was the norm and I'd love to see it built back up where kindness and love are the norm.
Your writing is absolutely Beautiful!!!!!!!!!! THE FEELS ARE HOLDING ME HOSTAGE IM GONNA HUG A PLUSHIE!!!!
So is this story going to Continued
Your other stories are awsome, but... i miss this one, I want to see thorax's reaction when he finds out what flurry meant by Thorax Armory...
<stares at the space where next chapter button should be>
Tales Of Book Bugson has failed in its continuation endeavors
... Heresy
10485971
Are you okay with with fanart?
Hope to see this continue!
10519080
Late reply is late, but by all means. Glad you enjoyed it that much.
10653689
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Here you go! It kinda olde but I hope you like it!
10654140
That is actually adorable. Thank you for sharing it ^^
dead?
Well then it looks like thorax made his decision to go to the school I mean despite is hesitant to go there because he's still kind of worried about how will the other ponies will react to him when he's not in his disguise I'm sure it's going to be a very tough situation for him but I'm sure he'll make it through and with that I finally caught up to your story now I don't know if you're going to continue with the story or not but I have to say your story is really is great I've always wanted to see how Thorax has been doing ever since his first appearances in season 6 and how's he been doing since living there well anyway I really do hope it does continue how he goes through well until then keep up the good work
I keep coming back to this page, hoping there'll be another chapter.
I am sad now. Good story. Great, even. Can't wait to see it come back.
So, will this story ever be continued? I think it's definitely quality work.
Is this being continued? I really hope it is
I enjoyed this story, along with Face I'll Wear. Do you have any plans on writing a story in the future about Thorax in school? I know a lot of people on here besides me would love to see and read it.
after 2 years i am calling this story dead and removing it from my list.
update when