What's That In Your Pocket?
While Discord moved his hands around Fluttershy’s shoulders, she spent that time nuzzled up to his chest, simply enjoying how soft and warm he felt at that moment. What helped matters even more was the lush carpet Discord had snapped into existence just as the two of them settled down together in front of Fluttershy’s well stocked fireplace.
Discord laid flat with Fluttershy overtop of him. He exhaled out a sigh of relief. “This is nice. Just the two of us.”
Fluttershy nodded, mashing the side of her face into his fur even further. “So peaceful and quiet. That’s what I like best about staying up late with you.”
He stopped stroking her back for a moment. “You... remember what we talked about the last time I spent the night?”
Fluttershy stiffened at that. “Oh… that. Did you really want to give it a try?”
“Only if you wanted to,” Discord replied. “We don’t have to be real serious about it. And who knows? It could even be fun.”
Fluttershy gulped dryly as her face flushed. She glanced to the window beside the fireplace. “Okay, Discord. I guess we could talk—” She giggled softly to herself, holding two hooves over her mouth. “I guess we could talk dirty for a change. Only if you go first, I mean.”
Straightening out the top half of his rather elastic body, Discord sat up and placed Fluttershy on his lap. Then he smirked seductively at her, baring a single fang. “Oh, Fluttershy. My forked tongue would like nothing more this evening than to lick itself over every single inch of you.”
“Oh! Oh, my!” Fluttershy’s whole head was suddenly as red as a tomato. She looked away from him toward the window again. “That makes it my turn now?”
Discord nodded helpfully. A sly smile plastered to his mouth.
Fluttershy continued to ponder on just what to say. “So anything dirty?”
Another nod. “Any dirty little thing that comes to mind, my dear sweet Fluttershy. Don’t worry too much about what comes to mind, though. I’m a weirdo, remember? Not a lot that you could say that would creep someone like me out.”
Finally, it seemed as if Fluttershy had come up with something, as she slowly shoved a lock of mane out from her eyes and traced a hoof along Discord’s chest.
“Things are sure getting dirty around here…” she began gamely, a small rasp to her voice.
Discord raised a brow. “Oh, yeah? How so, my love?”
“There’re at least seven dirty dishes in the sink that still haven’t been washed—including a fork and plate that has hardened bits of cake on it. And I know it’ll just be terrible trying to clean it all up after leaving it for so long.”
Discord’s brow instantly lowered. “Umm. How terrible… about those dirty dishes you got there. Anything else dirty that comes to mind, perhaps?”
Fluttershy placed another hoof on his chest and moaned as she bit her lower lip. “Yeah. So many dirty things around here. Like when was the last time I even vacuumed this room? So dirty. And my laundry? I could’ve done it this morning because I totally had the time, but I didn’t… because I’m just that dirty of a mare.”
As gently as he could, Discord nudged Fluttershy a few inches away from him to address properly. “Not that I want to kill the mood or anything, Fluttershy, but I don’t quite think you’re getting this whole ‘dirty talk’ thing. Talking dirty is supposed to be personal. You know, involving the pony or creature you’re spending a romantic encounter with. Not the fact that your house is dirty. Understand what I’m getting at?”
Again, Fluttershy looked from Discord to the window and back. After a single breath, she gave a nod and relaxed once more.
Discord did the same, as he ran his paw around the back of her neck, bringing their heads closer together. “I’ll go first again.” Another mischievous grin. “You better clear the animals out of this place soon, Fluttershy. Their innocent little minds simply wouldn’t be able to comprehend all the dirty stuff I’m about to do to you in a moment.”
Flapping her wings, Fluttershy propelled herself into Discord’s side, exhaling slowly onto his neck. She set her mouth close to his ear and whispered as erotically as she could, “I’m so dirty, I haven’t showered in four days.”
Discord gagged at once. “What? Is that what that smell is? I thought that was your goat!”
Fluttershy continued on regardless. “I also lost my toothbrush the last time my friends and I went to the Crystal Empire and never bothered to get another one… my dentist tells me I have some of the worst tooth decay he’s ever seen.”
Discord brought a hand to clamp tight over his mouth. “Holy crap, Fluttershy! That was over a year ago! And we were just making out! Ew! Okay! No more dirty talk! We’re done here!”
Taking one last look at the window, Fluttershy whispered to him, “Sometimes… when I don’t feel like going all the way into town for a haircut… I just eat my hair instead.”
That was when Discord snapped himself to his feet, his face much paler than before. He held a hand to his irritated stomach. “I’m gonna go take a shower. A nice long shower. Maybe I’ll clean up your bathroom a bit before I do. Then we’re going to have ourselves a very long chat about proper hygiene, missy! And proper dental practices, too!”
The moment Discord disappeared from the room, the window that Fluttershy kept turning to popped open before someone hurriedly zoomed inside.
Rainbow Dash’s massive cue cards hadn’t even touched the floor before she started cackling aloud. By the time she was done, her cheeks were coated in tears.
She held a hoof up to Fluttershy. “That was awesome! Our prank worked perfectly!”
Fluttershy didn’t bother returning the hoof-five. “I dunno, Rainbow Dash. I think we might’ve gone too far with this.” She lowered her head. “And if I’m being perfectly honest, I think it was more your prank than mine. Considering it was your idea. And you were the one who wrote all the stuff I was supposed to say.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “What? Discord did ask you for some dirty talk, right? Can’t imagine anything dirtier than what you said! And besides… who likes pranks more than Discord? I’m sure he’ll be totally stoked you actually pranked him for a change.”
“What did you say!?”
The two mares whirled around to find Discord soaked head to tail and with a towel wrapped around his narrow torso. He glared at both of them in turn.
“This was all a prank!?” he spat. “You pranked me?”
Fluttershy rubbed one leg against another anxiously. “Well… you see… Rainbow Dash and I sort of thought you liked getting pranked, so we—”
Her sentence was cut short as the record player in the corner of the room whirled to life, letting out some cheesy smooth jazz. She glanced back up to Discord, finding a devilish grin set on his lips.
Discord growled deep within his throat, his eyes taking in every inch of her. “Oh, my dear, dear Fluttershy. You should’ve known that nothing in all of Equestria gets me more turned on than immature, juvenile pranks.” He paused for a moment to slowly lick his lips. “Say, are those the Elements of Harmony in your pocket, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy glanced to her side. “I’m not wearing any pants, Discord.”
“Because you’re making me as hard as stone right now,” he finished lamely, before throwing his towel to the floor and pouncing overtop of her.
Sadly, as fast as Rainbow Dash tried to turn away and ignore what transpired over the next twelve-and-a-half seconds only steps away from her, her particular ability to monitor and multitask made damn sure that she didn’t miss a single detail or noise in the slightest.
It seemed as if everyone was getting pranked that night.
I wasn't planning on writing this one out until I mentioned it to my sister who said that I should. So if you want to send her some negative telepathic thoughts because you didn't like it, go right ahead. Just not too many, okay? Let's not get "Scanners" all up in here.
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I laughed.
That was worth it. Holy shit.
... Talk dirty to me. *Saxophone solo*
I can't lie. This made me laugh. Audibly.
Where did you get the cover art?
Very
Yes
that made me laugh almost as much as that "space traveling thunder monkey" comment from cadance in.. that one... other story that I cant remember.
This was superb.
Oh, Fluttershy. You innocent, innocent mare… at first.
Nearly lost my shit!
Got just about what I expected, but it was funny none-the-less. Have a like.
That was pretty good. You've done better, but you still got a chuckle out of me.
Obligatory musical reference GO!
Kek
I feel a sequel is required, and possibly a prequel.
12.5 seconds for Rainbow dash...
Who-knows-how-long for Fluttershy.
Oh!
Oh yeah!
Don't stop!
Do the drapes match the curtains Discord?
My drapes are dirty.
Ugh....
Is that all?
I mean-- Thats, uh -- I'd still do her?
... Nope. Abort, abort!
Hot.
Dammit
This was one of the funniest stories i have ever had the pleasure of reading.
7623171
Yep and
7623171 Damn, you did it before I could!
This story... Just this story...
Damn....I mean just, dang Fluttershy!
7624129
Run! Run away, now!
Prank gone sexual
I was expecting something from the litter box when she was talking about the house.
Still, over all a good piece and nice punch-line. Once more Dash learns a lesson about your intended target finding out they're being pranked.
Cute... That's all I can say. Really cute
What a filthy story
Cute and hilarious. Thank you for this story.
...
I was skeptical at first, but after I read the story for what-ever reason, I was just laughing. This really brought my day together.
Disappointed this didn't have more of Fluttershy's real potty-mouth. That mare is peeved as buttons, sassafrass!
knew what I was getting into when I clicked this story.
Fine work sir
WHY ISN'T THIS PICKUP LINE USED IN MORE STORIES?! IT'S GREAT
Hahahahahaha!!!
7623171 I read this just because I fucking love that song.
Pinkie, pick up that guitar and a-talk to me!
Lol, really enjoyed this!!
Its been a long time. How have you been ?
Two white horses fell in the mud. (Oldest dirty joke that I know...)
[youtube=xCChxBSRo1Y]
Oh yeah, I just love it when a mare doesn't take a shower for days at a time. Even better when her house is full of dirty dishes. Ohhh all this dirty talk is just so EXCITING!!!
Wow I'm glad to finally know how to dirty talk XD
That was bloody hilarious from beginning to end. Most Excellent!
This had me in tears. It was amazing. Thank you.
This was good. I really like the fact that the story didn't only go for the obvious joke ("Fluttershy misinterprets what 'talking dirty' means") and did more with the concept.
...aaaaand thats when i lost it
7627500
Glad you enjoyed.
7627348 Thanks!
7626243 I've been good-ish. But I've been back for a bit now. Haven't written a ton, but...
7625555 I enjoyed it.
7625029 I know. I've gone too far with this one.
7624184 I don't know about that...
7624129 Such a sexy, sexy completely sexless story.
7623598 You just want a clop story, don't you?
7623077 I've definitely done better. That's why I was hesitant writing it. Maybe C+?
7623015 I can't do that type of math!
7622952 Google or perhaps Deviant art. "Discord/Fluttershy" search.
7622945 Not internally?
"She laughs on the inside, girls. On the inside."
7622933 Then all is well in the world.
I knew this was going to be weird but... WOW xD really liked the story though