• Published 18th Jun 2016
  • 2,813 Views, 187 Comments

Entry #649 - KitsuneRisu



These are the final pages of the memoirs of Rarity, collected from her home and from the waters of Seal Bay. We hope she returns to us soon.

  • ...
6
 187
 2,813

Entry # – 32/3/1129

I go now to watch the stars

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 56 )

Credits (Because it'd kinda ruin the format if I posted it in the story body):

With many thanks to HerpyDerpy for the quick look, Aragon for helping me gather the pages and also forcing me to be a bit less obtuse, and Selbi for being a mysterious stranger.

And thanks to you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

I have no idea what to expect... good job, I think?

~ Chapter: 13

It's benign now.

I'm guessing that's on purpose, right?

7313790
A lot of the words, terms, dates, and other such things are quite intentional, yes.

Holy
fucking
shit

Risu. I have...

questions? I'm not even sure if "questions" is the right word this freaked me out, man.

7313930

feels oddly familiar

That's all I can ask for, really.

7313842
Please, go right ahead. I will be happy to entertain.

7313949 Actually my main question that's actually a question: If I try to parse the long string of nonsense letters in that one entry will I ever find any intentional message left by you?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

~Skeeter The Lurker

Fuuuuuuuuuck.

You want a chilling read go read a fucking Kitsune fic.

That'll fucking keep you up at night.

If not for the horror, then for just how fucking unsettling it can be.

~Skeeter The Lurker

It exploded from a handful of comments to over fifty since I started reading this.

Good work man. Of course, it's you. Chess is one of my favorite stories on this, and boy do you not disappoint again.
I'm not gonna say anything to spoil, but this is a nice bite of lovecraftian goodness. Bravo.

Also, a spoiler question...

For Chapter "Entry # – 28/3/1129" does that message in the very beginning actually translate to something? Did you hide hidden clues or information in these or other words?

7313982
Haha, thanks man. I was literally following you all this while, watching you leave crumbs over each entry. Man, that's some commentary dedication. I know this story is even more vague than my usual standard (and that's saying something) but there is definitely a clear path of events that took place, and all the information is squirreled away within the lines. Thanks very much for this high praise! And thank you so much for reading.

I've always felt that tone and atmosphere trumps jump scares (or the literary equivalent) any day. There's no need for blood and guts if you can otherwise write something else. I

7313959
Of course. I took the time to hide stuff here and there. There's a whole completely different story hiding in the spaces between the pages, and the full narrative is there for those who dare to interpret. Also there's loads of easter eggs! Paying attention to journal entry numbers and dates and stuff, and of course, that ONE string of text, which is honestly not that hard to decipher. The hint for how to decipher it is actually found in journal entry #650/2. Pay attention to what was written about the Watchers. It's actually super easy.

7314005

Oh so very true.

I just wish I wasn't stupid and could see the stuff between the lines.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7314004
Ugh, sorry. You commented as I was in the middle of replying. Please see my reply to Cynewulf in my previous comment. And yes. I've hidden stuff everywhere. A lot of the things I wrote were chosen very specifically, and every single question CAN be answered (even those blanks in the plot), if you look at the right places. Honestly, I didn't even have the 'solution' written out on the last lucid Entry (whichever that one is), but my editor Aragon told me not to be a butt and make it TOO hard, haha. I'm kind of a sucker for writing things that have extremely open endings. >_>;

Ah well! But yes, the rest is up for interpretation, but I assure you there is a proper path of events and the thing that broke into Rarity's might not have been who everyone suspects.

7314017
Honestly, your comments were pretty accurate all the way through. Although (and this is a guess because I don't know your interpretation), I feel you might be a bit off about Twilight's fate, if an earlier comment is to be believed. That said, you may have changed your mind after reading through to the end! That's the only thing that stuck out for me, perhaps.

7314034

Thinking about it now, I probably was.

She had already been "taken" by the thing below and that wasn't who she found?

Either that or the old stallion did her in while trying to fix things.

One of the two, I suspect.

~Skeeter The Lurker

For those wondering about the string of garbled text:

itisinthewateritfloatsthechildofstarsbeginstocryyoumustaskitwillleadyoutotheredveinscarriesthechilditfeedsonthemeatitwillgrowwatchthestarsseethetruthitisfoundinreflectionitishewhohidesthewavesitishewhostepswithtrianglesitishewhoneverlivesitisinthewateritfloats

7313949
"Puzzle" stories aren't my thing, so I'll avoid voting one way or the other. Stylistically it does a good job evoking that Lovecraft / Smith / Derleth feel, building a sense of confusion and looming unease. As is typical for a Mythos-esque story, the ending is foregone, and it ends up being more about the trip than the (guaranteed and predictable) destination. If that's the genre you were aiming for, then good shot.

7314102
That's about it, really. Everything else is just bonus. Knowing the 100% isn't necessary at all for a story like this. It's just there for the guys who do happen to like the 'puzzle' element. Thank you for your thoughts and review!

I have decided that the child/object ate both of them.

7311902

I hope you enjoyed it.

The tone/atmosphere was nearly perfect. The reinterpretation of the characters (if you can call it that? They're not the exuberant personalities of the show) made it even better. I'm not sure "enjoyed" is quite the right word, but it did something. o-o

normally after a dark story I'd ask somepony for snuggles but you can't snuggle away what's already inside .-.

Okay, speculation time inasmuch as I can:

1. Twilight, and subsequently Rarity, are impregnated by whatever lurks within the bay - the 'pocket' she refers to is her womb. The mirror-text suggests this too, with talk of 'red veins' and 'feeding on the meat' which is a creepy way to describe incubating a child, but not entirely inaccurate.

2. There's nothing in Space - it's always the water. Going off the 'reflections' motif, 'watch the stars' becomes 'beneath the waves'; the book mentions 'hiding their sires within reflections' which could indicate 'The father is underwater' since, well, water is reflective..

But beyond that I admit to being somewhat stumped. I can't figure out at all how the numbers are significant.

Sis.

I can't figure out at all how the numbers are significant.

Iirc, Rarity is a little bad at numbering entries, due to all the stuff going on. Start from the very top and number them correctly, ignoring all those mishaps. Then look at the last number.

I read this on a sunny summer morning and it still gave me the screaming abdabs. Well done!

Very nasty. I like the Rarity voice in this, very clean and precise at first, very obviously trying to be proper and detached, it makes the descent all the more distressing.

Your story gave me the creeps for some reason last night after i read it.
Also had a bad dream too (granted it involves Resident Evil, dinosaurs, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Orihime, so... i dunno), all of which I totally put on your shoulders.

a good story makes you smile when you're done. a really good story lingers.

Bravo.

7315157

I can figure -what- number it's going for, but I can't figure out a permutation that gets there

7315157
So 688 that's what I get after numbering the entry's correctly. Don't quite understand the significance of that number. I'm sure it's supposed to be 666 but I only seem to get that if I table the last four entry's and ignore all the rest. Do the dates also count?

Okay so...wow. that's really all I have to say. Horror isn't normally my genre (mostly because it normally involves senseless gore) but this was recd so I gave it a chance and it far, far exceeded expextstions.

Honestly I don't think I understood it nearly as well as some of the people who are commenting, as they've managed to reveal all sorts of things, but I still loved it. Honestly this is a great story.

I'm still pretty lost, but the comments have helped a bit. Hope you write a blog post explaining your intentions some time in the future. Regardless, you absolutely nailed the creepy atmosphere.

Found two typos:
Entry #654/4 – 16/3/1129

The other pagers are written in a language completely unrecognizable to me, and it is only an assumption that it is a language in the first place.

pages
Entry #659/4 – 24/3/1129

The must have come back from the stars.

They

7316874

Hope you write a blog post explaining your intentions some time in the future.

I was considering it! I don't know how against the spirit of the intention of this project is, though, being that it's meant to be somewhat vague. I'll think about it! Although I kinda think it's more fun for people to come to their own determination, because there really isn't any one that's more 'correct' than the other.

Also, thank you for those typo fixes. I've smashed them.

I have been caught, and duly filleted.

I only hope the author finds my flesh appropriately seasoned. :pinkiecrazy:

I read this on my phone while at work. Gonna have to reread this at home to dig into the subtext. This was excellent, man!

I say I should stop reading your stuff at work specifically because I become too entranced. But I already know I'd never stop. My eyes were so fixated on the screen I cursed at my office phone for interrupting me. Had to use an old decryption site for one particular thing. Everything else

Thanks for the order of chills delivered once again. Your way with words never ceases to keep me ignoring the edge of my seat to just stay standing instead. The story was a chilling ride and I once spent a 7 hour drive to Kentucky listening to nothing but H.P. Lovecraft and things of that nature. So sadly I assume the worst for my two favorite ponies here :raritycry:

Awesome job either way man. I'll be re-reading this a few more times just to see how you do tone. Who knows, more little tidbits might creep up.

Why, oh Why for the love of god does this make me think of bloodborne.

This certainly was an interesting story.

Reminds me a lot of Jorge Luis Borges' El Zahir seasoned with a measure of Lovecraftian horror for taste.
:twilightsheepish:

The story's structure, both in the plot and technical font and layout bits reminds me of Flashgen's A FLEet|ng LIght |n thE DArknEsS. Very similar set up and layout, so much so that I had a strong sense of deja vu while I was reading Entry.
:rainbowhuh:

Now I need to go through your other works and find something cute, and happy, and fluffy after this wild ride.

7319601 Bloodborne is very heavily inspired by lovecraftian eldritch horror type stuff.

7320022 Well that is kinda obvious, but the feel of this, the mysterious ways the incomprehensible ideals of others that never existed and the strangeness of those who worship the astral bodies it just makes me think of bloodborne a lot. And the Eldritch horrors are also always there watching, waiting.

Well, this certainly comes at a time when I needed a unique horror story to pass the time with. I shall check it out the moment I have the chance to do so!

Very nicely done. Always a treat to see these kinds of stories, especially when executed well.
Felt a good sense of foreboding and the unanswered questions that yet lingered stayed with me well after finishing the story. Kudos on not showing any sort of creature or entity (not sure if the object counts or not), while still having the presence of something looming throughout the plot.

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #84.

My review can be found here.

This was pretty good.

I believe that whatever took rarity or killed her is beyond human(or pony thought) and is similar to a scp that when your ring a bell you only see a creature in the limits of your eye sight and maybe its similar to that you listen to the little device and over time fall into madness maybe the things she says she saw are merely illusions caused by the device. Which made twilight drown herself and but for rarity I think something actually happened to her maybe something took her or she drowned too.

7315043 considering that semen stains (sorry for mentioning something sexual on what is technically worthy of a G rating) look similar to the stains of salt-water the mention that the bed was dabbled with something that seemed like it could be salt water, but might not be, you might be on to something.

Those stains aren't saltwater, I assume...

7311902

Well. Congratulations. I do feel as if I've been sufficiently mind-fucked and made to enjoy it.

This was a psychological horror if I've ever seen one and it was made all the worse in the events leading up to the ending which even in these few words, bring a air of foreboding presence to the forefront of my mind.

Well, I'm scared now. Good job. I'm sleeping with the lights on tonight.

The fact that Rarity can't remember what she'd doing half the time is what really shot this up from good eldritch horror to great eldritch horror in my book. *shivers*

7314005

There's a whole completely different story hiding in the spaces between the pages, and the full narrative is there for those who dare to interpret.

Sure. Because reading between the lines sure helped Rarity and Twilight, right?

Anyway, it was a delightful experience; I loved every chilling word.

:twilightsmile:

This is some H.P. Lovecraft shit right here

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!