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David Silver

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This story is a sequel to Clueless in Equestria

He was once a human, and still remains so in his much smaller head. After making use of Luna's sizable magical talent, he has rewound from a middle-aged human to a unicorn colt just old enough to start learning how to use their horn.

Of course, it wouldn't do to have an orphaned foal, and Luna is far too busy with royal duties to take upon this strange unicorn, so she allows him to pick a guardian. He chooses his pony self, Rough Draft, who was once his original character before his arrival, and proved to be a real pony, with his own aspirations and quirks.

Rough Draft and Trixie, who had the (mis)fortune of being present during all of this, are now acting as David's parents as he learns everything there is to know about being a unicorn.

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Chapters (32)
Comments ( 1387 )

It occurs to me that Silver Lining is brown like Rough Draft, and has a silver mane and a horn like Trixie. That should spare them some awkward questions (and encourage different awkward questions) Did you do that on purpose, or is it just a coincidence?

5693339 It all worked out delightfully well. He's brown because Luna used Rough Draft as a template. It seemed a prudent idea to make him take after said guardian. This is also why he looks like Rough Draft's son so well.

at first trying to actively manage his still alien body


A well dressed stallion opened the door, dressed as a butler, if Silver had to guess. He regarded Trixie a moment, then looked beyond her to Silver and Rough seated behind her. "Are you expected?" he asked with a high class and somewhat snooty tone.

well-dressed, high-class

Besides, any foal of Trixie would have far more dazzling a coat color than earth brown.

Trixie's peculiar style of referring to herself makes me less sure, but I think that should be "any foal of Trixie's"

The interior looked well played in

played-in (I'm not sure about this one, you might want to wait and see what the Hypenator thinks)

We're mid session, but there's not much we can do about that.


You have to meet your class mates anyway.


Silver Lining twitched an ear towards Rough, "Yea... Sorry about all this. I mean... not warning you ahead of time.

He nodded at Rough, "Yea. Trixie won't teach me anything else until I have the light spell down pat.

Put an "h" on that "Yeah," Silver.

A well dressed stallion opened the door, dressed as a butler, if Silver had to guess. He regarded Trixie a moment, then looked beyond her to Silver and Rough seated behind her. "Are you expected?" he asked with a high class and somewhat snooty tone.

Presumably he's "well-dressed" and "high-class."

Silver Lining rose a brow as he looked around, wondering just how large Fleur and Fancypant's own room was if this was the small model.

"Fancy Pants," two names.

The interior looked well played in.

"Well played-in" is how this should be, I believe.

Silver's ears pinned back as he wondered at her words. What did... "Oh! I'm not an orphan!" he protested.

Not to be a downer, Silver, but aren't you? Aren't you?

You have a nice looking guardian right there.

He's "nice-looking," I think she means.

You have to meet your class mates anyway."

"Classmates" is one word.

The human David was victim of a species spell cast by an under-graded unicorn cast by one Lyra Heartstrings.

You used "cast" twice. If you replaced the highlighted words with "named" it would be clearer.

For reasons I know not, she did not undo the damage to his aetheric net, and simply brute forced the situation. Human David was left in a hybrid status, half pony, half human."

brute-forced (although I think Luna would say something more like "applied overwhelming force to the situation")

I saw little harm in it, if he truly wished to learn the ways of Equestria from the start, as a foal would serve the purpose.

either "a foal" or "the body of a foal"

5693341 I was mostly referring to the fact that, despite her protestations, he also resembles Trixie.

5693380 All fixed! Thanks for being awesome editors.

5693411 Tis true. I did not even think of Trixie's silver hair until you brought it up today. My thought stopped at 'Silver lining, silver mane, it makes perfect sense!'. I blame my subconscious for being a sneaky bastard.

5693406 All fixed! What do you think of the tale thus far?

5693474 Nothing big has happened yet, but from here you can go anywhere. He may get some grief from other foals, but his adult mind should make it easier for him to deal with that stuff than a normal child. If you plan for this story to have any full-on adventure, you can easily set Silver Lining up to be the "unlikely" hero. Everyone will ignore him because he looks like a foal, but he knows lots of grownup stuff and is pretty genre-savvy too. The unexpected thinker is one of my favorite archetypes.

Compare to http://www.fimfiction.net/story/55531/school-of-hard-knocks

Being that this is the beginning, there's a lot of potential regarding where this could go.

Personally, I'm slightly nervous regarding the issue of him being a "squire" at the alicorn sister's court. Not because I think it's a bad idea, but because I think that it's a good one that might be hard to utilize. It's difficult to imagine a five-year-old, no matter how mature he is, taking any sort of significant role in court intrigue (and the idea of court intrigue at all in Equestria is foreign...which is a shame, since it's so much fun).

That said, I'm also slightly nervous about the small flood of OCs that are going to be unleashed on us in the form of Silver's classmates. That's purely reflexive on my part, though. Still, I did like seeing Fleur here - so pretty, she is!

5693531 If there was a good reason for him to be somewhere else, really only Ponyville would spare him the flood of OCs, though if he was in Manehattan still, he could have been with Babs... that would have been amusing.

As the sisters mentioned, he is far too young to join the court properly. It would be most unseemly to have a colt around, and he has school to attend beside.

I do hope my characterization of the royal sisters was reasonable.

5693540 Welcome aboard! And I sure do, though I'm ahead of schedule. I couldn't stop myself from doing a second chapter with a recap of the situation and Celestia and Luna getting on the same page. I'm sure some were wondering what it was exactly Celestia was upset about.

5693550 The interaction between Celestia and Luna was intriguing. It was rather surprising to see just how unequal their relationship was, with Celestia taking Luna to task and making her explain herself. True, she's older, larger of stature, probably more powerful, and she doesn't have Luna's "checkered" history...but to see her take such a dominant role in their "power dynamics" was surprising. I was under the impression that the two of them were supposed to be equals, but that definitely wasn't the case here.

Though she was still wrong to do so, interactions like that one make it slightly more understandable why she rebelled against Celestia a millennium ago.

5693572 It does, but I'm not trying to paint Celestia as an evil overlord. She does care, and she is trying to avoid an incident that could cause a great deal of trouble. The general populace does not need to hear of how converting not-ponies to ponies is suddenly OK, or that rewinding a pony's age is also on the OK list. She is a loving mother, though this can mean an overbearing mother at times, even at her 'little' sister.

Soon enough her patience was rewarded as the door opened with a pale magenta aura and revealed Fleur Dis Lee. 

It's Fleur-de-lis bro.

5694163 Is that legally backed by Hasbro I wonder? The pronunciation of your spelling just sounds very... klunky. I don't know.

5694235 From the page:

She is unnamed in both the show and the comics, but she is named in Enterplay's collectible card game with a trademark symbol and in Gameloft's mobile game, and her name is also listed in the description of meemo's Xbox LIVE Cutie Marks Series 2 Pic Pack.

Trademarked name is good enough in my book.

cool story to say the lest and even with losing power for the last 3 hours I still get first post.
sir all I can say is expellant work this story is hitting the ground hard and running smooth I will be watching for new chapters good luck and pony on.
Harts Fire

I like the interaction between the teacher and Silver Lining. I like the interaction between the other colts and fillies and Silver Lining. I am worried about how Celestia and Luna were talking about using our hero though. Seems like a metric crap-ton of future arm twisting and civil rights violations are in the works. If it were me... I would NOT be looking forward to the next three decades.

Liking the story so far ^^

5694287 Poor Silver Lining. There's always a price to pay, and he was given a rather large boon. He'll surely do his best for his celestial overlords, may they have mercy on his soul.

5694256 Welcome aboard to the new leg of our journey! The ideas kept tingling and I was drawn back to write again... then again. I do hope the characterizations felt right.

5694287 I would have to agree to a certain point, i think the princesses mean well and want to keep him close. But I hope they don't go overboard with trying to set up a future for him and allow him to choose for himself. I thought it was cute and funny that one of the colts wanted to be a princess xD

5694346 I agree, that was ADORABLE.

5694295 Glad to hear it, and welcome to the herd! Feel free to poke me if I wander off track, or suggest things, or ask random questions. I'm pretty hard to annoy.

You know, I was going to suggest Rough and Silver keep up the 'brother' thing, just explain that Rough is his brother's legal guardian when pressed, but the Rough+Trixie=Silver ship is too amazing to pass up. So much win.

I decided to finally move Clueless from my Eventually Shelf to Now Reading after seeing this story pop up in my feed, and man was I upset...

That I didn't do it sooner! I enjoyed every step of this journey. It's been highlighting all the stuff I like about inserts, HiE, ponification, Lyra, accidental magic and even points out that Trixie didn't really do much wrong aside from have a crowd react badly to her act.

I can't wait for the next chapter.

5694714 Glad to have you here with us. It's been quite fun to write this story! Three chapters today happened not because I'm being paid tons for this('cause I'm not, it's a project of love). I don't see many HiEs where the H in the equation chooses to ponify, and isn't hunting for the mane six and/or the royal sisters and basically living out a huge empowerment fantasy.

Instead, Silver Lining's huge aspiration is to just be a good pony and be happy, but there's a lot in the way of that, including Silver Lining's human history and problems.

it is feeling just like home to me you are doing a super good job.
I really like how you worked in flur and fancy I think that is going to work really good for you in the long run

5695228 Three chapters in a day, three! I can only work so hard. But thanks for reading along with us! I do hope you're enjoying the trip.:twilightsmile:

Aren't they such a sweet little family :twilightsmile:

5695879 According to my plot barometer, that means something is overdue to happen, but what? I hope unicorn physiology time made sense.

5695891 and you would let that barometer go critical by teasing us every bit of the way =P

"Fleur de Lis", not "Fleur dis lee".

I did not make it 1/2 way threw this chapter before I just have to stop and say a little something Trixie is #1 pony she is kind and gentle down in her hart even if she is trying to hide it even from her self.

this hole chapter is just so touching and I can see silver having a vary good influence on Trixie and rough.
but I am thinking the cuteness barometer is only about 1/5 of the way up we need one more dose of supper sweet before you throw a wrench in the works.

F Y I when I first logged on this story was in the top ten list this is a supper thing that list is really hard to get on.
your faithful follower
Harts Fire

5696682 I try not to just make up things when it comes to canon characters. Trixie, in her second running, showed she wasn't a jerk. She's just awful at dealing with other ponies. But then so is Rough Draft in his own way, and so is Silver in his own way. The entire family is kinda bad at social, but they're awkward together.

O be carful there friend you are letting part of your plot line slip out. you dropped the f word family or am I seeing things in your story agene.
and yes I know Trixie is a good pony she just needs to let it show,

5696776 What's interesting to consider in that regard is that things are starting to move towards being a love triangle, as both Rough and Silver seem to be cautious-but-interested in Trixie, who appears to feel the same way.

That's going to be awkward, because while Rough and Silver (nee David) may have been willing to be in a herd before - and having two stallions in a herd is apparently quite non-traditional in Equestria - there's absolutely no way that pony society would accept anything like that now, not with a father and son (even adopted) both in a relationship with the same mare (especially when she's the mother - and presumed to be biological mother - of the colt in question)!

That might be especially awkward for Trixie, given that she seems to like Silver more than Rough at the moment.

Man, Silver's teenage years are going to be awkward.

A unicorn filly gave the colt a shove, "You're the stupid one," proclaimed the peach colored filly, "He could be visiting, or maybe his father is picking a school."

The filly is "peach-colored."

All-too-quickly, Butter was nudging him along into the class.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but the phrase "all too quickly" isn't hyphenated.

...man that just feels weird, coming from me.

While others, such as Princess Cadance, wasn't fully realized until far later in her life, but now she's princess of the Crystal Kingdom."

It's the Crystal Empire, teacher. Maybe it doesn't deserve the title, but it has it nonetheless.

Fleur Dis Lee half lidded her eyes, then waved Silver closer, "Come here you adorable little thing."

"Half-lidded," here.

I know the lower born sometimes have... issues, but you're our friend."

"Lower-born," which is amazing that Trixie let slide...though given that she's basically living off their generosity at the moment, it's likely not that surprising.

5696818 Rough Draft's relationship with Silver is also changing from where it was before. It's hard to regard someone so small and vulnerable compared yourself as a 'pal' with equal footing, especially with Rough's lingering workup about failing David before with the angry mob.

Trixie glanced up at the colt before looking side-long at Rough, "This has gotten more complicated than Trixie had first predicted, she admits."

Amusingly enough, "sidelong" is one word, with no hyphenation.

Trixie gave a wane smile, "Does it upset you?"

I'm pretty sure she's giving him a "wan" smile.

The door was pushed open to reveal a well furnished living room.

A "well-furnished" living room.

Trixie closed her eyes and shook her head with confidence, "Trixie is fine being the helpful and maternal Trixie for now.


Very well, since you have come before the Educational and Inspiring Trixie, she will teach you."

There's a lack of consistency regarding Trixie's capitalizing her self-granted titles.

By the time the clock in the room struck midnight, he had the magic flowing through his outer-horn and was smiling broadly at his accomplishment.

No hyphen is necessary regarding his "outer horn."

Trixie sighed before entering the master bedroom and curling up opposite of Rough Draft.

Taking the only other bed so that the pretty young mare you're with has to sleep next to you? Sly, Rough. Very sly. :trollestia:

5696902 All fixed! I don't imagine Rough was planning that though. That's a bit sneaky for him.

5696915 I was kidding. Still, Rough's enough of a gentlecolt that I was surprised when he didn't seem to consider that he was taking the only other bed, potentially making things very awkward for Trixie.

5696920 He was tired and he never inspected the whole of the house. He'll feel bad in the morning.

5696923 Presumably on more than one level. After all, on paper he has what he wanted - a beautiful mare in his bed and a young foal to raise. Of course, the reality of it isn't what that looks like on the outside, but that's often the nature of wishes.

Silver trotted through the streets of Canterlot. it was bright and early.

Capitalization needed for the second sentence.

A glance at a watch hanging on the side of a building showed there was twenty minutes before class began.

I'm pretty sure that he's looking at a clock, though the mental imagery of a building with a pocket-watch attached to the side is funny.

He flashed back to equally as rude human bullies he had met when he was in school.

You can drop the "as" in that sentence. Also, I'm not sure "rude" is a strong enough word here; I'd go with something like "awful" or "terrible."

This was somehow worse than being punched in the face over a candybar.

"Candy bar" is two words.

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