• Member Since 5th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 11th, 2018

lord indisar


T
Source

( yep this entire slop is getting a re write of a few earlier chapters )

Hello. My name is Anninnicus. Anninnicus Ravenfury... It's a name I came up with on my own, truthfully... My real name is... Chirp.. And that name was given to me by, well... everypony.

It started with my adoptive mother, Lovely Lights. And I suppose my name change never went through, and I also suppose I'm far too lazy to do it again.

It's totally contradictory thinking, yes, bad name, want to change it... and too lazy to change it. That's just how I function. I'm perfectly fine with it, even if I have to cringe every time someone tries to use "Chirp" to refer to me.

I can expect you all are here to hear all the stories of the War, and my... 'excursions' following it's end.

However, I'd rather talk about the most joyful years of my life, as it was only after the war ended that I became even remotely relevant in this world.

I'd much rather talk about my life... before the war...

If you really want to hear stories of the war, I'd recommend you to... well.... I don't know if she'd want to talk about it either. I'll send you her way afterwards, if you stick around long enough.


(Random and comedy tags for.... just trust me on it.

Alternate universe tag will come up much later, but it's due to the fact I've merged it with another series I'm planning on making.... At some point.
As it stands, I'm not using the official Mlp map, so that's the tag at work for now.

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 218 )

Crap, I suck at coining a single term for gryphon.

I'll try to universalize the term sooner or later,

The quote is "It's a work-in-title!", not sure if this error in your title is intentional.

No, its a trixie joke
7249121

Has promise. Seems like it will be plenty fun so far. Prologue does give an interesting look a the types of thing a griffon has to go through. I really want to hear the story about his three year old dalliance though :rainbowlaugh:

There weren't even any mountains in Virginia.

I live in the mountains of Virginia :ajbemused: There's an entire range of them running through the entire western region.Some of the oldest mountains on Earth, at that, predating life itself.

Dear lord, I was a gryphon. I didn't need to check for wings, my god.

You'd be surprised how many mythical creatures had a lion's tail and talons.

Take me to the real heaven please, I wanna meet Elvis. Not that I listen to his music but... I wanna see him.

Wait, is my dog here? I wanna see my puppy....

Yes, I do have ADHD.

:rainbowlaugh:ADHD in a nutshell.

So far, so good. I'll see where this leads.

7249330

I live in Virginia, And I didnt know that. Or I forgot that.

I'm only aware of the Appalachian Mountains.
:moustache:

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

I suppose I should say now that the unicorn's name is Lovely Lights. In case It doesn't come up in a timely manner.

What do you guys think of changing the title every so often as a running joke? "(XXXXXXXXXX)..... It's a working title!"

Find a baby griffon on the trail, take him home :rainbowlaugh:

I like. Please continue.

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017
Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

7249763

Would you leave a baby of a sentient species on the road if you had reason to believe his parents weren't nearby? Even after calling out?

Or would you walk past him and say. "Meh, he can take care of himself," and leave him to a 10% chance of wolves?

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

I think you should keep the title. It's unique and draws attention.

7250934 Then change it. If that's what you want.

I never knew you were allowed THAT many characters for a title name lol

So far I like it. Though go back and proofreading. You misspelled some things through it. But overall. 10/10 I'll keep reading.

7251654

Yeah, putting out the chapters way too fast. I'll get things in order...bat some point. Lol


Feel free to point out my mistakes, it's hard to proofread on an iPad, especially when autocorrect is a jerk.

I don't get the rating of this story. It's a nicely written story.

7252039

Major Chirp Gaming,

#ChirpsightIs20/20

7251984

Likely all the spelling mistakes, which I think I've fixed all of. And the double spaces, which I'm simply too lazy to get at.

I do ask all of you to point out mistakes. Again, I use an I pad to write. So proof reading is crap.

In other news: quote from the next chapter

Hey, look, I'm Jet now!

You either get the reference, or you don't.

7249385 That's what I'm talking about. The Appalachians are one of the oldest mountain ranges on Earth, and Roanoke sits right in the middle of them. What part of Virginia you from? I used to live in Hampton and Gloucester.

Anyway, I'd recommend not ending with the huge, bold font. It only distracts the reader. Also, when using first person, it's best to limit it to a single character. It just gets confusing otherwise. Other than that, this is off to a promising start, and really deserves more likes. I'll have to see if I can get some others to give it a try.

7252440 okay. There aren't any mountains except those? I'm from Alexandria. And I'll probably continue alternating between chapters until nothing interesting happens on Lovely Lights side of the story. She's a working mare, after all. She'll eventually return to a routine that doesn't require alternating chapters. After that, Chirp Anninnicus will take over the story, and Lovely Lights will take on a supporting role.

As for that however, I'll try to keep the routine split and not change the alteration. If I double down on chapters for characters, I'll put a topside authors note.

7252433

Hey, look, I'm Jet now!

So, you're a genocidal maniac in which it's unclear as to whether you die or not?

7252468 Never been to Alexandria, but I've heard it's nice.

7252553

Okay, I'm ash's Treecko

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

Correction. First thing on the list is already set to 902 words . This is probably going to be the longest chapter in the story.

No way I'm topping that chapter in terms of length, 2000 words, in the span of what 3 hire is in the story,


Out of all that, teaching Chirp a few words only took a nice 670 pc word chunk of back and forth speech.

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017
Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017
Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017
Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

I don't have many pegasus OCs, and the ones I do have wouldn't make very good foalsitters, but I do have a good OC if you need one for the tutor.

Jynx Charm is a scholar with a talent in ancient magic, but is also a very talented with engineering and enjoys inventing and teaching. In most of my stories, she's a professor, but I tend to keep my OCs loose so they can be modified to fit the story.

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted May 29th, 2016
Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017
Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

... Three chapter posted on the 27th... And spelling and grammar errors were so minimal I didn't notice them. The plot seems to be going smoothly. Keep up the good work.

7260915

Yes... Now I need to get past this lack of desire to rewrite the last scene from Chirp's view. I'm almost done. Should be up tonight or tomorrow morning. But I refuse to let this Take over me...

As a side note, Chirp doesn't have a clue behind the meanings of names yet. Sure there's the idea that the cutie marks have some relation to names, but other than that, he has no idea that Lovely Lights or Chirp means anything. Just names, for now.

This is going to come up again later, at least for his name.

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

White Thunder is my Wonderbolt OC, but she's been aged up to around 40-45 in this story.

Sure, it's very deus ex machina to just happen to live walking distance from all your problems, but wheres the nearest person auto your house with Enough free time to take care of a child, especially if you are willing to pay?

Better yet, if you are willing to pay the price they set, because you have extra money?

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

7262145

Hmm..... Chirp, when talking to himself ( or narrating) sounds like the average comedy protagonist. When speaking however, take away 12 years.

Lovely lights sounds like she'd fit a female role in a Disney movie.

Flourescent ( whom we may or may not see in the future, depends on how many times I write from Lovelys perspective, or if chirp ever goes to the shop) CAN soins how ever you like, he's the friendly shopping clerk.

Frosty sounds slightly intimidating, which is why lovely was a little nervous.

White thunder probably sounds like what happens when your best friends mom is also a professional dare devil. ( you tell me how they sounds, I don't know either.

Comment posted by lord indisar deleted Jul 20th, 2017

Need my phone, I pad mic is broken.


Can't find my phone . All hope lost.

Every time you see the word 'what' misspelled as 'whst', take a shot.

8its a word that's snuck it's way into my iPads autocorrect dictionary, and it doesn't show it as a mistake anymore,

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