• Member Since 30th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen March 6th

Pearple Prose


"A cheeky idiot tweedling around the moors." ~ Aragon || Avatar by Aragon and Mousse

T
Source

A young Celestia and Luna venture into the Whitetail Wood in pursuit of the Star Eater, a monstrous magic-eating dragon.

The cost of victory is greater than either could have expected.


A short story originally written for the Lunestia Prompt Tag Collab that deviated from the original intent quite spectacularly.

Review by Seattle's Angels!

Edited by Maskedferret

Reading by Charzoid

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 30 )

Another wonderful story, Pear:twilightsmile:

And Luna's arrogance bites her on the butt. :facehoof:

Enjoy your present, my love.

:heart:

I love this! Great job my friend, wonderful and excellent job!

Ouchies. Though I would never have guessed this was for a Princest collab.

Hiya Pearpy!

I love the mythic vibe to this, you should write more (totally not me grouching for more Tenebrae). I'm jealous of some of the threads you use in here to connect scenes, such as the "A white alicorn stepped in the mud". It was tidy. No doubt you could do more and forge something a bit more expansive, but you were very concise with this, which is no small feat in itself.

Too bad you mauled best pony in the process, though. :9 Were you going for a Nightmare Moon inception thing? Or is this just like a diary snippet of Discordian Equestria?

Regardless, I don't know what you were complaining about. This is definitely something beyond what I can write. The dialogue and pacing was punctual as usual, and there was no floweriness or circumlocution in getting at the main points of each scene. Luna's bitter, hotheadedness is exquisitely explained in all of thirty words, which to me is like Pinkie Pie Sense. It's beyond my reasoning and I'm driving myself mad trying to figure out how you do it (because I do everything in the polar-opposite).

Yay Purple Pear!

Cool story. A little short, but I enjoyed this.

I'm going to give this a fine tooth comb of a review once I've had some sleep and time to digest it. Off the cuff though, I like it. Very atmospheric feeling. Dialogue sounds good and natural.

I do think it could have been a touch more descriptive, but that said, I wasn't feeling like I was missing anything, just that you could have made it even more rich of atmosphere.

I'll do the full review tomorrow evening after work.

Excellent. A very entertaining tale!

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Solace
Grammar:10 (not my strong suit)
Pros
*The Call back (" a white alicorn stepped in mud"
* Luna characterization.
Cons
*Not terribly crazy about the ending. I don't want to say it's the abruptness but there just something...missing about it. I can't put my hoof on it.
Notes Section
Gah, why can't I do grammar this good?!? If there is a mistake I don't see it. I agree with Habanc about the use of the " a white alicorn stepped in mud" line. Something you might see in an epic poem...
(Nine hoofs out of ten)

5034888

Cool. I'll get to reading your story in a sec.

Do you mind if I do a let's read of your story on Youtube?

5064632

:O You kiddin'? I don't mind at all! :pinkiehappy:

5065290 I just uploaded my reading for your story.Here.

5092311

Awesome! Thanks muchly. :twilightsmile:

Nice story- latte punch sent me here! From youtube.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Good world-building in this! :)

5110839

Thank you, friend :D

As always ya' paint a scene and roll with it. I really liked the brevity of this piece felt like no word went to waste and that all the silly fluff authors like to use was cut out.

Thanks for killing some time before i went into work bro.

> Sees epic description.

> Reads epic tale.

> Although reason stated, author ends at a moment where the reader would have to stay up and only imagine what would happen next.

Wonderful story. You put my thoughts of making stories to shame.

Whoa. Excellent work in the mythic tone and grim implications. I'm very glad the Angels pointed me here, and I regret not reading it earlier.

¡Ewe! ¡Celestia determines whether something is poop or not by tasting it!

That cliffhanger... D:

There's some beautifully crafted imagery here, done in an efficient manner. Poetic, really, in that it uses the best words in the best order, and nothing more. That said, I'm not sure how I feel about the ending. This story is told in a way where, if the names were changed, it would work perfectly as original fiction. In that case, what happens after the ending would be completely up in the air. But because this is pony, we know that Luna lives, then becomes Nightmare, etc. Unless this is set in an alternate universe? It doesn't really matter in the end, because I can't shake the feeling that the story stopped instead of ending. For that matter, one could say that it started rather than beginning, that it reads as an excerpt from a longer tale as opposed to a short story.

But I still like it. This has sat on my Read Later shelf for years now. This is odd to me, because I've been following you for some time, yet this appears to be the first story of yours that I've read? At least this story shows that I had good reason for following you. It's a shame that you don't write pony stories anymore, but that does still leave me the back catalogue peruse.

8162119

Yeah, this story is sort of representative of me as a writer – I can put the words in the right order but that's all I can do, so longform stories with intricate plots are just beyond me. I like my character pieces though, but I don't pretend it's anything more than a short vignette.

Also, you're not alone in disliking the ending. I just didn't think there was anything left to really say.

Thanks for reading, but thanks even more for commenting. Comments are my favourite thing about fimfiction.

(also there might be more stories coming Soon (tm) if that interests you)

Lovely work in a wee package. There's a lovely grim, mythic tone to it, and admirably sets up a lot of grief for Celestia and Luna down the line. Not too shabby, Pear. :twilightsmile:

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