• Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

KnightMysterio


I am the Storm Scribe. Let my words thunder across all creation! Let my imagination rain down and bring life to new worlds and adventures. Above all else, may you enjoy what meager gifts I bring...

T

It's well known the damage the Cutie Mark Crusaders can cause. But one day, their damage causes a near personal tragedy for Princess Twilight, which in turn causes her, in a rage, to ban Crusades ever again. Now the Cutie Mark Crusaders must find a new way to find their marks. But how can they, when Crusading is all they've known?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 384 )

Uh oh it says "Sad"
FEELS! GET TO COVER!!

I shall read this tomorrow! This Gon' Be Good!
:applecry:- I miss Scoots and Sweetie!

4902732 The bunker, she is full!

Run for the hills!

Dang. Twilight be ragin'. I laughed a lot, even though I felt a lot too...

Good start sir, have a favorite and an up vote.

I haven't read this, but I feel like that the CMC would still crusade no matter what anyone says, princess or not.

4902872 Cheese! For everyone!

4903088 - Considering the fact that Twilight told them they would be arrested if they ever went on another crusade again, I think Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo will listen to what she told them.

4903089 PRECISELY!

Cthulu steals all cheese now

*pulls out Wabbajack*

aaand im gone

Good.

:unsuresweetie::applecry::scootangel:

love the story but THE CRUSADING MUST NEVER END TWILIGHT CAN JUST GO DO SOMETHING ELSE.... THEY ARE CRUSADERS TIWLIGHT...

awesomelyluvvie.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/DealWithIt.gif

I was OK about to the point that Twilight started cursing for the sake of vulgarity.

F bomb? OK. Fine. Precision F Strikes are acceptable.

But the part with DT? No thanks. Vulgarity loses all weight when it is thrown around so flagrantly. And yes, I understand Twilight is upset. To show anger and rage, try using a more 'in period' curse. When I read something like that it just feels like I am listening to an angry kid rage on Tumblr.

EG:

"Go to hell" -> "Rot in Tartarus"

There are plenty of ways to show character anger without sucking the reader out of the story by abuse of vernacular insults.

-Lumino

Wow. Twilight finally understands that all the ponies in this town are crazy, and she isn't going to put up with it anymore.

This feel I'm getting is stronger than ever :fluttercry:,I will be waiting for other chapters :twilightsmile:

4903338 I felt it was appropriate for Twilight's level of anger, but oh well. Perhaps I was wrong.

You have, however, given me an idea on how to have Discord tease Twilight in upcoming chapters.

This... this is awesome :pinkiecrazy:

It's about time someone told the Crusaders how fucking stupid they are.

What.... no Malcolm Tucker-like

ranting about how somepony :derpytongue2: with an indeterminate name and an ambiguous disorder is an omnishambles? "You're like this coffee maker....from bean to cup, you (Insert setting-correct curse word here) up!!"

Best......

One of the best, reactions, ever.:rainbowderp: I wait for more.

4903338
4903411

I agree with LuminoZero that the overdone vulgarity hurts your fan-fiction rather than helps. I thought (still think) your story-premise is good; but as soon as Twilight said, "cunt" and "bitch, please", that was over-the-line point in your storytelling for readers' believability, immersion, and suspension of disbelief.

While these serious negative factors are not enough for me to Dislike your fan-fiction, it is also far cry for me to Like or Favorite on either.

I would advise for reconsidering revision &/or serious toning back on future-use of the vulgarity in your fan-fiction.

Hmnn... I'm interested.

However, I'm also of the opinion that Twilight would never use those specific vulgarities. Sure, she's mad, but the words she uses seem to be more fitting for a whiny brat than an enraged alicorn of magic. Although I could see her screaming in the Vengeful Goddess Voice, while arcs of power run loose around her,

ROT IN TARTARUS, YOU USELESS - NO, LESS THAN USELESS SACKS OF HORSEAPPLES!

I'm actually surprised she hasn't used pain spells yet.
Now, before I destroy those three for being so nonchalant after almost murdering a child

Pylons, away!

I absolutely love this, definitely faving. Its well written, everyone is very in character. I just have two things to note:

1. Trixie being here seems kind of forced, like you wanted to write this and a Trixie/Twilight story, and just decided to put them together. Its not a deal-breaker as long as you have a real plan for her, but she feels a little unnecessary.

2. The swearing. I'm not anti-swearing, in fact I fucking love it. The thing is, in MLP, it always immediately sets the story as very AU. MLP ponies don't use our swear words, they say things like horsefeathers and shit like that. It comes across here as kind of a cheap way to show anger, in a situation in which you're already doing an incredible job of really showcasing how angry Twilight is. Like, when Twilight was yelling at them, and Diamond Tiara, it really felt real. The swearing just sort of took me out of it and reminded me I was reading instead of experiencing.It weakens what is otherwise some very strong writing

That said, this is still really great and I look forward to more

Can anyone explain me how could the fire harm a dragon? I remember Spike swimming happily on lava back when the Dragon Migration.

4903686 I think what happened is that the explosion damaged his scales, which are what made him fire proof, and allowed the fire to get to the unprotected skin underneath.

(Trigger warning: bad language)

I fail to see how that's a trigger

Why would fire do a number on Spike? He bathes in lava and likes it.

4903845 he lost his scales that made him fire proof.

Wow Twilight is pissed. Still, the Crusaders should consider themselves lucky Celestia didn't have a go at them.
4903614 Pylons? What is that supposed to mean?

4903857 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH! :twistnerd:

4903862 Oh that's your name, sorry, didn't notice.

well this is my reaction to the first chapter

Comment posted by Shadowmane PX-41 deleted Aug 25th, 2014

If there are any sadder sounding songs, let me know.

[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z1_5PI-Slkc]

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS LITTLE CUNT!!” Twilight roared in the Royal Canterlot Tone, Diamond Tiara squeaking and hiding behind her father, the towsponies staring at her in shock.

Finally someone stood up to that little bitch!:pinkiehappy:

4903686 Chemical fire. The combination of chemicals they used and the initial explosion shredded his scales, which protected him from regular fires/heat/lava.

4903614 I don't know. Using fancy 'pony' swears is what seemed inappropriate to me this time. Twilight's FAMILY was hurt, by three fillies she thought she could trust. I'd say that merits the four-letter dictionary, don't you? Plus, as later chapters will show (each chapter will have focus on both Twilight and the Crusaders), this is years of frustration and anger building up that's finally being let out.

I'm not changing the swearing, but I will have Discord call her out on it next chapter.

Trixie and Discord just stared for a moment, startled, when they noticed the growl coming from Twilight's throat, one that was rising in intensity as she got closer to the terrified Crusaders.
“Here we go...” Applejack muttered, she, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash taking defensive positions in front of their little sisters. Rarity's horn flared as she quickly summoned several gems from her shop and fused them into a makeshift shield.
“RrrrraaaaAAAAGGGHHH!!!” Twilight screamed, lunging at the Crusaders, her entire body awash with power, tears streaming down her face.

This is how I imagine the roar::moustache:

Twilight snorted, and continued. “Rose, Lily, and Daisy, you report on the same day. I want to talk to you cowards about the number of times you've started riots with your panic attacks.”

“B-But...” Daisy stammered. “T-the HORRORS!!”

“Bitch, you haven't the foggiest idea of what horror is. Push me any more and I'll show you what horror is,”

..And people want to follow her still? She's lashing out at everyone to the point in anger, and that usually ends with a noble pulling out the guillotine, considering she's attacking three people who have panic attack's.

YOU!!! I like this, you may take my like and my fav, but i want moar! MOAR! And i bet 10 bits the Crusaders are still gonna screw up somehow...:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

This is not going to end well, I can tell you that right now,

Ah, nice. I love seeing Twilight lay down the law. A shame it doesn't happen more often.

I hope spike makes it out okay, if he doesn't I wish the town of ponyville good luck

This is my reaction to finding and reading this fic:

This. THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!! I've been waiting for a fic where somepony has FINALLY had enough of the Crusaders Crusading when it is damned obvious to even a parasprite what their talents are and yet they keep trying any shit they can to get one. Also, calling out DT, SS and Filthy Rich and the SS's unshown parents is another great thing. Shit probably wouldn't have ever gotten this far if it wasn't for them constantly tormenting the CMC and Filthy Rich protecting them. And while I wasn't expecting the Flower Trio, it was a nice surprise. Those three are probably bigger neurotic messes than Twilight with their constant panicking and the trouble it causes.

I will GREATLY enjoy seeing more of this.

And a typo I found.

She's as much a son to Princess Celestia as he is to... oh no...”

I think you mean He's, not She's.

4904037 panic attacks that cause harm to others, like zecora, need to be dealt with. If those responsible can't take control of their own lives, then someone else has to do it for them. The real world is messy and dirty, no getting around that.

also this is great by the way. if people acted like that in real life.... well, let's just say people DON'T act like that in real life and leave it there. Like i said, great story, keep it up :twilightsmile:

Also, dunno if you forgot or not, or aren't going to cover it, but there are Cutie Mark Crusaders in Manehatten, AKA Babs Seed and anypony she got to join.

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