This story is a sequel to So...What Now?
While organizing Ponyville's Hall of Records, Twilight Sparkle discovers a secret Applejack has been hiding for many years.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 9th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen May 5th, 2019
MythrilMoth
LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
MythrilMoth
Joined 9th Jul, 2012 ·
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just a few weeks ago i saw something that had a similar premise.
4633073 There are a LOT of "Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother" stories on this site, as I mentioned in the author's notes.
shrugs, not bad. probbly doesn't help that i am had read a much better take on applejack is the mother. it started as just a one shot story, which shows that Applejack had an enormous amount of baggage when ti comes to it. then it continued with a story where applebloom deals with the fallout......... she does not take it well and it is surprisingly realistic.
First time I've seen this. I've seen "Rarity is Sweetie Belle's mother" but not this. I like this.
'DAT INCEST 'DOUGH
4633120
There's been a few. Most notable one I know is The Truth but this one is good too.
Ah, the problem with choosing a year. Celestia banished Luna for 1000 years, so for the year of her return to be 1000, either Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon immediately, or Celestia was a tyrant that renumbered the calendar to celebrate her sister's banishment.
4633169 I explained (sort of) my calendar in a blog post. The Era of Celestia (or E.C.) years are the years since the banishment of Luna, whereas the previous era was the Era of the Two Sisters (or T.S.E.). With Luna's return, the Era of Celestia ended, so the year 1000 E.C. is actually the year 1 C.N.E. (Canterlot New Era).
For the record, in my headcanon, the events of the season 4 finale occur in the year 3 C.N.E. (In other words, 3 years after Twilight moved to Ponyville.)
4633167 my favorite is what i brought home from manehatten and its sequel, florett.
4633193
While I suppose we cannot be absolutely certain, the s4 opener appears to imply that only a single year has passed since Luna's return, at that point in time. Do what you want, though.
Nice fic. I glad that you decided to make sure Braeburn was absolutely jack-hammered drunk instead of just turning the situation into self-gratifying "I loved my cousin" schtick. That would probably have had me rolling my eyes and moving on, but overall, you did an okay job of this. Have a thumb.
4633164 Incest is the best, put your sister to the test.
I'm sorry, I keep hearing random people chant that and saw my chance to hop on the bandwagon.
4633341
lol
4633341 Be careful where you say that. Guys with sisters WILL hurt you.
4633347 I know martial art things though, like punches, and kicks, and Muay Thai
4633375 That's not going to save you from getting a haymaker to the jaw from a pissed off brother.
4633389 True, i have suffered that fate while defending my brother for violating the flower of another mans sister. But thats too much information *puts on shades and activates Neuralyzer* You have a nice day sir.ma'am
4633169
To be fair, it isn't all that unlikely that that IS how the calendar is numbered. Remember, we've heard it was the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration; the most likely cause is simply that several hundred years ago, someone started numbering years by that system.
Once you have a fairly universal system, everyone tends to stick to it; the AD/BC or CE/BCE system is pretty widely accepted these days, even though it is based on an incorrect estimate about when an event happened; I doubt we're ever going to switch away from it simply because there's no real reason to do so.
Hard to say with their word's strange schtizo-tech, but they have electrical power, so...
4633492 For the record, my dating system is a hybrid of the B.C/A.D system that's in common usage, and the Japanese system of listing dates by the Imperial era. (ie, Showa, Heisei, etc.)
I think you got the accents-into-writing spot on, and the way that all characters, regardless of accent, have believable speech. I think that's pretty awesome, and it really helps accompany the story.
This was good. I like
Must admit, I've read a LOT of stories that say that AJ is Appleblooms mother, but I gotta say, this is indeed one of the better ones.
Good job, Mythril. Ya done good, friend.
4633686 can you tell me the Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother fics you know of
Please
Do a sequel
Please
4633756 Do me a favor, and call me an idiot.
I've been reading them for the past couple of days, but I never added them to my favorites...
4633852 I just made a group called Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother
4633852 I like groups
Whoa.
That was some pretty interesting stuff. Damn, do I feel bad for Applebloom, having thought that she was AJ's sis her entire life.
4633856 There's already a motherhood group, and this story's in it. Also, please stop with the comment spam.
4633900 It could be worse. Apple Bloom could be wearing a gas mask.
4633942 sorry and what's the group called
4633949 Motherhood is Magical
4633945 "Are you my mummy?"
4633958
Go to your room.
>"Not only that, he's as queer as a cupcake in a pie judging contest!"
Classic.
4634106 Glad you liked that.
Applejack is Applebloom's mom!? I can't see it. I can't. I won't. Can someone please explain how AJ is AB's mom, please? I'm still reeling from the Twimom crisis.
4634346 Well you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY MUCH...or get drunk and have sex without thinking about it...
4634393 Yeah, yeah, I know about the Talk. I regret reading this fic now.
>Another "Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother" story
>*rolls eyes*
Well, after reading that authors note, I suppose I can't fault you for it, but if you're going to go where everyone has gone before, you should bring something new to the table—something to set yourself apart from the rest of the pack. If you have no desire to improve this story, stop reading this comment right now. If, however, you would like some helpful critique and advice, keep reading, and I will do my best to be tactful.
As a story written for yourself, this isn't... terrible, but if you're hoping to present it to the judgement of others, the word I would use is awkward. This story could have bee cute or even adorable, but it's pinned down by frustrating stylistic choices. Now, I get it. Applejack is a dive right in kind of girl, She takes the world head on, and deals with it as it comes. But I feel like there's too little emotion stuffed into what should be a very emotional subject matter. That Applejack hid it at all means that she feels very strong emotions around the subject, and most likely of shame or embarrassment. She shouldn't be taking it so well.
You roll past these difficult moments seemingly without thought to what should lie behind them, as though they are, admittedly awkward, but every day events.
You know something, Applejack? I half believe you.
As an author, I can see you're trying here, but this moment passes too quickly, I feel. It's almost like Applejack's response is "Oh, shoot they found out. What a bummer." Like she only half cares. This should be a very emotional moment for Applejack, as she's being forced to face something she's spent half her life trying to forget. Applejack is honest, yes, and very open with her family, but these emotional moments lack emotion, so I find it difficult to feel for Applejack the way I think you want me to, despite how in character they might be. Now, if you're going for straight up awkwardness, change nothing, but if you want some emotion to leak out of the paper, you're going to need a bit more effort.
Then there's the moment where Applejack spills the beans
Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down there, cowgirl. Applejack is now trying to explain something to the pony she cares for the most in the whole world, something that could very well hurt her emotionally. She's lied about her identity because she was embarrased, and hoped she could forget about it. This exact situation has been used in literature many times, and it always causes a huge rift, if only for a few scenes during the more stable encounters. Applejack shouldn't find this so easy to tell, and in fact it should be very difficult to say. She might manage to just come out and say it like this, but not before struggling to find the words. This moment passed too quickly, and with far too little emotion for its purpose.
>Rainbow Dash talks to Applebloom
Rainbow Dash is actually my favorite part of this story. She doesn't have a clue what's going on, but she notices a pony in need, and stops by to do what she can. And actually manages to say almost exactly the right thing
This was probably your best moment as far as emotions are concerned. We get to see how Apple Bloom is taking this, and it's... well I'm not really sure. I can't really tell what she's feeling, though it's clear she's not happy. Again, I can't really fault this for what it is—Rainbow Dash did an excellent job—but the emotions are just... bland. All your really have to show that Apple Bloom is upset is her reluctance to speak, and her sighing. She just sighs a couple of times. No sniffling, no tears, no trembling lips, no bewildered eyes, no stuttering—nothing to show that she feels anything at all other than reluctance to share. Applejack may be a grown mare, and capable of handling such subjects, but Apple Bloom is a filly! Granny Smith said it herself that Apple Bloom wouldn't take this too well. She's just found out that the person she's thought of as a sister her whole life is really her mother. That's a lot to take in for a little filly. She ought to be feeling a lot of stuff she's never felt before; I was expecting some confusion at least! Maybe a little denial, anger, sadness... There's none of these here—just withdrawal.
If you really want this story to have an impact, you should work on adding emotional depth to these scenes.
A few nitpicks:
Um... Apple Bloom is like, ten, maybe. Is the town of Appleloosa really that young?
Has she never left the house before? Surely Applejack didn't think she was running away.
Well, that's about it for issues. Your grammar and formatting for this were very nice. I actually didn't notice any issues, so that means you've done a pretty good job editing.
Shorter and sweeter than some of them that I have read...
I found this in the "Applejack is Apple Blooms mother" group, and I got to say, this is really good. I always kind of liked this kind of fanfics, but I never really liked the. Applejack x Big Mac that most of them contain, but I do ship AJ and Breaburn, so this is the perfect AJ is Apple. Blooms Mother fic!
4633518
For fun, in my headcannon I use "Before Celestia" and "After Discord" for pony calendar eras. :)
Nice fic, though I could have seen AJ refusing to tell Applebloom. It's not like there really was any pressing need to do so, other than AJ's guilt over lying. There's honesty and there's Too Much Information. In the real world, I've heard that Jack Nicholson later learned that his "parents" were actually his grandparents and his "sister" was his mother, but he never learned about it until after they were dead. I guess that I just don't see the urgency of telling Apple Bloom then and there.
"Followed by the revolution to put that system into place! It'll be the most organized period of transitional anarchy ever!"
This was entirely too funny. Completely broke the mood. How dare you.
Yeah, the scene needed it. Kept the drama from becoming overbearing.
...
In any case, this is not a concept I'm at all fond of, but you made it work as well as it could. Thank you for it.
4636184 Yeah, the first part of this will make more sense when the story it's REALLY a sequel to is actually published. Short version: Twilight's running Ponyville now.
Not too shabby, but it's really rushed. Everything happens a bit too quickly, and everypony is a bit too quick to open up about these big, life-changing secrets. It rather lessens the emotional impact. You should try to slow down and build things up a bit more.
Not really bad but not relly good either. The idea, as you said is not exactly original and the execution isn't really great. While there aren't any major issues with the style of the writing you made a mistake that's really common in fanfiction. You were going way too fast about this whole thing. Is like every chatacter was some kind of cyborg who could get over life changing events in a couple of minutes. When you do this kind of things, you can do it quickly and bluntly, but you do it leaving the reactions to the imagination of the reader so they fill in the blanks. On the other side you did it quick and described the whole process the characters went through very quickly. That makes the whole thing seem kind of lifeless.
Applejack was like "I've been lying all my life about this really important thing that would change Applebloom's life forever, but you've been really convincing in this last 3 minutes of talking, Twi. Welp, let's be grown ups about the whole thing
" Most people just don't work like that, and that's what make the characters of this story less credible because most of the characters in this story doesn't seem to be like that. Big Mac was, truth be told, the better done one because he seems like that kind of guy who would just take things as they are and move on.
That flaw alone kills stories like this that are suppoused to be about emotional reactions and they shouldn't come out as "Hey, Applebloom is Applejack's daughter. Crazy world we live in, huh?". And your story kinda feels like that to me. The outcome? A story that is suppoused to convey some emotions to the reader doesn't deliver anything. Well, that's just my opinion anyway. Please, understand Im only trying to make constructive criticism and Im sorry if it came out too hard.
4637160 I appreciate your criticism, but I don't think you're looking at this in the right light. Also, no offense, but you have zero published stories, which frankly doesn't lend much weight to your opinions, as it doesn't give me the impression of you having any real experience with writing, nor with handling treatments of emotional issues.
Furthermore, you need to distinguish between a story written as closely as possible to an episode of a cartoon for young children while still dealing with a weighty emotional issue, and soap opera melodrama, which is what you appear to want this to be. Nothing was resolved at the end, except for Apple Bloom accepting the truth but still needing time to adjust to it. Applejack didn't spent ten chapters agonizing over whether or not to tell Apple Bloom the truth because that would be an excruciatingly boring read, and as a writer, I had no inclination to sit here and shit out ten chapters of boring soap opera melodrama about Applejack agonizing over a decision.
Bad writers drag things out to the point of exhaustion. Good writers deal with them succinctly, in a manner which befits the tone of the medium in which they're working...or, in the case of fanfiction, in a tone which fits the source material as closely as possible.
I can see where some readers might think this feels "rushed", but I assure you that anyone who reads it that way is basing their criticisms on dramatized treatments of emotional issues. Reality is unrealistic for people who think television and Hollywood drama portrays realistic depictions of situations such as this.
Believe it or not, when a situation such as this occurs? There's no hours and days of agonizing introspection. There's no screaming and crying in the rain. There's no throwing and breaking things. Because that isn't how real people deal with things.
And, again, there's the fact that this is a story about cartoon ponies, attempting to follow the pattern of an episode of the show as closely as possible. In that context, a situation like this WOULD be wrapped up neatly in a 22-minute animation storyboard.
So again, I do appreciate your taking the time to comment, but I have to respectfully reject your analysis of the story.
It is so far out of character that if the planet it was on exploded, the flash of light would not be seen by the planet of In-Character until a hundred years later. It's not original, it's not clever, it's not even remotely intelligent, it is the plot device of a moron. It should have been not merely tossed but SLAMMED into the waste bin with as much force as possible.
Insta fail, thumbs down. End of discussion.
4637474 Feeling enough hatred there, fella?
As loathe as I am to wade into a comment war....eh. *straps on kevlar vest* into the breach!
This is a good one shot. You hit a lot of notes well, I like that Appleblooms reaction isn't I HATE YOU nor is it. oh I get why you did it we're cool now.
Is it a little rushed? Eh...it's a one shot, the nice thing about one shots are that you don't have to spend time leading up to and then away from events.
I think the topic of AB is AJ's daughter is usually told in a multi chapter arc for that reason, but as far as one shots go I thought your pacing was okay. Overall I enjoyed the story, have a