Stuck somewhere between writing funny and sad horsewords. Don't forget to add romance in there!
The Writers' Group56,457 stories ·9,300 members
Rainbow Dash7,260 stories ·4,145 members
RariDash363 stories ·993 members
American Bronies3,788 stories ·1,062 members
In a small hiccup of insensitivity, Rarity finds out a secret Rainbow Dash hid from everypony she knew, and does so in a way she regrets.
To fix her mistake involves a trade, a fear for a fear.
Rainbow Dash decides to tackle one of these by taking her to a place where few ponies ever go.
To get to that place, they're going to go up.
Prereading and Editing done by HoofBitingActionOverload and Outcast9851
Cover art can be found here
Featured!
Page generated in 0.213 seconds
Total duration
975 users online
2,116,950 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Since I came to this site I've been asking the same question: Why is (almost literally) every second story on the site tagged as a Romance and/or a ship-fic?
So, I decided I'd read this one (via luck of the draw). And it seems I did, in fact, get pretty lucky (all things considered
)!
This is a very sweet story. In my mind though, it just still seems weird to do these sorts of 'smooshy' (for lack of a better word, sorry) stories with characters from the (kid's) show.
I'm not trying to take a dig at you or your writing at all. It's just always seemed like it may be, my idea of 'romance' as well as the weight that term implies, is different from those around me-- I don't know.
But putting that aside.
Now I can say I've at least tried reading one, and I'm glad I chose this one. It was a well written, balanced and very warm read (ironically, heheh). Well done =)
5735973 Haven't read the story yet, but your comment caught my eye. I'm not certain, but I think a lot of writers don't really think of them as characters from a (kid's) show. They think of them as characters whose adventures someone made a kid's show from. There is a difference. The first is like saying that if some person is seen in a reality show that the show documents the person's entire life, and the second is saying that the show only shows the interesting and show-appropriate bits of that persons life.
Thus, when they write stories, they are treating the show as a "reality-cartoon" about the life of ponies and are trying to write stories of the "real" ponies behind those kid-friendly bit's shown in the cartoon. Really, that's the only way to do it if you want to write something else than silly type of comedies, as the mediums are so different. The cartoons are full of silly visual gag's that would make written stories quite nonsensical if they were treated as canon. And if you are imagining the ponies as real persons to be able to write all types of stories with them, then it makes sense that they go to toilet like real persons, fall in love like real persons, have sex like real persons, get hurt like real persons etc.
It's a zero (0utcast9851). the more you know.
5736185
And I agree with you. I think a big part of what was driving my original comment, however, was the thought of: We can all write so many great stories about such fantastic characters doing such interesting things...
...Yet 9/10 of the stories I see around the place are romance & ship-fics.
The sheer volume of that style of story, more than anything else about them, confounds me to almost the point of being irked (I do say, sir! *adjusts monocle*).
So I decided to take the question of: 'Why so many ships? Is the tag of 'Romance' just getting overused, or do we see it differently?' from just in my head, to a public forum.
Or...comments section, as it were
Oh hell yes, this was brilliant.
5736358 I think that, paradoxically, it is popular because it is popular. People like that kind of thing, so FiMfiction writers write more of it. People read and like the stories, and writers, seeing that romance is popular, write more of it. And the cycle continues...
I agree, I would like to see less romance and more adventures.
This thread by BluegrassBrooke shows everything that makes a proper romance.
5736358
To be fair, even a lot of stories that don't actually focus on romance usually end up with a romance tag simply because there are relationships in the story somewhere.
I mean, I dunno, to put a weird example... If freaking Spider-Man was a FimFiction story, it'd probably get a romance tag too because of Peter Parker's love interests, though I'm sure nobody would ever consider Spider-Man a "romance."
But yeah, even considering that, there's a lot of stories focusing exclusively on shipping.
I would've likes this if I had any idea what the fuck was going on from the beginning. It was very jarring and unpleasant to be thrown into the middle of a story with zero background.
5736358 Well, as 5736840 said, a lot of the stories have the romance tag because there is some romance somewhere in the story. Quite a lot of the larger stories with multiple characters will have some romance subplot, which makes sense if you think about it.
But I think that the reason for the large amount of pure romance stories is the fact that a lot of people ship different pairings. I, for example, am almost exclusively interested in TwiDash. So, while I will read almost any TwiDash story, I will have no interest for, say, TwiPie. And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this. The result is that the romance tag could be argued to be made out of a bunch of mini-tags, each being their own pairing. Which of course means there will be a bunch of romance stories as a lot of writers make stories of their favorite pairing.
Also, I think writing a romance story is kinda low-hanging fruit. It's easy to write generic romance as the plot will also be generic. Pony A asks pony B for a date, they go to a restaurant/picnic/etc., they declare their undying love for each other and then they kiss. It's kinda harder to think of some good plot for, say, a good friend-shipping story (something I would really like to see more of).
What?
Rainbow's lines don't feel Rainbow-y. I don't mean in the sense that it's not all... "Woohoo I'm derped-as-fuck on how cool I am!" that she tends to portray herself as, because we all know that's just a mask, as the Rainboom episode showed us. A common issue people have when writing Dash and Scootaloo is not taking into account that their usual vocabulary is somewhat more stunted than it is eloquent or loquacious. Yet when many writers write Dash/Scootaloo, they end up sounding practically like Rarity.
Knowing people like Dash, I feel like her inability to care about the nuances of wording and communication in general is part of why she's the way she is, since it's hard to get feelings across in a way people understand due to either lacking the words because she didn't learn them or the words just don't exist, she'd only care about the mask she shows the world, thus leaving her frustrated in situations where she needs to be open with her feelings, and impatient with talking in general.
I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.
5736840 I had a feeling that was the case.
5737283 I agree with what you guys have been saying (which is a relief) and I can see what you mean as well.
So, I've found myself with another question: Do you reckon it'd be worthwhile for there to be a 'shipping' tag as well as just the 'romance' tag? I reckon that'd make a big difference, and help reduce homogenisation of the stories on the site.
Very well done story. Raridash is a good ship, and seeing Rainbow fight confidence issues is always a good thing for handling her character. I will admit, I was really confused when I started on the first chapter, and I wondered if I'd accidentally started the second chapter or a sequel to some original story when an explanation wasn't immediately forthcoming. Regardless, once everything was cleared up and squared away, I was able to really enjoy this story.
Keep up the good work!
24
Very nice read ya got here.
5738397 I wanted to start the story showing the aftermath of the situation, with the idea that you would keep reading in order to find out what had happened and why.
Glad you enjoyed it!
5738467 Indeed
5737785 This isn't the first time somebody''s mentioned this to me. I'll admit I've written Dash somewhat overly smart for her actual character before, but I learned to dial that down.
I've read lauded stories before that write her as being close to downright stupid and oblivious, and it just doesn't fit the headcanon I have for her. That being said, do you think I wrote her too differently? Just curious...
5737347 Thanks for the find, lemme fix that.
5736953 I wanted to start off with the aftermath, and have the reader continue on to figure out what had happened, and why. The idea was basically using the technique "in media res," which is a narrative technique of relating a story to the midpoint rather than the beginning.
5736578 Glad you enjoyed it!
5735973 I write romance because I love it one, and two because there is basically an unlimited amount of ideas for it. I always loved writing romance scenes and I have a ton of fun with them. Other stuff like most comedy, long drawn out Equestria war fics, human in Equestria, etc, just never was an interest of mine. And CDRT's comment basically summed up my thoughts better than I could.
I'm happy you enjoyed the story though!
5738529
Yes. While I wouldn't call Rainbow Dash dumb, she's not... smart, either. Doesn't fit her character, her archetype, her group dynamic, or the way she handles issues. She's the hothead, impatient, brash, bratty and boastful (in attitude and personality, leastways - her better character attributes aren't part of her personality). That's the main reason people like her so much, no less - she's the stand-out and always worried about her image. Compared to Applejack who is essentially a more well-rounded pony than RD but sits at the opposite end of the pony-favorites spectrum on most polls. RD believes in actions more than words, and that much is canonical. I've given my feelings on why that is based on my experiences with similar real people already.
Essentially, the pacing of her speech, the words she uses, even with the mask off and dealing with deeper emotions than she's used to hashing out (rather than escaping and burying, in your story), are several notches above the bar for even barefaced Rainbow Dash. The story's good, don't get me wrong. I've just noticed you might have let some of Rarity's level of speech bleed into Dash's when writing this. Which is easy to do and kind of sneaks up on you, and is sometimes hard to spot because you're reading it and it's like listening to a normal person talking - but then if you think about it, that's not really how Dash sounds.
5738570
I totally agree with you about the story, but I want to jump in and say that while Rainbow Dash isn't book-smart or eloquent like Twilight or Rarity, I wouldn't exactly say that she isn't 'Smart'. She and Applejack show a lot more common sense then most of the other cast (Most of the time, cough Mare-do-well cough,) and she seems good at on-the-fly (pun) thinking and planning.
I realize that this has nothing to do with the topic at hand, it's just a pet peeve of mine when people use 'Smart' to mean 'Educated', since there are a lot of educated people who aren't particularly bright and a lot of really clever and smart individuals who aren't well educated.
When Rainbow asked 'Do you trust me?' this instantly sprang to mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s
Listened to that while I read the rest. Was not dissappointed.
5738794
Good example: Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. He's educated, but hellova lot socially crippled.
That was a very nice, touch my feels, kind of story. It's not my usual cup of preferred tea, but still a good read. I always enjoy authors who take the creative liberty to expand and flesh out cannon characters such as what you did here. It truly expands on the cannon characterization to such a splendid degree that is always enjoyable to one who recognizes and appreciates a good read.
I pity all the fools who fall for sub-standard, unimaginative stories that recycle the same overdone formulas and orgasm over such rabble.
Well done.
5738794
Dash actually exhibits the second least amount of common sense next to Pinkie Pie ("I'm going to fly right up to that planet-killing dark alicorn goddess and punch her in the nose! Nothing can go wrong!"). Which is suspect because Pinkie seems like she just ignores common sense on purpose. And for the love of Celestia don't bring up Mare-Do-Well please, you'll find I hold a very different opinion (due to an overwhelming amount of experience and years studying psychology) about it than most people and I've been arguing to show people the truth they're missing out on while they hate on the episode or the characters' decisions ever since that episode aired. It has been a long, slow battle to dispense enlightenment on the subject and my converts and I are a tad weary of the good fight.
As for smart, I use it both ways - because I've never met a dumb smart person, but I have met stupid intelligent people. Rainbow Dash feels far more instinctual than 'smart'. She has very keen instincts, and the type to think with her 'gut' rather than her brain. Every team needs someone like that, and Rainbow Dash is that girl. Like I said, she's not dumb in any sense of the word. Her talents lie elsewhere than book-learning or contemplative thinking and comprehension. Each of the girls has their own weaknesses that another girl covers for - which is the very basis of Harmony to begin with. Rainbow Dash is physically excellent, and very physically-minded. However, that trade-off is +Dex +Str -Int -Wis (obligatory +20% Cha), to put it in a quantifiable and familiar format.
So, no worries. I was not insulting Rainbow Dash in the slightest. It's no different than saying that while I might be strong and smart, I'm fairly lumbering and slow. (It's the afro, all that wind resistance I'll bet!) Simply pointing out strengths and weaknesses.
5739238
Getting off topic here, but I actually quite like The Mysterious Mare Do Well. It's not the greatest episode ever, but I enjoyed it. I only brought it up because she shows rather lackluster investigative skills. (Either there are a lot of alicorns we never get to see, or Rainbow should really be figuring out that Mare Do Well is more than one pony pretty easily.)
5739273
Interesting! You're a rather rare outlier, you know. Commonly when someone brings up that episode they're harping on how 'stupid and mean' the rest of the girls are while fawning over Dash as if she did absolutely nothing wrong and was a victim. It's gotten quite grating over the... year? Two years? I don't remember how long it's been. Many kudos to you.
5739289
To be fair, it's easy to miss a brief comment partway through the episode that lets you know it's been quite a while since Rainbow started bragging, and without hearing that comment or seeing any transitions, it's easy to think that they started harping on Rainbow at the drop of a hat. (Again, it's not the best episode ever, but it's nowhere near as bad as Putting Your Hoof Down or most Spike episodes, in my opinion.)
5739301
I found Putting Your Hoof Down to be hilarious. ... Mostly just for the fact that Iron Will is voiced by Mr. Satan from DBZ and likewise my favorite character from Borderlands 2: Mr. Torgue. The guffaws were strong that morning.
And I agree, the Spike episodes were horrible. Each one felt like a waste of a week of waiting to me. That was before the Spike-cultists here on Fimfic drove me to disliking the chubby little scribe, even (it took a death threat to accomplish that!).
Still, getting back on track, I hope I cleared up any misunderstanding about my use of wording on Rainbow Dash's character analysis.
5739330
What track? I see no track!
And I couldn't really enjoy it. As funny as some of the jokes were, Fluttershy was horribly out of character and there were so many contrived assholes that came out of absolute nowhere just to force the plot along. I marathoned the first two seasons of the show on Netflix when I found out about it, and this episode plays right after A Friend In Deed, the episode about how everypony is friendly and nice in Ponyville. It was a bit jarring to go from that episode to one where pretty much every single character is rude, obnoxious, and cruel. (Including the majority of the main characters.)
I doubt I can offer much that hasn't been discussed already, except for one minor quibble:
"astronomical glory," perhaps? Astrology being the hocus-pocus fortune-telling-from-the-stars thing, rather than the study of celestial bodies. Didn't jar me out of the narrative really, but I couldn't help wondering if Dash was a Scorpio after seeing the word there.
5739521
Wow... There are no words to describe just how inappropriate and vindictive this comment is. its Comments like these that make me glad I can block people. If you don't like something, and have no constructive criticism to give, keep it to yourself, there's enough bad stuff in this world that you don't need to be adding to it.
5739521 By your logic...
...that shouldn't be in the synopsis either. The editors and cover artist don't necessarily tie into the actual plot, but they deserve to be credited for their efforts in the story description. You didn't complain about that, though.
When writers get their stories featured, it's something they are proud of. They have every right to mention it at the bottom of the story description.
5740578
I actually agree with you wholeheartedly. I detest the "featured!" thing in descriptions. A lot.
I was still the first person to downvote your comment. Because crowing about how much of a dick you just were to someone is actually far worse than a little back-patting after a job well done. You really could have just drive-by downvoted, or been like, "hey, I don't like this" in a civil or even mildly exasperated manner. Instead you decided to be all, "no, screw yooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu" because... I dunno.
I mean, again, I get it, but self-control is a part of being civilized.
By the way, if we're splitting hairs, dedications ("thanks to my fans/mom/Ralph/etc.") and accolades ("praise for Book X") do appear at the start of books and on covers.
Hey!
That's my username!
Love the story, too.
Raridash is now added on the list of ships.
5740578
I will say that your response does indeed have merit. Crediting people that had some impact on how the story is presented isn't the same as writing "Featured" in the description, but personally, I see that as FimFic's equivalent of having a published book that won a Pulitzer (or some other award like that) having that badge on the front cover, which is common. That tends to make people want to read a story more, not less. When the story LEAVES the Featured box, the author will still be proud that it was there at some point, and they will want to let people know.
It's unfair to give a story a downvote just because they wrote that their story was featured in the description. If you want to make your opinion known that you don't like that, then fine— just write a comment instead. A single comment won't necessarily alter others' perceptions of the story, but downvoting a story for the sole reason that they wrote "Featured" in the description is not only petty, but it alters the story's rating for the future, and again, that's really just not fair.
5740639
Perhaps we should compromise: you admit we have a shared valid point (as you already have), I admit I could expressed mine better (as I could have), we delete our respective posts and be on our way, yes?
5740674
5740810
5740639
I don't put featured there in order for people to know that it's been featured. Rather, I mostly like it there because it reminds me that the story was featured, and that makes me feel pretty good about what i wrote, you know? Yes, so much crap can get into the feature box, but I consider it an accomplishment to myself when one of my stories, typically a simple everyone rated romance story, beats out all of the clopfics and feature grab bait stories to get up there.
So yeah... sorry if I committed any offence by doing that, it's just something I've always done for myself.
5741367 Nah, no offense to me— I was defending ya.
If I got one of my stories in the box, I'd probably do the same.
BTW, congrats! Personally, I'm not a Raridash fan, and I did catch a number of remaining errors, but it was still a nice story.
5741367
I agree with and respect your reasoning, if not your actions.
I place great weight on humility and letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves.
Quite honestly, if people put the "featured on (date)" thing in the description once it left the box, I'd be much more personally okay with it. But while it's in the box? Always struck me as redundant. I mean, we can see it got featured, can't we?
Anyway, I'll review this when I'm soonest able! Enjoy your comeback fame.
I love this fic. Every part about it was executed so masterfully. It was such a pleasure to read.
Though I must say that my absolute favorite part was the first chapter. You open up right in the action, making everyone curious and demanding to know what happened. They're hooked instantly. Then, you don't use the flashback excuse. You don't have the character monologue. You keep Rarity completely in character as she is lamenting to Opal about what went wrong. There wasn't a single fault with it. It just worked so well for Rarity, no questions about it. Phenomenal job.
Oh, man...
This is good. So good that I forgot to wonder how RariDash ships work.
5739289
I always felt like everyone fucked up. That was a really stupid way to go about dealing with Dash's ego problem, but what a lot of people forgot/ignore is that if Applejack hadn't stopped that cart a lot of ponies would have died because Dash wanted to deliver a catchphrase and showboat before saving them.
5743859
Ugh. ;-; Alright, I'll do it this one time...
It was actually a brilliant way to go about it. As I've stated, I have a great deal of experience handling people with Rainbow Dash's overall personality. I can tell you from that experience, that if you tell them that they are doing something wrong (especially while they're riding the high of it) they will at best become flippant and dismissive of any concerns brought up, and at worst become irate and defensive to the point of simply completely ignoring you or becoming offensive or potentially even arriving at physical violence.
This is the kind of person you can't just talk to about their actions or personal issues. This is the kind of person whose ego and way of thinking forces what they see to be fed through the narrow tube that is their personal and worldview, which suits Dash to a T. They refuse to let themselves comprehend that there's something other than the way they choose to see things, and will not believe you if you tell them otherwise. They have to be SHOWN. That's the sort of person whose eyes must be opened in a way that fits in with how they perceive the world and events within it. And believe me, you can't hold their hand through it in the slightest, there is no nice way to go about it if you want to get through to them and make a lasting impression of what they need to see.
So what did Twilight come up with in the end? The proper way to handle the situation. By showing Dash that she's gone too far. Even if through deception, showing her that she's not the best there is (extremely dangerous thinking, for people around that person, and for the person themselves - both in danger to health, and the stagnation of that person's growth) and that she cannot hog all the praise and glory to herself. This was even explored at the Academy when we meet Lightning Dust, who is EXACTLY what Rainbow Dash would have turned into if Mare-Do-Well had never happened. They had to jar Rainbow Dash out of the little bubble of her own personal reality and show her the world is big, and that her actions can affect it negatively, but to do that they had to show her that she was not the end-all be-all, in which case she would only worry more about herself and how she feels (in relation to fame and praise) rather than those around her.
This is compounded when, yes, she begins to become a danger to Ponyville, where other ponies very well might have lost their lives due to her showboating. Now, that would have solved the problem - Rainbow Dash would realize that the way she was becoming was absolutely unacceptable, but then we'd have a bunch of dead people and even if she wasn't run out of town the guilt and depression would have torn her apart, friends or no friends. I also have experience in dealing with loss, and those who've caused death either accidentally or by way of self-defense. I can tell you that it is not pretty, by any stretch of the imagination, to see what it does to someone. Creating a whole new problem, the exact opposite end of the "I'm not going to listen to you" spectrum. Instead of refusing to listen and being a potentially dangerous braggart and show-off who left behind her friends and equinity for people chanting her name instead, she'd refuse to listen due to her self-degrading inner monologue and depressed emptiness, believing she deserved unnecessary hardship thanks to those who did not survive due to her arrogance.
Back on to Mare-Do-Well, the execution was flawless. They mystified her, kept her guessing, their switching in and out was seamless, and they played on the weaknesses that Rainbow considered strengths - her ego, her desire for unhealthy amounts of adulation, which, from a psychological standpoint is actually not so different from a mind-altering drug, and too much can be akin to abusing same-said drug. There were some issues with the overall episode itself, but it's hard to try and get a complex and realistic lesson like this through a mostly visual medium played for entertainment and meant for small children over the course of about twenty-two minutes, when it can take YEARS of therapy and reconstructive psychiatric sessions to move someone past such issues as Dash canonically possesses, and the implied issues of low self-confidence and such behind the very obvious mask she wears (Rainboom episode), which leads to this sort of prideful imbalance kick she was on in the MDW episode to begin with.
I cannot stress enough how trying to talk it out with her would not have worked. Even an intervention would have at most made her angry and required restraint by Twilight's magic to get her to not fly out and blame them. In the unlikely event she did listen, it would not have lasted very long, with the siren call of fame eating away at her already relatively weak and further weakened willpower and self-control. They showed Rainbow Dash her faults the best way they could, and in truth it was just plain the best way.
Most people who complain about how Rainbow Dash and MDW themselves were handled either lack experience and knowledge on the subject, tend to be Dashie-waifu cultists (I've gotten several death threats from these), or simply people who either refuse to or lack the ability to see more than what is put in front of them, taking everything in at face value - yet managing to add in their own feelings to the end of that, as Dash is obviously not bothered once she finds out her friends ended up teaching her a much-needed lesson. It has been very trying, attempting to show people this far more reasonable point of view, especially since they (like Dash) don't want their viewpoint changed. They want to believe the other girls were jealous or mean or spiteful, when that simply wasn't true - they love Rainbow Dash and wanted her to be better than she was being.
And with that, I return you to your Raridash, please no further issues on episodes such as Mare-Do-Well or Filli Vanilli or Bats. I would like to take a break from repeating the same psychoanalysis and application of personal experience and learned information to these specific episodes. Back to the story!
Wow. This is... amazing. Everything just flows together so well that you lose track of time while reading it... bravo. I wish I had your writing skill
Hm... and this is the part of relationships a lot of people get wrong. They don't know how to stop seeing things from their perspective and start seeing them from their partners... to understand what the other person is feeling... because no matter how illogical or silly it may be, those fears are still so very real for them.
5744003
I don't care for mare-do-well that much but I will say it was the right lesson but the approach was wrong, and honestly the fact that they never even tried to talk to her is still a sore point
Wondeful oneshot. The dynamic between the too was very believable.
It was a heartwarming d'aaaaw story, but I have to wonder what it was, that caused RD to act like she did in the second chapter. Why did she suddenly decide to show Rarity her sanctum above the clouds? In the end it was Rarity who used the experience to restore harmony between them.
So, narratively I see a little plothole there. Aside from that, that was one of the better ships in general and also one of the better stories in terms of getting the characters to be believable and deep.
All in all a story I could enjoy very much. Thank you for writing it
I liked this story cause you kept them in character
Can I have my cookie now?
Awww...my feelz...Raridash isn't usually one of my favorite ships (not that I despise it, or anything like that) but I really liked the way it was shown in this story.
I could totally imagine them having a relationship like this, especially their fears. The characters were really believable.
And it was just shown in such a cute way...
Good job!
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg