• Member Since 19th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Saturday

The DJ Rainbow Dash


Stuck somewhere between writing funny and sad horsewords. Don't forget to add romance in there!

T
Source

When a freak accident causes Rainbow Dash to lose her trademark defining trait, Twilight worries that it might have taken her spirit, soul, and her love away along with it.

With the help of a friend, maybe there is a way she can help her find it again.

Perhaps a trip to a very special place is in order.


Written for Famous Last Words' "Right Back At It Again" 2020 Shipping Competition

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Great story! I like the plot and build up!

That was excellent! I could practically feel Twilight on the verge of giving up. Well done.

Twilight started flapping her wings twice as hard, their speed picking up rapidly, till some of the clouds were flying past them like a blur. She wore if she put her hand out into one of the clouds right now, she would be able to slice some of them in half. After a little while, she began to lean left, remembering the way the currents began to shift from what Fluttershy was describing.

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Thanks! :twilightsmile:

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That was the intention, so good to hear. Glad you enjoyed it.

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Well that's what happens when I try to quickly look this over on the last day of a contest. :facehoof: Thanks for finding that.

“Woah, this is extremely detailed.”

I feel like this captures the reading experience of the story. It goes beyond being 'detailed' to being overwrought. Despite the fact that this is a good idea, it is hampered by the execution. The opening of the story captures this well: there are over five paragraphs devoted to describing a coffee-making process with borderline fetishistic devotion that can come across as confusing to the reader. It takes away from the setting and relationship, even though you have a solid foundation for storytelling.

Awesome story!

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Reading it over a couple times, I can see what you mean somewhat. I think I tend to do that without even knowing it sometimes. But my main point in that small part of the story was to show that Twilight was clearly consumed by whatever she was researching to where she needed so much help to stay awake, which would lead up to why she was doing the research in the first place.

But I get it, and maybe that's a sign I could give myself more time for my writing to breathe before submitting it, or perhaps get a pre-reader who could point out this sort of thing.

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That was understandable to include, but it could have been conveyed in a much different way. I think that the idea to get a prereader was a good one.

As others have mentioned, this could have used a bit of a pre-read to spruce it up. Some grammatical stuff and flow, and to streamline the thoughts a bit more.

That being said, this was still a really nice story and I think the concept was really neat. The ending line also managed to put a smile on my face. Keep at it!

Hello, I've written a review for this story here. I hope you find it helpful.

Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...!

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