• Member Since 26th Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen 28 minutes ago

King Ice


Twidash is Love. Twidash is Life

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Twilight loves Rainbow and plans to confess to her; however, she is harshly rejected. When the Princess of Friendship's love make her catch a terrible disease, it's up to Rainbow Dash to save her from dying from a broken heart!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

It's a pretty good story, though it feels a bit rushed after they entered Twilight's mind. It goes from 'we need to find Twilight' and feels like it jumps to rainbow figuring out how to get to Twilight way too quickly, and the fight between the shadow and those two feels forced. I think that it would be better if you expanded on their search for Twilight and have the moments where they encounter The Shadow be more drawn out. It's still a good concept and I enjoyed it for the most part.

9928580
Thanks for the feedback! I'll make some changes:twilightsmile:

Twilight loves Rainbow and plans to confess to her; however, she is harshly rejected. When the Princess of Friendship's love make her catch a terrible disease, it's up to Rainbow Dash to save her from dying from a broken heart!

What does this have to do with the cover art?

9928683
It has to do with what's inside the story

9928580
How does it look now?

9929242
Better paced. It's good.

9929245
Thanks, I still have to improve so feedback is always appreciated!

I enjoyed this story for what it is. I definitely observed some issues here and there throughout but I didn't note them down and would have to re-read it to point out specifics. But this is definitely a solid story concept and interesting enough that I enjoyed it through its flaws. I would say even now it seems a little rushed particularly with Dash going from zero romantic feelings to "I want to be with you forever."

9930754
Thanks for the review!! Yes, I understand why Rainbow’s feelings feel rushed. What I wanted first was to show she didn’t know anything about romance or love (with her interaction with Rarity, that’s what I wanted to hint). Then, in the memory lane, since she’s feeling everything that went through Twilight’s head, she’d understand it more. Finally, when she realizes her true feelings would be inside the shadow trying to kill her. But you’re right, maybe I should have wrote a paragraph or two talking about her feelings, which she won’t understand (but the readers will recognize it’s love.)

Anyway, thanks again for the feedback, I appreciate it.

The disease growled before lunging at the two mares, ready to shred them to pieces and reduce their remains to dust. However, just as he was about to devour their bodies, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and kissed Twilight. The alicorn widened her eyes in surprise and shock, before closing them, enjoying the moment.

That part, I don't know what to say... It just hit me. Know what I mean? It just hit me with the feels.

Loved the story, by the way. It was great.

9932127
Thank you so much! I’ve never thought one of my stories would hit someone in the feels!:twilightsmile:

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